Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 225: Off Colour! — March 16, 2015

Episode 225: Off Colour!

That’s it, it’s official, Mr Grump is banned from doing the washing! It appears that he is unable to distinguish ‘light’ from ‘dark’ colours, and my fancy underwear has suffered as a result!

Due to the fact that I come home from work with an assortment of ‘germs’, (we have only just cleared the Norovirus from the Ward), we usually put our washing on a reasonably hot wash, hopefully killing off any malingerers!

I usually try to put the loads on myself in order that they are properly sorted out thereby reducing the chances of  colours running into each other. However, this weekend being Mother’s Day, I took the day off from the mundane chores. Big mistake!

Mr Grump’s strategy us to just put the entire contents of the washing bin in the machine on a 60 degree wash and see what happens! He has a penchant for living dangerously as far as my clothes are concerned, as this has happened before (always to my stuff I notice)!

Anyway, I had a really busy day at work today and came home tired. I noticed he had done the ironing which I was pleased about as I needed another dress for work tomorrow. Then I noticed. My lovely new underwear. I have only worn it a couple of times. It was a lovely light blue colour. It is now a grotty grey colour. I am bloody cross!

Actually, he is dropping me off at work tomorrow. Good. As he has the car, he can go into town and buy me some more. Well. at least I will gain something from it!

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Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When….. — March 14, 2015

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

Spring is definitely on the way here in the UK at the moment, We have even had a couple of consecutive pleasant days which is a sure sign that some of the following are going to happen…..

  • The good old barbecue will be dusted off and dragged into service due to the face that the sun shone for over an hour. (Yes, guess what we are having for dinner tonight?) It was lovely whilst I was at work, but of course now the sun has gone in and it has clouded over. By the time we get to cook all the goodies Mr Grump has bought the rain will probably be bucketing down! No matter.
  • The more macho of the men would have also dug their shorts out for the occasion too.Forget the fact that the temperatures are still pretty chilly, and we have had a bit of frost. That won’t bother them. They are determined to expose their pasty legs for all to admire (usually with a great big pair of boots on their feet, it’s not summer yet you know)!
  • Everywhere you look there are adverts for some miracle diet or another that will have you ‘bikini ready’ by the summer if you start now! That’s all well and good, and I have already started my diet, but that is one hell of a tall order! Mind you I might be baggy t-shirt and long shorts ready by the summer if I work really hard at it!
  • People have started to hang their washing on the line, so that it has that lovely ‘outdoor freshness’ appeal. Mine doesn’t. My garden gets the shade most of the day, and if I were to hang my washing out now it would be just as limp and damp when I brought it in as it was when I hung it out 8 hours earlier!
  • The local garden centres are starting to get busy now, People have decided that it is time to start planting things or doing a spot of DIY, This means that the frost will kill off many of the seedlings that have sprouted when that kicks in; also the A&E departments in the hospitals will be extra busy with the results of the DIY disasters!

Ahh yes, spring is such a wonderful time of year!

Episode 202: Spring into Action! — March 7, 2015

Episode 202: Spring into Action!

Ahhh, spring is in the air. I do so love the fleeting, tantalising glimpses of sunshine that have been coming out to play, off and on. I love the daffodils that are just starting to bud, breaking the monotony of the brown landscape that is all around (that reminds me to chuck out the daffodils in the vase on the kitchen window sill as they have gone a bit brown and crispy now)!

I love the fact that I might be able to hang my washing outside on the line, and see it waving gently in the breeze (I do hope the weather doesn’t change before the washing cycle ends) as opposed to hanging limply in the shade all day only to be wetter when I take it in than when I hung it out!

I can’t wait to be able to wear less clothes, and not have to bother taking a coat. (Well, that is always a risk in England, even during the height of summer). Mind you, summer clothes means more skin exposed, which also means, I hope this bloody diet kicks in soon, and the weight drops off (I wish), so that I am all slim and lovely in my pretty summer dresses.(I can’t expect miracles, I know)!

I am looking forward to Mr Grump planting all sorts of things for us enjoy over the summer. (Well the rhubarb takes care of itself, the herbs have all gone a bit wild and woody over the  winter, and pumpkins aren’t ready until the autumn!

He does so love to be pottering about in the garden; cursing and swearing as he tries to repair the fence (again) that has been swaying perilously during the winter, held up by popping heavy plant pots against it, and attaching one end to the shed with a carabiner. He loves the fact that the garden is slopey and therefore quite squidgy in places where it is waterlogged!

And for the big finale! The good old ‘Spring Clean’! Oh yes, this is the time of year that we all love. The poor house is quaking in its foundations at the thought of being strip-washed and exposed, whilst being scrubbed, polished and buffed into submission!

Ahh yes, I love the spring!

Episode 176: Are We Too Clean? — February 22, 2015

Episode 176: Are We Too Clean?

You may remember some time ago I wrote about my mum’s attitude that ‘A little bit of dirt never hurt anybody’. This was in regards to her cavalier disregard for sell-by dates.kitchen cleanliness and other such pleasantries!

To add to this, I remember only having a bath once a week (on a Sunday night fresh for school on Monday), and it was either in with my younger sister, or somebody else’s second-hand water! We didn’t think anything of it really at that time, as we still washed, just didn’t bathe!

Of course, becoming teenagers was a whole new ballgame. We were never out of the bathroom! Mum would be vexed that we would only wear our clothes once and then chuck them in the wash. Apart from underwear, she was convinced that our clothes still had another day or two left in them before they got dirty enough to warrant washing.

She thought we were crazy washing our hair every day as well, telling us that it ‘would wash all the goodness out of it’. We still did it anyway, and got through a job lot of shampoo and conditioner along the way.

According to a survey of 2021 women commissioned by Flint + Flint (A skin care company) four out of five women still don’t bother to shower every day, and in fact one-third will go for three days without washing at all. Phewwwww, I bet things get a bit whiffy around the nethers. How gross!

Like most women I know, I bathe every day, and many times more often than that. I would never dream of going to work without first bathing, which is one of the reasons I get up so early. In my opinion, it is not just about personal pride, but consideration for others as well. I have to get pretty close to my patients, and I am sure they would not want to be a couple of inches from an unwashed armpit – or worse!

By the same token, we wash our patients every day, for their self-respect and dignity as well as the obvious infection control measures. Most of us actually feel better when we are clean, with washed hair and fresh clothes.

I am not averse to a bit of dirt either. Kids like to play in the mud and get filthy, as it is so much fun. I think if we obsessively clean everything to within an inch of its life, then we run the risk of not building up any resistance, and catching everything going! It is about balance and common sense.

Are we too clean or should we leave it 3 days between washes?

Episode 172: Don’t You Just Hate It When…. — February 20, 2015

Episode 172: Don’t You Just Hate It When….

We all have those moments in life. You know, the little irritations that serve no purpose other than to make your day just that little bit duller. Here are some of the things that really wind me up……

  • You have taken ages styling and straightening your hair (or have just been to the hairdressers) then get caught in a rainstorm (with no brolly)!
  • You get an unexpected cash windfall – then your car breaks down and is going to cost a fortune to repair. Those shoes will have to wait.
  • It’s taken ages to get off to sleep, but just as you feel yourself slipping off, you have a desperate urge to go to the loo.
  • You have spent ages cleaning the bathroom, and someone wants to have a bath.
  • You’re excited with the perfect gift you have bought for someone’s birthday – and someone else has bought it as well.
  • You save up for ages to buy something expensive, only to find it is in the sale a few days later!
  • You are invited to a friend’s house, and knock coffee all over her pristine carpet.
  • Your other half has mixed the loads in the washing machine again. Grey bras are not attractive!
  • You are desperate to go to the loo when you get to work, then realise there is no loo roll AFTER you have already been!
  • You realise you can’t walk in those gorgeous high heels that you just bought.
  • You go to use your best mascara only to find your daughter has been ‘practicing her make-up skills’ with it, and there is none left,
  • You go to read an old favourite book, only to remember you loaned it to someone ages ago!
  • You start to write a blog post and run out of ideas half-way through!!

What little niggles wind you up?

Episode 171: Ode To Nurses — February 19, 2015

Episode 171: Ode To Nurses

This poem is for all the nurses, nursing assistants and carers. A typical day for us!

Your day starts very early

Before you are awake

There are patients who need washing

And lots of beds to make

The buzzers are all going

There really is no rest

Someone wants the toilet

“Sorry to be a pest!”

Some bloods need to be taken

Dressings to be changed

That patient’s going home soon

And no transport has been arranged!

“Someone’s had an accident

Go and change the bed”

Another one has had a fall

And now he’s banged his head

“Where’s the bloody doctor?”

The relatives want a word

Your smile becomes a grimace

As you’ve just skidded on a turd!

You quickly get it cleaned up

But it won’t come off your shoe

The time is going quickly

But there’s still so much to do!

You finally write your notes up

And hope you did ok

Then home to get some shut –eye

To face another day!

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