Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 411: Nice Sales Pitch! — July 11, 2015

Episode 411: Nice Sales Pitch!

As some of you may know, we are in the midst of a heat wave at the moment here in the UK, and of course some of us are suffering due to the heat, which quite frankly we are not used to.

I am not going to moan about the weather this time, just tell you a couple of funny stories. The first one was on Thursday afternoon. I came home from work and Mr Grump was out, he had finished a little before me and my sister and niece had phoned him up to see if he wanted to join them at a local pub for a pint.

Never one to miss such an opportunity, he jumped at the chance. After all, a nice refreshing beer in this heat is rather welcome. The pub is recently under new management and they are doing their best to encourage some more punters in, offering SKY Sports TV, showing all the football, and a new menu .However, their biggest boast was the fact that they are ‘doing their bit for the regulars in this heat wave by watering down the beer!’

I was working today and as I have mentioned it is stifling hot up on the ward, and everyone moans about it (we are allowed to go tightless now though). Relatives are hot and flustered, and staff are dripping with sweat (literally) and florid of face!

The only people who do not complain are the patients who relish the heat. Having said that, it was so hot up there today we actually had the windows open and none of the patients asked us to close them.

Around 10 o’clock whilst we are still trying to carry out our morning washes on the patients, (we have all got gloves & aprons on). we hear the dreaded sound of ‘ne-ner-ne-ner STAGE 1 ALERT.’ Oh no, not the bloody fire alarm! This means that there could be a fire on the same floor but not necessarily near our ward. It does mean however that we have to go around and shut every window and door as a precaution!

To say that was rather a fraught half hour until we were told to ‘STAND DOWN’ would be rather an understatement!

Episode 332: Make Mine A Pint Please! — May 17, 2015

Episode 332: Make Mine A Pint Please!

Yesterday evening was unexpectedly pleasant, and after having a bit of a rough couple of weeks, in one way or the other, Mr Grump suggested we take the 5 minute walk down to the local pub, and take Roxy with us. She always loves an extra walk loves it when we sit outside at the pub as people quite often make a fuss of her.

We met up with Miss Hap who was with her friend at the park; she stayed long enough to cadge some money for some sweets, before deciding that the park was much more fun than sitting with us old gits and going back off to play.

As the back garden of the pub was packed, we sat at one of the two tables out the front which was like a little sun trap. There are a number of shops there as well as the vet’s surgery where Roxy goes to get her jabs when needed. (She is the only dog I know that loves the vets and tires to drag us in there every time we walk past).

Sure enough, when Mr Grump went in to get our drinks a little girl came over and made a huge fuss of Roxy which she loved. Mr Grump came out with the drinks and a couple of packets of my favourite steak crisps which Roxy is rather partial to as well.

As you can see by the photo, Roxy loves a drop of beer and Mr Grump let her have some of the froth from his, although I am sure she would have drunk the lot if he had let her! Luckily they both managed to walk home ok!

Episode 92: Barrel of Laughs! — January 8, 2015

Episode 92: Barrel of Laughs!

I’ve noticed lately that Mr Grump has got a little pot belly on him. He still looks skinny,but there is this little bit of podge around his tummy that he needs to get rid of.He has also been giving our dog Roxy a few too many treats, as he spoils her rotten. Now when she flops down on my lap or crawls over me to get to him, I am almost winded,as she seems substantially heavier than before.

It goes without saying that I too need to lose weight. I am sick of looking like a barrel; no shape at all, and whereas before my legs were quite slim, they are beginning to resemble tree trunks now and that won’t do. Having watched a programme on TV this morning about people that were ‘too fat to work’ I put down the nutcrackers (we still have a few nuts left over from Christmas) and decided that I  had better get a grip of myself! (not that hard really as there is rather a lot of me to grip).

I don’t want to end up like some of these unfortunate souls who get ridiculed in the street, not to mention suffer from all sorts of ailments associated with being overweight. However sometimes it is a slow process that gradually creeps up until you get on the scales and freak out!  I think it is time to nip things in the bud and take action.

I was really cross to hear about one of our British ‘Celebrities’ who won ‘The Apprentice’ some years ago, who stated that she would never employ a fat person as they were lazy, or words to that effect. She then said there was no excuse whatsoever to be overweight and to prove it she put on nearly 4 stone (about 50 lbs, or 25kg roughly) which she said she would lose again to show how easy it is!

She bloody did it as well, and in fact lost more that she gained in only 3 months! To top it off she  made a TV programme about it  (You can read about it here if you are interested).On the one hand this makes me feel guilty as there is no excuse for me being overweight; on the other hand it makes me annoyed, as some people do genuinely have problems losing weight, and she is belittling them ( I cannot include myself in this group as I just love my food).

Anyway, I have a habit of comfort eating, especially at the moment, and fruit just doesn’t cut it for me like a packet of crisps does! I wish I could be like Mr Grump who sometimes ‘doesn’t feel hungry’ . I always feel hungry. Well the unhealthy snacks will have to go, as will the rather generous portions Mr Grump serves up at mealtimes (He loves feeding people up, – and dogs too for that matter)!

Mr Grump’s weakness is beer (or bitter to be precise). He does like to have a few cans at the weekend to relax, but they have been taking their toll, hence the ‘muffin top’, and the loosening of his belt.  Mind you it won’t be long before his stomach is as flat as his arse as he is pretty disciplined (unlike me)!  I think he will have more of a problem not  being able to feed the rest of us up than he will losing weight.

Miss Hap will of course be appalled. She is pretty solid but burns off a tremendous amount of energy due to her constantly being on the go. The mere mention of the words ‘diet’ and ‘healthy’ will put her in a strop, and it will be a nightmare getting her to eat her meals. (It is bad enough already when she thinks that her ‘cook from frozen’ school dinners taste better than our home-cooked offerings).

Poor old Roxy will no longer be getting the odd sly sausage, or the left-overs from Miss Hap’s plate after dinner. She will no doubt be sulking along with Miss Hap when we get started on our new regime.

It’s going to be a bit fraught around here for a while, I reckon!

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