Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 33: Workday Woes! — November 3, 2014

Episode 33: Workday Woes!

Isn’t it horrid going back to work after a week off?!  It’s back to the early mornings, (I know I’m up early anyway, but at least I didn’t have to BE anywhere  last week),  restricted tea breaks, (this is the killer for me, at home I drink tea all day long) plus eating my lunch at 10am (well, I already had my breakfast at 6am), and then going for hours before dinner. .. (notice how my life revolves around food and drink)?!!

To add insult to injury, I was awake extra early this morning due to hearing a loud ‘BANG’ coming from the direction of the open window. The wind had picked up during the night and coupled with the lashing rain, made for pretty horrendous weather. The feeble roller blind was no match for this rogue weather and it was billowing back and forth in the wind like a yacht in full sail. Unfortunately Mr Grump has a lot of clutter on his windowsill, and the offending noise that woke me up was the sound of his aftershave being cruelly pushed off the precipice by the out-of control blind!

So there I was at 4.30 am wide awake. I slammed the window shut with a flourish, as Mr Grump snored blissfully on, totally undisturbed by any of the noise, and resentfully got myself ready for the day ahead. I woke Mr Grump up at the more reasonable time of 6am,  and chuckled to myself as he started moaning and whining about the foul weather, and how soaked he and the dog were going to get!  Never mind he’s got a waterproof coat, and the dog loves water!

As my car failed it’s MOT and is not roadworthy until the work is completed on it (ongoing saga), Mr Grump and poor old Miss Hap had to take me to work (This went down well with both of them, having been turfed out of bed extra early to accommodate me)!

Work as usual was busy, and of course it took me all of 5 minutes to get back into the swing of things, especially as half of my patients were still there! I have to say that by the end of my shift though I was tired (poor old girl, a bit of running around and I’m knackered)!

As I was leaving the ward I checked my phone and noticed Mr Grump had texted to say he was going to be late picking me up and suggested I go and have a coffee in the canteen. Great, I just wanted to get home, but I dutifully went to the canteen and bought some crisps as well as a drink (well I didn’t know how long he was going to be , and I was starving)!! I waited 15 mins .. no word..I texted him…not ready yet.. my friend who was  working a long day comes down to pharmacy which is through the canteen…”thought you’d gone home,” She was shocked to see me in there (I never hang around usually), “Just waiting for my husband” I smiled…

Ten minutes later she comes back through… “Still here, I will be going on break soon so might see you in a min”  No Way, I thought to myself.. Another 10 mins and FINALLY he phones. At last. I go outside to wait in the car park. It is lashing down with rain.. where is he?  Everyone is lighting up outside the back door where I am standing… I really want a cigarette..My friend from earlier comes out with two others going to the secret staff smoking place (the woods). I wave as they pass me, smiling through gritted teeth..Where the HELL is Mr Grump? When the smokers return from their illicit cigarette, we all try to avoid each other’s eye, me shrugging further into my coat, hood pulled low as we have exhausted all of the pleasantries.

I now phone Mr Grump in a rage, I’ve had enough. I don’t care that he has a job to do, or that he s good enough to come and pick me up from work, and who cares that the bloody traffic is bad because of the grotty weather, and the world and his wife have got their cars out? I am HUNGRY and TIRED, and that is not a good combination, and not only that, it is only Monday!

Episode 16: Let’s Hear It For The Boys! — October 6, 2014

Episode 16: Let’s Hear It For The Boys!

Usually I like to get up early, but this morning when my phone alarm went off at 5.15am I wanted to pulverize it into little pieces, and sink back into a deep sleep. As I had very little sleep over the weekend, my head felt heavy, as I dragged myself out of bed to begin the day.

Unfortunately, I had to wake Mr Grump up as he was taking me to work today as Einstein was going to be fixing my car. His bulging eyes in a blanched, pale face told me that he still had his man flu, and just to confirm this, he let out one of his enormous sneezes. This is going to be a good day, I can tell……

As I entered the ward I realised I had forgotten to put on my belt with my uniform (Great, now I am going to be in the shit with the boss)! I might have mentioned before that I have no waist, so this bloody belt does nothing for me anyway, and I spend all day trying to re-arrange it so that it is somewhere around my middle. I could of course, wear the  tunic and trousers but for some obscure reason, I always get an ugly-looking rash on my lower leg that itches like hell, besides the fact that I look even worse in trousers than I do in the dress! Anyway…it was no good fretting over the belt, I was not brave enough to ask Mr Grump to come all the way back with it, so I would just have to hope that it went unnoticed.

Handover arrives, and out of the six of us that have turned up (Still short-staffed as usual), four of us have had this awful lurgy, and as the night staff tried to hand over, they were drowned out by various, snorts, sniffs, coughs and splutters, that had still remained with us. The other two poor unaffected staff are subtly moving their chairs out a bit from the table we are all sat around, trying fruitlessly to avoid the germs that are no doubt whizzing around in the air, looking for someone new to latch onto.

I was allocated to my usual Bay with six ladies, but the difference was this time, I was on my own! Usually there are at least two of us to a Bay, but as there weren’t enough of us to go around, and my bay was relatively easy, as I had 2 patients that could get about to the toilet, and could wash themselves with only a little help, it was decided that I could manage by myself, and if necessary ask the nurse-in-charge to help out.

It started off ok, breakfasts eaten, drugs administered, washing equipment given to those that needed it etc, and I was just going to give some help to someone else that needed it, when I was distracted by a patient from another Bay who was desperately trying to escape from the ward by the exit, which is right next to my bay. The nurse looking after her was trying to coax her back away from the door, but she was not having it, and lashed out at the nurse with the small teddy that she constantly carries around with her.

I tried to help, but to no avail, she was pulling at the doors, and banging on the glass trying to get out (we have a code to get into our ward as the doors have to be locked to stop absconders, and to get out you have to press a button on the wall some way from the door). Meanwhile, people were trying to get through the doors so there was a lot of dancing around trying to stop her getting out, whilst letting people in, trying to avoid getting whacked by the teddy at the same time!

After a while the patient got annoyed with the doctor who was innocently  reading some notes near to where she was standing, and once she had vented her spleen at him, she seemed to temporarily calm down and headed off back down the ward away from the door, swiftly followed by the harassed nurse, looking rather bedraggled as a few well-aimed blows had managed to dislodge some of her hair that was carefully tied back.

Normality resumed for a while and I got on with getting everyone washed,dressed, beds made, and helped them to sit out on their chairs, as it was by now nearly lunchtime  I could hear some shouting coming towards me , and I knew that it was the same patient coming back to have another go at getting away, this time even more angry and determined than before, and she was sparing no-one that tried to stand in her way…

It was at this moment,, that a senior matron came onto the ward, with about 10 eager Italian nurses in tow, who had just been employed by out hospital, and were visiting various wards to get a feel for what work here is like…luckily, the patient’s husband (who had been called to try to calm her down),had turned up, and had whisked her off into an office, uttering soothing words, as he went. It didn’t last that long before she started shouting at him though, before she wore herself out, and went to her bed to sleep for a while.

I managed to get through the rest of my shift (I usually only work ‘short days’) uneventfully, and just as I was writing up the last of my notes, the ward phone rang and it was for me. Mr Grump had come to pick me up and was waiting outside ( I know he is ill but it was bang on finishing time, and there was no need to ring me on the ward phone, for goodness sake) Impatient to get going and get home where he could suffer in peace,  I informed him that I had offered for him to give the ward clerk a lift home as we had an unexpected downpour; as she had a 30 minute walk, and would get soaked, I knew he wouldn’t mind dropping her off in the opposite direction to where we live, on a very busy road, with a huge school that had just finished for the day, culminating in a massive traffic jam!

Credit where it’s due, he put a smile on his face and even chatted a bit on the journey, and didn’t  swear when a van pulled out of a side street and he had to jam on the brakes to avoid it!

It’s quite sweet really, that although we might take our partners for granted a bit, they do put up with a lot. That poor patient’s husband bore the brunt of her tongue lashing as well as a good few clouts from teddy, with patience and understanding, even though it really hurt him to see her like that… and although Mr Grump does love to have a moan about everything, he was good enough to take me to and from work although he didn’t feel like it at all.

Episode 9: Bittersweet — September 29, 2014

Episode 9: Bittersweet

Monday morning,the start of the working week, uniform ironed, lunch made, car fuelled up….everything is ready. Only problem is, the bloody lurgy has come back AGAIN!! I can’t believe it, I have only just shaken off a sore throat and fever (see previous posts), and now it has come back with a vengeance in less that a WEEK!! This time as well as previous symptoms, I now have the full-blown sneezy, snotty, not to mention snorty, cold that goes with it!! This time, I decided I will go and see the doctor…..

I go to wake Mr Grump up,for him to get ready for work, and as he got out of bed, he startled me by emitting a mighty yelp! It turns out that his shoulder was hurting (He injured it at work about 3 months ago when he slipped on some wet steps whilst lugging some goods he was delivering, and he fell all the way to the bottom) and every now and again it plays him up.However, off he went in his little delivery van to start his rounds.

Miss Hap trudged off to school, laden with so many bags (PE kit, cookery ingredients, plus usual books etc) that I could barely see her beneath them all. God knows, whether I am going to get my ‘fruit fusion’ as promised, or whether it will end up being a smoothie due to the fruit getting mangled on the journey to school!

Anyway, with those two out of the way, I settled down on the sofa to languish in my self-pity, and watched awful daytime tv, punctuated with regular loud sneezes exploding from my poor nose, making my head hurt. …

After about an hour I got a call from Mr Grump. He was at his first delivery, and just as he was finishing bringing in his last load, his shoulder gave out completely, so he was waiting for the boss to pick him up to bring him home, and he would need to see the doctor…could I make him an appointment?!

I said I would, but didn’t hold out much hope that he would get one,as  I had  spent 15 mins trying to get through on constant redial, and then could not get one until after 4pm. Needless to say, once I told the receptionist what had happened to him he got one for 12.30!

Another half an hour goes by, and then I get another call from Mr Grump. His boss had dropped him off a few of miles away as he had a meeting to go to, and could I pick him up?!! NO, I bloody couldn’t! I’m supposed to be wallowing in my illness here, I didn’t want him home moaning and groaning about his shoulder all day, and demanding attention! Still, guilt got the better of me and I dragged myself out to get him! My guilt was compounded when the doctor signed him off for two weeks with a suspected torn muscle (OUCH)! Still, at least the dog was pleased to see him!

My turn came to see the doctor,and as suspected, it was a virus, inflamed throat, hacking cough, fever etc,  but I would just have to put up with it; however the results were back from the blood test I had done last week, and although most of them were fine, the fasting blood sugar was too high, and that coupled with other symptoms I had been experiencing, meant that I now had Type 2 Diabetes. Shit! I didn’t see that coming…..

My mind was reeling as she printed off some information sheets, and informed me that for the first three months I would have to go on a strict diet to try to control the blood sugars, Oh My God, this is going to mean a lot of changes,I had already cut out what little sugar I ate anyway, but now would have to be extra vigilant for the hidden sugars that are in so many foods. Plus of course I would need to eat a healthier diet. She then told me nonchalantly that she would register me as a diabetic, and ushered me out of the door!

Stunned, Mr Grump and I went to pick up his prescriptions that he had got earlier, from the pharmacy, and he asked me what cough mixture I wanted to try to assuage this awful bark that I have. “For Christ’s sake make sure it’s the sugar-free variety!” I answered…I think there may be some challenges ahead!

Episode 2: Blowing Hot and Cold. — September 19, 2014

Episode 2: Blowing Hot and Cold.

Just as I thought, the muzzy head and tickly throat had festered overnight and I awoke this morning at 5.15 when the alarm went off feeling absolutely rotten!

Last night was another virtually sleepless night (fourth in a row). I thought that in my exhausted sleep-deprived state, I would collapse into bed where I would sleep soundly all night. This of course was not to be. As soon as I entered my bedroom the heat hit me, like walking into a greenhouse on a hot summer’s day. This didn’t bode well for a good night’s rest.

After 10 minutes, I decided I had to cool down; Off I went to the bathroom to get some loo roll which I had drenched in cold water, and once back in bed, I plonked the soggy, pulpy mass on my forehead for a bit of relief. This didn’t quite do the trick, so I nudged Mr Grump awake so that he could dab the sopping tissue on my back to try and cool me off.

All my attempts to cool off proved unsuccessful and yet another restless night ensued…

I had valiantly decided that I was going to go to work, but after failing to summon up any energy, my tired body aching from the hacking cough that had disturbed me so often, coupled with a raging temperature, had me admitting defeat and I phoned in sick.

After another fruitless couple of hours of trying to go back to sleep, I decided to drag myself downstairs to quench my raging thirst, plus I was in need of sustenance, as my appetite was strangely unimpaired by my malady.

The rest of the day has been a series of bizarre bouts of feeling boiling hot, grabbing anything cold I could find to cool my brow, and then cooling off, getting mad bursts of energy, racing around trying to get things done, until the next hot spell kicked in again, where I would repeat the whole process.

In the midst of one of my warmer moments, my daughter arrived home from school looking flushed. Oh, not her coming down with it as well, however with the resilience of youth, she still wanted to go out, but not before she told me ” Mum, my head is really itchy, and I can’t stop scratching.” I carefully examined her head; curiously mine had been itching for a few days as well…..Great, we now have got bloody nits!!!

Mr Grump springs into action, his head is bald and shiny and he is not intimidated by a few measly nits…oh, no! He has grabbed the nit comb, which has been lurking since last time, (one of the joys of having school aged children) and is raking through my daughter’s long thick hair, shouting in delight each time he has captured and annihilated one of the little blighters!

So here I sit, with my cool pack on my head, scalp tingling from the savage combing I endured at the merciless hands of Mr Grump… Isn’t life fun!

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