Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 156: Love Is In The Air…. — February 10, 2015

Episode 156: Love Is In The Air….

With Valentine’s Day looming ever closer, some single people are trying to make themselves a little more appealing in order that perhaps they might find a bit of romance for the big night!

It doesn’t matter how old you are, we all like to feel that we have still got some sort of physical attraction left in us, even if it is a little past its sell by date, and needs a bit  of perking up.

One of my old ladies is 100 years old. Up until now she has lived at home with just a couple of visits from carers during the day. She can walk out to the loo with her Zimmer frame, but occasionally gets lost on the way back to her bed area,

On Saturday, I noticed that she had done a detour back from the loo and was talking to our male charge nurse at the nurse’s station. After a while I walked back to her bed with her and teased her about chatting up the men,

“Oh you don’t have to be jealous dear, at my age you take what you can get!” It had brightened her day talking to him for a while. I don’t suppose she gets to see many men, and she obviously enjoys their company. Whilst in hospital she is making the most of it; I know she loves it when the young male physio comes to see her.

One poor 82-year-old woman is not so lucky with attracting a man, and apparently decided to do something about it. She went into a pharmacy and helped herself to a ‘Sexiest Fantasies’ bottle of perfume. Now she might have already got a man for all we know, and with the release of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ may have decided to squirt a bit of that on before indulging in God know what with her partner!

Somehow I don’t think so, and unfortunately she was caught as she left the store, and ended up giving it back, and getting arrested for her sauce! I can’t help feeling a bit sorry for her, as the perfume promised that it was ‘as addictive and seductive as the woman that wears it’. She wanted to bring out her inner ‘sex goddess’ but got thwarted before she could even get started!

It just goes to show that no matter how old you are there is still a bit of room left for romance, even though it may end up being just a fantasy!

Episode 39: Nobody’s Perfect…. — November 9, 2014

Episode 39: Nobody’s Perfect….

We all have our little faults, (some more than others) and I know I certainly have mine! I just got to thinking about the little pet hates that I have…silly little things that really drive me mad…..

People that don’t change the loo roll, preferring instead to leave the empty tube on the holder! Of course you don’t really notice this until you have actually ‘done your business’ and are in need of it! If this happens in my house (which it does all the time), then it’s not too bad as I always make sure there is a supply close at hand, but if you are somewhere else and there is none anywhere, it can be a bit of a problem as you are in rather a vulnerable position!

Leaving milk out of the fridge! This is a real peeve of mine at work…I do like my hot drinks, and the first thing I usually do when I get in is have a coffee. However, it is somewhat  annoying if someone has left the milk out of the fridge, and a hesitant sniff confirms that it has gone off (sometimes it has even gone like cottage cheese)! It really is the ultimate in laziness not bothering to put the milk back once it has been used.

Leaving shoes right behind the front door…I hate it when I get in from work, fling open the front door then nearly get knocked out as it bounces on said shoes, and comes hurtling towards my face.Miss Hap is guilty of this one as she just comes in the door, kicks everything off and leaves it where it lands. This means that once I have avoided concussion from the door, I then have to tread carefully so as not to trip over the school bag chucked on the floor!

Text talk! I hate it when people abbreviate words so much I can hardly understand them when they text e.g.’cul8r m8′ (I do know what that one means now) or something! I know I am old-fashioned and everything, and yes it is a bit of a pain to type out every single word in full , but if someone is going to send me a load of seemingly random letters and numbers put together that doesn’t mean anything to me , then what is the point!!  I would say that mostly younger people tend to do this, but actually my elder sister (in her late 50’s) is one of  the worst offenders. It takes me ages to decipher her messages sometimes!

Soap and flannels! Now I know this one might be a bit controversial, but you’ll understand why in a minute!  Let’s take a bar of soap first. When first opened it is all lovely and solid, and smells nice..but after a bit of use, it becomes all soggy, snotty and slimy. I hate it when I go somewhere and there is a rotten piece of soap on the wash basin, that has seen better days. God knows how long it has been there or who has used it, YUCK! Similarly with flannels.. The problem with these is they are so unhygienic.I know my Mum is a huge fan of the flannel (as are many elderly people) and when she stays with me or my younger sister, the flannel comes out on display in the bathroom (along with the bar of soap I might add). Sometimes it is even draped over the bath! Now the thing with flannels is that they also get very slimy..when I am washing patients at work and they mention they have a flannel, I always offer them the disposable wash clothes that we have instead. I mean some of them only have the one flannel which is used for everywhere! The thought of washing your face with a flannel that has been wiped around sweaty armpits. cheesy feet, not to mention other more ‘intimate’ places, seems to defeat the object of feeling fresh and clean!

My final pet hate was kindly given to me by Mr Grump and is something that annoys him about me! I very rarely eat leftovers (or second-hand food as I call it)! It’s not that there is anything wrong with the food, I just don’t fancy it! Mr Grump qualified many years ago as a chef, so he does cook some really good meals. The thing is once I have eaten and enjoyed it, that is it. If there is any left,I don’t want it again the next day, and if he freezes it and gets it out for another day, it doesn’t look very appetising in the tupperware box, and I don’t want it! Anyway, he eats the leftovers himself so they don’t get wasted.

Episode 8: Lazy Sunday…! — September 28, 2014

Episode 8: Lazy Sunday…!

Sundays are not  relaxed and peaceful days in our house, as there are plenty of chores to do in order to be prepared for the week ahead….

As I am an early bird (lie-ins to me are getting up at 7.30am) I thought I would crack on with the ironing, which had built up during the week from the molehill when I last looked,  to the mountain this morning! As I was working my way through, I realised that some of my clothes had taken on a new lease of life, and were differently coloured than before. This, however was not an improvement, whites had become sludge, dirty dishwater grey, and some of the brightly coloured items, were now dull and drab. Mr Grump has been ‘helping’ with the washing again!

During the week the washing machine had been playing up, and Mr Grump set about it with his ‘tool box’. He was so delighted that the flashing lights had gone,and a load of filthy water had come out of the drain plug (all over the kitchen floor, which he proceeded to mop up with my nice clean towels, grrrrr) that he shoved a load of washing on with no regard for mixing all the different colours together.

Ironing done, we all set off to do the obligatory grocery shopping. Miss Hap needed some ingredients  for a ‘fruit fusion’ she was making in her first cookery(!) lesson at school tomorrow, so, as she needed quite a selection, we ended up getting a load more stuff on top of the usual weekly shop.

Back home Mr Grump decided that it was now time to get rid of the orange ‘grenade’ shaped light that was continuously showing up on the dashboard of my car; spare part and trusty tool box in hand, and flushed with success at fixing the washing machine he buggered off outside, leaving me to put away the shopping.

The fridge and freezer are his domain; he carefully fits everything in nice and neatly, but this is not my style. I rammed all of the bits and pieces in haphazardly, along with the two pots of salad I had made myself for work for the next two days. I could hear Mr Grump outside the kitchen window, working on my car, the bangs and taps he was making under the bonnet did not bode well, and sure enough, after a while he came in disgruntled, as he had been unable to even remove the part that needed replacing, despite the brute force he had exerted on it!

He decided to make himself a cup of tea to calm his nerves (a cup of tea is the cure-all for every stressful situation), and as he opened the fridge to get out the milk, one of my salad pots decided to do a leap of faith and somersaulted out of the fridge, landing with a ‘splat’ on the floor. The top had come loose but luckily not much had spilled out. Mr Grump bent down to pick it up forgetting that the fridge door was still open, so as he stood up he whacked his head on the open door.

Stifling my laughter (he was not even in the slightest bit amused), I busied myself  with the task of preparing the vegetables for the roast dinner we would be having later (It is boiling hot outside, but being a traditionalist, Sundays means roast and that’s that)! Miss Hap went to Nanny’s for her roast as they are ‘so much better’ than mine!

In fact, she has just come home now, so the battle will begin to cajole, coerce, and ‘encourage’ her to get her homework done, Happy Days!

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