Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 174: Stung By The Sewing Bee! — February 21, 2015

Episode 174: Stung By The Sewing Bee!

The Great British Sewing Bee had started its third series so be warned! I was addicted to the first two, bought both the books, and tried out some of the patterns.

Let’s just say that I am a little ‘inexperienced’ at the moment, and also the patterns do not seem to be designed for my shape at all! (Ok, I’m just rubbish at it)!

Of course now that it is back on again, I have renewed interest in all things home-sewn and once I have bought this new book, I will be desperate to make some of the amazing garments from the show.

There will be no end of swearing,stomping about and unpicking, but maybe, just maybe I will actually produce something that I can wear, or is useful this time!  So beware, I might even post a picture one day if anything turns out right!

Episode 168: Stressing To Impress! — February 17, 2015

Episode 168: Stressing To Impress!

Next week, I have been invited (it is compulsory) to attend a ‘Team Building’ session at work for a whole day of activities. As you may know I work for the NHS, looking after elderly patients. All of the staff have been divided up into three teams headed by a Sister, with Staff Nurses, Associate Nurse (or Practitioner) and Healthcare Assistants.

My dilemma is this: we have been asked to wear clothes that reflect who were are. Hmmmm, this is a bit tricky as I don’t even know who I am yet despite my advancing years! I know that many people are defined by their jobs, but I suspect that is what we are trying to get away from!

I could turn up in my pyjamas. after all, I do seem to spend rather a lot of time in them! When I get home, I like nothing better than to have a nice bath, and get comfy in my PJs. However, I don’t think I have a pair that are suitable for public viewing; even my Betty Boop ones (of which I have many pairs) are a little scruffy now, and a bit short in the leg.

I am well-known for being clumsy, so what about a protective suit of armour? I could make a lovely grand entrance, clanking my way up the stairs and into the lecture theatre! I should imagine it would be a bit heavy, and perhaps movement may be a little restricted. The visor may even be considered a barrier to communicating to my team-mates. Not sure about this one; I may be shielded from accidents but would probably need to be treated for exhaustion, or rust!

My usual clothes are ones that do not set me apart from anyone else in any way really. I do tend to dress in black a lot, and I wear long tops and leggings mostly. It fits quite well with my personality in that I blend into the crowd, I don’t like drawing attention to myself much, and I am still just a little on the shy side.

However, I am trying to come out of myself more. I know all of my colleagues very well, and at work I am more confident, and assertive (I have to be). I was discussing with Mr Grump what he thought summed me up as a person, and he said it just as I was thinking it.

love the 1950s and the fashions that were around at that time, during the summer months, especially on special occasions I wear one of my ‘Hell Bunny’ dresses as I love their designs. I actually own one similar to the photograph which I call my ‘Minnie Mouse’ dress.

I know it is the middle of winter. Yes, it is freezing cold. ‘ll probably have to wear tights and proper shoes as opposed to bare legs and my matching red and white spotty wedges, and of course I’ll need a cardigan or something. Never mind.

It definitely reflects who I am, a bit dotty, utterly inappropriate (I still always burst out laughing at the most inopportune times), and it has hidden depths!

I think it pretty much sums me up!

Episode 109: Growing Old Disgracefully…… — January 17, 2015

Episode 109: Growing Old Disgracefully……

I have been pretty negative about the process of aging recently and how I am starting to feel (not to mention look) old. I have decided that there must be some positives to being older, and here are a few things that I have noticed….

You can say what you ‘bloody well like’, in the words of my 82-year-old mother! Yes, once you reach a ripe old age you have earned the right to say what you like about anything; regardless of whether or not it causes offence or hurts anyone’s feelings. I have been in the supermarket with Mum when she has told the assistant on the deli counter that she ‘doesn’t want that plastic ham’ or she’s ‘not paying that much for a bit of cheese’ etc. They can’t decide whether or not she is joking but soon get the message when she turns on her heel and just stomps (well hobbles nowadays unfortunately) off! I. or my sisters (whoever has the pleasure of being with her)  are left cringing in her wake, rolling our eyes at the bewildered assistant.

She likes to say what she thinks about members of the family too. Either directly, once she told me that a trouser suit I had bought would look better on my sister as ‘she has got the figure for it’. Very true, but I was gutted, and never wore it again! Or indirectly, as in when someone has left the room and before they are even out of earshot she will remark about how much weight they have ‘piled on’ or how awful their outfit is!

Another advantage is selective hearing. This can come in very handy when you don’t want to do something. For example, my Mum hates putting her heating on, and would rather sit there shivering under a blanket than be nice and cosy in a warm room. So when any of us walk in to her little icebox, the conversation goes something like this.

“Why haven’t you got your heating on?”

“What?”

” I SAID, WHY HAVEN’T YOU GOT YOUR HEATING ON?”

“I cant’ hear a bloody word you are saying!”

Leaning over and bellowing in her ear,

“WHY IS THE HEATING NOT ON?!”

” Can you put my hearing aid in, it’s over there?”

By now, I have lost the will to go on, but will dutifully get the hearing aid which is whistling and shrieking, and put it in for her, and then just go and turn the heating on myself. It’s easier.

However, if I had whispered to my sister a bit of gossip about someone, she would have heard that and put her two penneth in!

When you are older, and supposedly wiser, you are an asset to any quiz team! There are always questions about the old days. Games like Trivial Pursuit and other question based games normally require a good range of general knowledge, and of historical events.It stands to reason that n older person on the team is a bonus (providing they have their hearing aids in, of course)!

You can dress with abandon, wearing whatever you like in whatever colour combinations you choose when you are older. Who cares about being colour-co-ordinated any more. Many elderly people I have encountered (which amounts to quite a few), are very  uninhibited in their dress sense. Why shouldn’t you wear reds, green and blues ALL at the same time! Who gives a toss about what others think?!!

You can nod off at the drop of a hat. Think Grandpa Simpson here, and his amazing ability to fall asleep, even mid-sentence! Yes, when you are older,nobody thinks it odd if you fall asleep at inappropriate times. How great is that? If you have a social function that you are obligated to go to but are not keen, it doesn’t matter! You can just have a snooze whenever you want and no-one will think you are rude. Far from it, they will probably think you are very sweet and endearing!

Those are just a few of the benefits I have come up with to being older…. are there any I have missed?

Episode 49: Cleaning out my Closet! — November 18, 2014

Episode 49: Cleaning out my Closet!

I am in dire need of a wardrobe overhaul. This morning as I was carrying out the depressing task of finding something to wear, I came across a bright colourful top I hadn’t worn for ages. Instead of wearing the usual black (I am still sticking to the myth that it is more slimming), I thought I would live a little, and wear the top with some trousers that match it perfectly…..

I looked through the hangers jam-packed in my wardrobe for the trousers, but without success. Funny, I know they are in here somewhere. I looked again, more frantically this time…nope….now I was on a mission….finding those bloody trousers was of paramount importance!  I pulled stuff out, ransacked the shelves…no trousers!  They seem to have gone into that void where the odd socks, stray gloves, and favourite knickers go!

Perhaps now is the time to actually go through my wardrobes and drawers and chuck out some of the stuff I no longer need. As I was rifling through, I noticed sparkly tops that had lost a few sequins and also some of their lustre; some chunky knit cardigans that  are a bit threadbare, bobbly jumpers, some lovely cream trousers( unfortunately 2 sizes too small now) plus a load of  unflattering, clingy (in all the wrong places) dresses, not to mention some grubby, grotty looking t-shirts that had seen better days (probably back in the 1980s when they were new)!

My problem is I can’t bear to let go of things. As well as my bulging wardrobes, I have suitcases and bags of clothes in the loft, those space-saving bags full of clothes in the airing cupboard, and even a couple of bits I have stashed in Miss-Hap’s wardrobe! You never know when you might want to wear something again, so clothes I have loved in the past have been kept ‘just in case’!

I have got clothes in a full range of sizes, as my shape has altered over the years, The smaller items I kid myself that I will be able to fit into again one day, and the larger ones are worst case scenario for if I put weight on again! Along with my clothes I have got a load of handbags and shoes (as most women know, you can NEVER have enough shoes) in different styles and colours.

I know there is no way I will be able to wear some of those shoes anymore. For a start, I do not have the best track record for even being able to stand up in some of the sky-scraping heels I have, let alone attempt to walk in them. However, they are pretty and some are sparkly, so I need to keep hold of them for ‘special occasions’. Same with the bags. Although I only tend to use one or two, it is more a case of me being too lazy to keep changing over the entire contents from one bag to another. If I rectify this, then I can justify keeping the bags. Sorted!

For some reason, I have also got a drawer which is mainly for swimwear! Now when you have a figure like mine, the pink and white spotted bikini with big buttons, only looks good on the hanger or in my imagination; otherwise it just stays neglected in the swimwear drawer along with the sassy little brown candy stripe bikini, two tankinis and numerous ‘mumsy’ one-piece swimming costumes (that  only come out at the swimming pool.).

I need to get myself motivated for the mammoth task, and try to be ruthless in culling my wardrobe and drawers. It’s not going to be easy though. I bet that I still end up talking myself out of getting rid of any of it!

I would love to know if I am in the minority with my cluttered cupboards; does anyone else have loads of clothes but ‘nothing to wear’ like me, or are you the types that have ‘capsule’ wardrobes and minimal clutter?

Episode 36: Too Cool For School…… — November 6, 2014

Episode 36: Too Cool For School……

When Miss Hap returned from school yesterday afternoon, I was really annoyed! It had been raining heavily all afternoon,and she came squelching into the house absolutely drenched! To say she looked like a drowned rat was an understatement. Her hair was shedding droplets like a dripping tap, her school blazer sopping wet, and for some reason, she had draped her new dance hoodie around her neck so that was sodden as well!

The reason I was so cross was that she had been warned that it was going to rain, and that she should wear a proper coat to school (with a hood) over her blazer so she wouldn’t get soaked.It is bad enough that I am already ill and feverish, I didn’t want her to become unwell also. What made me so mad was the fact that she would rather get soaked to the skin than wear a coat that is not the right brand,or considered ‘trendy’ enough for her. She once wore her Superdry coat to school (that is the right brand) but it is not really designed to fit over a blazer, jumper plus shirt, and after feeling bunched up and uncomfortable ditched that idea, but still refused to wear the ‘sensible’ school coat….

I am one of six children, and when I was her age I didn’t have a clue about fashion, or brands or anything like that (according to Miss Hap, I still don’t)! I remember when my sister was 11 and I was 13 we had  crimplene jump suits (mine was red and had a little logo on it saying ‘The Fonz is Cool’ (remember him from Happy Days)?! I thought I was the bees knees in that suit, It was nicer than my sister’s which was green and the logo was ‘Mercedes Benz’. Unfortunately even though I am 2 years older than my sister to the day, we were always dressed in matching outfits as children.

Most of our clothes used to come from the Supermarket when, even then it was not cool, and myself and sister were often called the  ‘Tesco Tearaways’ due to where Mum bought most of our clothes from!  Having said that we did have Clarks shoes, which may have been a bit more upmarket but were clumpy, ugly and worst of all ‘sensible’. (Miss Hap has only just stopped wearing them, as even I know it will kill off any street cred at secondary school)! Oh yes, I know all about wearing the ‘wrong’ clothes but I think I was about 15 before it bothered me not 11!

I was talking about this to Mr Grump, as this has been an ongoing issue between us and Miss Hap, as it is not just clothes, it is phones, and the latest games/consoles/laptops and God knows what else. If Miss Hap feels that she has got it rough then she should spare a though for poor old Mr Grump as he was growing up, He also didn’t have a lot when he was young, and his mum struggled to meet ends meet. However, she was a very creative and clever person, and used to knit him things. I roared with laughter though when he told me that his mum had knitted him a pair of swimming trunks,yes SWIMMING TRUNKS!!! As soon as he went into the water with them on, they went all baggy and saggy, and it was a job to keep them on!

Miss Hap is pretty lucky really, All of her school clothes  had to be bought especially because of the logo that is on each item, except for shoes and coat. I still have an old school photo of when I was about 15 with a jumper on, that my mum had knitted and I’m smiling!!!

Episode 28: Dressed to Impress — October 29, 2014

Episode 28: Dressed to Impress

Don’t you just hate it when you try to make an effort to look nice but nobody even notices!……

This morning dawned pretty grey and miserable; to brighten my own mood I thought I would wear something a little different from the long skirts, and trousers…I know I am approaching fifty, and perhaps carrying a little more baggage in certain areas,  than in my youth, but hey, I am not over-the-hill yet!!

After a bit of rummaging about in my wardrobes I found a short and sassy leopard print skirt…ooh I think that is just the job, Now where is that little lacy, black strappy top with the ruffles? Got it! Great. I know it is horrible out today but we’re not going out   and the heating  is on so I won’t get cold. Normally I would wear leggings with a short skirt, but today I decided to push the boat out and wear tights..(having said that, I opted for opaque ones, just in case I had to put the rubbish out or something as equally as glamorous, and I didn’t want to frighten the neighbours)!

I just had to squish my poor body into some sort of ‘shapewear’ (what kind of shape it was meant to achieve, I am not sure of, but I still looked like a sausage bursting out of its skin) and admire the finished result! My long hair was a freshly enhanced blonde (Mr Grump had dyed it for me yesterday morning, we have no secrets in this house) and i was ready to make my entrance to the admiration of Mr Grump and Miss Hap.

Unfortunately…this being reality, I had a load of washing to do as usual, so I filled my arms with the assorted garments, and went downstairs to the kitchen to shove them in the washing machine, before wowing Mr Grump  in the front room. Needless to say he was in the kitchen, which was just as well really as the strap of a bra that was sitting on top of the pile in my arms had got hooked around the kitchen door handle,halting my progress. Mr Grump. kindly unhooked it for me, as well as the clasps at the back of the bra which had somehow attached themselves to the ruffles on my top!

This was not the effect I wanted at all…Once I had viciously shoved the washing into the machine, I smoothed myself down and asked “do you like my outfit?” Quickly realising what the correct answer was he replied, “very pretty” then buggered off to get some shopping!

Oh well, I know Miss Hap will think I look nice. I know I am by no means a ‘Yummy Mummy’ but I do try to do the best with what I’ve got to work with, and that is no mean feat, I can tell you! I walked into the front room where she was sprawled on the settee and was greeted with the usual “I’m hungry, what’s for breakfast?” Not a compliment in sight!

Whilst I have been sitting here typing this, there was a knock on the door, and some big bloke was there with a huge parcel for Mr Grump. As I was grappling with the parcel, bending down to put it on the floor, I noticed an appreciative look from the delivery man as he asked for my signature….I HAVE still got it (only just)!!! 🙂

Marsha Ingrao Always Write

Having fun blogging with friends

Rachael's Thoughts

Lifestyle blog featuring the fabulous North East and beyond

My Window

Sharing my thoughts, poems, travel & art

WordPress.com Apps

Apps for any screen

Learning to write

Just your average PhD student using the internet to enhance their CV

Jemverse

Life in words

Stuff and what if...

Exploring writing and the creative randomness of life. Snapshots of moments.

Aakashsoyanthone

Aakashsoyanthone

Gin & Lemonade

...with a twist.

Peacock Poetry

by Sam Allen

Tallis Steelyard

The jumbled musings of Tallis Steelyard

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

Carolina Russo Art

Capturing Essence: Intuitive Watercolors, Fine Art, Illustrations, and Reiki-Infused Creations

Two on a Rant

Rants, humor, sarcasm, and a haiku-like substance? It's hard to know what's going to come out of our minds next.

We Are Holistic

Promoting a Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit

Cindy Knoke

Photography, Birds and Travel

pensitivity101

An onion has many layers. So have I!

Fatty McCupcakes

Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets

From Michigan to Germany

A family from Michigan living abroad in Germany.