Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 244: It Takes All Sorts….. — March 23, 2015

Episode 244: It Takes All Sorts…..

Isn’t it funny how we all have our little ‘ways’. or foibles that are part of our make-up but other people might find a little odd or unusual….

One of my old ladies had got quite long hair, but it is really thin, She has these 3 hair combs which she likes to put her hair up with every morning, The problem is, I am rubbish with hair! Not only that, trying to get these combs to stay in is a nightmare as they just slide out. You have to be really careful as well as you can’t try to dig them in as there is only really scalp with a small smattering of hair, so it is going to hurt. She is no longer able to do it herself either, and is understandably fussy about how it is done!

Miss Hap loves the bright lights, literally! She cannot go into a room day or night without turning on the light. We can tell where she had been due to the house looking like ‘Blackpool Illuminations!’ It does drive us mad at times, especially when it is broad daylight outside.

Now my mum wears ‘pop socks.’ For those that are unfamiliar with them, they are knee-high tights with a big band around the top to keep them up (which has a kind of tourniquet effect). Not the most attractive of hosiery but much favoured by the older lady due to their comfort and ease of getting on and off. The problem is, they do not flatter. Anyone. Especially if the outfit they are wearing is above the knee. The expanse of pudgy, flesh between pop sock and bottom of hem resembles uncooked dough.She loves them though and that is that!

Mr Grump has a bit of an odd habit (in my opinion anyway). He has a set time to ‘go to the toilet’ (poo) every morning, I mean, it is like clockwork. Well it would be except for one thing. it takes him half an hour to go! It is just so weird to me that he gets up, goes out with the dog for a walk then goes! It’s not as if the walk kick-starts things into action, so to speak, as it takes half a bloody hour! Is this a man thing?

So what about me? Well I couldn’t really think of anything (or more honestly, I had trouble choosing just one thing) so I chose the fact that I like to eat my meat last when having a meal. I also do not like any gravy or sauce on my meat (It is fine on potatoes or veg). I do try to remember when going out to eat, not to do that, but I find I don’t enjoy my food as much. Strange  I know.

Do you have any funny little ways or habits?

Episode 223: All Aboard for A Number 2!!! — March 15, 2015

Episode 223: All Aboard for A Number 2!!!

I am all for new ideas, especially ones that put recycling to good use. We are all used to seeing new things made up of recycled materials, and it is a wonderful way forward.

Given my obsession with poo (I have lost count of the number of times in a day I ask patients “HAVE YOU HAD YOUR BOWELS OPEN TODAY?” (The loud voice is because most of them are hard of hearing and I have to yell it at full blast to make them hear me. Often I still get the blank look, so resort to the “HAVE YOU HAD A POO TODAY?” question to which I always get an answer!

Anyway, I love a bit of toilet humour as well so the following news article was right up my street! Apparently there has been a new bus commissioned in the south-west of England (appropriately on the Number 2 route), that is fuelled by bio methane gas, which is made up of raw sewage and inedible foodstuffs.

This bus will travel on its 15 mile route, with its capacity for 40 passengers. (Presumably it has a loo on board, which is not only perfect if someone gets caught short, but can also be used at a future date to fuel the bus.)

Thirty-two thousand households have contributed to keeping this bus going and the bus company are delighted with their eco-friendly new bus. (I am not sure if there would be any trouble with ’emissions’ though)!

If this takes off then I am sure they will be rolling them out for the rest of the country. Isn’t it amazing what you can do with a pile of poo?!

Episode 113: Nightwear Nightmare! !!! — January 19, 2015

Episode 113: Nightwear Nightmare! !!!

Now I’m a woman who likes to be comfy! I am guilty of getting into my pyjamas after work so that I feel more relaxed, not to mention unrestricted! (Especially after the inevitable large dinner). However it doesn’t mean that I want to live in them…..

There has been a huge rise in the popularity of the ‘Onesie.’ There are so many varieties too…the novelty ones, the cute ones, the fluffy animal ones…the list goes on. Some even have kind of little bootees attached to them, as well as a hood. All very nice I’m sure but how the hell do you sleep in them?! Surely it is liked being slowly cooked in your own juices. YUCK!

As well as not being very flattering to the less than perfect figure, many of them don’t have any openings, if you know what I mean! How are people supposed to go to the loo in the middle of the night, half asleep with a onesie on?! By the time you have wrestled with the fastenings,manoeuvred your arms out of the sleeves, and pulled the bloody thing down, not only are you wide awake in your bleary eyed stupor, but you have unintentionally dropped the sleeves down the toilet and peed on them! Of course you don’t notice this until you go to shove your arms back into the dripping sleeves! Nice!

Now the onesie is ideal for babies (we used to call them babygros or romper suits), They are cute and practical. Toddlers and young children look adorable in them and again, they are quite practical. Who thought it was a good idea to make adult sized ones, for Goodness sake? Yes, they are funny. Everyone likes to see their husband dressed like a large, fluffy bunny right? Or their wife, slouching about in a grubby, banana onesie? Yep, passion killers! Even if the mood takes you, it would be long gone before you managed to find your way out of them!

Lastly, (and this is my pet hate) Why would you want to go SHOPPING in one for Christ’s sake?! I have seen people shamelessly doing their weekly shop in their onesie. The other day in my local shop,a mother and daughter were parading their choice of onesie, and it was only about 2 o’clock in the afternoon!

Are people too lazy to get dressed? There have been times when I have been unable to motivate myself to get dressed, but I wouldn’t go out like it! I won’t even answer the door in my pyjamas. I am shocked by my sister who puts her washing out in her dressing gown!!! No way.I don’t want my neighbours mocking my night attire, and I CERTAINLY don’t want to see any of them in the jammies either.

Am I alone in my dislike of the adult onesie?!

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