Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 227: School Dinners: Making The Right Choice. — March 17, 2015

Episode 227: School Dinners: Making The Right Choice.

When Miss Hap started secondary school in September, we decided that she would have school dinners rather than packed lunches. I was really surprised when I learned that her thumb had to be scanned as the technology used to determine how much money was available for meals would be determined by her thumb print linking to the account I paid the money into for her meals.

This is such a far cry from when I was at school. At primary school I think parent gave the money direct to the school as I don’t remember giving anything in, At break time in the morning, all of the kids had a free quarter of a pint bottle of milk. This was not always cold, and I do remember it used to taste a little ‘tangy’ at times, but we drank it!

Funnily enough, we ate and drank everything given to us as there really was no choice! for our lunch (or dinner) as we called it, we had a hot meal which usually consisted of meat, two veg and potato of some kind, followed by a pudding.

It was all dished (or slopped) out by a large, surly dinner lady you did not dare argue with, You then sat at your table and pretty much ate all you could. You would get told off for not eating your greens and very often told to eat it whether you wanted to or not. Occasionally there were even ‘seconds’ where you could go up for another dollop of food if you felt brave!

In secondary school. I used to have a packed lunch that I had eaten way before lunch time and usually before break! I had a couple of jam, paste or sandwich spread sandwiches and that was it! No crisps, yogurt, fruit or drinks for us! Ooh no, there was a water fountain at school if we wanted a drink.

Now, school dinners are so much more sophisticated. They have a varied and extensive menu, almost like you would see in a restaurant. They can pick and choose what they want to eat and there is no-one standing over them telling t hem to ‘eat their greens’. Presumably, children are considered to be more educated on healthy eating than we were.

It’s funny though. I was never overweight as a child despite eating everything that was put in front of me, but nowadays we have a huge obesity problem in children!

Episode 226: Choppy Seas And A Chilly Breeze! —

Episode 226: Choppy Seas And A Chilly Breeze!

I like the concept of today’s Blogging 101 task. Yesterday we used a prompt which we had to interpret to fit into our blog’ today we have to read six other blogs that used the same prompt and comment on at least two of them. I have actually commented on more than that as there were some great takes on it.

If we felt like posting today (which I always do, then we could use one of the comments we left, expand on that and use the inspiration for the post. I love the beach in all weathers and I enjoyed the pictures that donegallizdoyle used in her post entitled ‘Wild Winter Beach’. I love the drama of the sea throughout the year and here are my thoughts on Portland and Chesil Beach, which unsurprisingly are only about five miles from Weymouth in Dorset, which I wrote about yesterday.  

As well as spending a lot of time on the beach at Weymouth, Dad used to take us to Portland. I loved it there as well. The weather always seemed to be rather brisk, and very windy, and the sea is extremely hazardous. Not only are there many lost vessels lurking under the turbulent sea, but Portland Bill itself boasts not one, but three lighthouses!

Pulpit Rock – Portland. Photo by Kris Dutson

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As kids we all used to love clambering over the giant rocks in Portland that came out of the sea. My brothers however would always climb to the top of Pulpit Rock (much to my terror as I hate heights and was terrified they would fall into the crashing waves below) Dad was not averse to clambering up the rock himself, but mostly he would be holding mine and my little sister’s hands, guiding us onto the safest rocks.

Occasionally, we would go further along to Chesil beach which was too pebbly and wavy for my liking! My family are all very strong swimmers, and although I can swim, I am more of a chicken than them, and when they played ‘chicken’ in the waves,  I was only about knee-deep because even there the waves could be quite high.

Portland is on the Jurassic coastline in the UK, so there were interesting fossils to discover, and in time a museum was opened in one of the lighthouses showcasing some wonderful findings from around the area.

Again, the last time I went to Portland was when my dad had just died. We had gone down to Dorset for the funeral, and I wanted to go to Portland one last time as a special tribute to my dad. The last time he was well, was the summer before (he died in the April) and we took him and my stepmum to Portland. Dad was in a wheelchair by then and we sat outside eating ice creams and looking out to see on a glorious day.

We then went to the museum where Dad was explaining to my daughter all about the history of Portland making it interesting for her. He was a very educated and knowledgeable man, and loved to make people laugh as well.

Anyway, myself, Mr Grump, my younger sister and her husband took a trip to Portland on this very wet and cold April day. It didn’t deter us as we had some nice warm jackets; We visited the places Dad loved so much.

He would have so loved to have been there with us!

Episode 225: Off Colour! — March 16, 2015

Episode 225: Off Colour!

That’s it, it’s official, Mr Grump is banned from doing the washing! It appears that he is unable to distinguish ‘light’ from ‘dark’ colours, and my fancy underwear has suffered as a result!

Due to the fact that I come home from work with an assortment of ‘germs’, (we have only just cleared the Norovirus from the Ward), we usually put our washing on a reasonably hot wash, hopefully killing off any malingerers!

I usually try to put the loads on myself in order that they are properly sorted out thereby reducing the chances of  colours running into each other. However, this weekend being Mother’s Day, I took the day off from the mundane chores. Big mistake!

Mr Grump’s strategy us to just put the entire contents of the washing bin in the machine on a 60 degree wash and see what happens! He has a penchant for living dangerously as far as my clothes are concerned, as this has happened before (always to my stuff I notice)!

Anyway, I had a really busy day at work today and came home tired. I noticed he had done the ironing which I was pleased about as I needed another dress for work tomorrow. Then I noticed. My lovely new underwear. I have only worn it a couple of times. It was a lovely light blue colour. It is now a grotty grey colour. I am bloody cross!

Actually, he is dropping me off at work tomorrow. Good. As he has the car, he can go into town and buy me some more. Well. at least I will gain something from it!

Episode 224: Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside! —

Episode 224: Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside!

For today’s Blogging 101 task, I have to publish a post on my own, personalized take on a prompt. The prompt of the day was places. We can interpret this prompt however we like to make it fit in with our blogs, so this is my take on places…..

My favourite place is Weymouth in Dorset which is depicted in my picture. I have many reasons to love this place. My Mum and Dad were both born here for a start. In fact they lived next door to each other right up until when they married in 1954. A few of my siblings were also born here, and my eldest brother still lives in the area.

I have very fond memories of this lovely little town, mostly made when I was a child. We always spent a lot of time at the beach as children, and I remember the fun we used to have building sand castles, collecting shells and catching crab. There was always something to do.

On the beach itself there was  (and still is) a Punch and Judy show that  all the kids used to watch huddled in a semi-circle and interacting with the puppets! There are lots of pretty, brightly coloured beach huts there too. At one end of the sands there are permanent trampolines there as well as some swing boats and a couple of small rides. This used to keep us amused when we had a bit of extra cash.

Another feature was the ‘Sandman’. He (and now his sons) have a little area cordoned off where he would cleverly sculpt all sorts of scenes out of just sand and water. It was amazing to see them develop and try to guess what they would become. In the middle he had a large container where you could throw coins and if it went in, then  a bell would ring.

sand-sculpture

One feature I always spent a lot of time at was the ‘lost children’s hut.’ I don’t know how I did it, but I always got separated from my siblings and spent half an hour playing with the toys there until someone realised I was missing and came to claim me!

Unfortunately Mum and Dad divorced when I was 6 years old, but Dad stayed in Weymouth and it was still a large part of my life. My younger sister and I would very often get the coach down and spend a week with Dad and, in time, my step-mum. The beach was still a main feature as my dad swam everyday in the sea whatever the weather!

Years later when we all have our own families, and still we went to stay in Weymouth. Sometimes Mum came and we all stayed in a caravan park just outside of the town. When my eldest brother married in the church there we all came down to stay for a while and had a great time.

Myself and my two sisters and niece went off for a holiday before my daughter was born, and had a wonderful time. The weather was vile but of course, but we were not deterred and swam anyway. Us Brits are pretty hardy you know!

Sadly, the last time I went to Weymouth was for my beloved Dad’s funeral. He was very religious man and the church was packed. After living 82 years there, he was quite well-known. I always wanted to move to Weymouth myself, but that day after we drove past the harbour where my dad used to take us on Sunday mornings for a very early walk, I decided that it would never be the same.

Maybe one day I will be able to go back…..

Episode 223: All Aboard for A Number 2!!! — March 15, 2015

Episode 223: All Aboard for A Number 2!!!

I am all for new ideas, especially ones that put recycling to good use. We are all used to seeing new things made up of recycled materials, and it is a wonderful way forward.

Given my obsession with poo (I have lost count of the number of times in a day I ask patients “HAVE YOU HAD YOUR BOWELS OPEN TODAY?” (The loud voice is because most of them are hard of hearing and I have to yell it at full blast to make them hear me. Often I still get the blank look, so resort to the “HAVE YOU HAD A POO TODAY?” question to which I always get an answer!

Anyway, I love a bit of toilet humour as well so the following news article was right up my street! Apparently there has been a new bus commissioned in the south-west of England (appropriately on the Number 2 route), that is fuelled by bio methane gas, which is made up of raw sewage and inedible foodstuffs.

This bus will travel on its 15 mile route, with its capacity for 40 passengers. (Presumably it has a loo on board, which is not only perfect if someone gets caught short, but can also be used at a future date to fuel the bus.)

Thirty-two thousand households have contributed to keeping this bus going and the bus company are delighted with their eco-friendly new bus. (I am not sure if there would be any trouble with ’emissions’ though)!

If this takes off then I am sure they will be rolling them out for the rest of the country. Isn’t it amazing what you can do with a pile of poo?!

Episode 222: Happy Mother’s Day! —

Episode 222: Happy Mother’s Day!

Today is Mother’s Day here in the UK. My 11-year-old daughter has very kindly offered to do my hair and make-up for me today, as a pampering treat. Later on I will be going to visit my own mother to spend a bit of time with her.

Being a mother is pretty tough at times and we all take a different approach to it. I thought I would take a light-hearted look at some of the different types of mothers I have encountered.

The Good All Rounder Mum

Oh how I envy this type of Mum. She is the one whose kids always look immaculate.(Poor little Miss Hap, after 10 minutes she manages to manages to look as if I have sent her out with clothes that have never seen an iron, and are not on great terms with the washing machine either)!

These Mums always bake wonderful cakes whenever they have a school fete, or special fund-raising day or something. I however have sent in shop bought cakes when I have had the customary five minutes notice from my daughter panicking when she realises she forgot to tell me to make something. In my defence I have (when I have the right ingredients)  sent in some of my home-made delights!

My biggest envy of these mums though is on occasions when ‘fancy dress’ is called for, You know the nativity play, World Book Day, and other occasions. One of my neighbours is a good all round mum, and I remember when our kids were at primary school when they had to dress up. She sent her son and daughter as the Queen and Knave of hearts. They had wonderful home-made outfits and she had even made a tray with jam tarts on it, such was her attention to detail. My daughter went as Tutankhamun with a cheap outfit from eBay and some wonky eye make-up applied by her cack-handed mother!

The Cliquey Mum

Oh we all know this type of mum. She is the one waiting at the school gates, chatting away to a few of the other cliquey mums. They are always involved in some way with the school, usually as a governor, and they always help out at the fund-raising occasions as well.

I always keep out of their way whenever possible. Miss Hap made quite a name for herself at primary school what with her tendency to want to escape, plus her curiosity in finding out what happens when you flood the toilets! They know everything about every child it seems and I have been on the end of their disapproving glances many a time.

The Over-Protective Mum

This is the Mum who kisses their kids goodbye at the secondary school gates (much to their disgust) having driven them to school when all the other kids have caught the bus. This mum has packed a lovely healthy and nutritious lunch for their child (who tries to swap it  with anyone that has something that is not allowed)!

This child has got on sensible shoes and a spare set of underwear (just in case). The school has about 10 contact numbers for mum for every eventuality. When the child has a cold they are kept off from school for a week to recover and be looked after by their doting mummy.

The Cool Mum

She is the one that rolls up to school just as the bell is going. She wears the latest trendy clothes and always looks great. Her kids also trendy hairstyles which are just on the cusp of being acceptable for school. They are all good-looking, have the best sleepovers, and have loads of friends.

We none of us mums are perfect, and all try our best to bring up decent, kind and respectful children, whatever our style. I would just like to pay tribute to all mums, be they biological, foster, adoptive or step. You are doing a bloody good job!

Episode 221: Happy Birthday To Poo! — March 14, 2015

Episode 221: Happy Birthday To Poo!

What’s the best part of a birthday for you? The presents, celebrating with loved ones, or the good old birthday cake? Usually the cake is the star of the show. The lights are dimmed, as someone carries the cake proudly into the room, placing it in front of the Birthday Boy/Girl ready for them to blow out the candles and make a wish!

A lot of the time, the cake has been especially made. We have all seen the wonderful creations that are stunningly realistic of all manner of things; portraits of people, or perhaps buildings, objects, characters, flowers, all sorts of things.

Some people, however, take things a little bit too far in their birthday cake tributes. How would you fancy eating a cake that looked like someone had just vomited on it? Perhaps a loo seat containing a cakey turd, and rather disturbing fly? Not your thing? I know, most of us like animals, what about a ‘cat litter’ cake? A tray containing an assortment of poos (including one squashed  down the side of the tray). Realistic? Very, but not very appetising.

There was a rather lovely cake shaped like a foot, complete with warts, (or is it verrucae)? and a fungal nail infection in the big toe! Charming, I’m sure. (I am curious to know whether or not it was a ‘cheese’ cake)!

Anyway, as much as I admire artistic and creative cakes (my sister is brilliant at making cakes), I’ll give the  bodily fluids ones (yes there were others I was not brave enough to mention) a miss and stick to plain old traditional ones!

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When….. —

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

Spring is definitely on the way here in the UK at the moment, We have even had a couple of consecutive pleasant days which is a sure sign that some of the following are going to happen…..

  • The good old barbecue will be dusted off and dragged into service due to the face that the sun shone for over an hour. (Yes, guess what we are having for dinner tonight?) It was lovely whilst I was at work, but of course now the sun has gone in and it has clouded over. By the time we get to cook all the goodies Mr Grump has bought the rain will probably be bucketing down! No matter.
  • The more macho of the men would have also dug their shorts out for the occasion too.Forget the fact that the temperatures are still pretty chilly, and we have had a bit of frost. That won’t bother them. They are determined to expose their pasty legs for all to admire (usually with a great big pair of boots on their feet, it’s not summer yet you know)!
  • Everywhere you look there are adverts for some miracle diet or another that will have you ‘bikini ready’ by the summer if you start now! That’s all well and good, and I have already started my diet, but that is one hell of a tall order! Mind you I might be baggy t-shirt and long shorts ready by the summer if I work really hard at it!
  • People have started to hang their washing on the line, so that it has that lovely ‘outdoor freshness’ appeal. Mine doesn’t. My garden gets the shade most of the day, and if I were to hang my washing out now it would be just as limp and damp when I brought it in as it was when I hung it out 8 hours earlier!
  • The local garden centres are starting to get busy now, People have decided that it is time to start planting things or doing a spot of DIY, This means that the frost will kill off many of the seedlings that have sprouted when that kicks in; also the A&E departments in the hospitals will be extra busy with the results of the DIY disasters!

Ahh yes, spring is such a wonderful time of year!

Episode 219: Silly Sayings…. — March 13, 2015

Episode 219: Silly Sayings….

It’s funny how we incorporate these little sayings into our lives (many that our own parents have said to us in the past) that don’t make any sense! Here are a few of my favourites……

“If you don’t eat your dinner, you won’t get any pudding!” This was said to us as kids if we had left our meal in order to get to the rather nicer looking dessert. This is a bit silly really as, if we ate all our dinner we might not be able to eat our pudding, let alone enjoy it!

“If the wind changes you will stay like that”! We have all poked our tongue out at someone or made a face behind their back. This threat was supposed to deter us doing this, but I really don’t think anyone ever believes it!

“Do you want a smack?” This really makes me laugh. As if anyone is going to say “Oh yes please, the harder the better” (On second thoughts with all this 50 Shades stuff being popular at the moment…)Anyway, as kids when you are being naughty and your mum threatens you with this, you do tend to behave yourself pretty quick!

In the same vein what about, ” Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” For a start if you are in a state about something, it is not always easy (as a child) to just instantly stop crying, but if you don’t you are in for a clout. A bit of a no-win one this is!

” Go and wash behind your ears, you could grow spuds there” Even if it were possible, why would anyone want to grow potatoes on their head!

Those are some of my favourites. Do you have any?

Episode 218: Organised Chaos Disorder! —

Episode 218: Organised Chaos Disorder!

I might have mentioned before that I am a bit of a creature of habit, and that I kind of like routines. Now, I don’t know whether I have just pressed something by accident or not but something bis different when I go to write a post!

It is putting me right out as everything is topsy turvy as well as being the wrong way around. The tags, categories etc have changed sides from right to left, and the space where I type my post has moved from top to bottom! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

In fact, the more I think about it, the weirder I realise it is really, being such a stickler for routine. I get up for work every day at the same time, have the same breakfast, leave for work at a set time, park in roughly the same place! Hmmm that seems a bit odd really! I know my work colleagues think I am mad, as I always get to work at least half an hour early so I can have a coffee and a chill out before the madness of the day sets in.

I suppose I don’t even realise I am doing it really (unless I stop to think about it) as it has become a habit. Mind you, any break in the link puts me right out! It might even take me ages to get back into the swing of things (Mr Grump keeps me in pitta bread for my breakfast so he doesn’t incur my wrath)!

Mr Grump is also a fan of the routine-oriented day though! He gets up (lovingly woken by me yanking the covers off him once I have opened the blinds, and takes the dog out before he goes to work. (We have a decided lack of spontaneity in our house you might have noticed)!

Thank God though for Miss Hap!! She gets up eventually after being called repeatedly, has no routine, is totally disorganised and just floats along in her own sweet way. She has no concept of time or urgency and drives me and Mr Grump round the bloody bend!!

I don’t know which is worse, being too regimented or being too lackadaisical!

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