2015-03-24T11:39:00+00:00

Author: Judy E Martin

Hello, and thanks for stopping by. I am Judy, in my (very) early fifties and decided that life definitely gets more interesting as it goes on! I am a wife and a mum and have just finished University as a Registered Nurse, after having worked as an Associate Practitioner in the NHS. I am also a poet and the author of my debut book, 'Rhymes of the Times.' I love to laugh, and I love rhyming words too, so I joined the two together, and my book was born. I am currently working on another book in the series also. I am a prolific blogger and enjoy writing funny stories, anecdotes, and anything really that takes my fancy.

Photo Credit SWNS

Episode 246: ‘You Dirty Rat!’

March 24, 2015/Judy E Martin/7 Comments

One young man was feeling a bit fed-up on Valentine’s Day as he didn’t have a date. He decided to treat himself to dinner and headed for a local restaurant. However, this tightwad decided that he wasn’t going to pay for his meal, and tried out his master plan on the unsuspecting owner.

As he was nearing the end of his meal, the skinflint jumped up from his table shouting that he had seen a rat. This news pretty quickly cleared out the other diners as well (except for one cool dude who didn’t seem at all perturbed, either that or he was very hungry and was not leaving his food) and the owner went over to see what was going on.

The cheap skate explained what he had seen, and asked the owner for a full refund due to the rat-infested conditions, which the owner duly paid him. However, when pest control were called out to sort out the problem (pretty swiftly) they soon caught on to what had happened…

There was indeed a rat in the restaurant, but it was a domesticated one! The reason they could tell this apparently was that the rat had recently had a haircut! (Who gives rats a haircut, am I missing something here)?

Checking back over the CCTV footage seemed to confirm the moment when the pathetic penny-pincher reached into his pocket to release the rat. He has since got himself a criminal record for the sake of a £7.25 meal! He also had to pay £60 victim surcharge to the furious restaurant owner, who apparently though the sentence far too lenient and that the ‘death penalty’ was more in order!

Episode 245: Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 1: Dad

March 24, 2015/Judy E Martin/14 Comments

I recently received the following invitation from Author SB Mazing

I’m about to invite you to join in a challenge I recently accepted. Five Photos, Five Stories. I thought this challenge could present you with the opportunity of viewing blogging from a different angle, to do something different, anything that suits you for that matter. It’s entirely up to you. …

I thought, I might try this one, despite the fact that I am not the world’s best photographer! There are some rules that go with it which are as follows:

The Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge rules require you to post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or simply a short paragraph – it’s entirely up to you.

So here is my attempt..

This picture is one of my favourites of my dad as he was so relaxed and happy. He and my step-mother had travelled up for my wedding to Mr Grump in 2009. That was the last time he would visit us here as he died three years later, in April 2012.

I decided to write a poem for him,

Dad you were a gentleman

Always kind and fair

But when you got into a strop

You’d madly clutch your hair!

Dad you were a scholar

So clever and so wise

You also had an appetite

For curries, roasts and pies!

Dad you were a swimmer

In for your daily dip

But when dancing the Macarena

I thought you’d break a hip!

Dad, you were my hero

And although no longer here

I have my treasured memories

Of which I hold so dear.

I would like to invite Donna from Homemade naturally to join in.

Then each day, nominate another blogger to carry on this challenge.

Accepting the challenge is entirely up to the person nominated, it is not a command. And actually everyone can join in. So feel free to if you like the idea.

Episode 244: It Takes All Sorts…..

March 23, 2015/Judy E Martin/18 Comments

Isn’t it funny how we all have our little ‘ways’. or foibles that are part of our make-up but other people might find a little odd or unusual….

One of my old ladies had got quite long hair, but it is really thin, She has these 3 hair combs which she likes to put her hair up with every morning, The problem is, I am rubbish with hair! Not only that, trying to get these combs to stay in is a nightmare as they just slide out. You have to be really careful as well as you can’t try to dig them in as there is only really scalp with a small smattering of hair, so it is going to hurt. She is no longer able to do it herself either, and is understandably fussy about how it is done!

Miss Hap loves the bright lights, literally! She cannot go into a room day or night without turning on the light. We can tell where she had been due to the house looking like ‘Blackpool Illuminations!’ It does drive us mad at times, especially when it is broad daylight outside.

Now my mum wears ‘pop socks.’ For those that are unfamiliar with them, they are knee-high tights with a big band around the top to keep them up (which has a kind of tourniquet effect). Not the most attractive of hosiery but much favoured by the older lady due to their comfort and ease of getting on and off. The problem is, they do not flatter. Anyone. Especially if the outfit they are wearing is above the knee. The expanse of pudgy, flesh between pop sock and bottom of hem resembles uncooked dough.She loves them though and that is that!

Mr Grump has a bit of an odd habit (in my opinion anyway). He has a set time to ‘go to the toilet’ (poo) every morning, I mean, it is like clockwork. Well it would be except for one thing. it takes him half an hour to go! It is just so weird to me that he gets up, goes out with the dog for a walk then goes! It’s not as if the walk kick-starts things into action, so to speak, as it takes half a bloody hour! Is this a man thing?

So what about me? Well I couldn’t really think of anything (or more honestly, I had trouble choosing just one thing) so I chose the fact that I like to eat my meat last when having a meal. I also do not like any gravy or sauce on my meat (It is fine on potatoes or veg). I do try to remember when going out to eat, not to do that, but I find I don’t enjoy my food as much. Strange I know.

Do you have any funny little ways or habits?

Episode 243 : Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge ‘Foul’ & ‘Sweet’

March 23, 2015/Judy E Martin/17 Comments

After a lovely conversation with Hugh last night, he mentioned that he participated in Ronovan’s Weekly Haiku Challenge and encouraged me to have a go. Now I know what a Haiku is, kind of, but have never, ever had a go at writing one. However, I normally like to have a go at something new, so am happy to try my hand at a Haiku!

The ‘prompt words’ are ‘foul’ and ‘sweet’

His breath was so foul

after eating some garlic

He wanted a sweet.

Episode 242: Blogging A-Z Challenge

March 23, 2015/Judy E Martin/31 Comments

My two very dear blogging buddies Mary-Anne and Wendy had decided to enter themselves into the Blogging from A-Z challenge starting on April 1st. All three of us first ‘met’ in November whilst participating in the NaBloPoMo challenge, which we all successfully completed and have remained really close ever since.

Anyway, they asked me ages ago to join them, and, always being up for a challenge I of course said yes. Well, the time is nearly upon us, and everyone is discussing themes and stuff, and I had not even considered that yet, still believing myself to have plenty of time left.

So, I have given it some thought, and have decided that indeed I will go with a theme, one which I think suits me perfectly given my love for words. Yes, I am going for ‘words’ as my theme. Now I know that is ‘stating the bleeding obvious’ considering my posts would be pretty rubbish without them, but, I mean specific words.

Each day of the challenge I will try to come up with a word beginning with the relevant letter of the alphabet that appeals to me in some way, be it silly, random, underused or old-fashioned. I did kind of do a post about this when I did the Word For Wednesday challenge which I thoroughly enjoyed. Oh, and so it is in keeping with my blog, I will try to make it funny!

Episode 241: Banned For Dangerous Driving….A Mobility Scooter!

March 22, 2015/Judy E Martin/23 Comments

There are not many of us that actually enjoy doing the dreaded supermarket shop. Having said that, how would you feel if you were banned from an entire supermarket chain and threatened with the police if you should dare to enter?

This is what has happened to one 80 year-old pensioner. He had only popped out for a packet of cigarettes at his nearest Sainsbury’s on his mobility scooter when disaster struck! He ended up bashing into a female customer after paying for his purchase and knocking her down. The paramedics were called and the unlucky lady was taken to hospital.

The poor old pensioner was pretty upset by the whole incident, but things became worse about a week later when he received a letter from Sainsbury’s . He was told that die to the ‘incident’ he would be banned from every single Sainsbury’s store in the country (about 1700 of them). He was threatened that if he did enter a store, then he would be guilty of trespass and the police would be called.

This gentleman had already apologised profusely for the accident, and the lady was not actually injured in the event; It has now knocked his confidence as well. Whereas in his younger days he had been a truck driver, plus he had never had an accident before on his scooter, he now feels like some kind of criminal!

His daughter is also angry at the decision to ban her father from the stores,, and thinks the whole thing is a ridiculous overreaction. She also wonders how they are actually going to enforce the ban. Do they have ANPR (Automatic Number Plate Recognition) cameras for mobility scooters I wonder?!

Episode 239: Making a Date…

March 22, 2015/Judy E Martin/13 Comments

For the very last Bogging 101 post, our task is to ‘set ourselves up for continuing success’ by working on an editorial calendar, letting our readers knows when they can expect us to post. Then we are to visit five other blogs and congratulate them!
The last part of that is pretty easy as I am always visiting other bloggers, and they have plenty for me to congratulate them about.The difficult part for me due to my technical ineptitude is creating a calendar…

Suffice it to say, I have now got a calendar, and I have even added some events to it. The tricky part is trying to sync it (or whatever it is you have to do) to my blog! I have created a page for it which I will publish tomorrow probably.

What you can expect from me? Well this is a tricky one. Apart from the new Free-For-All Friday feature I created in order to share other brilliant posts that I love, and an upcoming challenge I am going to be taking part in soon (I will reveal more about that tomorrow. See I have learned how to schedule a post at least) I do not have a set timetable of what I post.

You can expect to see at least one daily post from me, and possibly more. It all depends on what mood I am in; what I have seen that has tickled my fancy, or whether or not something has happened that I want to write about. I do not plan what I am going to post at all really. The one thing I do hope though is that whatever I do post can make you laugh, or at least smile. That part is in the rules 🙂

Episode 238: Self(ie) Confidence!

March 21, 2015/Judy E Martin/20 Comments

Selfies seem to be so popular at the moment, especially with the young, Now I am not very photogenic so am not that keen on having my picture taken at the best of times. My daughter, however is just the opposite!

She loves to take selfies whenever we go anywhere, and very often tries to get me in on it as well. When one of my best friends got married last year Miss Hap took a load of selfies at our table. I ended up being in several of the shots, either stuffing myself with food and looking like Bessie Bunter, or having some sort of gormless expression on my face. (I know that might be normal for me but I don’t want her bandying the photos around her friends for their mocking pleasure)!

Now I don’t mind it when she uses one of the funny apps on the phone to scrunch up the face and twist it around a bit so that you end up resembling some evil pixie type of creature. as that is really quite amusing. What I do hate though is the ‘Fatify’ app or whatever it is called!

You might have noticed that I am not the slimmest of people, but by the time this app has finished with me, I have gained yet another three chins! Likewise the ‘oldify’ app. That is hideous as well. Having said that they are all in good fun and thank goodness she sees them as that way too.

In my day, ‘the camera never lied’ but of course now that is far from the truth. We have all heard of these ‘celebrities’ that have photoshopped their already slender bodies in order to shave off a few inches here and there, plus erase some ‘unsightly’ wrinkle, or mark. The end result is a far from realistic image of a supposedly ‘perfect’ person.

Luckily for me, Mr Grump likes a woman with ‘a bit of meat on her bones.’ I am aware that I may have a little too much to be healthy and for that reason need to lose some weight. I do not make a big thing out of it though as I don’t want to make weight an issue which might start influencing my daughter.

My daughter is extremely active and spends loads of time running around, The fact that she is only 11 years old as well, I do not think she should be overly worried at this point about her weight, and thank goodness she doesn’t seem to be. I do try to encourage her to be a little healthier though.

I love this ‘selfie’ of myself and my daughter, it is my favourite picture. She has done something to it with an app, but it only alters the colour, it doesn’t add or take anything away. I hope she continues to be body confident, and enjoys her youth!

Episode 237: Bye-Bye To Blogging 101!

March 21, 2015/Judy E Martin/18 Comments

How quickly the last three weeks have gone by. I decided to have a go at Blogging 101 as there were still quite a few things that I didn’t really understand with regards to all things blogging related.

I am so pleased that I went for it in the end. Not just to fine tune some little cosmetic details that needed a bit of tweaking, but also to get the chance to interact with other bloggers that I hadn’t ‘met’ before. We had a pretty good class, and there were so many helpful people who offered good advice and support a-plenty.

I have had fun doing a couple of things that are a bit different for me, and I believe I even helped a fellow blogger who learned how to do something new through my Blogging 101 post (that’s what it’s all about, sharing)!

Anyway, we have got one last suggestion for a post for tomorrow then that is it. I shall miss it actually, but at least I will be staying in touch with some of my classmates which is an added bonus!

Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Author: Judy E Martin

Episode 246: ‘You Dirty Rat!’

Episode 245: Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 1: Dad

Episode 244: It Takes All Sorts…..

Episode 243 : Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge ‘Foul’ & ‘Sweet’

Episode 242: Blogging A-Z Challenge

Episode 241: Banned For Dangerous Driving….A Mobility Scooter!

Episode 239: Making a Date…

Episode 238: Self(ie) Confidence!

Episode 237: Bye-Bye To Blogging 101!

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Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

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This is me!

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Thanks for visiting

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