Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 269: Mixing Business With Pleasure! — April 4, 2015

Episode 269: Mixing Business With Pleasure!

Looking for love can be quite a daunting task. Some people prefer the more traditional methods such as going out to pubs, clubs and other places hoping to get lucky and meet that special person. Some rely on friends to fix them up with someone who they know, and arrange a kind of ‘blind date’ scenario.

Other people go for the more modern approach, internet dating being the most popular. There are many websites now that are dedicated for the sole purpose of finding your soul mate. Some might be a bit pricey though and put people off.

Now, you might want to use your initiative and find your own way of attracting your perfect partner. It all depends what you are looking for in your life-long lover, as to how you go about it,

So you have to admire a builder who decided that he would take matters into his own hands to find romance. Actually, he needed an apprentice as well to teach them his trade so that they could help him at work. He had a sudden brain wave to combine the two! Why waste time on writing out separate ads when you can get both for the price of one!

Now this man (called John) did not have a list of qualities, traits or preferences for his potential paramour, no indeed! As long as they were female and between the ages of 30-40 that would do for him! What would he offer in return?

A ‘craft that would change your life!’ Now there’s an offer  you can’t refuse! Whether your life would be changed for the better or not was not stipulated, as John is a man of very few words, and even fewer emotions it seems. although no-one could doubt the fact that he is obviously extremely practical and economical.

It would be wonderful if John found himself the apprentice/partner/lover that he wanted, but I am not holding out much hope!

Episode 46: Turning Full Circle….. — November 15, 2014

Episode 46: Turning Full Circle…..

Me and Mr Grump go back quite a long way (30 years to be precise)! We first met at a small Army Barracks where we were both stationed. I had literally just got out of  basic training and was still quite a shy and quiet 18-year-old (One of the reasons I joined the Army was to ‘come out of my shell’ a bit). He was a cocky and confident 21-year-old Army chef (definitely a good start there, he loves to cook, I love to eat)!

Anyway, I didn’t pay that much attention to him at first, preferring to concentrate on the food he was dishing up. I had not been on the camp that long, and it was still a bit of an ordeal for me going into the cookhouse as it was always packed, and I didn’t know many people yet; however, if I wanted to eat I had to go in…simple!

I had made a  couple of friends in basic training who had gone before me to this posting, and I ended up sharing a room with one of them,who went on to become my best friend (we are still in contact today) Karen, (this friend) and I decided to take advantage of the private strip of beach that we had on this camp, and headed off for a paddle in the sea.

We ended up going for a proper swim as it was a gorgeous, hot day, we had a little time to kill, and wanted to make the most of it. what I didn’t mention is the fact that, as it was an ‘off the cuff swim’, we hadn’t dressed for the occasion, and were just wearing shorts and t-shirts. Mr Grump, (actually back then he was spiky haired, and very lean and fit) and a friend of his had the same idea and were also having fun in the sea, swimming and splashing about.

They got out a little before Karen and I, and were just hanging around on the beach. As I came wading of the water, Mr Grump came over to me with his jacket which he thoughtfully wrapped around me. I thanked him for his kindness and we eventually went on to have a rather tempestuous two-year relationship.(oh, and he  later told me that he knew exactly what was in store for him, as my yellow shorts, white top, plus underwear,  had gone completely see-through in the water AND he had a bloody good look before bringing me the jacket to spare my blushes)!

We did get engaged during the two years, but were much too young and immature really, plus Mr Grump was being posted elsewhere and was a bit of a Jack-the lad in those days! We ended u going our separate ways, and although Karen and I both left the army after 3 years, Mr Grump continued to serve.

I came back to my home town, and life moved on…I did occasionally think about Mr Grump, and at one time, went to visit his mother in Wales for a few days. I didn’t see him at that time, as he was off serving abroad somewhere. Anyway, I ended up getting married, and much later  I had my beautiful daughter . He of course also went on to have children and marry.

As I mentioned, I was still in touch with Karen, and one day she told me that she had seen Mr Grump on Forces Reunited, and that he would be pleased to hear from me. I was really shocked  after all the time that had passed, but was so curious. After all, I had thought about him many times over the years, so anyway I bit the bullet and contacted him.

We sent messages back and forth for a while but then finally decided to meet up. I had been single for a few years as Miss Hap’s father and I had split when she was a very young baby. I had arranged to meet him in a local Supermarket car park, but he got lost as had to drive for a couple of hours to get there, Finally he made it there and seeing him was like the years just melted away (well aside from the fact that he had put on a few stone and his  hair was bald on top and long at the back which he put into a pigtail)! That was it for both of us…. after a few weeks, he moved in, and six months later we married! (By this time I had got at him with the hair clippers, he lost a load of weight, I put a load on), but we were happy

Karen and her family of course came to the wedding, and she was one of our witnesses;  Miss Hap was our gorgeous bridesmaid and  we had a small, intimate ceremony (so intimate I didn’t realise the room would only hold 4 people (and the huge dress that I had chosen), so a few of our family stood outside the window looking in at us exchanging vows!! We did have a reception at the local pub though for everybody and it was a wonderful day.

It just goes to show, how unpredictable life is! I never would have guessed, that after being apart for 25 years, Mr Grump and I would not only meet up again, but I would eventually become his wife, even if it took me 30 years to do it!!

Episode 8: Lazy Sunday…! — September 28, 2014

Episode 8: Lazy Sunday…!

Sundays are not  relaxed and peaceful days in our house, as there are plenty of chores to do in order to be prepared for the week ahead….

As I am an early bird (lie-ins to me are getting up at 7.30am) I thought I would crack on with the ironing, which had built up during the week from the molehill when I last looked,  to the mountain this morning! As I was working my way through, I realised that some of my clothes had taken on a new lease of life, and were differently coloured than before. This, however was not an improvement, whites had become sludge, dirty dishwater grey, and some of the brightly coloured items, were now dull and drab. Mr Grump has been ‘helping’ with the washing again!

During the week the washing machine had been playing up, and Mr Grump set about it with his ‘tool box’. He was so delighted that the flashing lights had gone,and a load of filthy water had come out of the drain plug (all over the kitchen floor, which he proceeded to mop up with my nice clean towels, grrrrr) that he shoved a load of washing on with no regard for mixing all the different colours together.

Ironing done, we all set off to do the obligatory grocery shopping. Miss Hap needed some ingredients  for a ‘fruit fusion’ she was making in her first cookery(!) lesson at school tomorrow, so, as she needed quite a selection, we ended up getting a load more stuff on top of the usual weekly shop.

Back home Mr Grump decided that it was now time to get rid of the orange ‘grenade’ shaped light that was continuously showing up on the dashboard of my car; spare part and trusty tool box in hand, and flushed with success at fixing the washing machine he buggered off outside, leaving me to put away the shopping.

The fridge and freezer are his domain; he carefully fits everything in nice and neatly, but this is not my style. I rammed all of the bits and pieces in haphazardly, along with the two pots of salad I had made myself for work for the next two days. I could hear Mr Grump outside the kitchen window, working on my car, the bangs and taps he was making under the bonnet did not bode well, and sure enough, after a while he came in disgruntled, as he had been unable to even remove the part that needed replacing, despite the brute force he had exerted on it!

He decided to make himself a cup of tea to calm his nerves (a cup of tea is the cure-all for every stressful situation), and as he opened the fridge to get out the milk, one of my salad pots decided to do a leap of faith and somersaulted out of the fridge, landing with a ‘splat’ on the floor. The top had come loose but luckily not much had spilled out. Mr Grump bent down to pick it up forgetting that the fridge door was still open, so as he stood up he whacked his head on the open door.

Stifling my laughter (he was not even in the slightest bit amused), I busied myself  with the task of preparing the vegetables for the roast dinner we would be having later (It is boiling hot outside, but being a traditionalist, Sundays means roast and that’s that)! Miss Hap went to Nanny’s for her roast as they are ‘so much better’ than mine!

In fact, she has just come home now, so the battle will begin to cajole, coerce, and ‘encourage’ her to get her homework done, Happy Days!

Episode 4: Octogenarian Love Triangle — September 23, 2014

Episode 4: Octogenarian Love Triangle

There is nothing as sweet as seeing two elderly people who are still in love with each other…But a love triangle between octogenarians will only end in tears…

I work in a hospital nursing elderly patients,and I love my job. I have met some pretty interesting people who have lead colourful lives; However, when presented with a frail old lady, or man, who are reliant on you and other members of staff to look after them, it can be easy to forget that they can become quite feisty at times!

The man in question is a six foot, ex boxer who has been an inpatient for quite some time. All of the staff are fond of this gent, and he loves to get involved in life on the ward. He enjoys walking up and down the corridor, checking on what we are doing, coming, into our staff office, where he likes to sit with us whilst we are writing notes, and generally looking out for patients and staff alike (he once was a hospital porter, and old habits die hard)

On one of his travels along the corridor, he encountered a new female arrival. She is around 5ft tall, with longish grey hair, and for him it was love at first sight.

She also liked to walk up and down the corridor, but she used a zimmer frame to help her get about. He decided to introduce himself and from then on they became inseparable. The two of them decided that they would share the frame between them,as they hobbled unevenly along, and given the height difference, their unsteadiness, and narrow corridor, they were gently discouraged from continuing this practice, by a member of staff, which they took with good grace.

This didn’t deter their new found attraction for each other though, and they sat in the corridor together chatting whenever they could.He was very solicitous of her and tried to haul her up out of the chair whenever she wanted to go for another little walk, and she in turn, would gaze adoringly at him. However, things were becoming a little difficult, as being a mixed ward, the males and females were in separate bays, and these two wanted to visit each other whenever they wanted.

Added to that, there was a little complication of the man’s wife! She would come to visit him every day, and he was always pleased to see her. That was until he had met his new lady friend. At first the wife thought it was sweet that he wanted to talk to this other patient, but after a while, she was distraught at his new indifference to her, and ended up in tears.

I wanted to share this story with you, as elderly people’s emotions are so often overlooked. It was so touching to see that this man’s wife still loved him so much after all their years together, and she cared enough about him to feel a stab of jealousy when he showed too much attention to the other lady.

It was enchanting at first to see these patients developing a friendship; both of them finding something in each other that formed an instant bond between them, but I did feel sorry for the poor, neglected wife!

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