Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

TJ’s Household Haiku Challenge – Bucket. — January 30, 2016

TJ’s Household Haiku Challenge – Bucket.


Buckets of Flowers

This week we have been given ‘bucket’ by TJ for his household challenge.  The only bucket I have at home is the bog standard mop bucket we all have kicking around! Not very exciting.

I then realised that I had made the ‘bucket’ bag not that long ago to keep my knitting in, but that had already starred in a haiku of its own, so it is time to think of something else.

We had to nip out this afternoon to get some bits from the supermarket, and look what we saw….yes buckets of flowers! Ok, they aren’t technically my household object, but I am going for poetic licence on this one!

Beautiful flowers:

Fresh, vibrant colours displayed

in dull, black buckets.



Episode 500: Expanding Comments. — September 16, 2015

Episode 500: Expanding Comments.

Once I have commented on a post and interacted a bit with the blogger responsible for it, I tend not to think anymore about it. However, today for Writing 101, I am going to write my post expanding on a comment that I left on another blog.

The lovely Daffy  very often combines two different challenges into one post, and makes a damn good job of it too! I was impressed that she entitled the post ‘Yellow’ as that covered everything perfectly. I commented as much too,

Now, as many of you know, yellow is my favourite colour, and I have a lovely (well at least I think so) yellow car which I wrote about here. Anyway, yesterday I went to pick my sister up after work and was a little early (as usual)! I sat in my car daydreaming when I heard a thump.

I looked up and thee was this cat sitting on my bonnet,  looking straight at me. I nearly jumped out of my skin, but grabbed my phone and got a picture. He hopped up onto the roof, jumped down onto the boot and then disappeared!

How odd, Anyway, I forgot about it and two minutes later he was back, only this time he jumped on my side of the bonnet and was mewing at me (as you can see in the picture). I didn’t know what he wanted but off he flounced again but not before I got another picture of him. He is after all, very pretty with his yellowish fur and blue eyes.

When my sister arrived, I told her about him; she already knows him as he belongs to the people she works for, and is called ‘Cloud.’ Apparently he is a big wimp and normally shies away from people, so I must have been honoured to have had him come to see me.

Must have been my pretty yellow car!

Episode 133: Yellow Peril…. — February 1, 2015

Episode 133: Yellow Peril….

I never thought I would  say this but I can’t wait for my car to be back on the road! I might have mentioned before that I absolutely hate driving. If I can get out of it at any time then I will. However I have actually missed the fact that I can’t just nip off to my sister’s if i want to, or the shops, or anywhere for that matter!

I haven’t even had it that long, since September I think. I already had a perfectly good little car, but it wasn’t really me. it was red and…well,.. boring really. I like brightly coloured things. I like pretty things, and this car was neither, Humdrum and ordinary.

Mr Grump was browsing through some cars on one of those online Auto mag websites and he jokingly showed me a picture of this car, as he knew I would like the colour of it. Big mistake. I wanted that car. It was my favourite colour yellow; not only that, all the inside of it matched as well, yellow gear stick knob (very important), and pedals as well as the seat covers etc.

To cut a long story very short, I got it! I was thrilled with it. Forget the fact that Mr Grump said it was a ‘Boy Racer’s’ car, and that the exhaust had been ‘Bad Boyed’,so that it makes a really loud roaring sound (you can hear me coming for miles), It was yellow and it was pretty. Oh and it has a fancy stereo, that you can watch films on as well (not whilst driving of course), and that was I that I cared about!

I thought by having this car, it might even encourage me to drive a bit more, (it did a bit), but not for long because the MOT was due on it a couple of months after I had got it (roadworthiness test). It failed! Bloody thing!

Anyway, most of the work that has needed doing on it has been done, and tomorrow the new catalytic converter is going to be fitted, so fingers crossed It will be re-tested and back on the road soon.

So I will no longer be chauffeured to and from work by a disgruntled Mr Grump, which I have to say I have enjoyed immensely. I will however be roaring about in my pretty little car, getting strange looks off the young lads. (They admire my car and then look aghast as they see this old girl getting out of it, rather than some spotty, teenaged boy)!

Episode 98: Facing Facebook! — January 12, 2015

Episode 98: Facing Facebook!

Good old Facebook. It has many good qualities, such as sharing news, keeping up to date with family and friends etc, but it does have its downside as well. Especially if say, a family member has a particularly awful photo of you, and they decide to share it on Facebook so everyone gets to see you in all your glory…..

Coincidentally, I have just been passing messages with Tonya from Fourth Generation Farmgirl regarding the pic she posted of herself wrapped up against the cold. She told me that her husband had posted it on Facebook as well. I laughed as I have a niece who likes to post photos on Facebook, who me and my sister often tell off, as there is yet another unflattering pic of us posted for all to see.

I remember  one of the first pics she posted was of me wallowing about on the beach next to my ex-husband, who had rather colourful and unflattering swimming trunks on! I was not happy, especially as I worked at a secondary school at the time it was posted; some of the kids saw it, and I got a bit of ribbing for it!

She also put one on of me and my older sister doing a bit of karaoke (when it was first popular in the UK, back in the 80’s). It was Christmas time, and I was dressed all in gold! (I always like a bit of sparkle at Christmas, but this was a bit much by anybody;s standards.  I think I had recently had my hair done as well as it looks rather curly which it is not normally. Anyway, here for your amusement is said pic. (I have cut out my sister as she would kill me)!

80's pic

Now my niece is beautiful, (in fact all of my nieces are) and along with that, very photogenic so there is never a dreadful picture of her; she also has a very good dress sense (Thank God she doesn’t get that from her Auntie)! I however look horrendous in photos, particularly now as I have put on a lot of weight in the last few years.

I hate my photo being taken, and I have tried to pick out the best of a bad bunch to put up on Facebook. However, today I have just been on there and I noticed that my niece had put up an old pic of herself, which apparently was her first profile picture. Of course it is a lovely pic, and she has nominated me to do the same!

Well I did find my first profile pic, and I have put it up on Facebook. In fact, I had no objections at all. The reason being is  I look a damn sight better than I do now! In fact, when I came across that pic earlier on today, (it was taken just after my 40th birthday) I cried my eyes out! It doesn’t  look like me anymore. I realise that I have changed so much in just 8 years.

In fact at my doctor’s appointment today (Still trying to sort out my anxiety), one of the things he asked me to do was to work really hard at losing weight over the next 6 weeks before I go back to see him again. So, I am using that old profile pic as my kick up the arse to get myself motivated to lose that weight, and get back to being me again!

Episode 42: It’s Awkward Being Me…. — November 12, 2014

Episode 42: It’s Awkward Being Me….

Don’t you just hate the type of women that always, without fail, manage to look perfect; from shiny, healthy, beautifully styled hair to their manicured (or is that pedicured)? toenails! Unfortunately, I am not, and never will  be one of those women, but how I envy them!

Take how I dress for work, for example; aside from the very unflattering uniform, (which by the way, is  the shade of grey that is only normally achieved by putting a white and black item in the same wash on a high temperature; it looks dirty before I have even started). I never bother to wear any make up (it would be pointless as I get soooo hot on the ward) and I usually put my hair up in a clip so there is no styling involved. If I did make an effort to wear make-up and have some stylish up-do (which iI would have to get someone else to do anyway…I’m rubbish with hair)  then it would all be ruined within the first hour of me being there!

As I mentioned I get really hot and after a while of running around, the sweat is dripping down my face, which is bad enough (and embarrassing) without imagining what the end result would look like if I had carefully made up my face. Not only would I have ghastly streaks down my face from rivulets of sweat spoiling the foundation, but no doubt, the mascara would run, causing hideous black, spidery smudges mingling with streaky foundation! (Remember I am there to try to help the patients feel better, not scare them into an early grave)!

Talking of work, I used to have a colleague called Jenny who was one of these perfect women. We used to work in the Operations department of a busy travel brochure company,  so could mostly wear what we wanted to work. On this particular day she and I both turned up in identical outfits! We had on hot pink 3/4 trousers, a black top and black mules. Neither one of us knew the other was going to wear said outfit, and that was only the start of my humiliation!  Jenny is tall, willowy and blonde, and she looked fantastic…. I am blonde, but that is where the similarity ends, as I am also short and chunky!  Needless to say everyone commented on our outfits, and my other friend made it worse by calling us Bim and Bo (put it together and you get,,,,,the picture)!

Jenny and I became good friends, and used to go to the gym together during our lunch hour (why do I set myself up to fail)?! The day I  remember vividly (branded in my brain as one of THE worst embarrassing moments) started when both of us were on adjacent treadmills… We built up the speed until we were running… Just before ten minutes were up, I was gloating over the fact that  Jenny had slowed down and I had managed to keep up the pace! Well, we all know what pride comes before… and sure enough I lost concentration, and my footing…I was flailing desperately trying to stay upright..but no…BANG. I fell on the treadmill which was still going and it resented my falling on it. so it spitefully chucked me right off ,so I landed with a thud in a heap at the foot of one of the other exercise machines!

I sat there winded and rather red in the face, and my leg hurt. Oh no…here comes Mr Hunky Gym Instructor Guy…great.. I look like a right bloody fool. He comes over solicitously, helps me up and leads me off to the changing room to minister to my wounds, which I reluctantly showed him, ( I was dying of shame showing him my tree trunk legs, which were bruised and scraped)! No real damage was done so manfully (or womanfully) I decided to go back out there and work out on one of the machines. I chose the one where you could sit down, and use the weights to bring your arms backward and forward( you can tell I am no Gym bunny as I don’t know what any of the machines are called). Anyway….there was a bloke that was working out opposite me who was giving me a bit of a funny look. I assumed he had seen my little ‘accident’ and carried on. He still kept glancing my way, and I knew it wasn’t a lustful look (God knows, if it was he must have been desperate)! I looked down and to my utter mortification, noticed that the underwire from my bra, had somehow broken free and was poking out of my top! That was it…time to go…and never to return!

Jenny of course, looked as elegant and fresh when she had finished her workout as she had before she had started!!!

Episode 28: Dressed to Impress — October 29, 2014

Episode 28: Dressed to Impress

Don’t you just hate it when you try to make an effort to look nice but nobody even notices!……

This morning dawned pretty grey and miserable; to brighten my own mood I thought I would wear something a little different from the long skirts, and trousers…I know I am approaching fifty, and perhaps carrying a little more baggage in certain areas,  than in my youth, but hey, I am not over-the-hill yet!!

After a bit of rummaging about in my wardrobes I found a short and sassy leopard print skirt…ooh I think that is just the job, Now where is that little lacy, black strappy top with the ruffles? Got it! Great. I know it is horrible out today but we’re not going out   and the heating  is on so I won’t get cold. Normally I would wear leggings with a short skirt, but today I decided to push the boat out and wear tights..(having said that, I opted for opaque ones, just in case I had to put the rubbish out or something as equally as glamorous, and I didn’t want to frighten the neighbours)!

I just had to squish my poor body into some sort of ‘shapewear’ (what kind of shape it was meant to achieve, I am not sure of, but I still looked like a sausage bursting out of its skin) and admire the finished result! My long hair was a freshly enhanced blonde (Mr Grump had dyed it for me yesterday morning, we have no secrets in this house) and i was ready to make my entrance to the admiration of Mr Grump and Miss Hap.

Unfortunately…this being reality, I had a load of washing to do as usual, so I filled my arms with the assorted garments, and went downstairs to the kitchen to shove them in the washing machine, before wowing Mr Grump  in the front room. Needless to say he was in the kitchen, which was just as well really as the strap of a bra that was sitting on top of the pile in my arms had got hooked around the kitchen door handle,halting my progress. Mr Grump. kindly unhooked it for me, as well as the clasps at the back of the bra which had somehow attached themselves to the ruffles on my top!

This was not the effect I wanted at all…Once I had viciously shoved the washing into the machine, I smoothed myself down and asked “do you like my outfit?” Quickly realising what the correct answer was he replied, “very pretty” then buggered off to get some shopping!

Oh well, I know Miss Hap will think I look nice. I know I am by no means a ‘Yummy Mummy’ but I do try to do the best with what I’ve got to work with, and that is no mean feat, I can tell you! I walked into the front room where she was sprawled on the settee and was greeted with the usual “I’m hungry, what’s for breakfast?” Not a compliment in sight!

Whilst I have been sitting here typing this, there was a knock on the door, and some big bloke was there with a huge parcel for Mr Grump. As I was grappling with the parcel, bending down to put it on the floor, I noticed an appreciative look from the delivery man as he asked for my signature….I HAVE still got it (only just)!!! 🙂

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