Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 180: Fitness Not Fatness — February 25, 2015

Episode 180: Fitness Not Fatness

Having been diagnosed with diabetes Type 2, I am trying to change my lifestyle habits in order to try to keep my blood sugars down, thus avoiding having to take medication, for as long as I possibly can.

This means, not only eating healthier meals with smaller portion sizes, but taking more physical exercise. The days that I am at work I know that I am constantly running around, but I need to do much more exercise for the rest of the time.

There is one exercise class though that I really wish I could go to, but it is too far away unfortunately! It is a kind of aerobics class called ‘Jungle Body’ but the reason I would love to go is because it is run by a woman who weighs 18 1/2 stone, This is roughly 117.4kg and 260 pounds!

Now I think this woman is an inspiration. She has already lost 5 stone herself (31 kg and 70 pounds) and has totally altered her unhealthy lifestyle. She is now 6 dress sizes smaller, and a lot fitter.

She is right in thinking that women would prefer to go to her classes as she is not judgemental of them, plus they are not intimidated by her, as they possibly would be if she were slim and svelte.

As I have an extra day off today, I decided to be proactive and plan my meals out, so that I know I have the right foods available and don’t raid the fridge! That was all well and good, but we needed to go food  shopping first! No bloody car means trudging 40 mins to the Supermarket. Great, a bit of exercise to boot.

Mr Grump came with me, armed with his backpack to lug the shopping home with, and off we trotted.We have done this walk a few times recently due to having no car, but it was starting to get a bit boring now! My trainers were rubbing my toe, and I was hungry as we walked through the industrial estate (which houses all the restaurants and takeaways), due to only having a few tablespoons of sugar-free muesli for breakfast!

Anyway, we had to get rather a lot of stuff, so the backpack was bursting, plus we (by that I mean Mr Grump), had 2 more heavy carrier bags, and I had one to take as well. Poor Mr Grump was grimacing all the way home. He resembled a snail with his huge backpack on his back and his skinny little body underneath all the weight. Bless him. Of course by the time we got back home, I had worked up one hell of an appetite!

I have a feeling that these lifestyle changes are going to take a bit of getting used to. However, I am inspired by that fitness instructor; her dedication is paying off, so there is no reason why I can’t do it as well.

One-Liner Wednesday. Found! —

One-Liner Wednesday. Found!

Mr Grump found the missing strap off of my dress whilst walking the dog this morning. Thrilled!

Thanks Lindaghill for the inspiration. I couldn’t resist having a go today.

Episode 179: Say What You Mean Why Don’t You! — February 24, 2015

Episode 179: Say What You Mean Why Don’t You!

As I may have mentioned before, my daughter has Asperger’s and many times comes out and says exactly what she thinks about things.This is regardless as to who they are, or indeed where we are. I seem to spend a lot of time trying to explain to her why it is not polite/tactful to be so blunt, but sometimes, just sometimes I think we would all just love to say what we really think….

You have been invited to a friend’s/family member’s house for a coffee; just as you are about to leave, you get a phone call asking if you could ‘just pick up a pint of milk, packet of cigs’ and a few other bits and pieces. You don’t actually have that much money on you and you know it is going to be tricky asking for your money back when you deliver the goods. What you want to say is,

“No I bloody can’t! Why the hell did you invite me over for coffee when you haven’t even got any milk. Why can’t you do your own shopping?”

What you actually say is,

“Oh yes, of course I will . Do you need anything else?”

You are walking along the street when someone coming the other way barges into you and knocks you out of their way.

What you want to say is,

“Watch where you are going you Arsehole!”

What you actually say is,

“Sorry!” Yes really. Or at least I do!

You are in the supermarket, strapped for time trying to get grocery shopping done, only to come to an abrupt halt as two shoppers are having a chat, blocking the aisles with their trolleys. They see you trying to get by, glare at you before finally huffing and puffing, and moving a fraction so you can just about get through.

What you want to say is,

“So sorry to interrupt your important meeting just so that I can actually do my shopping as this is a supermarket not a village hall!”

“What you actually say is,

“Thanks so much, whilst looking apologetic for having disturbed them!

This one probably only applies to me as I am a ‘Philistine’ who likes their steak well-done. On going out for a birthday meal with my mum and some other family members, i and some others requested a steak. I explained how I liked it cooked and when the waitress plonked it down forcefully, and dare I say resentful in front of me she asked me if ‘it was well done enough for me or should she take it back and get the chef to cremate it a bit more’

What I wanted to say was,

“How dare you try to belittle and humiliate me in front of everyone you rude excuse for a person. You can sod off if you think I am leaving you a tip, other than get some bloody manners!”

What I actually said was,

“Thank you, that will do fine!”

Ahhh yes, wouldn’t it be good to say what we really think sometimes.  Anything you would like to say?

Episode 178: Dressed To Express —

Episode 178: Dressed To Express

Well today was the ‘Team Building’ day that I had mentioned in my previous post here. I had put on my ‘Minnie Mouse’ dress, grabbed my object that I was going to talk about (my knitted monkey), and managed to cadge a lift (due to broken down car) with two of my colleagues.

It is a beautiful, sunny day again today so the dress was not as inappropriate as I thought.  We managed to get a parking space as well, but because of the time it was quite a long way off so we had a bit of a trek to get to the room on time. Of course, being as I am, I needed to get a coffee so the others went up and I joined the massive queue at the cafe.

This led to me bursting in a little late, but it wasn’t a problem luckily. Anyway we set some ground rules before we started one of which was ‘no eating’. Great, I had brought a couple of sandwiches and a satsuma to keep the hunger pangs at bay, but never mind! The session was really good as it happens. It was great to see some of the people in their own clothes outside of work! We all get on pretty well anyway, so it was quite good fun.

I was pleased that I was not the only dozy one amongst us, as one of our group barged in about an hour into the session having gone to the wrong hospital, in the wrong town (city actually). Bless her she got caught in the rush hour traffic but did eventually turn up.

At one part of the session we all had to talk individually about something, Just as thee boss was going to start, ‘Hey Jude’ blasted out from my handbag! Shit, I had forgotten to turn my phone on silent, which was very unusual as people normally moan that i never hear my phone!

Anyway, we eventually trotted back to the car (by now I was carrying my coat as it was so hot). I came home and decided that I would get changed as I felt a bit ‘trussed up’ (no, I have not been watching ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’) , I took my cardigan off and realised that one of the straps was missing off my dress, nowhere to be found. Gutted.

Pic of the whole dress (strap included)!

Minnie Mouse Dress 2

Episode 177: Geared up to Fail! — February 23, 2015

Episode 177: Geared up to Fail!

As days off go, today has not been a great success so far. To start with Miss Hap is back at school after a week off for half term. This involved her stomping about quite a lot this morning gathering her bits and pieces needed for the day (I am still working on organising her) whilst all the while berating the fact that she has to go to school at all.

Anyway, Mr Grump has got a load of time off still due to his annual leave-build up, so he is home getting under my feet. As I had an appointment today with other newly diagnosed Type 2 diabetics in order to educate us on how to manage our condition, I thought that Mr Grump could make himself useful and drive me in.

As some of you know, my car has been off the road for ages, and has recently had a new catalytic converter fitted, and a bit of welding done so that it is now legally roadworthy again. As we drove up the motorway Mr Grump went into the middle lane to overtake a slow lorry and changed into 5th gear as he did so, Unfortunately, it wouldn’t get in gear (he mentioned before that he has trouble getting it in 5th, I never have this problem) and we were kind of in limbo as she frantically pummelled the gearstick to get it to engage, whilst cursing and moaning.

I took exception to this rough treatment of my car, and It was a pretty hairy experience so I went quiet and surly until we arrived at the hospital. I did manage to bark out a few things I needed from the Supermarket as he was going grocery shopping.

There were about 8 of us at this meeting, and I was one of the youngest. I already knew quite a lot about diabetes anyway so I thought that 4 hours was going to be a bit of a stint, Having said that, it was very interesting knowing what a proper food portion size should equate to. Mine have obviously been a little on the over-generous side, as is the size of my dinner plate!

Anyway, luckily it lasted on three hours (Thank God as I was starving playing with all the pretend food the Dietician got out of her bag). We were told to bring a sandwich which I did but had no time to eat it, (I have a feeling that mine,had she examined it, might not have been the correct size either!

Mr Grump collected me and we came home the back roads as opposed to the motorway (presumably to avoid a repeat performance of the gear changing episode). Ass we were nearing home, he crunched 3rd gear this time and I muttered a bit, As we pulled into the parking space, the clutch vibrated wildly and then went! Nothing! He has broken my bloody car!

Episode 176: Are We Too Clean? — February 22, 2015

Episode 176: Are We Too Clean?

You may remember some time ago I wrote about my mum’s attitude that ‘A little bit of dirt never hurt anybody’. This was in regards to her cavalier disregard for sell-by dates.kitchen cleanliness and other such pleasantries!

To add to this, I remember only having a bath once a week (on a Sunday night fresh for school on Monday), and it was either in with my younger sister, or somebody else’s second-hand water! We didn’t think anything of it really at that time, as we still washed, just didn’t bathe!

Of course, becoming teenagers was a whole new ballgame. We were never out of the bathroom! Mum would be vexed that we would only wear our clothes once and then chuck them in the wash. Apart from underwear, she was convinced that our clothes still had another day or two left in them before they got dirty enough to warrant washing.

She thought we were crazy washing our hair every day as well, telling us that it ‘would wash all the goodness out of it’. We still did it anyway, and got through a job lot of shampoo and conditioner along the way.

According to a survey of 2021 women commissioned by Flint + Flint (A skin care company) four out of five women still don’t bother to shower every day, and in fact one-third will go for three days without washing at all. Phewwwww, I bet things get a bit whiffy around the nethers. How gross!

Like most women I know, I bathe every day, and many times more often than that. I would never dream of going to work without first bathing, which is one of the reasons I get up so early. In my opinion, it is not just about personal pride, but consideration for others as well. I have to get pretty close to my patients, and I am sure they would not want to be a couple of inches from an unwashed armpit – or worse!

By the same token, we wash our patients every day, for their self-respect and dignity as well as the obvious infection control measures. Most of us actually feel better when we are clean, with washed hair and fresh clothes.

I am not averse to a bit of dirt either. Kids like to play in the mud and get filthy, as it is so much fun. I think if we obsessively clean everything to within an inch of its life, then we run the risk of not building up any resistance, and catching everything going! It is about balance and common sense.

Are we too clean or should we leave it 3 days between washes?

Episode 175: Smoking To Scoffing! —

Episode 175: Smoking To Scoffing!

Now that I’ve given up smoking

There’s no more standing outside

Freezing to death in all weathers

As well as trying to hide

My clothes all smell so much sweeter

I’ve lost that strange tinge to my skin

I’m no longer puffing and panting

And I’m determined not to give in

The cough that used to be constant

Has decided to go on its way

I am now considered a non-smoker

After years of smoking 20 a day!

There is one fly in the ointment

That really isn’t so good

Instead of smoking my head off

I’m stuffing my face full of food!

Episode 174: Stung By The Sewing Bee! — February 21, 2015

Episode 174: Stung By The Sewing Bee!

The Great British Sewing Bee had started its third series so be warned! I was addicted to the first two, bought both the books, and tried out some of the patterns.

Let’s just say that I am a little ‘inexperienced’ at the moment, and also the patterns do not seem to be designed for my shape at all! (Ok, I’m just rubbish at it)!

Of course now that it is back on again, I have renewed interest in all things home-sewn and once I have bought this new book, I will be desperate to make some of the amazing garments from the show.

There will be no end of swearing,stomping about and unpicking, but maybe, just maybe I will actually produce something that I can wear, or is useful this time!  So beware, I might even post a picture one day if anything turns out right!

Episode 173: Dodgy Hair-Don’ts! —

Episode 173: Dodgy Hair-Don’ts!

We’ve all had those days… you’re feeling a little down in the dumps, and need cheering up. You decide on a whim to go and get a haircut. After all, if your hair looks good then you feel good. Only your hair doesn’t look good. Someone is going to pay!

Apparently, a gentleman in the USA had this problem. He went to have his hair cut , but was not pleased with the results or the price so he did what any other sane person would do…. and trashed the salon, kicking a hole in the wall and chucking a candle display about. He also got a bit angry with the staff, feeling that he was ripped off after being charged $50 for the new do! He had the cheek to return later and asked for a re-style, The staff refused and he got arrested!

Oh I admire his nerve! I have had my fair share of bad haircuts in the past. Remember when the spiral perm was ‘in’? All those lovely corkscrew curls cascading down your back. I was desperate for one. I had long hair which was neither straight nor curly (kinky is the word). Anyway, I saved my money until I could afford it and trotted off to the salon in excitement.

I was a bit concerned that the hairdresser was doing my hair in exactly the same way as they would a normal perm, but kept quiet as I know nothing about hair. Anyway  a good few hours later and the finished result…..a much shorter, frizz bush of a hairstyle which frankly, looked awful! Not for me the long, lustrous, twirly curls I had anticipated. Of course I said nothing and left considerably lighter in hair, and in pocket!

The other occasion was getting my hair highlighted. Again I had very long hair, but I thought it needed a bit of a lift and highlights were going to do just that. I decided that I would save myself a bit of money (it’s not going to end well) and go as a ‘model’ at the salon.

This meant that a student would be let loose on my hair but would be supervised every step of the way by a senior stylist. It would cost a lot less too. Great, I trotted off, this time expecting that I was going to come out with brighter, shinier blonde hair, with that ‘natural’ sun-bleached look.

The student was very lovely, a little nervous, but that was to be expected. The first thing was she asked me to stand up whilst she brushed my hair through as it was long and kept catching on the back of the chair, I did this, but felt a little self-conscious. The next thing was she put one of those  caps on my head (I could sit down now) with holes in, Funny. I thought I was going to get some foils.

The supervisor glanced over now and again but without concern, so I just let the student get on with it. It was pretty hard to keep quiet though when she dug that crochet hook thing into a hole in the cap and dragged a long strand of my hair through. It did make me wince a bit. and my eyes water rather a lot, nor to mention the odd ‘owww’ and ‘oooh’ that escaped during the torture procedure!

Eventually, several hours later I exited the salon with hair exactly the same shade as when I went in and a bloody sore head! Of course when asked what I thought, I wimped out and said it was lovely (and gave a tip)!

I’m a lot older and wiser now and much more assertive so wouldn’t put up with a dodgy haircut now. However, bad it may look, I still wouldn’t be kicking holes in the walls though!

Episode 172: Don’t You Just Hate It When…. — February 20, 2015

Episode 172: Don’t You Just Hate It When….

We all have those moments in life. You know, the little irritations that serve no purpose other than to make your day just that little bit duller. Here are some of the things that really wind me up……

  • You have taken ages styling and straightening your hair (or have just been to the hairdressers) then get caught in a rainstorm (with no brolly)!
  • You get an unexpected cash windfall – then your car breaks down and is going to cost a fortune to repair. Those shoes will have to wait.
  • It’s taken ages to get off to sleep, but just as you feel yourself slipping off, you have a desperate urge to go to the loo.
  • You have spent ages cleaning the bathroom, and someone wants to have a bath.
  • You’re excited with the perfect gift you have bought for someone’s birthday – and someone else has bought it as well.
  • You save up for ages to buy something expensive, only to find it is in the sale a few days later!
  • You are invited to a friend’s house, and knock coffee all over her pristine carpet.
  • Your other half has mixed the loads in the washing machine again. Grey bras are not attractive!
  • You are desperate to go to the loo when you get to work, then realise there is no loo roll AFTER you have already been!
  • You realise you can’t walk in those gorgeous high heels that you just bought.
  • You go to use your best mascara only to find your daughter has been ‘practicing her make-up skills’ with it, and there is none left,
  • You go to read an old favourite book, only to remember you loaned it to someone ages ago!
  • You start to write a blog post and run out of ideas half-way through!!

What little niggles wind you up?

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