Don’t you just love workmen? Usually if anything needs to be repaired or work needs to be done, then I prefer it if Mr Grump is here, and can deal with the workmen. I never have a clue what they are on about, and I am bad enough at ‘small talk’ as it is. I was out of luck today though.

Enjoying my day off, and after getting some of my chores done, I thought I would watch a bit of the Crime and Investigation channel (I love a good murder story). I heard rather loud knocking on the front door and thought it might be the postman with a parcel.  It wasn’t.

Two workmen informed me that they had come to look at the lock on my door. Ages ago the back door completely refused to lock and we had to get someone to look at it. After a couple of trips out to the house (the first time he didn’t have the right replacement lock) he fixed the door. Well, kind of. It did lock, but he told me it was a little ‘stiff’ and that he would get someone else to come out with an extra part or something. He then handed me these two plates or something that he said they might also need which he had taken off the door!

Well, I had forgotten all about that until ‘Bodge-It and Scarper’ turned up today. After establishing that the ‘broken’ lock was in fact the back door, they stomped through into my front room, getting licked to death by the dog in the process!

After the huge intake of breath and the obligatory remark about who had done the previous work, plus a discussion about what he had done wrong, I decided to sit on the sofa with my tablet, in order not to have to engage with them.

After a bit of drilling and banter with each other, it all suddenly went a bit quiet. Then a conversation ensued that went something like this. (Bodge-it was inside the house, Scarper outside in the garden).

Bodge-It to Scarper: ” No, don’t force it”

Scarper: “It’s not locking!”

B: “Oh, it’s jammed! Hand me that crow bar”

At this point I looked up from my Candy Crush game. Crow bar? What the bloody hell is going on here with these two idiots? They have jammed the bloody door and are now going to prise it open again?

Bodge-It (to me) “Have you got a window here?”

Me (incredulously, as I am sitting on the sofa underneath the bloody great window) “yes.”

B: (to Scarper) ” Can you pass that (insert hooky tool thing name) through the window”

I take the tool through the window and settle myself back into my game.

B: ” Can you hand me the mallet through the window now?”

Christ, now what is going on?! Presumably they are going to knock hell out of the door and beat it into submission….After a few very loud bangs and whacks,

Scarper: “Shit, we are going to be here all day!”

Not bloody likely, I thought. I already didn’t offer them a cup of tea as I usually would, as I did not want to encourage a lengthy visit. Bodge-It must have done something right because the door suddenly opened.

After a bit more messing about, they decided that the lock was now fixed. The two plates were back in place and all was well. They encourage me to come over and lock the door as it was a bit stiff, and I might have to be firm with it for a while until it ‘settled down’. I assured them that it wasn’t a problem as I am renown for being heavy-handed, but they wanted to see me lock the door so I obliged. (Anything to get rid of them).

Mt Grump will be sorry he missed out today!