Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Christmas Limericks. Rude Reindeer — December 13, 2017

Christmas Limericks. Rude Reindeer

I do love a limerick and thought that after the success of some of my Halloween limericks, I would share some Christmas ones that I wrote, over the next few days. I hope that you enjoy them.

There was a young reindeer named Rude reindeer

Who worked for a jolly old dude

Pulling a sleigh full of toys

For the good girls and boys

Even though he was not in the mood!

Wacky Word Wednesday — February 24, 2016

Wacky Word Wednesday

Kevin-the-tennager
Image courtesy of Wikia.com

Wow,  it is Wednesday already! This must mean that it is time for me to dig out a wonderful, weird or just plain wacky word to have some fun with. This week’s word is actually a regular part of my vocabulary. Although it has quite a humorous sound to it, this word pretty much describes teenagers, or tweens, or kids, or husbands…pretty much everybody at times!

Stroppy. Oh, this is an obstinate and obstreperous word; moaning and moody, as well as cantankerous and crabby. The bad-tempered and sheer bloody-minded nature of this word can result in tears and tantrums, or possibly even fights and fisticuffs!

It is the sulky and sullen expression of the troubled teenager, the grumpy and grouchy face of the harassed husband, and the annoyed and angry face of the wife. Wait a minute, that sounds like a typical Martin family outing!!!

 

Accidents Will Happen! — October 30, 2015

Accidents Will Happen!

As we were all off today, we decided to go into town for a while to have a wander around the shops. Needless to say, Miss Hap wanted to go into one of the shops that is popular with teenagers to look for some jeans. The ones she wanted to try on were black skinny ones with deliberate slashes across the knees.

They fitted her perfectly,  but I was not happy lashing out money on trousers that were already bloody ripped (yes I know I am an old fuddy-duddy), so I said that if we found some that had intact knees we would buy them. As ‘luck’ would have it, we did but they were a slightly different style being high waisted ones.

Miss Hap was a little disgruntled, but I reminded her that she should be grateful and that I could always take them back! Anyway, her feet were now hurting as she had insisted on wearing some trainers that were too small! This child has many pairs of trainers but once she gets something into her head it is very heard to remove it.

The inevitable strop followed and I decided it was time to leave town altogether, especially as Mr Grump’s scowl got bigger as her tantrum got louder! We had to call in at the supermarket on the way home to get a couple of bits and Miss Hap decided she was too crippled by the trainers to come in and would stay in the car as we wouldn’t be long.

Both myself and Mr Grump felt a bit frazzled and I was desperate to go to the loo, so we hot footed  it into the supermarket to get on with it. As we walked in together I told him I was just going to nip to the toilets and he went to buy me some stamps at the kiosk. I walked off but called out to him to make sure he had some cash. He stopped dead to check his pockets and got rammed by an old woman unable to stop her trolley at such short notice.

Being as he is so slight, he was sent flying forward stumbling a little, trying to stay upright. I saw all of this as I turned back and was doubled over laughing my head off (not a great idea when bursting for the loo). what made it funnier was despite the fact the lady had apologised to Mr Grump for knocking him flying, she gave him (or maybe it was me), a filthy look, tutted and stomped off!

I rather quickly took off as well to get to my destination before any other accidents occurred, in a much better mood!

Oh and the sodding jeans didn’t fit Miss Hap when we got home either!

Image courtesy of Pixabay 

Episode 318: Wacky Word Wednesday! — May 6, 2015

Episode 318: Wacky Word Wednesday!

As I am now lamenting the end of the Blogging From A-Z Challenge and the fun I had finding words that appealed to me, I have decided that I will do a post on a Wednesday highlighting a weird, wacky or wonderful word. I am kicking off with a great-sounding word today……..

Cantankerous. This word is the crabby and crotchety, crusty and cross old codger that likes to moan and whinge about everything. He is grumpy and grouchy, miserable and morose. His ill-tempered and irritable demeanour makes him snappy and sour.

Or what about the sullen and short-tempered child, cranky and quarrelsome, who will not be pacified?  They are prickly and petulant, obstinate and onery, not to mention fractious and  downright foul!

A bit like me when I get hungry really!

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry! — February 13, 2015

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry!

For those of us that have men in our lives, we accept that they may not be perfect but according to the Bookmakers William Hill there are fifty skills that your man should have in order to qualify as a ‘real man.’ Apparently they questioned 2000 people in order to discover what qualities it takes to accomplish this,

The list includes things like being able to tie a tie, knowing how to wire a plug, being able to change a light bulb, as well as know when your anniversary is, and how to do the laundry.

I have decided to make my own little list of what qualities I think ‘real men’ should have, which are in no particular order:

Not being ashamed to cry. I don’t mean just when their team loses an important match, I mean actually showing a bit of emotion when something has affected them deeply. Having said that,I don’t want him bawling his head off at the slightest thing!

  • Enjoy shopping. A real man will not be at all fazed whilst accompanying you on a shopping trip, and that includes browsing at lingerie! It is so annoying when you go to ask your parter’s opinion on a racy little number, only to find that he has legged it!
  • Be a good cook. Although I do like to cook at times, it is great that Mr Grump loves cooking and is so good at it too!
  • Have a decent sense of humour. Because I like to laugh at things, and enjoy making fun of silly situations, it is important to me to have someone to laugh with. I don’t want to be with someone who is precious about me taking the mickey out of them!
  • Not having an aversion to housework. Being able to push a vacuum around is a huge plus in my book. It is one of those jobs that I hate doing! For some reason, I have never known a man who is good at dusting and polishing, but if he is handy with a vacuum then that’ll do!
  • Enjoy driving.  Although I drive myself, I am not that keen on it, so a man must be able to drive, and drive well! It is pretty off-putting if a man is crunching the gears or taking about 20 attempts to parallel park, when he is behind the wheel.
  • Be well-groomed. Now a real man knows how to be well-presented. I like him to be smartly dressed in ironed clothes,smelling nice and have clean nails! I don’t however, want him to take longer getting ready than I do, hog the mirror, nick my beauty products, or borrow my straighteners (if he has hair of course).
  • Be good at DIY.  I like a man who is handy to have around. You never know when you need a shelf putting up,a room to be decorated or someone to fix something that I have broken.This is a very important quality in my book.
  • Know when to make himself scarce! This one is pretty important as well. I don’t just mean when you are having a ‘girly’ night in and don’t want the old man around. I mean that he knows to get out of your way when you are in a mood (especially if he is the one that has wound you up)!

Are there any that I have missed out, what qualities do you think a real man has?

Episode 99: Grumpy Old Git!!! — January 12, 2015

Episode 99: Grumpy Old Git!!!

Today has been a bit hectic

My emotions all over the show

One minute I’m laughing and joking

The next I am feeling so low

But there is one thing that is constant

My husband, good old Mr Grump

No mood swings, forever changing

Just ALWAYS down in the dumps!

He likes a bit of complaining

He mutters and curses away

This bitterness started appearing

Just after his 50th Birthday!

He starts off every morning

Getting out of the wrong side of bed

That sets him off in a bad mood

For the rest of the day ahead!

But deep down he is a big softy

And his bark is worse than his bite

He has his wonderful moments

Which often do come to light

He gets teased by me every second

I laughed when he cut his bald head

As he shaved it to make it look smoother

Then put tissue on when it bled!

So together we make a good couple

And with Miss Hap, that makes us a three

We bumble along in our own way

– Dysfunctional harmony!

Cut Head

Episode 32: Middle-Aged Madness — November 2, 2014

Episode 32: Middle-Aged Madness

Grumpy
Image Courtesy of Pixabay

Today I am feeling decidedly middle-aged! It is not something that I really want to admit (especially to myself), but I am a whisker away from the half-century milestone. I can feel it’s malevolence reaching out to me, trying to drag me over to the ‘other side’ where youth is  a forgotten memory, and old age starts to creep into every pore, ready to assert its authority over my still-protesting mind and body…..

My husband, Mr Grump, has already metamorphosed into the moany, moody old git that comes with age (if you let it, and Mr Grump embraced it wholeheartedly). Oh, how he loves to complain! Mind you,  there is something to be said for it at times,(see, I knew I was getting old)!   We once had vouchers for a free meal as he had complained bitterly about the appalling service we had received, which was matched by the atrocious food, at a local restaurant chain. Having said that, we were  a little hesitant to use them in case there was a repeat performance!

Apart from the obvious wrinkles and middle-aged spread,(fair enough not everyone has middle-aged spread, but it has decided it wants to attach itself to me, and it’s a bugger to get rid of), I find that I am (God forbid), also  starting to get a bit crabby. Where has the laid back, easy-going person that I once was gone? Why has this moody, snappy, person invaded my body and  started influencing my mind? I know I am not the best of drivers, but why does everyone else on the road have to be such an idiot? People cutting you up or driving like maniacs, I have even been known to mutter the odd ” Dick head” or worse under my breath (I’m too much of a wimp to yell it directly at someone).

I was always so quiet and shy, and although I still don’t like to draw attention to myself much, I have marched over to a neighbour’s house complaining about some misdemeanour their offspring have done to my daughter (Miss Hap), only to be utterly shown up when it transpired that she had started it!

You would have thought that having an 11-year-old daughter would keep me young, but  no! I hate it when she plays her music too loud, (now I am even turning into my mother), I also don’t understand half of what she is saying with all the ‘street talk’ or slang. or whatever it is they speak!

I find myself reminiscing about ‘when I was young’ (that’s it, I am beyond hope now) and how much better everything was back then. It’s funny how memories become distorted over the years, I’m sure I wasn’t this perfect, well-behaved little angel that my memory portrays me as being!

I am going to try to fight this middle-aged monster that wants to consume me. I’m sure I could still do a cart-wheel (if there is a large enough space and an ambulance on standby)… I still scrub up reasonably well (if I have a good few hours free and a ton of Polyfilla handy), and as for being grumpy, (well Mr Grump has got the monopoly on that, and there is no way I could compete with him), it is only because other people don’t know how to drive/behave/etc.. nothing to do with me!

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