Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Never ‘Just A Mum’ — March 6, 2016

Never ‘Just A Mum’

Mum 5
My Mum!


I wrote this poem last year, but thought it would be perfect for  Mother’s day and good to re-share it for those that haven’t seen it before.

Oh, and of course, you can also find this poem in my new book ‘Rhymes of the Times. which is now available on Amazon and Kindle!

Happy Mother’s Day for all those that are celebrating it today 🙂


You wake up constantly through the night

To each and every cry

You soothe, you feed, you  keep them clean

Then croon a lullaby

You take their hand as they take a step

Your face is filled with joy

You sing, you dance, you muck about

With your precious girls and boys

You nurse them when they are poorly

You kiss them when they weep

You fret, you stress, and you can’t relax

Until they are fast asleep

They sometimes drive you crazy

So you say you’ll smack their bum

You cook, you clean, you’re everything

But you’re never ‘Just a Mum’!

One-Liner Wednesday — February 17, 2016
Episode 362: My Take on A Book Review! — June 7, 2015

Episode 362: My Take on A Book Review!

You know when you have read something really good and you just want to share it with everyone?  Well I have written a little review in a poem for ‘Laughter Lines, Life From The Tail End’ by Sue Vincent, which I downloaded from Amazon here.

I thought I would try something different

Not something I usually do

But I have just read a fabulous book

And I wanted to write a review!

If you enjoy a great poem

And love to have a good laugh

Then you will love Ani’s antics

To get out of having a bath!

If legends are more to your fancy

St George and the dragon – the truth

To slay it takes one feisty princess

Not some weak, callow youth!

Do you have a sense of adventure?

To do what very few dare

Stand out from the crowd and be noticed

With vibrant red pillar box hair!

These stories are just a selection

In the book there are tales of all kinds

So I urge you to read it

Sue’s brilliant book, Laughter Lines!

Episode 225: Off Colour! — March 16, 2015

Episode 225: Off Colour!

That’s it, it’s official, Mr Grump is banned from doing the washing! It appears that he is unable to distinguish ‘light’ from ‘dark’ colours, and my fancy underwear has suffered as a result!

Due to the fact that I come home from work with an assortment of ‘germs’, (we have only just cleared the Norovirus from the Ward), we usually put our washing on a reasonably hot wash, hopefully killing off any malingerers!

I usually try to put the loads on myself in order that they are properly sorted out thereby reducing the chances of  colours running into each other. However, this weekend being Mother’s Day, I took the day off from the mundane chores. Big mistake!

Mr Grump’s strategy us to just put the entire contents of the washing bin in the machine on a 60 degree wash and see what happens! He has a penchant for living dangerously as far as my clothes are concerned, as this has happened before (always to my stuff I notice)!

Anyway, I had a really busy day at work today and came home tired. I noticed he had done the ironing which I was pleased about as I needed another dress for work tomorrow. Then I noticed. My lovely new underwear. I have only worn it a couple of times. It was a lovely light blue colour. It is now a grotty grey colour. I am bloody cross!

Actually, he is dropping me off at work tomorrow. Good. As he has the car, he can go into town and buy me some more. Well. at least I will gain something from it!

Episode 202: Spring into Action! — March 7, 2015

Episode 202: Spring into Action!

Ahhh, spring is in the air. I do so love the fleeting, tantalising glimpses of sunshine that have been coming out to play, off and on. I love the daffodils that are just starting to bud, breaking the monotony of the brown landscape that is all around (that reminds me to chuck out the daffodils in the vase on the kitchen window sill as they have gone a bit brown and crispy now)!

I love the fact that I might be able to hang my washing outside on the line, and see it waving gently in the breeze (I do hope the weather doesn’t change before the washing cycle ends) as opposed to hanging limply in the shade all day only to be wetter when I take it in than when I hung it out!

I can’t wait to be able to wear less clothes, and not have to bother taking a coat. (Well, that is always a risk in England, even during the height of summer). Mind you, summer clothes means more skin exposed, which also means, I hope this bloody diet kicks in soon, and the weight drops off (I wish), so that I am all slim and lovely in my pretty summer dresses.(I can’t expect miracles, I know)!

I am looking forward to Mr Grump planting all sorts of things for us enjoy over the summer. (Well the rhubarb takes care of itself, the herbs have all gone a bit wild and woody over the  winter, and pumpkins aren’t ready until the autumn!

He does so love to be pottering about in the garden; cursing and swearing as he tries to repair the fence (again) that has been swaying perilously during the winter, held up by popping heavy plant pots against it, and attaching one end to the shed with a carabiner. He loves the fact that the garden is slopey and therefore quite squidgy in places where it is waterlogged!

And for the big finale! The good old ‘Spring Clean’! Oh yes, this is the time of year that we all love. The poor house is quaking in its foundations at the thought of being strip-washed and exposed, whilst being scrubbed, polished and buffed into submission!

Ahh yes, I love the spring!

One-Liner Wednesday – Get Me Out Of Here! — March 4, 2015

One-Liner Wednesday – Get Me Out Of Here!

Myself and Mr Grump went to visit my mum briefly to drop in couple of bits, and my younger sister was there.

When asked by my sister how I was regarding the impetigo and still being infectious, I explained that I was ok, although a little itchy still. I told her that I was back at work yesterday but our ward was closed with diarrhoea and vomiting and that both me and Mr Grump felt really sick

Rushing over to the sink to manically scrub her hands she stated,

“Well I really must be going now, nice to see you” and was out of there like a bat out of hell!

Thanks for the inspiration LindaGHill.

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry! — February 13, 2015

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry!

For those of us that have men in our lives, we accept that they may not be perfect but according to the Bookmakers William Hill there are fifty skills that your man should have in order to qualify as a ‘real man.’ Apparently they questioned 2000 people in order to discover what qualities it takes to accomplish this,

The list includes things like being able to tie a tie, knowing how to wire a plug, being able to change a light bulb, as well as know when your anniversary is, and how to do the laundry.

I have decided to make my own little list of what qualities I think ‘real men’ should have, which are in no particular order:

Not being ashamed to cry. I don’t mean just when their team loses an important match, I mean actually showing a bit of emotion when something has affected them deeply. Having said that,I don’t want him bawling his head off at the slightest thing!

  • Enjoy shopping. A real man will not be at all fazed whilst accompanying you on a shopping trip, and that includes browsing at lingerie! It is so annoying when you go to ask your parter’s opinion on a racy little number, only to find that he has legged it!
  • Be a good cook. Although I do like to cook at times, it is great that Mr Grump loves cooking and is so good at it too!
  • Have a decent sense of humour. Because I like to laugh at things, and enjoy making fun of silly situations, it is important to me to have someone to laugh with. I don’t want to be with someone who is precious about me taking the mickey out of them!
  • Not having an aversion to housework. Being able to push a vacuum around is a huge plus in my book. It is one of those jobs that I hate doing! For some reason, I have never known a man who is good at dusting and polishing, but if he is handy with a vacuum then that’ll do!
  • Enjoy driving.  Although I drive myself, I am not that keen on it, so a man must be able to drive, and drive well! It is pretty off-putting if a man is crunching the gears or taking about 20 attempts to parallel park, when he is behind the wheel.
  • Be well-groomed. Now a real man knows how to be well-presented. I like him to be smartly dressed in ironed clothes,smelling nice and have clean nails! I don’t however, want him to take longer getting ready than I do, hog the mirror, nick my beauty products, or borrow my straighteners (if he has hair of course).
  • Be good at DIY.  I like a man who is handy to have around. You never know when you need a shelf putting up,a room to be decorated or someone to fix something that I have broken.This is a very important quality in my book.
  • Know when to make himself scarce! This one is pretty important as well. I don’t just mean when you are having a ‘girly’ night in and don’t want the old man around. I mean that he knows to get out of your way when you are in a mood (especially if he is the one that has wound you up)!

Are there any that I have missed out, what qualities do you think a real man has?

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping! — January 28, 2015

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping!

What do you do to entertain yourself at 3am in the morning when you can’t sleep? It is so annoying You turn over, and over trying to get comfortable…then you need the loo so you stumble out, eyes half closed, get back to bed and…ZING! You are wide awake. That’s the situation I found myself in this morning….

Apart from the fact that I was resentful that both Mr Grump and the dog were snoring contentedly, I was cross because I had a day off and could have had a lie-in (I never do anyway, but in theory I could)!

So it’s off downstairs as there is no point in trying to force something that is just not going to happen. It’s a little chilly downstairs, so I put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea. I don’t however, turn on the heating otherwise the clanking and banging noises it makes as it fires up will wake everyone else up. Anyway I’ve got one of those snuggle blankets with the arms in!

So now what can I do? Well I can catch up with a bit of TV that Mr Grump won’t entertain watching. I particularly enjoy a programme where this ex-hotelier (now bankrupt and unemployed), has been employed as ‘Entertainments Manager’ at another local hotel, as the owners saw his fly on the wall series a couple of years ago when he ran his own hotels (obviously before he lost the lot)!

Anyway, this guy is so funny, as he spectacularly buggers up everything he touches, even though he tries so hard. It makes me laugh, and if I can’t sleep, I might as well be sat there giggling. I flick on my laptop and have a couple of games of ‘Candy Crush’ whilst I am at it as well!

I know some people like to get on with a bit of housework if they can’t sleep but that would not be a great idea where I live. I am too noisy and clumsy to start dusting especially if not fully awake. Plus the walls are so thin in my house that I would have half the square knocking my door, not to mention Mr Grump and Miss Hap, baying for my blood if I dared to vacuum.

No, I didn’t fancy living dangerously,  so I opted for a couple of hours watching telly and playing on my laptop, I was then ready to go back to sleep, which I did… a really deep sleep, so deep that when Miss Hap came in to have a snuggle before school, I woke up with a splitting headache, feeling disoriented, and in a nice bad temper! Oh, and still tired despite eventually getting enough sleep!

What do you do when you just can’t sleep?

Episode 104: Oh, How I Hate Doing Housework! — January 15, 2015

Episode 104: Oh, How I Hate Doing Housework!

Oh, How I hate doing housework

There a huge pile of ironing to do

The carpets all need to be vacuumed

And I still haven’t tackled the loo!

There’s dust all over the TV

The bath is covered in grime

I haven’t started preparing the dinner

What HAVE I done with my time?

The sheets on the beds will need changing

The washing bin is filled to the brim

The floor in the kitchen needs scrubbing

The state of the bathroom is grim

I’m fed-up with all of this housework

It really gives me the hump

I think I’ll do some more blogging

And leave the chores to poor old Mr Grump!

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout! — December 20, 2014

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout!

Today I wanted to give the house a thorough tidying up in order to make way for more stuff that comes with Christmas! We managed to get a head start last night by doing the mountain of ironing that had accumulated during the week so that was one less chore for this morning!

I decided that Mr Grump could do downstairs and I would tackle the upstairs. On opening the door to Miss Hap’s room, I recoiled at the sight that greeted me. School uniform draped over her chair, as it’s obviously too far to walk to the washing bin in the bathroom! Pillows flung around the bed (she is one restless sleeper), duvet on the floor!  There were a couple of reading books in the bed along with four annuals (that child does love an annual, anything from ‘The Beano’ to ‘Top Gear’). Along with the books were an assortment of sequins and pins from the latest ‘Sequin Art’ she is creating.

Miss Hap uses her double bed as a kind of den, where she does her homework, (the laptop was also on the bed), projects, drawing and reading, so it holds a  cornucopia of  crap that gets left there until the next time she uses it. The sequins and pins have also found their way onto the floor along with bits of scrap paper, a few items of clothing, and the odd hair bobble! Her drawers were half open with stuff poking out of the top, and there was stuff sticking out from under the bed, where it had been shoved out of sight!

I was going to leave it for her to do, as she is now old enough to be keeping her room tidy at least. For some reason, she does not see why a room should be tidied when it will only get messed up again, and she cannot see the logic in keeping it tidy in the first place so it doesn’t get messy. Against my better judgement I decided to clean it up and I gingerly entered the fray armed with my weapons of giant rubbish bag, and duster, Luckily as I had just finished tidying Mr Grump offered to vacuum as that is my least favourite task, and I was already starting to get in a mood due to the fact it took me ages to put everything away and get the room looking nice.

I went off to tackle the rest of my jobs upstairs, and was just scrubbing out the sink in the bathroom when Mr Grump blundered in with the vacuum cleaner, stubbing my toe with the attachment as he barged about haphazardly. As I have a very painful ingrown toenail I let loose a couple of choice expletives at him. As Miss Hap was not there to hear them and repeat them at inappropriate times (like in front of my Mum, or out in the middle of town) I had an extensive range to choose from, and I decided that I would run the gamut and use the lot before stomping off downstairs (well, hobbling actually)!

After a (cold) half cup of tea, and a bit of a sit-down, my toe stopped throbbing and we both finished off the chores we wanted to do so that the house was spick and span. I even got out my fancy Christmas plates and dishes (which caused more work as they were a bit grimy from having been put away for a year, and had to have a good wash) and nibbles have been set out early.(I don’t want to be left with loads of food knocking about, so don’t see the point in waiting until Christmas Day before anyone is allowed to touch anything)! Shame those dry roasted peanuts are so tempting that I can’t resist tucking in every time I go near the table!

Anyway, for now, the work is done…. Miss Hap’s room has everything packed away nicely which is just as well, really as come Christmas Day, there will no doubt be lots of  lovely new things that we need to find a home for!!

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