Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 61: Goodbye to NaBloPoMo!! — November 30, 2014

Episode 61: Goodbye to NaBloPoMo!!

Well that’s it, I did it! I managed to post every day throughout November. I have to admit that I have struggled at times. The delirium-induced posts written whilst in the throes of a raging fever; the frantic whizzing of ideas going round in my brain, refusing to be caught and plucked out for the next post; Oh yes, it has been pretty tough at times, but I am nothing if not determined, and I did not want to be beaten…

This last month has not only been demanding, but it has been very rewarding as well. I have encountered new people whose blogs have been a wonderful inspiration; I have had lots of support from others in the blogging community, and I’m starting to feel pretty comfy in the big wide blogosphere (I haven’t quite got my feet under the table yet, but hopefully that will come).

The fact that just over two months ago, I decided to take the plunge and start a blog, with no real clue of what the hell I was doing, (I am still only one step up from that actually) to getting a Liebster award and 94 followers, is nothing short of amazing to me. Thank you so much everyone, it’s fantastic to know that people are enjoying my blog.

I had already decided that I would post pretty regularly, but trying to produce something everyday was pretty hard work; however, somehow me and my fellow NaBloPoMoers pulled it off, and now, if we choose to, we can rest up, and recharge. I have found it daunting to write 30 posts that are entertaining (at least mildly), tell a story (even if written in rhyme), and are over a paragraph long!

At the very start of NaBloPoMo, I wrote a post describing what my blog was about and what to expect, which you can see here. I think I have stuck mostly to this theme of cringeworthy embarrassing moments, random silliness, dragging my poor family into my stories, and showing them up, as well as giving you some extra random facts about me that you’d probably rather not know!

All in all, it has been a really wonderful experience. The best thing of all to come out of it is definitely discovering the sense of community amongst bloggers. The support and encouragement they give to each other;  gaining confidence, building a rapport, discovering new concepts. This applies not just to NaBloPoMo but blogging in general. Being such a novice at all this, I am still barging about, trying to get my bearings (as well as understand some of the jargon)!

Well, I braced myself and have dipped my (funny) toe into the shallow end of blogging, then doggy paddled into the deep waters of NaBloPoMo, and although I flailed around a bit, out of my depth, I stayed afloat, bobbing about of the surface. I did not drown!

Episode 59: On The Home Straight…. — November 28, 2014

Episode 59: On The Home Straight….

The end is getting so near now

I’m starting to see through the fog

Only 3 more days of this pressure

In daily posting my blog!

So many subjects I’ve covered

My brain has been stretched to the max

Thoughts and ideas that are spinning

Oh how I need to relax!

I’ve ranted, I’ve rhymed and I’ve ruminated

On different parts of my life

I’ve aired, I’ve bared and I’ve shared

My tribulations, troubles and strife!

My tank is now running on empty

I’ve hardly got anything left

But I know that once this is over

I’m going to feel so bereft!

For how I have loved being part of

This challenge I set out to do

For not only was it great posting

I read some fantastic blogs too!

Episode 58: Judge Me for Who I Am, Not What I do!!! — November 27, 2014

Episode 58: Judge Me for Who I Am, Not What I do!!!

Isn’t it strange how very often a person is judged on the job that they do, or profession they choose. It even categorizes what ‘class’ you belong to.Very often, even now,when participating in any sort of consumer study or market research, the question is always asked as to, either the occupation of the ‘head of house’ (at least it is not assumed now that will automatically be a male) or the income of the main breadwinner, in order to determine which socio-economic group or class to slot people into.

People can be so snobby and superior if they don’t consider your job to be worthwhile or, if it required little or no qualifications, they assume that perhaps you must be a cretin and therefore unworthy of their attention. Mr Grump used to clean toilets a couple of years ago before his current job as a driver. (I may have mentioned before, but he is a trained and qualified chef, but after many years of stress and shift work, decided he wanted to do something different). I am an Associate Nurse  (not a Registered Nurse, I studied for 2 years not 3 as they do).

Anyway, the reason I mention it , is when we have met people and told them what we did for a living, we could see the disdain, and desire in them for a quick getaway to move on to someone else more interesting. (After all, we can’t be very clever if one of us cleans toilets and the other isn’t even a proper nurse)! Next time we got asked what we did for a living, we rather truthfully, but bluntly replied, “clean up other people’s shit”! If you are going to get a reaction, make it a good one!

I feel sorry for the stay-at-home-mums as well. Regardless of their skills, experience, knowledge and training, they have somehow, turned into an empty-headed, muzzy brained, frazzled mum, who does nothing all day but play with their kids and watch trash TV! Oh wouldn’t that be lovely if only it were true! What a bloody insult to be written off, as a non-entity who has nothing to talk about other than how well little Johnny is doing with his potty training, or how to treat cracked nipples when breastfeeding!

By the same token, people very often respect others with nice,trustworthy. middle class jobs, like doctors for example. (Ever heard of Dr Harold Shipman, one of Britain’s, if not the world’s, most prolific serial killers?) Oh yes, lovely man to have at a party. Just don’t introduce him to your wealthy elderly  aunty, or you might find that she meets an untimely demise under his expert ministrations! (Yes I know he killed himself now,but you get the point)!

So many swindlers, con men and fraudsters have supposedly ‘good’ jobs or are in respectable professions, just as there have been some awful abusive, spiteful and cruel people in ‘caring’ roles.Look at the dishonest Politicians,and their fake expenses claims,not to mention the philandering that goes on(and ends up in the Sunday Tabloids), What about the fat cat bosses and their huge pay rises? It is not  necessarily a safe assumption to base a person’s character on the nature of their work.

What do you think? Are you happy being judged on what you do, as opposed to who you are?

Episode 57: Oh No, Christmas Is Coming! — November 26, 2014

Episode 57: Oh No, Christmas Is Coming!

There’s only 4 weeks until Christmas

And I’ve not even started my shop

No presents, no food, and no booze yet

 I don’t even have any pop!

The town is all lit up and sparkling

Santa’s grotto has also arrived

The shops are blaring out music

The old Christmas favourites revived!

All the heart-warming adverts on TV

They are sure to bring a tear to the eye

But my festive spirit is lacking

And I’ve not even made a mince pie!

I really need to get started

There are so many things still to get

I will make more of an effort

But it’s still not  December yet!

Episode 55: Raining on My Parade…. — November 24, 2014

Episode 55: Raining on My Parade….

I was feeling a little heavy-headed when I got up yesterday; not really ‘with-it’, and lacking in energy and enthusiasm. Looking outside didn’t help matters either; grey, damp. miserable, just like my mood actually!…

I had wanted to try to do a bit of Christmas shopping, you know, be organised for once. Usually it is a maniacal, crazed dash around, last-minute panic buying , competing with the rest of the no-hopers who have disorganised lives. Not this year…I’m going to be one of those annoying people who have wrapped everything up (both figuratively and literally)  by December 1st!! Shame, I just wasn’t in the mood for it though…..

Miss Hap had been staying over at Nanny’s, and when asked if she wanted to come with us, sensibly declined our offer. So Mr Grump and I put on our new matching ‘His n Hers’ waterproof jackets  that he got us(actually they are more like ‘His n His’ jackets as mine is rather large as well as masculine looking, but it keeps the rain out) and  ventured out into the lashing rain!

We got to the town centre and it was quite deserted which was nice (not everyone was as keen to get soaked as we were). The Christmas lights had been turned on Saturday, and it was looking very festive through the rain (It was a big disappointment as most towns get a ‘celebrity’ turning on their lights, we got Postman Pat! I know he is a celebrity in his own right to the under 5’s, but for the rest of us,a bit of a let-down)!  I tried putting my hood up as the rain was getting heavier, but it totally blocked out my vision,(seeing as it was a bit on the massive side). Mr Grump fussed about with it, and sight restored, we headed to some shops further in the town.

After a while  I decided I needed a coffee, and as Mr Grump is back smoking again (busted)! we went to a cafe with tables and chairs outside. I went in to get the drinks and when I came out Mr Grump had bagged a table that had a parasol, so we enjoyed our coffee outside; only getting half soaked, as opposed to completely drenched if there had been no shelter. Suitably refreshed we traipsed off again. Suffice to say, we didn’t end up getting ANY Christmas shopping, I just couldn’t summon up enough motivation, plus I didn’t fancy getting bogged down with loads of bags, which would get soggy with the rain. We did however, get an extension lead, so we have enough space to plug in all the Christmas lights (when we can be bothered to put them up)! See, I AM getting organised.

Mr Grump then wanted to drag me to the Supermarket as of course we needed groceries. He didn’t think it fair for some reason, to drive all the way home, drop me off, then go out again on his own, so I huffily went with him. It was packed in there; obviously it is THE place to be on filthy Sunday morning.It took ages getting what we needed, but finally we went back to the car, and, as is the norm, I got in whilst Mr Grump opened the  boot, ready to unpack the shopping from the trolley…I was cold and crabby, and huddled down in my seat. I happened to glance up, out of the window, and saw Mr Grump haring off! Our trolley nowhere in sight. It must have rolled off whilst he was round the back of the car.

Sure enough, he came back pushing the errant trolley. It was still bucketing down with rain, and poor old Mr Grump was looking a little bedraggled. Well, if anything was going to put a smile on my face, then this was it. My shoulders were shaking as I watched him viciously manhandle the trolley to the back of the car, and start shoving everything in. I cackled as he muttered under his breath, and guffawed as he got in next to me and ranted! That cheered me up!

Episode 54: Nobody Likes A Smart Arse! — November 23, 2014

Episode 54: Nobody Likes A Smart Arse!

Oh how I wish I wasn’t such a dunce with technology. Don’t get me wrong, I know my way around a computer (at least enough to be able to use the basics for home and work), and I can manage to call and text from my mobile phone (aren’t I clever)?! but that is just about all I can do, and I feel like I am not only missing out, but lagging behind!

I’m sick of everything being ‘smart’! Phones, TVs, you name it, ‘smart’ is the thing to be. Well that’s all well and good, but when you have a bloody idiot like me trying to use these things, I am well and truly outwitted, and have to rely on others (Mr Grump and Miss Hap are both very tech savvy) to help me work things out, as I am  certainly not smart enough!

Take my mobile for example; I remember trying to video Miss Hap’s Sports Day on it.  When she won the skipping race (I was so thrilled, especially as she managed not to trip over the rope like I would have done) and I thought I had captured her triumph on  my phone. Looking at the footage, it was shaky, several people’s heads are in the way at times, and it seemed like I was about a mile away from the action. I don’t like to mess about with any settings, but apparently I could have zoomed in a bit more to actually SEE my daughter’s features!

Our super-duper 3D TV with its superior intelligence, also mocks my ham-fisted attempts to utilise it properly. I know it has the internet, and I can synch it up with my laptop, should I wish to. I did wish to actually, I had just got the Sims 4 (I know it’s a dreadful addiction, but I’ve given up the fags and sweet food, so am allowed one vice) and I was told that I could play my game on the laptop,but somehow project it onto the TV screen which I thought would be great.I will never know though because I can’t bloody do it and neither can the other two!

That brings me to the laptop, or more generally the Internet. Oh the wonders of the web; the things you can do; the fun you can have. Well I want to have a bit of a rant actually because I can’t do things; it’s not for want of trying though. I try to teach myself, I get tutorials, I look at help pages, I ask others, but no, I am still a disaster.

Now that I have really got into blogging, I have been trying to tweak my website a bit to make it look a little more polished, I have seen some wonderful blogs which are so professional  looking, with links here and separate pages there! Oh how I envy them, I tried creating a  new Facebook profile just for my blog, but realised it’s not really going to work unless I use my actual name as I won’t be able to add my friends! After all, I have now actually put a pic up (brace yourselves)!

I think I’m going to have to bite the bullet, and get my daughter to sit with me to help my poor brain  understand the fundamentals of being ‘smart’. I don’t want my stupidity being taken advantage of by all this clever technology!

Episode 53: Our Pet Pooch! — November 22, 2014

Episode 53: Our Pet Pooch!

Although my parents had a dog when I was younger, I’ve never had one myself, until 2 years ago when Roxy came into our family…..

I had mentioned to Mr Grump that I would love to have a dog; he loves all animals so was definitely in agreement. We also thought it would be lovely for Miss Hap to have a pet to love and learn how to look after. Of course, we wanted to make sure that we got the right dog for us, that would fit into our family, and that we would be able to give the right care to.I had also done a bit of research online as well, to see what types of dog were good with children, and amongst my favourites were the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

We decided that we wanted to get a rescue dog if possible, as there are so many pets that need re-homing. We contacted a few centres locally but they mostly had large dogs or staffies, which I didn’t think would be right for us. I e-mailed one centre and asked to be considered if they had any small dogs that needed placing, left my contact details and left it at that.

About a fortnight later when I got in from work Mr Grump asked me to phone the rescue centre which I did. They informed me that a young mum with 5 kids,and a puppy that she couldn’t take care of as it was too boisterous!  She needed them to come and get it NOW before she dumped it. The rescue centre asked if I would be interested which of course I was. All she knew was that it was a Cavalier King Charles spaniel puppy, just what we were looking for. I contacted the woman direct who invited us to come and see her. we were straight on the motorway and an hour later met little Roxy for the first time…..

We were all instantly smitten with her. She was so excited to see us, jumping up at us, tail going like the clappers; she had actually been very well looked after, she was microchipped and had all her injections; the harassed woman just came to the end of her tether as she had so much going on!  We ended up taking her home with us that evening along with all of her paraphernalia! The rescue centre were amazed when we told them, but thrilled that Roxy had got a new loving home.

On the journey home, Roxy snuggled into my lap, and was as good as gold. She settled in with us so quickly it was unbelievable.Mr Grump took charge of feeding her and taking her out for walks, and Roxy absolutely adores him! About a week after getting her we took her to the beach.  I went in for a swim with my sister and her labrador Milo came bounding in after us. Two minutes later I saw this little face and flapping ears working its way towards me, Roxy wanted to join in.

Of course, she soon knew how to get around Mr Grump, and he spoils her rotten! She sits on his lap in the evenings and trots off after him everywhere, as she knows that she will often get an extra treat, looking up at him with her beguiling eyes. She sleeps in our room (her little bed didn’t last long), but always noses into Miss Hap’s room before bed to make sure she is ok!

She does get a little jealous though if Mr Grump shows affection to anyone (or anything else). If I ever dare to sit with Mr Grump then she will either turn her back on us, and sulk, or she will paw at me trying to get me away!  She doesn’t like being late for her walk either and if Mr Grump thinks he might get a sneaky lie-in on the weekend he is very much mistaken. She will jump on his head to wake him up, then race downstairs and bark at the coat rack until he gets his jacket on to go out.

I feel so blessed that we have Roxy in our lives… it was such a coincidence how we came to get her, and I am so pleased that she is now a member of our family.

Episode 52: Optimistically Pessimistic! — November 21, 2014

Episode 52: Optimistically Pessimistic!

I’m afraid I am one of life’s worriers. If I have something to worry about then so much the better, if not I will just worry because things are going well, and that always means that something bad is about to happen! I have tried to change my ways, even on occasion, being positive, but to no avail. It just doesn’t suit me being a ‘glass half-full’ type of person!

Now don’t get me wrong, being a worrier does not equate to being a miserable sod. Far from it (although I am one of those unfortunate people who has the type of face that complete strangers feel the need to say to me, “Cheer up love, it may never happen)”  well actually it has now they have said that to me for no reason, but I laugh it off through gritted teeth, as to come out with a rude reply would have ME worrying that I have offended THEM!

I worry when I  meet new people  because I am usually a little quiet until I get to know someone A couple of years ago I  applied for University as part of my job role. I didn’t know any of the other 25 students who were going to  be studying with me, and my God didn’t I worry about that!…Would I be the oldest student there? Would I appear stupid as I am so quiet? All this kind of stuff would run through my head. However it didn’t stop me going for it, and I made some really good friends, AND even gave presentations in front of the group (we had no choice, but I did it)!

I worry about my daughter constantly. She tends to say exactly what she thinks, and it can (and does) get her into trouble sometimes. She has problems understanding diplomacy and tact, and struggles to understand what effect her words might have on people’s feelings (She has Asperger’s).Last night at her school’s ‘academic review’ one of her teachers was asking her how she enjoyed ‘Community Day’ (The school is divided up into various communities and once a month they do fun activities and games) “I can’t even remember it” sulked my daughter who was mad because she didn’t want to go to her review. Mr Grump and I cringed as she gave one monotonous answer after another, being deliberately obtuse to make everyone aware of her displeasure at being dragged along. She didn’t even cheer up when she was praised for her achievements! This of course made me worry what the teacher must have thought of us, as well as how I was going to teach my daughter that some things in life have to be endured, with good grace, and a bit of enthusiasm! After all, we were all there for her benefit.

Being clumsy of course, has its own disadvantages when you are a worrier like me. I have lost count of the times I have made a grand entrance,   rather than the subtle one I would have preferred, due to the fact that I  have tripped over something which has led to me stumbling headlong into the room. On one occasion at work I had gone into a side room to dress an old lady’s badly ulcerated legs. She was not the most timid of patients and liked to speak her mind. Anyway, I spent a  long time ensuring a made a good job of the legs, and that she was comfortable. As I was cleaning the metal equipment trolley I had used afterwards, I misaligned the top tray so that it landed with a clatter and an almighty crash to the floor, startling us both, . “Get out of here you noisy bitch” raged my patient!

I know that to some extent, everyone worries about something, after all it is human nature. I just wish that I could lighten up a bit at times, and just ‘go with the flow’ instead of over-analysing things, and making something out of nothing. I long to breeze through life without a care…but I know that even if my glass was half full rather than half empty, I would probably knock it over anyway!

I would love to know if there are any other worriers out there!

Episode 50: Rebel Yell….. — November 19, 2014

Episode 50: Rebel Yell…..

When I was in my mid 30’s, I had just got out of a very unhealthy 10 year marriage. My ex was pretty controlling as a husband, and being young, inexperienced (and scared) I became very subservient to him; so when I finally plucked up the courage to divorce him rebellion was on my mind!

Never again was I going to kowtow to anyone, so for the first time in a decade, I actually went out drinking with my family, wearing make-up AND a  reasonably short skirt (not too short you understand, I was no spring chicken anymore)! I just wanted to do some of the things that had been denied to me throughout my marriage, that ‘normal’ people my age did!

At the time piercings and tattoos were really becoming popular. Oooh. I quite fancied the idea of getting my nose pierced, and now there was no-one to stop me, so I headed off into town excitedly to get the job done. A couple of teenagers were before me, and I was impressed at how quick and painless the whole procedure seemed to be. I felt a bit of an old crock compared to them but hey, this was going to be the new me and now it was my turn. I stood patiently as the little felt tip dot was drawn on my left nostril where it was going to be pierced, and was prepared to get my new pretty nose stud. “OOWWWWWW SHIIIIIIT  that bloody hurt” I bellowed at the poor bloke who had just punctured my nose. My eyes were streaming, my nose was snotty, (that really set off my new jewellery perfectly) and I was in agony!

I felt sorry for myself all the way back to my parent’s house where I was staying. My nose was red and painful, as were my eyes. I went to the kitchen to show my Mum (she is pretty old school and very traditional) “What the bloody hell have you gone and done to your nose. You’re not a bloody teenager for Christ’s sake” . So much for the compliment!. She didn’t speak to me for about a week and avoided looking at me in case she caught a glimpse of the offending nose stud (I was in my 30s for crying out loud)!!!

A few months after this I went to Dorset with one of my brothers and his family. We were staying in a house not too far away from where my Dad lived, and we were going to meet up with him and step-mum on the beach a bit later….Anyway, me and my sister-in-law  had to go somewhere first! I have known her since I was 11 years old, and she is like another sister, We had been talking, and both of us decided that we rather liked the idea of getting a tattoo. We knew there was a place by the beach and we wanted to call in to have a look.

My brother took the kids off to the beach and we both tentatively entered the tattoo parlour. It had only just opened for the day, so we were the only two in there. I loved a design of a dolphin (I knew i would get something that reminded me of the sea) and after a bit of to-ing and fro-ing decided that I  would get it done. My sister-in-law was still contemplating whether or not she was brave enough, so I offered to go first and said I would tell her if it hurt!

I accompanied the tattooist into a little room off the waiting area. I decided I was going to have the tattoo on my lower back so  had to sit the wrong way round astride a chair with my top off so he could do it. If I  thought having my nose pierced hurt , that was just a little scratch compared to this pain! I was squirming and writhing about which annoyed the tattooist, who kept telling me to keep still.The next thing is the door opened and an assistant walked in, In the brief few seconds the door was open I could see my sister-in-law in the waiting room and not wanting to scare her, I contorted my features into a smile (more of a grimace really) and eventually the tattoo was completed.

My sister-in-law was brave enough to get a small one done on her shoulder, and both of us came out of there with a bloody great white dressing over the tattoos which had to be kept on until the evening. We walked down to the beach in the brilliant sunlight and went to join the others.  Dad was there already which was nice. Everyone was in and out of the sea having a great time. Dad questioned me as to why I wasn’t going in for a swim(very unlike me), Unfortunately, we had been told not to get the tattoo wet or expose it to the sun for a while. Stupidly we hadn’t thought to get them done at the end of our stay, and now we had to forego a lovely swim to cool off in the searing heat! I did actually bite the bullet and tell my dad what I had just done, expecting a lecture, but he thought it was great!

Needless to say, due to my extreme aversion to pain, and the fact that I am a total wimp, I have had no more piercings (I took the nose stud out after a few years) and neither have I had any more tattoos (although I do love my dolphin). If it involves any type of pain, then I decided that I am far too cowardly to be a rebel!!

Episode 49: Cleaning out my Closet! — November 18, 2014

Episode 49: Cleaning out my Closet!

I am in dire need of a wardrobe overhaul. This morning as I was carrying out the depressing task of finding something to wear, I came across a bright colourful top I hadn’t worn for ages. Instead of wearing the usual black (I am still sticking to the myth that it is more slimming), I thought I would live a little, and wear the top with some trousers that match it perfectly…..

I looked through the hangers jam-packed in my wardrobe for the trousers, but without success. Funny, I know they are in here somewhere. I looked again, more frantically this time…nope….now I was on a mission….finding those bloody trousers was of paramount importance!  I pulled stuff out, ransacked the shelves…no trousers!  They seem to have gone into that void where the odd socks, stray gloves, and favourite knickers go!

Perhaps now is the time to actually go through my wardrobes and drawers and chuck out some of the stuff I no longer need. As I was rifling through, I noticed sparkly tops that had lost a few sequins and also some of their lustre; some chunky knit cardigans that  are a bit threadbare, bobbly jumpers, some lovely cream trousers( unfortunately 2 sizes too small now) plus a load of  unflattering, clingy (in all the wrong places) dresses, not to mention some grubby, grotty looking t-shirts that had seen better days (probably back in the 1980s when they were new)!

My problem is I can’t bear to let go of things. As well as my bulging wardrobes, I have suitcases and bags of clothes in the loft, those space-saving bags full of clothes in the airing cupboard, and even a couple of bits I have stashed in Miss-Hap’s wardrobe! You never know when you might want to wear something again, so clothes I have loved in the past have been kept ‘just in case’!

I have got clothes in a full range of sizes, as my shape has altered over the years, The smaller items I kid myself that I will be able to fit into again one day, and the larger ones are worst case scenario for if I put weight on again! Along with my clothes I have got a load of handbags and shoes (as most women know, you can NEVER have enough shoes) in different styles and colours.

I know there is no way I will be able to wear some of those shoes anymore. For a start, I do not have the best track record for even being able to stand up in some of the sky-scraping heels I have, let alone attempt to walk in them. However, they are pretty and some are sparkly, so I need to keep hold of them for ‘special occasions’. Same with the bags. Although I only tend to use one or two, it is more a case of me being too lazy to keep changing over the entire contents from one bag to another. If I rectify this, then I can justify keeping the bags. Sorted!

For some reason, I have also got a drawer which is mainly for swimwear! Now when you have a figure like mine, the pink and white spotted bikini with big buttons, only looks good on the hanger or in my imagination; otherwise it just stays neglected in the swimwear drawer along with the sassy little brown candy stripe bikini, two tankinis and numerous ‘mumsy’ one-piece swimming costumes (that  only come out at the swimming pool.).

I need to get myself motivated for the mammoth task, and try to be ruthless in culling my wardrobe and drawers. It’s not going to be easy though. I bet that I still end up talking myself out of getting rid of any of it!

I would love to know if I am in the minority with my cluttered cupboards; does anyone else have loads of clothes but ‘nothing to wear’ like me, or are you the types that have ‘capsule’ wardrobes and minimal clutter?

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