Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 185: Fifties Fashions Vs Todays Trends — February 27, 2015

Episode 185: Fifties Fashions Vs Todays Trends

You may remember that I have mentioned before how much I love the fashions of the 1950’s. The full-skirted dresses, cinched in at the waist that really showed off a woman’s figure, or the slim-fitting pencil skirts that give an extra ‘wiggle’ in the walk. I always think how elegant those ladies looked, and I envied them their grace and poise.

I remember when I was at school, we had a pretty strict uniform policy, but I did get away with wearing a (grey of course) pencil skirt with a split up the back of it. Me being me, and not blessed with any sort of grace, used to always run up the stairs at school two at a time (oh I wish I could still do that) which inevitably resulted in me ripping the split open quite a bit more, so that it was almost open to the waist, thereby exposing my knickers.

I was unlucky enough to have one of the snottiest teachers walk up the stairs behind me one day, and in a loud voice (unfortunately she had rather a pronounced lisp) stated,

“That skirt looks more accidental than fashionable. I suggest you sew it up!”

Of course back in those days you did as you were told, and I duly sewed the skirt up – several times before it gave up the ghost and had to be chucked out!

That’s the beauty of fashion though. that is occasionally comes back around again, or in some cases never leaves us, just gets a bit of a modern makeover as my pencil skirt did in the 1980s when I was at school.

Modern fashions though are not nearly as glamorous as back in the 50’s. Looking at what the movie stars of the day used to wear (always a good indication of what was in fashion). it was nearly always something flattering, stylish, and sexy without being too overt. You only have to look at Marilyn Monroe, Bette Davis, or Elizabeth Taylor to name but a few to see the epitome of style and

Looking at what some of the younger ‘stars’ wear now, it is totally different. Who in their right mind would think that Kim Kardashian looked stylish and glamorous in that horrible shitty brown body stocking combo that her husband ‘designed’ for her. How about Lady Ga Ga and the infamous ‘meat dress.’

Somehow I can’t see the kids of future generations looking back at today’s fashions in 50 or 60 years time, reminiscing on how beautiful and glamourous they were – but I could be wrong!

Which do you prefer?

Episode 184: Contaminated Cankle! —

Episode 184: Contaminated Cankle!

What a day! I was tired to start with, having been awake half the night itching and scratching, trying to soothe my sores with a cold compress; early nodding off, then manically raking my skin again, repeating the whole process.

When I finally did get up this morning I had a lovely ‘cankle’, as my ankle was so swollen it was difficult to distinguish it from leg! It was also scabby, red and hot to the touch, (oh and not to mention painful as hell).

I hobbled  down the road to meet up with one of the kind nurses on shift with me today who gave me a lift in to work. Once I got there I moaned to anyone who would listen how sore my ankle was, and I pulled up my trouser leg to show them (much to their delight I am sure)!

I put a dressing on it. but we were pretty busy at work being extremely short-staffed, so I tried to put it out of my mind, although of course it still hurt. I did show it to one of our ward doctors and she advised me to see my GP or go to A & E in the hospital. I phoned my GP and managed to get an appointment after work. Mr Grump borrowed the neighbour’s car to take me down there as I didn’t fancy hobbling all the way there and back after being on it all day as it was.

The doctor looked at my ankle and other sores and told me it was impetigo! Well I wasn’t expecting that, especially as it is highly contagious! Great! Yet more antibiotics, my third lot this year so far! Some of my colleagues at work were thrilled as well when I phoned up to let them know; especially as I had been waving my poor contaminated ankle around all day. I don’t think I am going to be very popular!

Let’s Kick Cancer! —

Let’s Kick Cancer!

I am proud to announce that I have received my copy of this book, and am looking forward to reading it. Well done John.

Writer & Director - Storytime with John's avatarJohn Lee Taggart

Hi friends! I thought it was a good idea to repost this video…as I now have the working links to purchase the book! Sounding like a broken record I’m sure, but all proceeds going to Macmillan Cancer Research! 

You can buy it in paperback here – or on Kindle here! 

If you can’t buy a book yourself, it’d be great if you share this post! In that way you can still make a difference by spreading the message! Thank you my friends, much love as always! 

www.facebook.com/storytimewithjohn

www.youtube.com/storytimewithjohn101

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Episode 183: Once Bitten…. — February 26, 2015

Episode 183: Once Bitten….

Oh how I want to stop scratching

This itching is driving me mad

There are bites all over my body

And they are starting to look rather bad!

My ankle is already swollen

The skin is so tender and tight

I don’t know when all of this started

But it is looking horrendous tonight

My body is lumpy and bumpy

Where I have been bitten to bits

The cream I put on has done nothing

This scratching is really the pits!

My nails are continuously raking

And opening the scab up again

There is this continuing cycle

A mixture of pleasure and pain!

I am getting fed up of this torture

Without any sign of reprise

If this carries on for much longer

I will get myself treated for fleas!

Episode 182 : What a Trooper! —

Episode 182 : What a Trooper!

You have got to hand it to Madonna. Last night during her performance at the ‘Brit Awards’ she ended up falling backwards off of a stage. This was due to the fact that a long cape she was wearing failed to untie when a couple of the dancers pulled on it. This resulted in her being pulled rather forcefully back. and she seemed to land quite heavily.

Being the true professional she is, she got up and carried on. Now she is no spring chicken (she is 56 years old), and, she must have hurt herself, but she kept on going despite the pain she must have been in.

I remember falling over once, whilst working at a secondary school. I usually had my break before the children had theirs, and at that time, being a smoker I was desperate to get off the school grounds and have a cigarette. I had nearly got out of the school, by the car park where there were these little humps in the road to slow any cars down,

I had just fished my mobile phone out of my bag, not concentrating on where I was going, when I twisted my ankle on one of those humps, did a kind of slow motion run, trying to keep my balance before landing heavily on my hands and knees. The phone went flying off in front of me, and I stayed sprawled out for a minute, dazed.

Funnily enough, a student that I knew well out of school (I was good friends with her mum), was passing and asked me if I was ok. I assured her I was, and I limped off to go and have my cigarette. I was pretty shaken up, my trousers were all dirty and my hands and knees grazed and swollen.

I know if I had fallen awkwardly like Madonna did there would be no way I would be up and dancing, Did you see the height of those heels as well? My God that woman has some stamina, and is one hell of a professional. She could teach some of these younger ‘stars’ a thing or two, that’s for sure.

Episode 180: Fitness Not Fatness — February 25, 2015

Episode 180: Fitness Not Fatness

Having been diagnosed with diabetes Type 2, I am trying to change my lifestyle habits in order to try to keep my blood sugars down, thus avoiding having to take medication, for as long as I possibly can.

This means, not only eating healthier meals with smaller portion sizes, but taking more physical exercise. The days that I am at work I know that I am constantly running around, but I need to do much more exercise for the rest of the time.

There is one exercise class though that I really wish I could go to, but it is too far away unfortunately! It is a kind of aerobics class called ‘Jungle Body’ but the reason I would love to go is because it is run by a woman who weighs 18 1/2 stone, This is roughly 117.4kg and 260 pounds!

Now I think this woman is an inspiration. She has already lost 5 stone herself (31 kg and 70 pounds) and has totally altered her unhealthy lifestyle. She is now 6 dress sizes smaller, and a lot fitter.

She is right in thinking that women would prefer to go to her classes as she is not judgemental of them, plus they are not intimidated by her, as they possibly would be if she were slim and svelte.

As I have an extra day off today, I decided to be proactive and plan my meals out, so that I know I have the right foods available and don’t raid the fridge! That was all well and good, but we needed to go food  shopping first! No bloody car means trudging 40 mins to the Supermarket. Great, a bit of exercise to boot.

Mr Grump came with me, armed with his backpack to lug the shopping home with, and off we trotted.We have done this walk a few times recently due to having no car, but it was starting to get a bit boring now! My trainers were rubbing my toe, and I was hungry as we walked through the industrial estate (which houses all the restaurants and takeaways), due to only having a few tablespoons of sugar-free muesli for breakfast!

Anyway, we had to get rather a lot of stuff, so the backpack was bursting, plus we (by that I mean Mr Grump), had 2 more heavy carrier bags, and I had one to take as well. Poor Mr Grump was grimacing all the way home. He resembled a snail with his huge backpack on his back and his skinny little body underneath all the weight. Bless him. Of course by the time we got back home, I had worked up one hell of an appetite!

I have a feeling that these lifestyle changes are going to take a bit of getting used to. However, I am inspired by that fitness instructor; her dedication is paying off, so there is no reason why I can’t do it as well.

One-Liner Wednesday. Found! —

One-Liner Wednesday. Found!

Mr Grump found the missing strap off of my dress whilst walking the dog this morning. Thrilled!

Thanks Lindaghill for the inspiration. I couldn’t resist having a go today.

Episode 179: Say What You Mean Why Don’t You! — February 24, 2015

Episode 179: Say What You Mean Why Don’t You!

As I may have mentioned before, my daughter has Asperger’s and many times comes out and says exactly what she thinks about things.This is regardless as to who they are, or indeed where we are. I seem to spend a lot of time trying to explain to her why it is not polite/tactful to be so blunt, but sometimes, just sometimes I think we would all just love to say what we really think….

You have been invited to a friend’s/family member’s house for a coffee; just as you are about to leave, you get a phone call asking if you could ‘just pick up a pint of milk, packet of cigs’ and a few other bits and pieces. You don’t actually have that much money on you and you know it is going to be tricky asking for your money back when you deliver the goods. What you want to say is,

“No I bloody can’t! Why the hell did you invite me over for coffee when you haven’t even got any milk. Why can’t you do your own shopping?”

What you actually say is,

“Oh yes, of course I will . Do you need anything else?”

You are walking along the street when someone coming the other way barges into you and knocks you out of their way.

What you want to say is,

“Watch where you are going you Arsehole!”

What you actually say is,

“Sorry!” Yes really. Or at least I do!

You are in the supermarket, strapped for time trying to get grocery shopping done, only to come to an abrupt halt as two shoppers are having a chat, blocking the aisles with their trolleys. They see you trying to get by, glare at you before finally huffing and puffing, and moving a fraction so you can just about get through.

What you want to say is,

“So sorry to interrupt your important meeting just so that I can actually do my shopping as this is a supermarket not a village hall!”

“What you actually say is,

“Thanks so much, whilst looking apologetic for having disturbed them!

This one probably only applies to me as I am a ‘Philistine’ who likes their steak well-done. On going out for a birthday meal with my mum and some other family members, i and some others requested a steak. I explained how I liked it cooked and when the waitress plonked it down forcefully, and dare I say resentful in front of me she asked me if ‘it was well done enough for me or should she take it back and get the chef to cremate it a bit more’

What I wanted to say was,

“How dare you try to belittle and humiliate me in front of everyone you rude excuse for a person. You can sod off if you think I am leaving you a tip, other than get some bloody manners!”

What I actually said was,

“Thank you, that will do fine!”

Ahhh yes, wouldn’t it be good to say what we really think sometimes.  Anything you would like to say?

Episode 178: Dressed To Express —

Episode 178: Dressed To Express

Well today was the ‘Team Building’ day that I had mentioned in my previous post here. I had put on my ‘Minnie Mouse’ dress, grabbed my object that I was going to talk about (my knitted monkey), and managed to cadge a lift (due to broken down car) with two of my colleagues.

It is a beautiful, sunny day again today so the dress was not as inappropriate as I thought.  We managed to get a parking space as well, but because of the time it was quite a long way off so we had a bit of a trek to get to the room on time. Of course, being as I am, I needed to get a coffee so the others went up and I joined the massive queue at the cafe.

This led to me bursting in a little late, but it wasn’t a problem luckily. Anyway we set some ground rules before we started one of which was ‘no eating’. Great, I had brought a couple of sandwiches and a satsuma to keep the hunger pangs at bay, but never mind! The session was really good as it happens. It was great to see some of the people in their own clothes outside of work! We all get on pretty well anyway, so it was quite good fun.

I was pleased that I was not the only dozy one amongst us, as one of our group barged in about an hour into the session having gone to the wrong hospital, in the wrong town (city actually). Bless her she got caught in the rush hour traffic but did eventually turn up.

At one part of the session we all had to talk individually about something, Just as thee boss was going to start, ‘Hey Jude’ blasted out from my handbag! Shit, I had forgotten to turn my phone on silent, which was very unusual as people normally moan that i never hear my phone!

Anyway, we eventually trotted back to the car (by now I was carrying my coat as it was so hot). I came home and decided that I would get changed as I felt a bit ‘trussed up’ (no, I have not been watching ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’) , I took my cardigan off and realised that one of the straps was missing off my dress, nowhere to be found. Gutted.

Pic of the whole dress (strap included)!

Minnie Mouse Dress 2

Episode 177: Geared up to Fail! — February 23, 2015

Episode 177: Geared up to Fail!

As days off go, today has not been a great success so far. To start with Miss Hap is back at school after a week off for half term. This involved her stomping about quite a lot this morning gathering her bits and pieces needed for the day (I am still working on organising her) whilst all the while berating the fact that she has to go to school at all.

Anyway, Mr Grump has got a load of time off still due to his annual leave-build up, so he is home getting under my feet. As I had an appointment today with other newly diagnosed Type 2 diabetics in order to educate us on how to manage our condition, I thought that Mr Grump could make himself useful and drive me in.

As some of you know, my car has been off the road for ages, and has recently had a new catalytic converter fitted, and a bit of welding done so that it is now legally roadworthy again. As we drove up the motorway Mr Grump went into the middle lane to overtake a slow lorry and changed into 5th gear as he did so, Unfortunately, it wouldn’t get in gear (he mentioned before that he has trouble getting it in 5th, I never have this problem) and we were kind of in limbo as she frantically pummelled the gearstick to get it to engage, whilst cursing and moaning.

I took exception to this rough treatment of my car, and It was a pretty hairy experience so I went quiet and surly until we arrived at the hospital. I did manage to bark out a few things I needed from the Supermarket as he was going grocery shopping.

There were about 8 of us at this meeting, and I was one of the youngest. I already knew quite a lot about diabetes anyway so I thought that 4 hours was going to be a bit of a stint, Having said that, it was very interesting knowing what a proper food portion size should equate to. Mine have obviously been a little on the over-generous side, as is the size of my dinner plate!

Anyway, luckily it lasted on three hours (Thank God as I was starving playing with all the pretend food the Dietician got out of her bag). We were told to bring a sandwich which I did but had no time to eat it, (I have a feeling that mine,had she examined it, might not have been the correct size either!

Mr Grump collected me and we came home the back roads as opposed to the motorway (presumably to avoid a repeat performance of the gear changing episode). Ass we were nearing home, he crunched 3rd gear this time and I muttered a bit, As we pulled into the parking space, the clutch vibrated wildly and then went! Nothing! He has broken my bloody car!

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