Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 216: Mum’s The Word! — March 12, 2015

Episode 216: Mum’s The Word!

On Sunday, here in the UK it is Mother’ s Day. My Mum is quite a character and I have written about her a few times over the last six months, which is no surprise of course, seeing as she is one of the biggest influences in my life! I thought I would share a few more snippets of her wise and wonderful ways!

She is 82 years old, yet refers to both of her neighbours and others younger than her as ‘old ladies’! That always makes me laugh. How old do you have to be before you consider yourself old?

She is the worst ‘re-gifter’ in the world! I think most of the girls in my family have been on the receiving end of something we recognised giving her for a previous birthday or Christmas present!

On a similar theme. She leaves the prices on all the presents and also forgets to label them, so sometimes you open a present which you really like only to have it snatched out of your hand and told it isn’t meant for you! Or worse still, you might get a rather snazzy pair of boxer shorts, which despite most things being unisex these days, some women are not so keen on the front opening!

When you phone her up if she does actually hear it and pick it up, you can barely hear her voice over the racket of the TV. It is positively BLARING! When you go round there, you are almost sent reeling with the assault on your eardrums!

She is one of the best cooks I know! Although my Mum does not do as much baking as she used to, she still makes a damn good roast dinner. As long as you can overlook the fact that the meat might have been cooked the day before and left in the microwave overnight as she put it there to cool down as it ‘is covered’ and then forgot about it!

She has a tissue permanently up her sleeve! What is it with old ladies and their tissues? I thought it was only little kids that had permanently snotty noses, (and they never have a tissue handy preferring to wipe it on whatever is to hand). Every room you go in there will be a crumpled up tissue!

Starts a sentence with, “I don’t want to be a pain but…” and you know you are not going to like what you hear next! She has just done all of her shopping and when you go to put it away she realises that she forgot to get milk or some other necessity that you had reminded her about constantly whilst in the supermarket! Or Another one…. you are all going out somewhere, a few miles away, you are nearly there when she tells you she has ‘forgotten her purse’. You tell her it doesn’t matter but no, you have to go all the way back to get it!

Those are just a few of the little ways my mum has that drive us all mad! However, she has been there for us all at some time or another over the years, and having six children could not have been easy for her, I hope she realises that she is appreciated!

Episode 200: World Book Grey! — March 6, 2015

Episode 200: World Book Grey!

World Book Day.. Oh how I remember when my daughter was in primary school and we had to try to think up a costume which depicted a character from a famous book (as the name implies). We did manage to participate every year (thanks mainly to good old eBay for the costumes), but it is not easy when you have very little time to prepare or no clue who to dress your child up as.

Not a problem for the mother of one 11-year-old boy. Well it’s pretty obvious isn’t it? I mean what child hasn’t read good old ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’! Yes that’s right, she sent her son to school dressed as Christian Grey! Oh, and just to complement the natty suit, he took along a couple of cable ties as well! Nice! All of his friends instantly knew who he was as well.

Understandably, the school were not enamoured with his choice, and pointed out to his mother (who amazingly is a primary school teacher)in a rather terse phone call. Explaining that the school had certain standards of behaviour that students were expected to conform to, and that dressing as someone who enjoys indulging in a bit of BDSM now and again is not the calibre of person one of their students should aspire to emulating!

Not only that, but they were not intending to introduce this kind of literature (I use the term very loosely here), into the school curriculum just yet! Their aim to ‘encourage children to read more’ might have to be a little better defined, as this young lad had done just that!

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