Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#SoCS Hot and Cold — October 29, 2017

#SoCS Hot and Cold

This week Linda has given us hot and cold to use as prompt words for our Stream of Consciousness posts. We get bonus points if we start and finish with one or the other of them.

Hot and cold. That’s how I have been feeling today. This morning it was a little chilly and I had the first appointment at the gym for an assessment. I put on my ‘workout gear’ with a hoodie over the top to keep off the chill. It has been a long time since I have set foot in a gym and I wasn’t sure what I should take, so I packed a bag with the essentials I thought I would need. It ended up being quite heavy but Mr Grump was going to drop me off whilst he did a few bits.

Our sports centre had rather a long and twisty ramp that goes up to it and I was pretty puffed out when I got to the top, plus the weather seemed to have warmed up considerably. Hmmm, that is half a workout just getting into the building!

I met with the very pleasant lady who asked me a few questions about my lifestyle and then weighed me on the special scales that tell you your percentage of body fat, as well as how hydrated you are. I was out on both counts, fat too high water too low, no surprise there, I was bloody thirsty.

Anyway, after my blood pressure was taken (a bit on the high side), my next appointment was booked. I did not even set foot in the gym! The instructor had admired my trainers which she thought were new. I sheepishly admitted that they were in fact over a year old but had not been worn much.

I felt such a clown turning up with my brand new gym clothes (I rushed out yesterday in a panic to buy them as I had nothing suitable to wear), pristine looking trainers and rather large (new and unused) gym bag that Mr Grump had dragged out of the loft for me.

I trotted off with my heavy bag and phoned Grump to pick me up. Meanwhile, I waited for him in the sunshine. I felt a bit conspicuous hanging around, and the sun was boiling, beating down on my head. I didn’t take the hoodie off though as I do not look my best in tight-fitting lycra and it covered me up a bit. So I stood there and sweated, and sweated.

As soon as I got home, I got changed into something cool and comfy as I planned to get down to some studying. Within half an hour the sun had gone down at the back of the house and I felt chilly. On goes the fleece and even the slippers. Then I get all hot and het up trying to cram too much information in my brain. Off goes the fleece and slippers.

And so it went on, hot and cold, hot and cold!

SoCS Hot and Cold

Episode 334: Compliments and Kisses! — May 19, 2015

Episode 334: Compliments and Kisses!

Us Brits are not very good at accepting compliments as a rule. We have that kind of self-deprecating humour, which I know I use a lot of the time. (I feel that it is better for me to get in first with the put-downs before someone else beats me to it).

It’s weird, that if someone does tell me that I look nice in an outfit, for example, I will soon draw attention to how big my tummy looks in it, or perhaps my chunky legs spoil the look. Whatever it is, whoever gave me the compliment probably soon regretted it; not only that, they also now know yet even more of my flaws that just maybe hadn’t been too obvious before I helpfully pointed them out!

The thing is, for me in particular, I was brought up to believe that you should be modest, never boast about anything and that it was not nice to be a ‘big-head!’ I don’t remember getting many compliments as a child probably to reinforce the message that ‘nobody likes a show-off!’

It is tricky to know where to draw the line as well. I was so proud when I graduated as it was only a couple of years ago, and therefore something I had to work pretty hard at to achieve, yet it felt really awkward when I told people about it, as I didn’t want them to think that I was ‘up myself!’

I am getting better at it now, especially at work, where we do get compliments at times;(in fact I got not one but two kisses today, which was sweet as I don’t usually look after the men)! However, I still can’t resist making a detrimental joke about myself most of the time!

What makes you feel awkward?

Episode 279: Spring Into Action! — April 9, 2015

Episode 279: Spring Into Action!

Yesterday, we had a man come round to carry out the annual boiler inspection. He was originally booked for next week but due to a cancellation he came yesterday instead.

Now, I am not keen on workmen or servicemen coming around when Mr Grump is not here as I have mentioned before, but he was in the area and it would have been churlish to have insisted he stick to the scheduled appointment.

Anyway, he turned up and bounced into the kitchen after stepping on the dog! He did make a fuss of her though and all was forgiven, I left him to get on with it as he knew what he was doing. I had forgotten to move some of the crap stuff that was by the boiler and also the oil lamp sitting on top of it (Mr Grump thought it was as good a place as any to store it)!

The chap was unconcerned and said it was no problem for him to do it, as I cringed at my forgetfulness. After a while he poked his head into the front room and asked if he could go upstairs and look in the airing cupboard. Shit! I had to tell him to be careful not to get attacked by the step-ladder we have got stored in there.

After he had done all the checks and left, I had to go upstairs to get something. As I walked to my bedroom I noticed Miss Hap’s bedroom door was open, and although not as bad as usual, was a bloody mess! The landing also needed a vacuum……

This morning, Mr Grump went off to work. Myself and Miss Hap decided that we would have a cleaning frenzy. I had decided that I would have a spring clean anyway during the holiday and after reading a post by The Armchair Perfectionist, was even feeling quite inspired to get on with it. However, there is nothing like being shamed into doing it a bit earlier than planned!

Episode 250: ‘Mum, You Are SO Embarrassing!’ — March 25, 2015

Episode 250: ‘Mum, You Are SO Embarrassing!’

Miss Hap is off on her school trip to France today which she is very excited about. We were informed about the trip almost as soon as she started at the school in September as no doubt, it takes a fair bit of planning sorting out the logistics of it all.

Well the day has arrived, and 76 excited 11-year-old girls are currently haring around Boulogne, practicing their French-speaking and no doubt driving their teachers mad!

I had my orders as to what sort of packed lunch she wanted to take, and I felt it only fair in return to give Miss Hap my order for some brie, for when she visits a supermarket this afternoon! Now in order to facilitate this, she had to be slipped a couple of illicit euros on top of the 20 maximum that they were allowed to take!

Hopefully, I have not got her into trouble for the sake of buying me some cheese that I am only allowed a slither of per day. Well technically it’s my mum’s fault  anyway for giving her the extra money and asking her to bring home some croissants (poor girl, there’s nothing like exploiting an opportunity).

Seeing as we had to be at the school so early this morning, we all got up at 5.15 to give us plenty of time. My daughter as expected, took ages deciding which outfit would be suitable for impressing the French folk, not to mention be ‘cool’ enough for her friends’ approval. That sorted, she emptied the backpack she takes for school, save for the French book, and filled it up with ‘lunch!’ (Well it is going to be a long day for them)!

Just as we were pulling into the school car park, she told me to turn the radio down as someone might hear it (as far as I am concerned, there is nothing wrong with a bit of Erasure, and she was brought up on it)! I obliged not wanted to show her up, and we swung into the school in my lovely bright car, which was rather out-of-place with the Jeeps, 4x4s and other cars in muted colours.

I got out of the car to let Miss Hap out gave her a kiss and hug then went to sign her in with her teacher. I could see a few girls there already, but my daughter told me to go and strutted off to join her friends before they noticed her embarrassing mum and step-dad, in their embarrassing car, with the embarrassing music.

As we left, she didn’t turn and wave, as they were all engrossed in deep and excited conversation. Fair enough, but I really wished I had one of those really loud air horns that make that DA NA NA NA NA NANA NA NA NA NA NA noise!

Episode 29: Frightful Family….. — October 30, 2014

Episode 29: Frightful Family…..

In stark contrast to yesterday’s blog where I got all dressed up and no-one noticed, today I felt like the scruffiest, messiest person, (not to mention worst mother) who ever walked the earth!

This morning we all decided to go into town to pick up some more bits we needed for Halloween tomorrow. Miss Hap wanted some face paints, plus we needed to get a load more sweets for the hordes of Trick or Treaters, and some other odds and ends.

Miss Hap took her time getting ready, and eventually joined me and Mr Grump downstairs, but her long, thick hair was unbrushed and matted. I told her to brush it before we went out, but the usual palaver ensued and I ended up grabbing the Tangle Teezer and set about it myself! Half and hour later and I still hadn’t got through it. I was really mad, getting more and more hot and bothered, Miss Hap was complaining, and Mr Grump was wild as he hates waiting about when he has been ready for ages (as do I)!…

We have this performance every morning, As lovely and thick as Miss Hap’s hair is, she is unable to manage it properly herself, especially as it is halfway down her back. Granted, it does look gorgeous when it is all brushed, but for the 10 minutes that it stays knot-free, it is just not worth the hassle. I told Miss Hap that it is now time to get it cut. I was not going to keep going through this hassle day in,day out, and if she could not control it then, it was time for the chop!

Oh this did not go down well at all, but I was so cross by now that i left a two-inch section of matting in the back of her hair and we headed off out….

We got our shopping, but just out of the blue as we were about to leave Miss Hap said that perhaps she will get her hair cut after all. Before she could change her mind, we did a swift about-turn and headed for the nearest salon where there was no appointment needed. As luck would have it, we didn’t have to wait that long. There were two young stylists and only one customer, so Miss Hap was seen straight away. I explained to the young and trendy stylist, the problems we were having with my daughter’s hair and that she would like it cut. The stylist recommended a style that would be easy to manage and  shoulder length, so it wasn’t too short which suited everybody,….

However, her face soon changed when she saw the huge clump at the back of Miss Hap’s hair, and her and the other stylist exchanged appalled glances, as I cringed with embarrassment. I tried to reassure them that I did brush t everyday, but although they smiled and nodded, I knew they thought I was neglectful! “I’ll have to wash it” the stylist stated, daring me to argue with her, which of course I wasn’t, (I think she thought that she would give my poor daughter a treat as her hair had obviously never been washed before)! “That’s fine” I replied as she balefully wielded a larger Tangle Teezer through Miss Hap’s tousled mop! It was agreed that I would leave Miss Hap there whilst me and Mr Grump went for coffee at the cafe next door (he, in fact was already there having claimed his favourite table outside)!

I sat down in the sunshine that had appeared from nowhere. I explained to Mr Grump that Miss Hap was going to be about 45 mins as she was having wash, cut and blow dry, and then I was going to nip in for a quick trim afterwards.  Oh that didn’t please him at all, especially as it meant he would have to carry around all the bags plus my hoodie (I was too hot now the sun had come out) for an hour longer. “Just give me a bit and brace and a couple of saddlebags and I’m sorted” he moaned, This just made me laugh as poor packhorse Mr Grump would probably end up with a few more bags if we were to spend extra time in town…..

Anyway, we trotted around a bit more before it was time to pick up Miss Hap….she looked beautiful. Her hair looked sleek, shiny, and the length suited her perfectly. So now it was my turn. I sat in the chair in front of the mirror and recoiled at the dreadful image that faced me. Christ, do I really look that old and haggard?…My hair which was also a bit knotty (although I had brushed it) looked fried and frazzled. Although recently re-dyed, the roots looked ‘black’ as pointed out to the stylist by an ever-helpful Miss Hap, who was feeling superior now her hair had been tamed into submission.

I had not bothered to try to style my hair, nor had I put on any make-up, in fact I rarely wear it nowadays. I had painted my nails black in preparation for Halloween tomorrow, but to be honest, after looking at myself in that mirror, all I needed were a couple of Rice Krispies to stick on as warts, and I would have made the prefect old hag! The kids would be bloody terrified!

As I was not expecting to get my hair cut and Mr Grump was already crabby, I opted for a dry trim, which although looked tidier did not disguise the frizzy , candy floss appearance. I quickly paid for our haircuts, and got out of there! God knows what that hairdresser must have thought of us, what with Miss Hap’s matted,clumpy hair, (oh, and I noticed when we got home that she had been walking around with a hole in the arse of her leggings as well); my  bleached blonde disastrous locks (not sure whether I looked like an old tart or an old witch, either way, neither is very flattering); and Mr Grump, his skinny frame laden with bags, and hound-dog expression. She must have thought Halloween had come early!

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