Rhyme and No Reason!

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Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+) — September 1, 2015

Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+)

Sex is fraught with the potential for embarrassment, and a good sense of humour very often ‘comes in handy’  (if you’ll pardon the pun) to deal with some of the most common cringeworthy moments that most of us have encountered at some stage in our sexual shenanigans!

  1. Things are heating up, the pace is getting faster, and more passionate, then…. PARPPPPP. Oh No, someone has let one off! You both freeze as the horror of the moment sinks in; hopefully things will resume pretty quickly afterwards and the mood is not lost!
  2. Ready for a bit of bedroom action, everything is going well….kissing and touching,  breathing is getting heavier, your body is responding to the sensuous caresses but something is not quite right. You have noticed that your partner has backed off just  a little. You are getting to the point now where touching is not enough, and as you reach for him, you realise that he is not quite ‘ready’. This is a bit of a tricky situation. You could try other things to ‘perk things up’  but sometimes it is just ‘flogging a dead horse’, or you could sulk, turn your back and seethe! The other option of course, is to just snuggle up together and reassure that it doesn’t matter.
  3. If you have quite sensitive skin on your face, this one could be a problem. After a long, long night of hot and heavy action, and hours of passionate kissing, you might wake up in the morning with what looks like friction burns on your chin! I have actually had this happen to me and have had to think up some pretty (lame) excuse at work the next day as to how I got ‘that awful burn’ on my chin.
  4. Waking up the next morning only to find there is a patch of blood on the sheets! Mother Nature had paid you an unexpected visit during the night. Mortifying!
  5. Feeling sick just when things are getting going. This is really awkward as you cannot enjoy what is happening if there is a possibility of puking all over your partner! They won’t appreciate it either.
  6. You have got a bit of unexpected child-free time that you decide to take advantage of during the day. You have a bit of ‘afternoon delight’ with your partner, and as you are lying together in the afterglow, you can hear sounds of kids playing outside. You realise that all the bedroom windows are open and that half the street probably heard what you have been up to. Cringe!
  7. Whilst showing off your agility and flexibility getting into all sorts of interesting positions, you are attacked by CRAMP. It’s no good, you twist this way and that way trying to alleviate it, then end up leaping up and hopping about yowling in pain as it won’t go away! Passion is killed!
Episode 454: One-Liner Wednesday: Like Mother, Like Daughter! — August 12, 2015
Episode 447: Off-Key. — August 6, 2015

Episode 447: Off-Key.

I had to laugh today at work. As most of us know, some elderly people don’ exactly mince their words and they feel that they have earned the right to say exactly what they think. Although this is not always pleasant (A couple of days ago as I was trying to stop an elderly gent throttling himself with the bed remote control which had a long, curly wire attached to it, I was called a ‘stupid bi**h’ as he tried to bite my hand that was trying to release his grip on the remote).

Sometimes it can be funny though. The same man had earlier demanded that me and another nurse that were going to wash him ‘bloody get on with it, instead of just talking about it!’ (We like to inform our patients what is going to happen with them before we launch straight into stripping off their clothes)!

Anyway, today I was back in my usual bay with my ladies. I had gone on my break and when I came back, one of the Dementia Volunteers was playing his guitar and knocking out a few numbers that may be familiar to the patients, such as Buddy Holly, Beatles etc.

Now this chap is pretty old himself, and has a  ‘set’ of about 4 songs which he sings before moving onto the next bay, This is the same routine every week but I love it ,and so do most of the patients…..

Except one lady (she does not have dementia) who wanted him to ‘turn it down’. When told by the Healthcare Assistant that it was not polite to tell him to do that, and that he was giving up his own time to entertain people, she told her,

“well don’t expect me to applaud him!”

The patient had relayed all this to me when I went over to talk to her , and then with a wicked grin she looked up and said,

“Don’t you just hate bloody do-gooders”!

Episode 396: In The Doghouse! — June 28, 2015

Episode 396: In The Doghouse!

Well although I was working today and knew that I would be up very early, I did not intend on getting up quite as early as 4:30!

Roxy, like all of the females in this house is a bit of a klutz! This morning was no exception, as she fell off the bed landing with a thud, that jolted both me and Mr Grump awake. Not only that but she managed to get herself entangled in the power cord from my hair straighteners, that were hanging on the shelf of our 3ft high mirror on the wall by the side of the bed (yes, that was the wall NOT the ceiling, Cat)!

Anyway as she ran forward she tugged the cable which yanked the mirror off the wall completely, sending it crashing to the floor with a huge bang! Thank God Roxy had got out of the way and the mirror didn’t smash either.

Needless to say, I was wide awake by then and got up. Roxy got an extra hour sleep in before she got taken out for her walk! She was not my favourite doggy this morning!

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