Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 257: Wow 400 Followers! — March 27, 2015

Episode 257: Wow 400 Followers!

I am so pleased to have just reached 400 followers! I am beyond thrilled and have written a little poem to say thanks to you all

I really am so grateful

I am thrilled to share my news

That my blog is getting popular

And I’m getting lots more views!

Now, it is still only a youngster

And also very small

But to have 400 followers

Makes me feel 10 feet tall!

Since I started in September

I have met so many folks

I’ve read so many stories

And laughed at loads of jokes

Thank you all for reading

All my stories and my odes

I appreciate your kindness

Love, Edwina’s Episodes!

Episode 256. Bursting Out All Over! —

Episode 256. Bursting Out All Over!

Although I absolutely hate the colour of my work uniform, (it is the same grotty grey that you get when you put black and white items  together on a hot wash) I am at least grateful that I don’t have to worry what I have to wear each day.

I have worked in offices in the past and it was always a challenge to come up with a different outfit every day, that was suitable for the office, and for the weather. I always like to try to look smart even if I never manage classy or elegant that I wish I was!

Anyway, myself and Mr Grump decided to nip into town today to have a mooch about, plus there were a couple of things we wanted to get. I told him that I was ‘just going to look in the window’ of the hairdressers I usually frequent to see if they were busy.

As luck would have it they weren’t. That is pretty rare so I asked the if they could fit me in for a quick trim as my fringe had grown right out and my hair was looking a bit tatty! There were two stylists working, one young dark-haired woman and an older woman with blonde hair, she was the one that ushered me off to do my hair.

As she was snipping away and chatting, I kind of turned to the side to reply, and almost got a faceful of boob! She was not a small woman, but I think the top she was wearing might have shrunk or something, as I was confronted by what looked like two shelled hard-boiled eggs (only about 5 times the size) spilling out of two giant egg-cups, thinly covered by a scrap of black lycra masquerading as a t-shirt!

Mr Grump then bowled in and started moaning because I was mid haircut and he thought I would be ages. The shop phone went off and another girl appeared from upstairs, also in a low-cut number, boobs jiggling about as she descended each stair. Mr Grump’s eyes were popping out of his head! He had already clocked the woman doing my hair, and now he was treated to this other spectacle as well.

He decided to hang around for a bit longer, but i was almost done anyway. As we came out of the shop, he said with what he hoped conveyed disapproval,

“Every time you go in there those girls have got their t**s out!”  So that’s why he always comes in looking for me when he knows exactly where I have gone!

Hmmmm, isn’t it about time that hairdressers wore a uniform?!

Episode 255 : Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 4: Patience and Love —

Episode 255 : Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 4: Patience and Love

I recently received the following invitation from Author SB Mazing

I’m about to invite you to join in a challenge I recently accepted. Five Photos, Five Stories. I thought this challenge could present you with the opportunity of viewing blogging from a different angle, to do something different, anything that suits you for that matter. It’s entirely up to you. …

The Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge rules require you to post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo.  It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or simply a short paragraph – it’s entirely up to you.

Miss Hap is really close with my mum, she really loves her Nanny. She likes to go over there for her Sunday roast (granted Mum’s are the best), and the occasional bacon sandwich. They enjoy each other’s company, and it amuses me when Miss Hap occasionally comes out with one of my mum’s ‘classic sayings’ that are old beyond her  years!

Anyway, the photo I chose is one of a ‘Sequin Art’  rose. My daughter had previously done a couple of small Sequin Art pictures, but had decided that she would love to make one of a rose, as it is Nanny’s favourite flower, and give it to her for Christmas.

Now these things are fiddly to say the least, and Miss Hap is not known for her ability to concentrate on anything for more than a nanosecond (well, certainly as far as homework is concerned at least)! However, she spent almost every spare waking moment on finishing this rose in time for Christmas.

The finished result is stunningly beautiful, and of course, is sparkly and eye-catching too. Mum was beyond thrilled and it is hanging up in her front room.

My daughter really loves her Nanny!

I would like to invite  Wendy of the Rock to join in.

Then each day, nominate another blogger to carry on this challenge.

Accepting the challenge is entirely up to the person nominated, it is not a command. And actually everyone can join in. So feel free to if you like the idea.

Episode 254: Dead Scary! — March 26, 2015

Episode 254: Dead Scary!

Being a funeral director must be a pretty difficult job. It is not something that everyone would be cut out for. Not only is it very sombre and serious (especially having to deal with grieving relatives), but also exceedingly lonely and eerie. I would certainly not fancy being on my own with a dead body for long.

Imagine, then the shock of one poor German undertaker who was minding his own business, going about his work when suddenly the lid was pushed off the top of a coffin, and a dazed voice asked,

“Where am I?”

Unfortunately, it took a while for the ‘corpse’ to get her answer as the poor undertaker was flat-out, sparko on the floor in a faint! When he regained consciousness, he tentatively looked into the coffin to see two open eyes staring at him. Freaked out he called the paramedics who took the ‘body’ (who by now had a weak pulse), to hospital. Sadly she fell ill died later on.

It turned out that this elderly woman lived in a care home and was found in the morning not breathing by one of the staff. A doctor was called who confirmed the death, then the woman was swiftly taken to the funeral home where she ‘woke up’ and scared the poor worker half to death!

The police have now got involved as they feel an explanation is needed by the care home as to why the death was improperly recorded. Meanwhile, the owner of the home is livid as they have become a bit of a joke with the press and the locals!  I wouldn’t have thought the poor lady was that chuffed either when she awoke to find herself in a coffin!

Episode 253: More Than I Bargained For…. —

Episode 253: More Than I Bargained For….

Yesterday afternoon I had to go to an appointment for my ‘yearly diabetes review.’ Seeing as I have only been officially diagnosed for about a month, I thought that the surgery were very ‘on the ball!’ I had already had to change the appointment from today as I was originally working, so that it was on my day off.

Anyway, I had fallen asleep in the afternoon as I had a couple of really awful sleepless nights, plus an early morning yesterday, so was shattered. I woke up feeling really groggy, with less than an hour to go before I had to be there. Mr Grump was going to come with me as he usually finished work way before the time I needed to be there.

He didn’t. I waited and waited, I still hadn’t heard from him (I was on the landline with my sister for about 10 mins) so I jumped in the car and got there 5 mins late! I HATE being late, and am usually 10 minutes (at least) early for everything, so it put me out and I was cross!

I tried to book myself in on the screen, but the ‘computer said no’ I was too late and had a sad face to emphasise the point! I had more than a sad face, I was wild! Anyway I spoke to the receptionist who was actually quite nice (Doctor’s receptionists have rather a scary reputation) and said it was ok and that she would tell the nurse I was there. (I whispered as discreetly as I could (when there is a waiting room full of people it is not always easy) if she could give me a pot as I had forgotten to bring a urine sample with me.

She made a nice performance out of rummaging for a bag (it was see-through) for me to put it in, then said that I might get called in straight away, and there might not be time to go to the loo. I thanked her and went to sit down, I saw my friend’s partner so chatted with him for a bit, as I had not been called in The receptionist sidled up to me, and stage whispered that I could go and do my sample as the specialist nurse was making a quick cuppa!

I excused myself from the friend and went off to do my business. My mobile buzzed into life, as I went to sit down but I ignored it (I hate talking on the phone in public places). It was Mr Grump! I sent him a couple of choice texts then my name flashed up to be seen.

I went into the room, apologising for being late, and muttering about husbands! She told me to calm down a minute before she took my blood pressure! Anyway, she stared at me a bit then asked me whether I went to the Grammar School. I said yes, and it turns out she was in thee same class. I didn’t remember her name, but her face was familiar.

That made me feel even worse. Here I was , no make-up on, scraggy hair, stupid from sleep still, and in a bad mood to boot! Things did not improve when she told me to put my sample down, take off my boots and socks and get on the scales!

Oh the bloody humiliation, I have got horrid feet, and she was going to have to get close to them to check them, as well as see how heavy I am! She, of course was slim, pretty and nicely groomed. Great!

She was however professional (well once we had gossiped a bit about this and that) and spent a lot of time looking at my previous bloods and God knows what else. She ended up putting me on meds for my diabetes which I really wasn’t expecting as I have been trying really hard with my diet, as well as taken up hula-hooping thanks to lovely Ritu

She also was concerned about  a couple of things which prompted her to ask me whether or not there was rheumatoid arthritis in my family. Strange question I thought, but my Mum has terrible arthritis but I am not sure which type. She also wanted to know if my joints ached. Well, I do have problems with my knees a lot. Anyway I am now going to have to be screened for that!

I came out of there a bit bemused, and shocked. I know people complain bitterly about the NHS, but they have been very thorough with me. I certainly got much more than I bargained for, in more ways than one!

Episode 252: Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 3: Roses —

Episode 252: Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 3: Roses

I recently received the following invitation from Author SB Mazing

I’m about to invite you to join in a challenge I recently accepted. Five Photos, Five Stories. I thought this challenge could present you with the opportunity of viewing blogging from a different angle, to do something different, anything that suits you for that matter. It’s entirely up to you. …

The Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge rules require you to post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo.  It can be fiction or nonfiction, a poem or simply a short paragraph – it’s entirely up to you.

Today I am going to do another poem. My favourite flowers are roses (yellow ones especially). When I first moved in here, despite my lack of gardening skills I planted a few rose bushes. All of them were yellow and all scented. Over time I have lost some of them, but have planted others in different colours. The picture I’ve chosen was taken last summer, and is of some of my beautiful roses from the garden!

The rose’s delicate beauty

A wonder to behold

The petals, so exquisite

The  colours soft and bold

The scent is all-pervading

Its sweetness fills the air

The fragrance soft and subtle

Is truly beyond compare.

My roses are so special

They always make me smile

They brighten up my front room

If only for a while!

I would like to invite Caitlin from The Teen Daydreamer to join in.

Then each day, nominate another blogger to carry on this challenge.

Accepting the challenge is entirely up to the person nominated, it is not a command. And actually everyone can join in. So feel free to if you like the idea.

Episode 251: Hacked Off! — March 25, 2015

Episode 251: Hacked Off!

Isn’t it great how schools now have got with the times, make the most of the latest technology and have Twitter accounts etc. I am constantly checking on my daughter’s progress via the school website. I can read all her school reports (they can’t get ‘lost’ like mine did at times), I can see whether or not she is late for any of her lessons (she has been several times, as she never feels the need to hurry grrrrrrrrrr) and can look at how many positive events she has (lots actually which I am very proud about).

Anyway,I remember that just before she started the school, their website got hacked and some rather dodgy ‘glamour’ models appeared on it instead, advertising certain services that the school would not encourage in their young ladies!

Well, it got sorted, but now a similar hoo-ha has broken out over another school’s Twitter account. Someone has decided that their headmaster would look pretty good in a fetching pair of tight underpants, with a few macho tattoos to show off, so they superimposed his head onto a fit, muscular male body and wrote a caption congratulating the head on his new contract with an Adult Entertainment site!

This has not gone down well (if you, ahem pardon the pun) with the school or some of the parents! Apparently they have shut it down whilst enquiries are being made to try to discover the culprit(s).

It has been suggested though that the school’s IT department be praised if indeed a pupil is found to have been the perpetrator, due to their superior hacking skills!

One-Liner- Wednesday. Running on Empty! —

One-Liner- Wednesday. Running on Empty!

On the way back home at 6.30 this morning from dropping my daughter off for her school trip today when it was decided we needed some petrol for the car, Mr Grump says,

“You’ll have to get out the car to fuel-up, as I have got my slippers on”!

As it happens, none of us got out the car; we hadn’t brought any money or even a card with us!

This post was inspired by LindaGHill ‘One-Liner Wednesday’

Episode 250: ‘Mum, You Are SO Embarrassing!’ —

Episode 250: ‘Mum, You Are SO Embarrassing!’

Miss Hap is off on her school trip to France today which she is very excited about. We were informed about the trip almost as soon as she started at the school in September as no doubt, it takes a fair bit of planning sorting out the logistics of it all.

Well the day has arrived, and 76 excited 11-year-old girls are currently haring around Boulogne, practicing their French-speaking and no doubt driving their teachers mad!

I had my orders as to what sort of packed lunch she wanted to take, and I felt it only fair in return to give Miss Hap my order for some brie, for when she visits a supermarket this afternoon! Now in order to facilitate this, she had to be slipped a couple of illicit euros on top of the 20 maximum that they were allowed to take!

Hopefully, I have not got her into trouble for the sake of buying me some cheese that I am only allowed a slither of per day. Well technically it’s my mum’s fault  anyway for giving her the extra money and asking her to bring home some croissants (poor girl, there’s nothing like exploiting an opportunity).

Seeing as we had to be at the school so early this morning, we all got up at 5.15 to give us plenty of time. My daughter as expected, took ages deciding which outfit would be suitable for impressing the French folk, not to mention be ‘cool’ enough for her friends’ approval. That sorted, she emptied the backpack she takes for school, save for the French book, and filled it up with ‘lunch!’ (Well it is going to be a long day for them)!

Just as we were pulling into the school car park, she told me to turn the radio down as someone might hear it (as far as I am concerned, there is nothing wrong with a bit of Erasure, and she was brought up on it)! I obliged not wanted to show her up, and we swung into the school in my lovely bright car, which was rather out-of-place with the Jeeps, 4x4s and other cars in muted colours.

I got out of the car to let Miss Hap out gave her a kiss and hug then went to sign her in with her teacher. I could see a few girls there already, but my daughter told me to go and strutted off to join her friends before they noticed her embarrassing mum and step-dad, in their embarrassing car, with the embarrassing music.

As we left, she didn’t turn and wave, as they were all engrossed in deep and excited conversation. Fair enough, but I really wished I had one of those really loud air horns that make that DA NA NA NA NA NANA NA NA NA NA NA noise!

Episode 249: Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 2: One For All….. —

Episode 249: Five Photos, Five Stories – Day 2: One For All…..

I recently received the following invitation from Author SB Mazing

I’m about to invite you to join in a challenge I recently accepted. Five Photos, Five Stories. I thought this challenge could present you with the opportunity of viewing blogging from a different angle, to do something different, anything that suits you for that matter. It’s entirely up to you. …

The Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge rules require you to post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo.  It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or simply a short paragraph – it’s entirely up to you.

The photo I have chosen today is one taken last summer. It was a beautiful, hot day, so Mr Grump decided we would do a BBQ and invite some of the family and a couple of friends over.

It was a great evening, excellent food (Mr Grump is the best), lovely company and some decent music (in my opinion, but everyone seemed to enjoy it). Miss Hap had joined the loom band craze and had decided to make one for everyone, She was churning them out at an amazing speed, and the photo is some of us showing off her creations.

Just after we finished eating, the wind kicked up, and before we knew it the sky went black and the heavens opened, along with a spectacular thunder storm. Being the stalwart Brits we are, and used to such summer weather, getting everything taken indoors was a smooth operation, and the evening continued long into the early hours.

I would like to invite Ritu to join in.

Then each day, nominate another blogger to carry on this challenge.

Accepting the challenge is entirely up to the person nominated, it is not a command. And actually everyone can join in. So feel free to if you like the idea.

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