2015-03-16T21:12:30+00:00

Episode 225: Off Colour!

March 16, 2015/Judy E Martin/22 Comments

That’s it, it’s official, Mr Grump is banned from doing the washing! It appears that he is unable to distinguish ‘light’ from ‘dark’ colours, and my fancy underwear has suffered as a result!

Due to the fact that I come home from work with an assortment of ‘germs’, (we have only just cleared the Norovirus from the Ward), we usually put our washing on a reasonably hot wash, hopefully killing off any malingerers!

I usually try to put the loads on myself in order that they are properly sorted out thereby reducing the chances of colours running into each other. However, this weekend being Mother’s Day, I took the day off from the mundane chores. Big mistake!

Mr Grump’s strategy us to just put the entire contents of the washing bin in the machine on a 60 degree wash and see what happens! He has a penchant for living dangerously as far as my clothes are concerned, as this has happened before (always to my stuff I notice)!

Anyway, I had a really busy day at work today and came home tired. I noticed he had done the ironing which I was pleased about as I needed another dress for work tomorrow. Then I noticed. My lovely new underwear. I have only worn it a couple of times. It was a lovely light blue colour. It is now a grotty grey colour. I am bloody cross!

Actually, he is dropping me off at work tomorrow. Good. As he has the car, he can go into town and buy me some more. Well. at least I will gain something from it!

Episode 224: Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside!

March 16, 2015/Judy E Martin/22 Comments

For today’s Blogging 101 task, I have to publish a post on my own, personalized take on a prompt. The prompt of the day was places. We can interpret this prompt however we like to make it fit in with our blogs, so this is my take on places…..

My favourite place is Weymouth in Dorset which is depicted in my picture. I have many reasons to love this place. My Mum and Dad were both born here for a start. In fact they lived next door to each other right up until when they married in 1954. A few of my siblings were also born here, and my eldest brother still lives in the area.

I have very fond memories of this lovely little town, mostly made when I was a child. We always spent a lot of time at the beach as children, and I remember the fun we used to have building sand castles, collecting shells and catching crab. There was always something to do.

On the beach itself there was (and still is) a Punch and Judy show that all the kids used to watch huddled in a semi-circle and interacting with the puppets! There are lots of pretty, brightly coloured beach huts there too. At one end of the sands there are permanent trampolines there as well as some swing boats and a couple of small rides. This used to keep us amused when we had a bit of extra cash.

Another feature was the ‘Sandman’. He (and now his sons) have a little area cordoned off where he would cleverly sculpt all sorts of scenes out of just sand and water. It was amazing to see them develop and try to guess what they would become. In the middle he had a large container where you could throw coins and if it went in, then a bell would ring.

One feature I always spent a lot of time at was the ‘lost children’s hut.’ I don’t know how I did it, but I always got separated from my siblings and spent half an hour playing with the toys there until someone realised I was missing and came to claim me!

Unfortunately Mum and Dad divorced when I was 6 years old, but Dad stayed in Weymouth and it was still a large part of my life. My younger sister and I would very often get the coach down and spend a week with Dad and, in time, my step-mum. The beach was still a main feature as my dad swam everyday in the sea whatever the weather!

Years later when we all have our own families, and still we went to stay in Weymouth. Sometimes Mum came and we all stayed in a caravan park just outside of the town. When my eldest brother married in the church there we all came down to stay for a while and had a great time.

Myself and my two sisters and niece went off for a holiday before my daughter was born, and had a wonderful time. The weather was vile but of course, but we were not deterred and swam anyway. Us Brits are pretty hardy you know!

Sadly, the last time I went to Weymouth was for my beloved Dad’s funeral. He was very religious man and the church was packed. After living 82 years there, he was quite well-known. I always wanted to move to Weymouth myself, but that day after we drove past the harbour where my dad used to take us on Sunday mornings for a very early walk, I decided that it would never be the same.

Maybe one day I will be able to go back…..

Episode 223: All Aboard for A Number 2!!!

March 15, 2015/Judy E Martin/4 Comments

I am all for new ideas, especially ones that put recycling to good use. We are all used to seeing new things made up of recycled materials, and it is a wonderful way forward.

Given my obsession with poo (I have lost count of the number of times in a day I ask patients “HAVE YOU HAD YOUR BOWELS OPEN TODAY?” (The loud voice is because most of them are hard of hearing and I have to yell it at full blast to make them hear me. Often I still get the blank look, so resort to the “HAVE YOU HAD A POO TODAY?” question to which I always get an answer!

Anyway, I love a bit of toilet humour as well so the following news article was right up my street! Apparently there has been a new bus commissioned in the south-west of England (appropriately on the Number 2 route), that is fuelled by bio methane gas, which is made up of raw sewage and inedible foodstuffs.

This bus will travel on its 15 mile route, with its capacity for 40 passengers. (Presumably it has a loo on board, which is not only perfect if someone gets caught short, but can also be used at a future date to fuel the bus.)

Thirty-two thousand households have contributed to keeping this bus going and the bus company are delighted with their eco-friendly new bus. (I am not sure if there would be any trouble with ’emissions’ though)!

If this takes off then I am sure they will be rolling them out for the rest of the country. Isn’t it amazing what you can do with a pile of poo?!

Episode 222: Happy Mother’s Day!

March 15, 2015/Judy E Martin/20 Comments

Today is Mother’s Day here in the UK. My 11-year-old daughter has very kindly offered to do my hair and make-up for me today, as a pampering treat. Later on I will be going to visit my own mother to spend a bit of time with her.

Being a mother is pretty tough at times and we all take a different approach to it. I thought I would take a light-hearted look at some of the different types of mothers I have encountered.

The Good All Rounder Mum

Oh how I envy this type of Mum. She is the one whose kids always look immaculate.(Poor little Miss Hap, after 10 minutes she manages to manages to look as if I have sent her out with clothes that have never seen an iron, and are not on great terms with the washing machine either)!

These Mums always bake wonderful cakes whenever they have a school fete, or special fund-raising day or something. I however have sent in shop bought cakes when I have had the customary five minutes notice from my daughter panicking when she realises she forgot to tell me to make something. In my defence I have (when I have the right ingredients) sent in some of my home-made delights!

My biggest envy of these mums though is on occasions when ‘fancy dress’ is called for, You know the nativity play, World Book Day, and other occasions. One of my neighbours is a good all round mum, and I remember when our kids were at primary school when they had to dress up. She sent her son and daughter as the Queen and Knave of hearts. They had wonderful home-made outfits and she had even made a tray with jam tarts on it, such was her attention to detail. My daughter went as Tutankhamun with a cheap outfit from eBay and some wonky eye make-up applied by her cack-handed mother!

The Cliquey Mum

Oh we all know this type of mum. She is the one waiting at the school gates, chatting away to a few of the other cliquey mums. They are always involved in some way with the school, usually as a governor, and they always help out at the fund-raising occasions as well.

I always keep out of their way whenever possible. Miss Hap made quite a name for herself at primary school what with her tendency to want to escape, plus her curiosity in finding out what happens when you flood the toilets! They know everything about every child it seems and I have been on the end of their disapproving glances many a time.

The Over-Protective Mum

This is the Mum who kisses their kids goodbye at the secondary school gates (much to their disgust) having driven them to school when all the other kids have caught the bus. This mum has packed a lovely healthy and nutritious lunch for their child (who tries to swap it with anyone that has something that is not allowed)!

This child has got on sensible shoes and a spare set of underwear (just in case). The school has about 10 contact numbers for mum for every eventuality. When the child has a cold they are kept off from school for a week to recover and be looked after by their doting mummy.

The Cool Mum

She is the one that rolls up to school just as the bell is going. She wears the latest trendy clothes and always looks great. Her kids also trendy hairstyles which are just on the cusp of being acceptable for school. They are all good-looking, have the best sleepovers, and have loads of friends.

We none of us mums are perfect, and all try our best to bring up decent, kind and respectful children, whatever our style. I would just like to pay tribute to all mums, be they biological, foster, adoptive or step. You are doing a bloody good job!

Photo credit. tosh comedy central. com

Episode 221: Happy Birthday To Poo!

March 14, 2015/Judy E Martin/10 Comments

What’s the best part of a birthday for you? The presents, celebrating with loved ones, or the good old birthday cake? Usually the cake is the star of the show. The lights are dimmed, as someone carries the cake proudly into the room, placing it in front of the Birthday Boy/Girl ready for them to blow out the candles and make a wish!

A lot of the time, the cake has been especially made. We have all seen the wonderful creations that are stunningly realistic of all manner of things; portraits of people, or perhaps buildings, objects, characters, flowers, all sorts of things.

Some people, however, take things a little bit too far in their birthday cake tributes. How would you fancy eating a cake that looked like someone had just vomited on it? Perhaps a loo seat containing a cakey turd, and rather disturbing fly? Not your thing? I know, most of us like animals, what about a ‘cat litter’ cake? A tray containing an assortment of poos (including one squashed down the side of the tray). Realistic? Very, but not very appetising.

There was a rather lovely cake shaped like a foot, complete with warts, (or is it verrucae)? and a fungal nail infection in the big toe! Charming, I’m sure. (I am curious to know whether or not it was a ‘cheese’ cake)!

Anyway, as much as I admire artistic and creative cakes (my sister is brilliant at making cakes), I’ll give the bodily fluids ones (yes there were others I was not brave enough to mention) a miss and stick to plain old traditional ones!

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

March 14, 2015/Judy E Martin/19 Comments

Spring is definitely on the way here in the UK at the moment, We have even had a couple of consecutive pleasant days which is a sure sign that some of the following are going to happen…..

The good old barbecue will be dusted off and dragged into service due to the face that the sun shone for over an hour. (Yes, guess what we are having for dinner tonight?) It was lovely whilst I was at work, but of course now the sun has gone in and it has clouded over. By the time we get to cook all the goodies Mr Grump has bought the rain will probably be bucketing down! No matter.
The more macho of the men would have also dug their shorts out for the occasion too.Forget the fact that the temperatures are still pretty chilly, and we have had a bit of frost. That won’t bother them. They are determined to expose their pasty legs for all to admire (usually with a great big pair of boots on their feet, it’s not summer yet you know)!
Everywhere you look there are adverts for some miracle diet or another that will have you ‘bikini ready’ by the summer if you start now! That’s all well and good, and I have already started my diet, but that is one hell of a tall order! Mind you I might be baggy t-shirt and long shorts ready by the summer if I work really hard at it!
People have started to hang their washing on the line, so that it has that lovely ‘outdoor freshness’ appeal. Mine doesn’t. My garden gets the shade most of the day, and if I were to hang my washing out now it would be just as limp and damp when I brought it in as it was when I hung it out 8 hours earlier!
The local garden centres are starting to get busy now, People have decided that it is time to start planting things or doing a spot of DIY, This means that the frost will kill off many of the seedlings that have sprouted when that kicks in; also the A&E departments in the hospitals will be extra busy with the results of the DIY disasters!

Ahh yes, spring is such a wonderful time of year!

Episode 219: Silly Sayings….

March 13, 2015/Judy E Martin/16 Comments

It’s funny how we incorporate these little sayings into our lives (many that our own parents have said to us in the past) that don’t make any sense! Here are a few of my favourites……

“If you don’t eat your dinner, you won’t get any pudding!” This was said to us as kids if we had left our meal in order to get to the rather nicer looking dessert. This is a bit silly really as, if we ate all our dinner we might not be able to eat our pudding, let alone enjoy it!

“If the wind changes you will stay like that”! We have all poked our tongue out at someone or made a face behind their back. This threat was supposed to deter us doing this, but I really don’t think anyone ever believes it!

“Do you want a smack?” This really makes me laugh. As if anyone is going to say “Oh yes please, the harder the better” (On second thoughts with all this 50 Shades stuff being popular at the moment…)Anyway, as kids when you are being naughty and your mum threatens you with this, you do tend to behave yourself pretty quick!

In the same vein what about, ” Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” For a start if you are in a state about something, it is not always easy (as a child) to just instantly stop crying, but if you don’t you are in for a clout. A bit of a no-win one this is!

” Go and wash behind your ears, you could grow spuds there” Even if it were possible, why would anyone want to grow potatoes on their head!

Those are some of my favourites. Do you have any?

Episode 218: Organised Chaos Disorder!

March 13, 2015/Judy E Martin/12 Comments

I might have mentioned before that I am a bit of a creature of habit, and that I kind of like routines. Now, I don’t know whether I have just pressed something by accident or not but something bis different when I go to write a post!

It is putting me right out as everything is topsy turvy as well as being the wrong way around. The tags, categories etc have changed sides from right to left, and the space where I type my post has moved from top to bottom! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

In fact, the more I think about it, the weirder I realise it is really, being such a stickler for routine. I get up for work every day at the same time, have the same breakfast, leave for work at a set time, park in roughly the same place! Hmmm that seems a bit odd really! I know my work colleagues think I am mad, as I always get to work at least half an hour early so I can have a coffee and a chill out before the madness of the day sets in.

I suppose I don’t even realise I am doing it really (unless I stop to think about it) as it has become a habit. Mind you, any break in the link puts me right out! It might even take me ages to get back into the swing of things (Mr Grump keeps me in pitta bread for my breakfast so he doesn’t incur my wrath)!

Mr Grump is also a fan of the routine-oriented day though! He gets up (lovingly woken by me yanking the covers off him once I have opened the blinds, and takes the dog out before he goes to work. (We have a decided lack of spontaneity in our house you might have noticed)!

Thank God though for Miss Hap!! She gets up eventually after being called repeatedly, has no routine, is totally disorganised and just floats along in her own sweet way. She has no concept of time or urgency and drives me and Mr Grump round the bloody bend!!

I don’t know which is worse, being too regimented or being too lackadaisical!

Free-For-All Friday!! #1

March 13, 2015/Judy E Martin/44 Comments

Welcome to my first Free-for-all Friday. Today is all about sharing each other’s work. I was partly inspired by Josh over at My Friday Blog who decided that he would rather not accept any more awards due to all the work involved. However, on the last award he did accept, he did a little added extra which is what I would like to incorporate into my free-for-all.

I will be sharing links of posts that I have enjoyed throughout the week, and would encourage you all to go and have a look yourselves. It may not be the type of blog that you would normally read, but it is so enriching to broaden the horizons, learn something new, or see something from a different perspective.

Below are some of the brilliant posts I have enjoyed this week, and I would love it if you could post a link in the comments to a post that has touched you in some way, be it funny, sad, enlightening, whatever, it doesn’t matter (this is where I nicked Josh’s idea). It’s just lovely to be able to share with each other something we enjoy.

Wendy Of The Rock. Now this post really made me laugh. It is something that most of us can identify with, Having kids that think we are a ‘fail’ when it comes to being a cool Mum! There is a bit of swearing in this, but it is well worth a read.

Fill Your Own Glass. This is a great post for looking on the positive side of life. You know how some of us tend to get bogged down with always being negative, well Karen has given us a great tip on how to start the day on a cheery note.

Emmanuel Muema. This post is a very erotic poem and Emmanuel is a very talented young man; I have read several of his poems, and enjoyed them all. However they are a bit ‘racy’ !

Inventing Real Life This post was Marti’s account of a terrible road accident that she had been involved in, which she recounts on the anniversary of the event. This really touched me in many ways.

My Friday Blog. This post by Josh is a post cancer bucket list. I have only recently started following Josh’s blog, but I love it. He is very direct and speaks his mind, He is also very funny (sometimes I don’t even think he realises it)!

My Spanglish Familia This post really made me roar my head off! I love La Sabrosona’s mad sense of humour! She is definitely a woman after my own heart. She likes a double entendre as much as I do, and a bit of smutty humour. This is great!

Beyond The Picket Fence This post was another inspirational one. It is about finally succeeding even though nobody thought that you would be able to do it. It just goes to show what self-belief and a positive attitude can achieve.

But I Smile Anyway… Ritu is a prolific blogger and is absolutely brilliant! She writes poems, anecdotes and everything else in between! This post is part of a ‘Flash Fiction Foray’ I thought it was a really great story and a very clever ending!

My OBT Donna always has such wonderful and different posts. I have not only screamed with laughter at some of the stuff she has on here, but have been educated as well. This particular post is so funny, it amazes me the things people will buy. Check this stuff out!

Joeyfully Stated. This post is really sweet, about the interaction of a dog and cat! Joey has a great blog. She says what she thinks, and I love her style of writing. She makes me laugh a lot too! Oh, she does use a bit of swearing at times as well, but do check her blog out!

So there you have some of my favourite posts this week. I know you are going to enjoy them, and please don’t forget to leave links in the comments to your own favourite post this week.

Episode 217: Dining Delights!

March 12, 2015/Judy E Martin/20 Comments

As many of you know, I do love my food and going out to eat is something that I enjoy, especially when a load of the family come as well (there are rather a lot of us so we take up quite a bit of room.

Anyway, last summer for Mum’s birthday we went to a lovely local pub which is renowned for steak served on ‘hot stones’. It is quite a nice concept as the steak is served to you at the table on this stone, and you can decide when it is cooked to your liking. The only problem is, being the only ‘Philistine’ who likes their steak well-done, mine took ages to cook!

Mr Grump thought he was doing me a favour by cutting it into smaller pieces so it would cook faster, but this just enraged me as I now looked like a toddler who had to have their food cut up for them! Anyway, I did enjoy the meal (even though my chips had gone cold)!

Anyway, to get to the point, it has become the latest thing now for ‘trendy’ pubs and restaurants to serve up food on a variety of objects not normally associated with fine dining. For example, would you like your bread served in a flat cap? (I know I wouldn’t. I would hate it if I found a hair in it)! What about having brie balls from a training shoe?(Pooh! Talk about cheesy feet)!

The Swiss prefer their bread from a slipper apparently (gives a whole new meaning to crusty heels)! Broken bathroom tiles are ideal to serve butter from apparently and who doesn’t love a mushroom croquette laid on a piece of tree bark!

Even writing this my stomach is churning unpleasantly! It would be good for my weight loss regime at least I suppose if nothing else, as I do not fancy cheesy balls, especially ones served from what looks like a sweaty trainer!

I am not the only one who is not keen on this new eating experience, as there is a Twitter group @wewantplates that are also flummoxed by the idea of eating from whatever is handy at the time!

What do you think, plates or planks of wood etc?

Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Category: humour

Episode 225: Off Colour!

Episode 224: Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside!

Episode 223: All Aboard for A Number 2!!!

Episode 222: Happy Mother’s Day!

Episode 221: Happy Birthday To Poo!

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

Episode 219: Silly Sayings….

Episode 218: Organised Chaos Disorder!

Episode 217: Dining Delights!

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Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

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