Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 236: Snotty Sneezes, Sets off Smacker! — March 21, 2015

Episode 236: Snotty Sneezes, Sets off Smacker!

We all get the sniffles sometimes. Occasionally a sneeze comes out of nowhere and can be quite startling to those around who were not expecting a snotty explosion, and the accompanying ATTTTTISHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO!  Just this morning, as i was sound asleep, both me and the dog were awoken by Mr Grump letting rip an almighty sneeze!

For most of us, it is a minor annoyance when someone dares to disturb our peace by letting out an unfettered sneeze, however, one middle-aged man in the north of england, has taken offence by these sniffy snufflers and has taken to whacking them around the head!

Maybe he has some sort of germ phobia, or perhaps he is sensitive to sudden outbursts of noise, but either way, he is taking things a little bit far here. He is not shy in letting his disapproval be known either. He clouted the first middle-aged victim in the middle of Carlisle city centre when she inadvertently sneezed in the middle of shopping. He then disappeared before she had realised what had hit her (literally in this case)!

The other poor victim was an elderly lady who got smacked around the head when she too let out an unexpected sneeze. She was pretty upset and shaken, and again, the weird whacker had disappeared before anyone could do anything.

Th police are now calling for witnesses and are desperately trying to catch this nasty nutter before he does it again. After all, spring is just around the corner, and not only are people still likely to be suffering from the usual colds, but hay fever could well be added to the nix, thereby doubling the list of potential victims!

Episode 14: Man Flu Blues… — October 4, 2014

Episode 14: Man Flu Blues…

I was going to start off today with singing the praises of Mr Grump! I have to say that he really got his finger out this morning. Off he went with a friend (who he had roped into helping) to pick up a new washing machine, got rid of the old flashing one, and plumbed in the new one in, all in a couple of hours. That is all the work I am going to get out of him today though, as he has caught my awful cold, but his has somehow mutated into MAN FLU! ….

Every time he sneezes I get a blow-by-blow account of how terrible he feels,  (of course I was never like that, and suffered in silence)! And talking of sneezing, why the hell does it have to be so LOUD? Honestly! I am  sitting here minding my own business when the next thing I nearly jump out of my skin as a huge ATI SHOOOOOOO emits from him,which terrifies the dog, making her leap off of his lap into a place of safety!

I have picked up snotty tissues which he has left on the coffee table (yuk),as he is too weak to walk to the bin to dispose of them properly! I have even made him a cup of tea today! Of course,at work, I look after poorly people all the time, and I really do enjoy it; however it’s his job to look after me (and of course Miss Hap) at home !!!

As it happened, I did get a call from work earlier on, asking me if I could come in and do a night shift tonight (I am not at all keen on nights), as they were very short-staffed. On this occasion, they didn’t need to worry, I jumped at the chance to abandon ship here at home and leave Mr Grump to fester, Miss Hap also knew what was good for her, and decided that she would stay at Nanny’s tonight to keep her company. The poor dog, however, has no choice but to stay here.

I did manage to ‘persuade’ Mr Grump that we needed to do the Supermarket shop today though, as it would do him good, rather than sit at home relaxing, and taking it easy!! I called Miss Hap in from outdoors where she was playing with some friends for her to come with us. She had got this ‘hair chalk’ stuff in various bright colours, which she had decided to experiment with today, on her lovely long brown hair.

Pillar box red is rather a lovely colour, and it did look quite nice on the ends of her hair,(thankfully it washes out pretty easily) However, for some reason, she had managed to get it, not only all over her hands as well, but her entire face! I told her to go and wash her face and hands immediately before we went out, which she (for once) obediently did! Unfortunately, although this stuff comes off hair very easily, it refuses to be washed off skin!

Off we trot to the supermarket (which was packed being a Saturday) with Mr Grump sneezing at full pelt, and Miss Hap, looking very flushed with her lovely tomato coloured face and hands…..I however, discreetly kept my distance from them!

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