I have teamed up again with the talented Sandra (or Daffy as I like to call her), from Wild Daffodil to bring you another bit of silliness this Saturday. Sandra is incredibly artistic and creative, and I just love the images she has created out of shells, stones and flowers.
One of the nicest things about Sandra’s blog is that you never know what she is going to get up to next, from beach art to knitted wigs, and mandalas to making spirals in her garden.
Here is our little story for this week. Sandy decides he needs to lose a bit of weight and workout.
Sandy had a great time with Shelma
When they went out on their date
But he wanted to shape up
And decided he needed to lose weight
He had become rather chunky
And that made him feel rather glum
His goal was to be streamlined and sexy
It was time to tone up that tum!
Shelma had a great figure
wherever they went she had turned heads
Sandy was scared she’d lose interest
And that thought had filled him with dread
He worked out at the gym almost daily
although at first it seemed tough
He knew it was definitely worth it
When Shelma told him he looked buff!
This week Linda has given us hot and cold to use as prompt words for our Stream of Consciousness posts. We get bonus points if we start and finish with one or the other of them.
Hot and cold. That’s how I have been feeling today. This morning it was a little chilly and I had the first appointment at the gym for an assessment. I put on my ‘workout gear’ with a hoodie over the top to keep off the chill. It has been a long time since I have set foot in a gym and I wasn’t sure what I should take, so I packed a bag with the essentials I thought I would need. It ended up being quite heavy but Mr Grump was going to drop me off whilst he did a few bits.
Our sports centre had rather a long and twisty ramp that goes up to it and I was pretty puffed out when I got to the top, plus the weather seemed to have warmed up considerably. Hmmm, that is half a workout just getting into the building!
I met with the very pleasant lady who asked me a few questions about my lifestyle and then weighed me on the special scales that tell you your percentage of body fat, as well as how hydrated you are. I was out on both counts, fat too high water too low, no surprise there, I was bloody thirsty.
Anyway, after my blood pressure was taken (a bit on the high side), my next appointment was booked. I did not even set foot in the gym! The instructor had admired my trainers which she thought were new. I sheepishly admitted that they were in fact over a year old but had not been worn much.
I felt such a clown turning up with my brand new gym clothes (I rushed out yesterday in a panic to buy them as I had nothing suitable to wear), pristine looking trainers and rather large (new and unused) gym bag that Mr Grump had dragged out of the loft for me.
I trotted off with my heavy bag and phoned Grump to pick me up. Meanwhile, I waited for him in the sunshine. I felt a bit conspicuous hanging around, and the sun was boiling, beating down on my head. I didn’t take the hoodie off though as I do not look my best in tight-fitting lycra and it covered me up a bit. So I stood there and sweated, and sweated.
As soon as I got home, I got changed into something cool and comfy as I planned to get down to some studying. Within half an hour the sun had gone down at the back of the house and I felt chilly. On goes the fleece and even the slippers. Then I get all hot and het up trying to cram too much information in my brain. Off goes the fleece and slippers.
And so it went on, hot and cold, hot and cold!
As some of you may know, in my quest for a healthier lifestyle, I have decided to take matters in hand, and embark on losing weight and getting fit. I wrote about my experience last week when I went for the induction at the gym and how I didn’t even get to go on any of the equipment here,
[clickToTweet tweet=”Then the next disastrous episode when I ended up coming home minus my hairbrush and water bottle #loser” quote=”Then the next disastrous episode when I ended up coming home minus my hairbrush and water bottle,”] not to mention my pride which you can read about here.
I had still been all fired up with enthusiasm during last week, and did my best to eat some tasty and healthy meals cooked from scratch, some of which I even made myself!
Then along came Saturday; I woke up feeling a bit grotty and throaty. I was worried that I might be coming down with the awful cold that had been doing the rounds which I could not get away from. Mt Grump and Miss Hap both had it as well as some of my fellow Uni students.
My sister and her husband had invited us around to play a ‘Beat the Into’ game which is just sort of thing that I enjoy. I am pretty good on music that is decades old, as I might have mentioned before. Anyway, there were going to be snacks, and she told me that there was some special stuff for me due to me watching what I was eating.
I gorged on everything! Yes, I have no self-control when there are goodies to be had. I put it down to me feeling rough which worsened as the night wore on, despite us having such a laugh playing the game.
Sunday I was in the throes of a full-blown cold and sore throat, but that did not deter me from eating the ‘wrong foods.’ I needed white bread toast to scratch my throat as it went down for some relief. I had to make myself feel better by eating the type of comfort food that I am trying to avoid.
I was not as bad as I could have been; no chocolate or stodgy meat puddings, but not the lean, healthy, low-fat food I should have been eating. Add to that the stress of a test on Human Anatomy and Physiology which I could barely concentrate on to revise without a bit of ‘brain food’ and you can guess where this is heading!
Thursday I got weight and had put on a kilo. Bugger! It was not good, but at least I was starting to feel better and was getting back on track. Today I went to the gym as I had a quick meeting with my instructor to see how I had been getting on.
That was a bit embarrassing as I hadn’t even been since last week as I felt too rough! Anyway, just before I went, I found the hairbrush I thought I had lost last week, which was tucked into one of my trainers, so that was a result!
The only problem was, where was my white Superdry hoodie? Nowhere to be found, so it seemed. Mr Grump dropped me off, and this week there was no bag, just a water bottle ( a new one), towel and phone.
I got the card activated and just enquired about my water bottle and hoodie by chance, and as luck would have it, the hoodie had been handed in. How the hell could I have lost that, as it is not exactly small?!
Anyway, I dug out my programme and sat on the bike ready for my workout. I couldn’t get the bloody thing to work. After pressing all the buttons and getting the tv to work (not much good with no headphones), there was still no details that I wanted such as the time and levels etc.
Looking around for someone to help, perched on the bike, a friend walked past with her daughter, both of whom work at the hospital where I used to work. After a greeting and a hug, me still perched on the bike, I asked them if they knew how to do it but no luck. I got off it and went to the one next to it.
I finally got that to go and gave my friend the thumbs up sign as she came past again to leave!! Everything else went ok until it was time for the dreaded rowing machine! There is a bit of mutual hatred going on there. It punishes me dreadfully, and today I tried hard to master it and get the workout done as soon as I could.
I got cramp in my stomach! I had barely done 500m and cramp set in so; I tried nonchalantly to get off and stretch a bit despite being out of breath and my stomach tying itself up in knots.
I talked to the instructor about it, and after eyeing my rather sizeable stomach, she decided that perhaps I should have some extra time on the treadmill in future for a while and cut out the rowing machine.
So this visit, at least I gained things as well as lost them,1kg, extra time on the treadmill and my hoodie were gained, and I lost the rowing machine from my programme until I get a bit fitter!!! At least I came home with everything I went with this time and more.
As some of you may know, in my quest for a healthier lifestyle, I have decided to take matters in hand, and embark on losing weight and getting fit. I wrote about my experience last week when I went for the induction at the gym and how I didn’t even get to go on any of the equipment here.
Well, I got myself geared up and down the gym for 9 am bright and early and raring to go. I had the bag packed with most of the stuff I needed from last week still, and just added the extras that I thought I might need.
I saw the same lovely lady as I saw last week. She and I seemed to get on well and share the same warped sense of humour.
First things first, she showed me the changing rooms which were quite large and roomy and decked out with plenty of lockers. She eyed my huge bag and pointed out the bigger lockers for my convenience. I was then to put my stuff away, and she would meet me in the gym.
Already dressed in my workout gear, it was just a case of putting my stuff in the locker, and I was ready to get active! Well, I started sooner than expected trying to ram my bag into the locker. Despite it being a large locker, the bag kindly donated by Mr Grump was one of those that you can use to carry luggage in. It has wheels on the bottom and pull out handle so it can be trundled if heavy. There was no way I was going to wheel my bag into the gym, as I would like a right plum.
Anyway, as the bottom of the bag was so rigid, I spend a fair few minutes trying to shove it into the locker and slam the door. It was not working, and I was getting hot and bothered already! Finally, I put it on its side and shut the bloody thing away.
The exercise bike was our first stop, and I hopped up eagerly, keen to get started. Well after two minutes I could barely talk and thought my heart was going to explode right there and then. My instructor turned the resistance down (right down), and told me to ease up a bit as I was working too hard! (I think that was her polite way of saying that I was unfit)!
After the longest ten minutes, I then wobbled over to the treadmill for a bit more punishment. Now, I do not have the best record with treadmills having fallen off one many years ago which you can read about here, but I put all of that behind me and started walking.
Luckily, I redeemed myself a bit here as she turned up the speed several times as well as the gradients as I was ‘too comfortable! ‘ Not so on the barbaric rowing machine though. To my utter shame and humiliation, I could only manage five minutes on it.
The rest of the workout involved the toning up and strengthening equipment which wasn’t too bad. Then that was it; my hour was up. My face was tomato coloured, my skin slick with sweat and I scuttled off quickly to the changing rooms after thanking my torturer for the workout!
After wrestling with the locker several times, putting stuff in, taking stuff out, trying to close the locker, then forgetting something else, I was getting very wound up. When I realised that I had left my lovely blue water bottle out, I decided that I would leave it by the locker while I had a shower.
Now, this was something I was looking forward to. We don’t have a shower at home, just a bath which is lovely, but is not as quick or convenient, especially for washing hair! As you can imagine, my hair was rather sweaty.
I was bitterly disappointed, The shower was one of those that go off every twenty seconds or so, There was no temperature control, and it was rather hot (now I love a hot bath, but this was nigh on scalding)! Added to that there was a powerful stream in the middle which I thought might cave my head in such was the pressure (not that I could stay under it for long anyway, and on the outside, a few wisps and fine spray was the best I was going to get. It took a while.
I get myself changed and luckily am the only one in the changes rooms, and brush my wet hair, glad of the coolness and wetness of it as I was still boiling. I thought I had better dry it though as it was cold out. Another lady walked in just as I picked up the hair dryer which didn’t work. I nonchalantly picked up my bag of stuff and headed off for the reception to pay for my new membership.
The reception was quiet, and I asked if anyone had handed in my water bottle as I realised I didn’t have it before I left. They hadn’t. Just as I was paying, and halfway through the transaction, the whole computer system went down, and the receptionist had to call someone out to help her.
By now, of course, several other people had arrived, all skinny. A lot of eye-rolling was going on as they looked at each other than at me, and I wanted to get out of there. After a while, I was handed my receipt as apparently that part had gone through but as she would have to re-enter the whole lot again for her records or something, she hurriedly gave me my membership card and told me I would have to get it activated next time I came.
When I got home, I yanked everything out of the bag, deciding that next time I will forget the shower and bag and wait till I got home. After I had sorted everything out, I realised that I had also lost my new hairbrush I had taken with me God knows where that went!
To top it off, in the evening I looked through all the classes that were available and decided I would love to have a go at the Power Hooping, as I have previously dallied with a hula hoop. I went on the website to book up, but of course, I was unable to and had to phone up.
The classes were this Saturday morning at the stadium which is very close to where I love so I thought that would be perfect. Well, of course, it wasn’t as the membership I have does not cover me for both the sites even though they come under the umbrella of the Leisure Trust for my town.
At least the lady I spoke to was lovely and gave me a PIN number for my membership card which I had been told nothing about (Because I had a GP referral, I was not sure how it worked but thought I had paid membership for all classes)! I phoned up the original sports centre where I joined, and it seems the phones are all down as I could not get to speak to anyone no matter how many times I tried calling.
I am trying to be positive although I do not think I am cut out for the gym. I will stick with it though as I do hope that with this and the healthier food choices, I will lose some weight rather than some of my possessions!
Don’t you just hate the type of women that always, without fail, manage to look perfect; from shiny, healthy, beautifully styled hair to their pedicured toenails! Unfortunately, I am not, and never will be one of those women, preferring to be awkward instead – but how I envy them!
Take how I dress for work, for example; aside from the very unflattering uniform, (which by the way, is the shade of grey that is achieved by putting a white and black item in the same wash on a high temperature; it looks dirty before I have even started). I never bother to wear any makeup (it would be pointless as I get soooo hot on the ward) and I usually put my hair up in a clip, so there is no styling involved. If I did make an effort to wear make-up and have some stylish up-do (which iI would have to get someone else to do anyway…I’m rubbish with hair), then it would all be ruined within the first hour of me being there!
As I mentioned, I get boiling and, after a while of running around, the sweat is dripping down my face, which is bad enough (and embarrassing) without imagining what the result would look like if I had carefully made up my face. Not only would I have ghastly streaks down my face from rivulets of sweat spoiling the foundation, but no doubt, the mascara would run, causing hideous black, spidery smudges mingling with streaky foundation! ( I am there to try to help the patients feel better, not scare them into an early grave)!
Talking of work, I used to have a colleague called Jenny who was one of these perfect women. We used to work in the Operations department of a busy travel brochure company, so could mostly wear what we wanted to work. On this particular day, she and I both turned up in identical outfits! We had on hot pink 3/4 trousers, a black top and black mules.
Neither one of us knew the other was going to wear the said outfit, and that was only the start of my humiliation! Jenny is tall, willowy and blonde, and she looked fantastic. I am blonde, but that is where the similarity ends, as I am also short and chunky! Needless to say, everyone commented on our outfits, and my other friend made it worse by calling us Bim and Bo (put it together and you get…the picture)!
Jenny and I became good friends, and used to go to the gym together during our lunch hour (why do I set myself up to fail)?! The day I remember vividly (branded in my brain as one of THE worst embarrassing moments) started when both of us were on adjacent treadmills… We built up the speed until we were running. Just before ten minutes were up, I was gloating over the fact that Jenny had slowed down and I had managed to keep up the pace! Well, we all know what pride comes before, and sure enough, I lost concentration and my footing.
I was flailing, desperately trying to stay upright..but no…BANG. I fell on the treadmill which was still going, and it resented my falling on it. So it spitefully chucked me right off and landed with a thud in a heap at the foot of one of the other exercise machines!
I sat there winded and rather red in the face, and my leg hurt and then, Oh no…here comes Mr Hunky Gym Instructor Guy. Great, I look like a right bloody fool. He comes over solicitously, helps me up and leads me off to the changing room to minister to my wounds, which I reluctantly showed him, ( I was dying of shame showing him my tree trunk legs, which were bruised and scraped)! No real damage was done so manfully (or womanfully) I decided to go back out there and workout on one of the machines.
I chose the one where you could sit down, and use the weights to bring your arms backwards and forward( you can tell I am no Gym bunny as I don’t know the names of any of the machines). Anyway, there was a bloke that was working out opposite me who was giving me a bit of a funny look. I assumed he had seen my little ‘accident’ and carried on. He still kept glancing my way, and I knew it wasn’t a lustful look (God knows, if it was he must have been desperate)! I looked down and to my utter mortification, noticed that the underwire from my bra, had somehow broken free and was poking out of my top! That was it, time to go and never return!
Jenny, of course, looked as elegant and fresh when she had finished her workout as she had before she had started!!!
Oh, I’m sick of this dieting
In my quest to be all lithe and slim
Some food is so difficult to give up on
And, I am not really keen on the gym!
This spare tyre that I carry round my middle
Spills over the top of my jeans
I need to ditch the roasts and the curries
And eat more salads and greens!
I’m fed up with looking so chunky
And hate to see myself in the nude
I really must get some willpower
And take control of my food!
I know my lifestyle is unhealthy
That’s why I have diabetes type 2
I have given up smoking and drinking
And there is just this one thing to do
I have to become more assertive
If I am going to succeed
And stick to what’s healthy and nutritious
Instead of giving in to my greed!