Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Category: humour

Episode 383: Sod’s Law! — June 20, 2015

Episode 383: Sod’s Law!

/Judy E Martin/44 Comments

I am really fed up this evening. I was supposed to be going to my friend Carl’s wedding reception this evening which I have really been looking forward to. I met him when I was at Uni and he was kind enough to give me a lift in sometimes (knowing my aversion to driving). He is such a lovely man, always kind and helpful, and I was really looking forward to meeting his new husband too, but I think I have some kind of bug.

I threw up Sunday night but seemed to be ok Monday so I brushed it off. However yesterday morning I was so tired I had real difficulty getting up for work. Even when I got there I felt exhausted (not good when you have a physical job). I got home and flopped out on the settee for a bit.

Luckily Miss Hap was spending the weekend with my older sister, and my mum, by the seaside so she would be having a nice time. I ended up going to bed at 9pm as I struggled to stay awake and gave up in the end (So much for a romantic, child free weekend, nudge, nudge, wink, wink).

I went to sleep as soon as my head touched the pillow. Well, until about 1:30 pm when I lurched awake feeling awful. I ended up throwing up again, felt all hot and clammy but  went back to bed and managed to sleep again.

Today though, I forced myself into thinking I was better and would be going tonight. I even sent a message saying I would see them later (some of my other friends from Uni are going as well and I was excited to be meeting up with them too). I wasn’t better though. I have had a burning at the back of my throat and felt rough all day.

I was determined to go to town just to get out the house for a bit. We called in on my younger sister on the way, who told me I looked awful Great. I didn’t think I looked that bad! We didn’t stay that long in town anyway, I felt all hot and clammy and a high temperature confirmed something is going on.  So I have now had to cancel going tonight as I do not want to give the wedding guests an unwanted present! Bloody typical!

Episode 382: Tea Parties and Trips! — June 19, 2015

Episode 382: Tea Parties and Trips!

/Judy E Martin/25 Comments

Yesterday was Mum’s 83rd birthday. She had invited my two sisters and myself  with our families for tea. The weather could not have been nicer and we only live a few minutes walk away which is handy.

Both of my sisters were there when we got there and one of my nieces. It was great to eat outside in the garden and also catch up with each other as we had not managed to spend all that much time together lately. Later my nephew and other niece and her husband joined us as well which completed our little tea-party,

My sister had set up the table and chairs on the raised patio so there was not a huge amount of room around it to walk freely. Mr Grump had partaken of a couple of beers and went to help himself to something to eat from the table. Unfortunately, he tripped over a quadruple plant pot type arrangement filled with compost, which upended and went everywhere; this had Mum tutting at the mess.

She also has these huge planter type boxes as well which Mr Grump fell against when he tripped. Seeing her chance, my little sister gave him a shove which sent him reeling back straight into it, squashing Mum’s plants. That set the rest of us off laughing, especially as Mum was telling my sister off for pushing him in!

Ahhhh, Just like the old days!

Into the Planter.

Episode 381: Freestyle Writing Challenge #2 —

https://desiretoexpress.files.wordpress.com/2015/06/freestyle-writing-challenge-logo.jpg?w=440&h=274

Episode 381: Freestyle Writing Challenge #2

/Judy E Martin/31 Comments

I have been challenged to take part in the Freestyle Writing Challenge by two lovely ladies, one being Ritu and the other Erika.

Here are the rules:

1. Open a blank document.
2. Set a stop watch timer to 5 or 10 minutes, whichever length you prefer.
3. Your topic is at the foot of this post BUT DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH YOUR TIMER!!!
4. Once you start writing do not stop until the alarm sounds!  Do not cheat by going back and correcting spelling and grammar using spell check (it is only meant for you to reflect on your own control of sensible thought flow and for you to reflect on your ability to write with correct spelling and grammar.)
5. You may or may not pay attention to punctuation or capitals
6. At the end of your post write down the number of words to give an idea of how much you can write within the time Frame.
7. Put the whole document onto your post and nominate 5 others and give them a new topic. Remember to copy paste the rules in!

I have gone with the topic that Ritu chose, as I saw her nomination first, however Erika also had a great topic.

What I thought life would be like as an adult when I was a kid.

When I was a kid I thought that life was going to be so much better as an adult. After all, there would not be a load of brothers and sisters around to have to share everything with! I also used to hat eth fact that myself and younger sister had to go to bed at the same time even though I was two years older than her! I thought that it would be great being an adult as I would be able to go to bed at whatever time I wanted!

I envisioned myself with a husband and a few kids loving in my own large house probably somewhere by the sea. I didn’t consider how I would get to wherewithal to pay for all the wonderful things I would have. I knew that I would probably work, but I thought It would be with children as a nanny or something like that.

One thing I did know though was that I did not want to live on my own, ever! Although I am quite happy in my own company, and in fact like being on my own quite a lot, I also like to know that there is someone else in the house so that I am not completely alone.

I thought life as an adult would be doing what I wanted all of the time, without having to consider anyone else’s feelings. I could eat when and what I wanted; watch anything I liked on TV, go anywhere  I liked;  and that life would be filled with fun with no responsibilities!

264 Words, 10 Mins.

Here are my nominees as I would love to see their responses to this challenge.

weebluebirdie

Hummingbird Redemption

The Offkey of Life

AimerBoyz

Nutsrok

Your topic is

*

*

*

What music gets you up on the dancefloor?

Episode 380: Heading South — June 18, 2015

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/9a/18/02/9a180206d6225ab2fa3201894c823b3c.jpg

Episode 380: Heading South

/Judy E Martin/47 Comments

I just had to share this little story with you. At work this morning I was introduced to another new patient that had come to the ward yesterday whilst I was on a day off. She is a lovely, smiley lady but is in quite a bit of pain, not only from a painful hip but also a chronic itchy skin condition that covered her whole body.

Anyway, once I had washed her and slathered her in cream, it was time to get her up to sit out on her chair for a while. I had got her nightie on no problem whilst she was in bed and her knickers half on. I decided I would pull them up when she stood up as it was easier.

She eventually managed to stand up and I fussed around her, straightening her nightie and pulling up her pants. I asked her if she was ready to walk to the chair now with her frame; she looked up at me, smiled and said,

“You have tucked my tits in my knickers, love, they droop a bit as you get older! “

Episode 379: One-Liner Wednesday. — June 17, 2015

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2015/06/17/regrets-are-where-they-belong-in-the-past/

Episode 379: One-Liner Wednesday.

/Judy E Martin/33 Comments

‘The secret to being happy is having a good sense of humour and a dirty mind.’

In that case I should be ecstatic!

This post is inspired by LindaGHill 

Episode 378: #BeWoW Post: Dealing With Regrets. —

Episode 378: #BeWoW Post: Dealing With Regrets.

/Judy E Martin/44 Comments

For Ronovan’s BeWoW post this week, he has suggested the rather thought-provoking topic of regrets, and how we deal with them.

Well, God knows where to start with this one, as I have spent the larger part of my life fretting over things I have done, mistakes that I have made and how I have regretted my actions. In fact, it wasn’t until last year, when I had been going to Counselling for a while that I even realised quite how bad it had become.

I have always been a people pleaser and hate it when I think I have upset or offended someone. It reached quite a crescendo last year when I was having trouble sleeping at night. I would be re-running conversations in my head that I had been involved in during the day, then would criticize myself for the stupid or cringeworthy things I had said, thus making me stay awake fretting about how people must think I am stupid.

I would also look back over my life and wish that I had done something differently; too many marriages, too much drinking (when I was younger), not watching my weight (or rather, watching it get heavier and heavier), smoking (I gave up after 30 years last October) and really not bothering in school (I hated it, so did not study properly).

However, as far as regrets over my lifestyle choices went, I have tried to put right the wrongs of the past, and hope that my body is forgiving. Educationally, I did go back to it and gain a few more qualifications that I am proud to have achieved. The marriages, well, I went into all of them willingly, and thought each one was going to last forever, but life had its own agenda for me! I did have my gorgeous daughter with my 2nd husband so how can that ever be something that I regret?!

Lastly, the incessant late night berating sessions, these have got much less now. My counsellor explained that I should stop living in the past (regurgitating conversations etc), as that was finished and cannot be changed, and to start living in the present. I had never really thought of it like that before, but that is so true.

I do still get mad at myself when I have been a prat and said something silly, but I try to convince myself to get over it, and move on!

Episode 377: Wacky Word Wednesday #6 —

https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQjbjGlwmQ7gIp6TNCqvmqfuq8i-beQWvihioneTIETnaMrV2_C

Episode 377: Wacky Word Wednesday #6

/Judy E Martin/33 Comments

I love it when Wednesdays come around and I can have some fun with a wacky, weird or wonderful word. Today I have chosen a word that I love the sound of, as it has rather an onomatopoeic quality to it. Sadly though, it is not used nearly enough so let’s dig it up and give it a whirl!

Piffle. This is a word for people that talk a load of bull! Those that prattle about poppycock, jabber utter gibberish, babble lots of balderdash, and drone endlessly about drivel!

It is hogwash and hot air. futile and foolish, just the kind of random rubbish, a slimy salesman might use to try and flog you a pig in a poke!

Actually, this word could be legitimately used to describe this pathetic post!

Episode 375: Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge #49 Lock & Gab — June 15, 2015

Episode 375: Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge #49 Lock & Gab

/Judy E Martin/16 Comments

Oooh that naughty Ronovan has given us some tough words to use in his weekly haiku challenge this week. We have got ‘lock’ and ‘gab’ to make something out of!

Here is my take on it

The gift of the gab;

flattery and promises.

Put a lock on it!

can-stock-photo_csp15109270

Episode : 374: Reasons I am So Untrendy……. — June 14, 2015

http://a0.web.wt-cdn.com/post_items/images/000/032/640/large/bellybuttonchallenge.jpg

Episode : 374: Reasons I am So Untrendy…….

/Judy E Martin/37 Comments

I like to know what is going on in the world, and to keep  up-to-date with the latest trends. Having a young daughter also keeps me in the loop of what is happening (mainly because she keeps telling me that I haven’t got a clue)! Here’s why…

  • I hate ‘Game of Thrones!’ I just don’t get it at all; from what I have seen of it so far (and I usually put my headphones on and blog when Mr Grump has it on) everyone is a Prince or Queen or something. Not only that, there seems to be a hell of a lot of gory endings, people getting bumped off every five minutes! Add to that a load of sex, and some of that incestous! It is, in a nutshell, a bunch of royals, having it off with everyone, then plotting their most savage and brutal demise!
  • There is no way on earth I can do this new ‘belly button challenge!’ It involves wrapping one of your arms around your back and touching your belly button to prove what a fit body you have! Hmmmm, I don’t need to become a contortionist to know that I might not be quite as fit as I should be! If I tried to do that, I would no doubt pull or tear something, rendering myself even more unfit!
  • As much as I like to watch a Disney film, there is no way I would want to get married in a Disney princess inspired wedding dress! I mean the Little Mermaid was lovely, but who would want to totter down the aisle wearing a bloody great fishtail?!
  • I could not be trusted with a ‘selfie stick! Now I know these are very popular at the moment and help get a much better photo, but I am not keen. Not only would I feel ridiculous waving it around in the air trying to get the right spot, but knowing me I would end up poking someone in the eye, or giving someone an unexpected clout whilst trying to concentrate on capturing the perfect shot!
  • I don’t want to ‘Keep up with the Kardashians!’ For a start there are far too many of them and I don’t know who they all are! Kim and Kanye being forever in the news is starting to get boring! Now that she is having another baby (will it be called South)? we will be bombarded with every last detail. Kylie and her pouty lips has already annoyed me, as Miss Hap tried to copy her as you can see here.

What makes matters worse is that Mr Grump is much more trendy than I am!

Episode 373: It Runs In The Family! — June 13, 2015

Episode 373: It Runs In The Family!

/Judy E Martin/34 Comments

One of the things I like about my family is that we all have the same warped sense of humour, even if others don’t quite see the joke!

I remember going to our local cinema (or the ‘fleapit’ as it was unaffectionately known) with my older sister to watch ‘Fright Night’ years ago. It was pretty busy and we settled ourselves in for a good scaring, the only problem was that it was not in the least bit frightening (that is saying something coming from me as I am a huge wimp)! In fact, it was funny. We kept giggling at first, then finding it more and more ridiculous ended up rocking in our seats roaring with laughter, especially as no-one else seemed to be laughing.

Often when we get together, we reminisce about the good old days. Unlike other families though, we like to rake up stories about each other’s misfortunes. Things like my mum falling up the stairs in a furniture store whilst carrying some shopping. The shop assistant was appalled that my sister was creased up laughing instead of helping my poor spread-eagled mum up!

My mum is just as bad though as she was helpless with laughter when my little sister ran straight into a glass door whilst chasing after my niece who had toddled off ahead. Mum took great delight in telling us that my sister’s eyes were rolling around in her head, and that her shoe had come off!

When we were young, my mum and step-dad owned a static caravan near Blackpool and we used to go there a lot for weekends and holidays, as we only lived about an hour away then. As was the design then, the living room area used to have a kind of bench style sofa arrangement which could be transformed into a bed if you inserted a large wooden board. Well one of my brothers went to sit down to eat his meal, but misjudged it as the cushion wasn’t put back properly so it was over-hanging the seat. This meant as soon as my brother lowered himself down there was nothing there to support him, and he did a lovely backwards roll out of the open door behind him landing with a nice thud on the grass. What fantastic entertainment for the family that was. Even more so because he got told off  for mucking about as if it were his fault!

Oh yes, you don’t get any sympathy in our family if you hurt yourself; in fact it’s laugh first then check for broken bones. As you can imagine, I have had more than my fair share of teasing from the family!

Marsha Ingrao Always Write

Having fun blogging with friends

SewVeraVenus

Rachael's Thoughts

Lifestyle blog featuring the fabulous North East and beyond

My Window

Sharing my thoughts, poems, travel & art

WordPress.com Apps

Apps for any screen

Learning to write

Just your average PhD student using the internet to enhance their CV

Jemverse

Life in words

Stuff and what if...

Exploring writing and the creative randomness of life. Snapshots of moments.

Aakashsoyanthone

Aakashsoyanthone

Gin & Lemonade

...with a twist.

Peacock Poetry

by Sam Allen

Tallis Steelyard

The jumbled musings of Tallis Steelyard

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

Carolina Russo Art

Capturing Essence: Intuitive Watercolors, Fine Art, Illustrations, and Reiki-Infused Creations

Two on a Rant

Rants, humor, sarcasm, and a haiku-like substance? It's hard to know what's going to come out of our minds next.

We Are Holistic

Promoting a Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit

Cindy Knoke

Photography, Birds and Travel

pensitivity101

An onion has many layers. So have I!

Fatty McCupcakes

Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets

From Michigan to Germany

A family from Michigan living abroad in Germany.