Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 118: Goggle-Eyed Watching The Goggle Box! — January 22, 2015

Episode 118: Goggle-Eyed Watching The Goggle Box!

Isn’t it strange how much TV can influence our lives? It can educate, shock, entertain; bring us to tears even; and you could get all of that in just one episode of your favourite soap!

Now, I don’t actually watch any soaps anymore, but recently, an actress that had been on a very long-running British soap had died at the age of 60. Anne Kirkbride or Deirdre Barlow as she was known to many, burst onto our screens 44 years ago as a fresh-faced 17 year old. She had the nation gripped with her numerous marriages, and relationships, before finally ending up with dear old Ken (again). Even our Prime Minister became involved when one storyline sent her off to the clink for a bit! And he demanded that she be freed!

It was the same with Dallas. I can sill remember the ‘who shot JR?’ saga. People even had t-shirts emblazoned with ‘I shot JR.’   Staying with Dallas, what about the uproar when Bobby died, and then came back a few years later, clean and sparkly from a nice shower! (He didn’t even have that wrinkled skin you get after a while, let alone a few years)!

Many people have grown up with some of these characters, and they almost feel like they are part of the family.We laugh with them, cry with them, and can’t wait to tune in to the next episode to see what they will get up to.

As for the Christmas episodes, well, you can’t wait! You know there’s going to be a MEGA disaster of EPIC proportions! What will it be?? Will it be a tragic accident that wipes out half of the cast? Will it be a shocking revelation? Or will there be an almighty punch-up? Whatever it is , you can guarantee there will be legions of fans, glued to their TVs in order to find out!

How many of us have also been guilty of using TV to ‘babysit’ our kids? I have to own up to this one. When my daughter was very young, I have plonked her down in front of the TV, watching one of the kids’ channels whilst I have got on with a bit of housework or something! She has never had a long attention span, so I used to make the most of however long I got!

Reality TV has really taken off now too. Oh how we love to see poor unfortunate people (mainly celebrities) making utter fools of themselves, either being locked up in a house with a load of other people who they have nothing in common with, for a few weeks, or being sent to a jungle , again with others who they don’t know and have very little in common with! Deprive them of a few home comforts, make them compete with each other for ‘treats’ , then sit back and watch it all kick off!

I am rather partial to the crime channels. I don’t know why, but they fascinate me. It is amazing how they uncover the whole story from start to finish of a crime that has been committed, sometimes with just the smallest amount of evidence. I am surprised though at the amount of spouses that get ‘bumped off’ for the insurance money, and the sly and devious methods used to try to fool everyone that the death is genuine! Hmmmm, STILL haven’t got Mr Grump insured…..

Happy viewing, I’m off to sort out some paperwork!

Episode 117: The Tortoise or the Hare? — January 21, 2015

Episode 117: The Tortoise or the Hare?

My daughter seems to have got two speeds…slow and even slower! Ooooh it does drive me mad! She has the attention span of a gnat, and whilst cutting out pictures to stick into her art project, she starts curling up the leftover strips with the scissors! Aaaggh! This has to be in tomorrow (she has had 2 weeks to do it though) and she is faffing about, playing with scraps of paper! There is no sense of urgency with anything at all, least of all homework!

Getting ready in the morning is nothing short of an ordeal for me and Mr Grump (when I am there as most of the time I am already at work).We are both very organised; we get up in plenty of time to get ready. Not so Miss Hap!

We wake her up, she mutters;we call up to her, she grunts;we tell her that she now only has 15 mins left and to hurry up! She gets stroppy; the front door bell rings, she clomps down the stairs like an elephant with hobnail boots on! She’s gone, and our nerves are shredded! Thank God for breakfast Club at school, as God knows how long that would take at home!

You would think that having us for parents, she might have picked up some of our habits, like for instance, packing the stuff we need for the next day, the night before…no, why do that when you can get the school to phone whilst we are at work asking us to bring in her dance kit/science book?

My daughter has boundless energy and is always dancing, skipping, shuffling and generally running around except when I ask her to do something for me. She then seems to go into reverse (probably a ploy so I don’t ask again)! How long does it take to make a cup of tea?!! God help me when I decide (soon) to get her to help me with the washing up!

Maybe it’s me?… perhaps I am the one who should relax more, instead of running around like a blue-arsed fly, getting het up, in my haste to get things done on time!

After all, I’ve lost count of the times I have been somewhere way too early and have had to sit twiddling my thumbs waiting for everyone else to turn up! Or I have got ready so early for a function that my outfit has got creased from sitting about in it for ages, and my make up got smudged!

There must be a happy medium!

Episode 116: Blogging Blunders! —

Episode 116: Blogging Blunders!

I have come to the conclusion that I rather like blogging! I have been amazed at how many new people I have ‘met’ in the last 4 months since I started, and I even think of a few of them as friends. However, it is still a bit of a minefield for me, but luckily I am not the only one who is struggling with some of the aspects of blogging, which would never have occurred to me, before I started blogging myself!

I came across a post from  My Thoughts On a Page who raised some very valid points on some of the dos and don’ts of blogging etiquette, as it were. Many of these thoughts had already crossed my mind as well….

Things like commenting, liking, reblogging articles etc are all very well and good, but I was very nervous of doing any of these things at first (especially on blogs with loads of followers) as I didn’t want them to think I was just doing it to promote myself. However, I in my opinion, blogging is supposed to be all about putting your work out there for others to see and enjoy! so if I like something, I will comment on it now, like it , and I have even reblogged one or two posts.

Yes, of course everyone wants their blog to be noticed, and they share it on social media sites like Facebook, Pinterest etc, as well as Twitter. Now I have a bit of a problem here as I don’t use my real name so can’t use my accounts to share my stuff! In fact only a handful of my friends and family even know that I have a blog. let alone what it is called!

I have set up Facebook and Twitter sites for my blog which is bloody pointless as I have less than 5 friends on each, and they have already seen my blog on WordPress anyway!! I am nothing if not a trier…..but I always get it wrong!

Lastly, no matter how many times I read about ‘tags’ it didn’t really sink into my thick skull and enter my brain However, today, as luck would have it, I saw in my reader this post by Opinionated Man. Fantastic, now I get it, and I will show off in a minute by tagging my post appropriately for once! (Well. I’ll give it a go)!

Even in writing this post, I had a dilemma! I got the inspiration for it from the two blogs that I have mentioned. Now, decency and good manners dictates that I should credit these blogs for giving me some ideas. However, will I have caused offence by drawing attention to my blog daring to pingback to TWO blogs?!

Well I don’t know, but as I bumble and blunder my way around this crazy blogosphere, trying to dodge the ‘mines’ along the way, I  hope I continue to meet lots of new friends and discover many more new and interesting blogs. Oh yes, I hope that more people get to see mine too! 🙂

Episode 115: Say Hello…Wave Goodbye! — January 20, 2015

Episode 115: Say Hello…Wave Goodbye!

I might have mentioned before that I am pretty awkward at the best of times, but particularly in social situations…I get myself worked up over the ‘greeting’ stage of the evening, so that certainly doesn’t bode well for the rest of the night…

Although I am a very affectionate person, I am not overly tactile, so I may come across as aloof or stand-offish which couldn’t be further from the truth! (Funnily enough, I am different with kids and with my elderly patients, I don’t find it hard at all to behave more naturally with them, probably because they are so unjudgemental)!

When being introduced to someone for the first time, I am inevitably nervous and, particularly at a job interview, my hands will be all clammy and I dread it when they go in for the handshake. Now I was taught that a limp handshake is a sign of a weak person, so of course I clasp their hand firmly and then dread it in case they recoil and surreptitiously wipe their hand on their clothes when they think I’m not looking!

Us Brits tend to just go for the one kiss if we are greeting someone; even that can be an ordeal! Do you actually kiss the person on the cheek? Should you air kiss them? What if you bump heads if you both go the same way?! Should you hold their hand or give them a hug as well? The opportunity for getting it wrong and making a fool of yourself is endless!

Then you have the Europeans, some kiss both cheeks; some go for 3 kisses….oh there are just too many choices! what’s wrong with a friendly “Hello” and a little wave?! Mind you, I have even got that wrong on occasion as well!

The ordeal is not over though, of course not; you have got the whole saying goodbye thing to go through as well….

Have you ever done that kind of circling around each other thing at the end of the evening? You know, when friends that  you know quite well have been to visit and are now about to leave. You go to say goodbye but are not sure whether to give them a kiss, hug or a wave, so you dance about for a bit, waiting for your cue from them. It doesn’t come, so you decide to go in for the kiss as they give you a wave as they turn around, leaving your peck on the cheek in mid-air!!!

No wonder I’m a hermit!!!!

Death to Life —

Death to Life

So true…

John White's avatarDoubleU = W

I.

The awareness,

The sure knowledge,

That you will die,

Constantly there.

II.

Do not allow,

All of these thoughts,

To hold you down,

To turn to fear.

III.

Rather turn them,

To benefit,

As your fuel,

To live fully.

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Episode 114: Real Neat Blog and Premio Dardos Awards —

Episode 114: Real Neat Blog and Premio Dardos Awards

I have been very honoured and flattered to have been nominated for TWO awards by A Momma’s View. She nominated me for the Real Neat Blog and also the Premio Dardos Award. Thanks also go to Fourth Generation Farmgirl who also nominated me for this award. I truly am grateful for the support I have been given  in getting these awards.

Real Neat Blog Award Rules:

1. Put the Award Logo in your post

2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you

4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.

5. Let them know you nominated them (by commenting on their blog etc)

Here are the questions I’ve been asked and their answers:

1) How would you best describe yourself?

Caring, clumsy, and a calamity. That is pretty much me!

2) Do you feel sometimes pressure to get more views or visitors on you blog?

Not from anyone else, no. I must admit that I would like to have more visitors, as I have loved the whole blogging experience, interacting with people etc.

3) How do you come up with your posts?

Well, my posts are really just about everyday life and situations that most of us find ourselves in. I also like to reminisce about what it was like when I was younger, as times have changed so much. Anything can inspire me to write a post, A song or a comment from someone will set me off on a roll!

4) If you would have the power to change something in this world, what would it be?

Oh, that is a very tricky one, as there are so many problems in the world at the moment. It would have to be something like teaching tolerance and acceptance to everyone. I know this is ongoing, but it is so important.

5) Who would be your absolute dream guest blogger?

I absolutely LOVE the comedian Stephen Fry. His wit and intelligence are second to none, and I would love to have just one tiny, weeny iota of his talents! He would definitely be my dream guest blogger.

6) If you would be a child, what would you do right now?

Probably be crying (again) where I had tripped up and grazed my  knee or something! Failing that I would be carefree and playing with my dolls or something!

7) What is your favorite public holiday?

That’s an easy one. Definitely Christmas; It is a time for being with loved ones, something we often take for granted, or don’t do enough!

And here the rules for the Premio Dardos Award:

dardos rules

Now I have been very fortunate recently in that I have been nominated for quite a few awards in a short space of time. I am delighted and truly flattered that people are enjoying my blog.

The only problem now is to nominate other blogs that have I have not previously nominated, or who want to participate. Anyway, to take a leaf out of ‘Momma’s’ book, I am going to double up the awards, as the recipients are deserving of being a ‘really neat blog’ as well as being creative and original, thereby qualifying for the ‘premio dardos’ award also!

Here are my well-deserving nominees:

Art’s Arts 

Author S B Mazing 

The Dysfunctional Writer

Leila’s Mixtape

Wendy Of The Rock 

Here are your 7 questions:

  1. What inspires you to write/create your blog?
  2. What would be written on your epitaph?
  3. Do you have a favourite season and why?
  4. Are you a realist or a dreamer?
  5. Would people describe you as shy or outgoing?
  6. What song best describes you?
  7. Who would you love to be for a day?

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Episode 113: Nightwear Nightmare! !!! — January 19, 2015

Episode 113: Nightwear Nightmare! !!!

Now I’m a woman who likes to be comfy! I am guilty of getting into my pyjamas after work so that I feel more relaxed, not to mention unrestricted! (Especially after the inevitable large dinner). However it doesn’t mean that I want to live in them…..

There has been a huge rise in the popularity of the ‘Onesie.’ There are so many varieties too…the novelty ones, the cute ones, the fluffy animal ones…the list goes on. Some even have kind of little bootees attached to them, as well as a hood. All very nice I’m sure but how the hell do you sleep in them?! Surely it is liked being slowly cooked in your own juices. YUCK!

As well as not being very flattering to the less than perfect figure, many of them don’t have any openings, if you know what I mean! How are people supposed to go to the loo in the middle of the night, half asleep with a onesie on?! By the time you have wrestled with the fastenings,manoeuvred your arms out of the sleeves, and pulled the bloody thing down, not only are you wide awake in your bleary eyed stupor, but you have unintentionally dropped the sleeves down the toilet and peed on them! Of course you don’t notice this until you go to shove your arms back into the dripping sleeves! Nice!

Now the onesie is ideal for babies (we used to call them babygros or romper suits), They are cute and practical. Toddlers and young children look adorable in them and again, they are quite practical. Who thought it was a good idea to make adult sized ones, for Goodness sake? Yes, they are funny. Everyone likes to see their husband dressed like a large, fluffy bunny right? Or their wife, slouching about in a grubby, banana onesie? Yep, passion killers! Even if the mood takes you, it would be long gone before you managed to find your way out of them!

Lastly, (and this is my pet hate) Why would you want to go SHOPPING in one for Christ’s sake?! I have seen people shamelessly doing their weekly shop in their onesie. The other day in my local shop,a mother and daughter were parading their choice of onesie, and it was only about 2 o’clock in the afternoon!

Are people too lazy to get dressed? There have been times when I have been unable to motivate myself to get dressed, but I wouldn’t go out like it! I won’t even answer the door in my pyjamas. I am shocked by my sister who puts her washing out in her dressing gown!!! No way.I don’t want my neighbours mocking my night attire, and I CERTAINLY don’t want to see any of them in the jammies either.

Am I alone in my dislike of the adult onesie?!

Episode 112: A Tour Through Blogland —

Episode 112: A Tour Through Blogland

I am thrilled and honoured to have been nominated by the lovely and talented Linda from Nutsrok, to take part in a ‘Tour Through Blogland’, otherwise known as ‘The Virtual Blog Tour Award’ I am thrilled to be amongst such great company as the other nominees, and it is my pleasure to accept.

There are a couple of rules that are as follows:

1.Pass the tour on to up to four other bloggers. Give them the rules and a specific Monday to post.
2.Answer four questions about your creative process which lets other bloggers and visitors know what inspires you to do what you do:

What am I working on at the moment?

I am trying to focus on improving my writing at the moment, although, over the three months I have been blogging, I have noticed that my writing is getting a little better. Certainly reading other blogs gives me some insight in presentation and content which I need to learn more about. There are plenty of things for me to learn in order to become the writer I long to be.

How does my work differ to others in my genre?

I think my work is different because I am different! Everything I write about is given from my own perspective of an event or situation that I have experienced. Although others may have found themselves in similar situations, I like to make fun of things or try and pick out the humourous side of it. Either myself, or one of my unfortunate family members, will often bear the brunt of a light-hearted mickey-taking!

Why do I write/create what I do?

Originally it was just a suggestion by my sister to start a blog, as she thought I told funny stories, and she and other family members could read them through my blog. I gave it a go, and as time went on, I found it to be cathartic. I suffer with depression, and can become very withdrawn at times. Writing my blog keeps me connected to people. I wanted to try and make it humorous as nobody likes a whinger! Plus, I hoped that some of my stories and experiences would resonate with others; that they could relate to it and laugh along with me, or at the very least, smile at my idiocy!

How does my writing/creative process work?

It varies. sometimes an event will occur which touches me in some way. It could be anything, something funny that happens that I want to share, or something that has moved me and I feel compelled to write about. Once I get started I usually find that it flows pretty well; it is just a case of trying to organise my thoughts, and articulate them properly. Occasionally I will go off at a tangent , but hopefully I manage to rein it in and get back on track by the end!

And then write a one-time article which is to be posted on a Monday, (the date supplied by your nominator). (This article can be in the same post in which you answered the 4 questions.

I have always been an avid reader, from a little girl. I grew up with Enid Blyton stories, and longed to go to a boarding school like ‘Mallory Towers’ or ‘St Clare’s’ ; perhaps I could solve mysteries like ‘The Famous Five’ or ‘Secret 7.’ Either way, those stories had me transfixed from the start; I lived their adventures with them. That is the beauty of a good book, or more specifically, a good writer.

I know some may argue that Enid Blyton was not a great writer, but she WAS a fantastic story teller. She seemed to know just what children (of the day) fantasised about and she took them there. Judging by the phenomenal success that she achieved, she did a bloody good job of it as well.

I still love to read now, and every night I will read before I go to sleep, as I have always done. I know my husband doesn’t always get it, but I can suddenly burst out laughing, or start snivelling and crying; such are the emotions that a good writer can provoke in me.

I have only ever written little poems which I personalise for family occasions, or academic writing (which is what I had to do at Uni) so I didn’t know how I would get on with blogging!

I love it actually. I love the writing, and reading other people’s blogs. I am now including the odd poem, as they are so much fun to write, plus I have kind of re-discovered writing them again, so it’s still pretty fresh for me.

I have decided that I do want to write, and yes maybe one day become a writer. I’m not sure what yet what to write about, but I need to learn how to do it properly first! Anyway I hope you continue to enjoy my blog.

Finally, I have listed below my nominees, whose blogs I really enjoy; of course  ALL the blogs I follow,  are all worth a visit as is Nutsrok which will make you cry with laughter!  Thanks again Linda for thinking of me. The date for your post is 2nd February.

Storyshucker

Breathing Life

Fourth Generation Farm Girl 

Video Poems — January 18, 2015

Video Poems

Just a quick post to let you know that I have added a new feature to my blog. It has been suggested to me (plus I had already considered) reading out some of my poems.

I have finally managed to do it! I have added a new page to my blog where you can find them (actually there is only one on there at the moment..just wanted to see the reaction I get)! 🙂

Episode 111: Growing Old even More Disgracefully…. —

Episode 111: Growing Old even More Disgracefully….

Further to yesterdays’ post about some of the advantages of getting older I have come up with a few more:

You can get away with being sexist! This is a particular favourite with some of the elder gentlemen that I have encountered, Carole Parkes commented on my post about her 95-year-old father making an inappropriate remark to a pretty young woman, whose boyfriend was not impressed!

I know that my step dad was fond of making such comments as well.I would cringe if a busty young woman would come on TV as the inevitable comment ,

“You don’t get many of those to a pound” would come out, and he and my mum would titter (sorry couldn’t resist it) together. He would not be shy in making such a comment in public either. I think in his opinion, it was a compliment!

Most of us women ‘of a certain age’ have encountered the ‘dirty old man’ at some point in our lives. Now I am a fan of innuendo, dirty jokes and the like, but it creeps me out a bit when there is some old codger perving over a smutty punchline! By the same token, some of us have been unlucky enough to meet the ‘octopus’ on our travels as well. You know, the old man that pinches your bum as you walk past, or accidentally brushes past you and touches you intimately! Hopefully in this day in age, you don’t get too much of that!

I tell you what else you can do when you are old too – tell people off, or boss them about! Now going back to me dear old step-dad, he was quite an imposing figure to my friends. Although he was not very tall,he had a really BOOMING voice, with a thick west-country accent that, if you were not used to it, could be hard to understand!

Anyway, I remember a friend had called for my sister, just after we had dinner,  and my sister was doing the washing up. Her friend was waiting for her to finish and my step-dad walked past and hollered,(excuse my feeble attempt to convey the accent)!

” Don’t just bloody stand there, get thik teacloth in thee hand and dry up”! Terrified, her friend did as she was told! (Hmmm, I can see some advantages here, getting Miss Hap and her friends to do my bidding)!

Last but not least is the ability to pass wind, with no hint of embarrassment whatsoever! This one I have encountered many times, and it seems to be a very common trait amongst the elderly regardless of background. There are several categories to this that I have noticed, which are as follows:

  • The person that announces what they are about to do. You’ve guessed it, my step-dad is guilty of this one, When friends were round (they love an audience) he would be sitting on his chair. Suddenly remark about how he has ‘gut rot’ or something equally unpleasant, cock his bum up to one side and let rip! It’s ALWAYS loud!!
  • The person that walks along letting out small, loud bursts as they go, totally oblivious, and when you mention to them about it , they give you a bewildered look.
  • This is for the nurses and carers amongst us. The one that is let off just as you are about to wash a patient’s bottom. They seen to store it up for us, and when it is released after having fermented nicely for a while, it literally takes your breath away, as well as makes your eyes water!

As I am writing this, I am actually getting less and less worried about getting older. There is a lot of bad behaviour to look forward to if nothing else!!!

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