Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

We Will Remember Them — October 26, 2017

We Will Remember Them

I wrote this for those we wish to remember…

 

He wanted to serve his country

And do his duty as a man

He signed up for the Army

Just as soon as the war began

He just had his nineteenth birthday

And was at the start of his adult life

He had found the perfect woman

That was going to be his wife

She asked him not to leave her

And cried so many tears

He tried to reassure her

To cast aside her fears

The day for him to leave came

She waved as he boarded the train

Little did she know then

She would never see him again

He met with fellow soldiers

Who seemed like decent blokes

They passed the journey laughing

And telling dirty jokes.

The smiles soon left their faces

When they were marched across the mud

And taken to huge trenches

That stank of rotting flesh and blood.

These would be his home now

Along with many other men

He would know no creature comforts

Nor would he see home again

The weather was appalling

His clothes were sopping wet

The food supplies were dwindling

Sometimes stale bread was all he ate.

There were rats all running rampant

He picked lice out of his hair

The constant sound of gunfire

Was almost more than he could bear

Death was all around him

So many friends were shot

His body was wracked with sores now

And his foot had begun to rot.

He had wanted to make a difference

And fight for what he believed

But this never-ending battle

Was worse than he conceived

It was his turn to be lookout

As so many had before

He was weary and dejected

From this bloody, grisly war

He thought about his fiancée

The girl he’d left at home

Tears threatened to engulf him

He felt so desperate and alone

He didn’t feel the bullet

As it pierced right through his brain

His body still and lifeless

His blood, crimson in the rain

*****

I honour all those soldiers

Who lost their lives and died

We indeed will remember them

As we wear our poppies with pride

Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+) — September 1, 2015

Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+)

Sex is fraught with the potential for embarrassment, and a good sense of humour very often ‘comes in handy’  (if you’ll pardon the pun) to deal with some of the most common cringeworthy moments that most of us have encountered at some stage in our sexual shenanigans!

  1. Things are heating up, the pace is getting faster, and more passionate, then…. PARPPPPP. Oh No, someone has let one off! You both freeze as the horror of the moment sinks in; hopefully things will resume pretty quickly afterwards and the mood is not lost!
  2. Ready for a bit of bedroom action, everything is going well….kissing and touching,  breathing is getting heavier, your body is responding to the sensuous caresses but something is not quite right. You have noticed that your partner has backed off just  a little. You are getting to the point now where touching is not enough, and as you reach for him, you realise that he is not quite ‘ready’. This is a bit of a tricky situation. You could try other things to ‘perk things up’  but sometimes it is just ‘flogging a dead horse’, or you could sulk, turn your back and seethe! The other option of course, is to just snuggle up together and reassure that it doesn’t matter.
  3. If you have quite sensitive skin on your face, this one could be a problem. After a long, long night of hot and heavy action, and hours of passionate kissing, you might wake up in the morning with what looks like friction burns on your chin! I have actually had this happen to me and have had to think up some pretty (lame) excuse at work the next day as to how I got ‘that awful burn’ on my chin.
  4. Waking up the next morning only to find there is a patch of blood on the sheets! Mother Nature had paid you an unexpected visit during the night. Mortifying!
  5. Feeling sick just when things are getting going. This is really awkward as you cannot enjoy what is happening if there is a possibility of puking all over your partner! They won’t appreciate it either.
  6. You have got a bit of unexpected child-free time that you decide to take advantage of during the day. You have a bit of ‘afternoon delight’ with your partner, and as you are lying together in the afterglow, you can hear sounds of kids playing outside. You realise that all the bedroom windows are open and that half the street probably heard what you have been up to. Cringe!
  7. Whilst showing off your agility and flexibility getting into all sorts of interesting positions, you are attacked by CRAMP. It’s no good, you twist this way and that way trying to alleviate it, then end up leaping up and hopping about yowling in pain as it won’t go away! Passion is killed!
Episode 285: Wacky Wedding Cakes! — April 13, 2015

Episode 285: Wacky Wedding Cakes!

Planning a wedding can be quite a traumatic affair (trust me on this one, I have had a lot of experience here)! There is the dress, the flowers, the venue …..well, I could go on and on here, but you get the picture.

One of the centrepiece of a lovely wedding has got to be the cake. Some people have huge, fancy cakes with numerous tiers, others have lots of chocolate cup cakes. There are so many wonderful cakes that capture the spirit of the occasion.

It is also quite a pivotal moment when the bride and groom get to cut the cake. Everyone gathers around to watch the symbolic act, and it is always an opportunity to take a nice photo…..unless of course, they have chosen a creepy clown for their choice of confectionery!

This reminds me of the character from ‘It’ the Stephen King book that scared me to death (I am a terrible wimp)! I am not sure that I want to be tucking into someone’s brain, or poking their eye out with my fork. It seems a bit savage for my liking!

I know that for many couples the cake means something to them both, and I am all for the sentiment ‘Till death do us part,’ but some people take it a little to literally!

I have found a few more bizarre wedding cake pics here that makes me wonder what the hell the future is going to hold for these ‘happy

 

!’weddingcakegross

 

 

 

 

 

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Episode 264: Snail’s Nails — March 30, 2015

Episode 264: Snail’s Nails

Doing the job that I do, you have to have a pretty strong stomach at times, It is quite ironic really, as I  have always been pretty squeamish! I even have to look away in horror and action movies when there is too much blood and gore, regardless of the fact that of course, it is not real.

Mr Grump is totally the opposite, He loves it. He enjoys a good ‘fly on the wall’ hospital documentary where someone is having half their head drilled, or sawn off before a surgeon delves in and started poking about, pulling things around, or talking bits out. He is thrilled to see broken bones sticking out of skin, and blood pouring out massive wounds, he nudges me to draw my attention to it, but I don’t want to know.

However, when I am at work I can deal with blood, pus,puke, poo, festering wounds and horrible scars. As much as they can be pretty unpleasant at the time, I deal with it, then cringe about it later!

I might have mentioned before that I do not like feet! We have this poor old lady in that had probably not had her toenails cut for well over 10 years. They are so bad that the big toenail is all curled over and ridged, All the other nails are long too and dig into the adjacent toes although the patient says they do not hurt her.

Anyway, yesterday I was helping another member of staff to wash her, and as the patient turned over, she let out a squeal and complained that her toe hurt. Sure enough it was bleeding slightly, We got some dressings quickly and dressed the toe. The huge nail had completely come off in one piece.

Once we had finished I looked in the sheet. There was this huge chunk of nail, almost like an empty snail shell…except that it had a bit of skin still attached to it!…I felt a little queasy!

What makes you squeamish?

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