Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#FundayMonday Oh, How I Wish I Was Graceful — October 30, 2017

#FundayMonday Oh, How I Wish I Was Graceful

Today’s video poem is all about my clumsiness and ineptitude. I wish I were one of those women that always appears elegant and smart. No chance!

 

If you enjoyed those poems, and have time for a cuppa then you might like to check out my book Rhymes of the Times. It has many more poems like this and is perfect for dipping in and out of when you fancy a little pick-me-up.

 

 

Rhymes of the Times

 

Click here to be taken to my author page where you can purchase the book.

 

Episode 382: Tea Parties and Trips! — June 19, 2015

Episode 382: Tea Parties and Trips!

Yesterday was Mum’s 83rd birthday. She had invited my two sisters and myself  with our families for tea. The weather could not have been nicer and we only live a few minutes walk away which is handy.

Both of my sisters were there when we got there and one of my nieces. It was great to eat outside in the garden and also catch up with each other as we had not managed to spend all that much time together lately. Later my nephew and other niece and her husband joined us as well which completed our little tea-party,

My sister had set up the table and chairs on the raised patio so there was not a huge amount of room around it to walk freely. Mr Grump had partaken of a couple of beers and went to help himself to something to eat from the table. Unfortunately, he tripped over a quadruple plant pot type arrangement filled with compost, which upended and went everywhere; this had Mum tutting at the mess.

She also has these huge planter type boxes as well which Mr Grump fell against when he tripped. Seeing her chance, my little sister gave him a shove which sent him reeling back straight into it, squashing Mum’s plants. That set the rest of us off laughing, especially as Mum was telling my sister off for pushing him in!

Ahhhh, Just like the old days!

Into the Planter.

Episode 182 : What a Trooper! — February 26, 2015

Episode 182 : What a Trooper!

You have got to hand it to Madonna. Last night during her performance at the ‘Brit Awards’ she ended up falling backwards off of a stage. This was due to the fact that a long cape she was wearing failed to untie when a couple of the dancers pulled on it. This resulted in her being pulled rather forcefully back. and she seemed to land quite heavily.

Being the true professional she is, she got up and carried on. Now she is no spring chicken (she is 56 years old), and, she must have hurt herself, but she kept on going despite the pain she must have been in.

I remember falling over once, whilst working at a secondary school. I usually had my break before the children had theirs, and at that time, being a smoker I was desperate to get off the school grounds and have a cigarette. I had nearly got out of the school, by the car park where there were these little humps in the road to slow any cars down,

I had just fished my mobile phone out of my bag, not concentrating on where I was going, when I twisted my ankle on one of those humps, did a kind of slow motion run, trying to keep my balance before landing heavily on my hands and knees. The phone went flying off in front of me, and I stayed sprawled out for a minute, dazed.

Funnily enough, a student that I knew well out of school (I was good friends with her mum), was passing and asked me if I was ok. I assured her I was, and I limped off to go and have my cigarette. I was pretty shaken up, my trousers were all dirty and my hands and knees grazed and swollen.

I know if I had fallen awkwardly like Madonna did there would be no way I would be up and dancing, Did you see the height of those heels as well? My God that woman has some stamina, and is one hell of a professional. She could teach some of these younger ‘stars’ a thing or two, that’s for sure.

Episode 47: Ooops I Did It Again! — November 16, 2014

Episode 47: Ooops I Did It Again!

I am the undisputed queen of ‘putting my foot in it’, literally as well as figuratively! I just seem to  attract calamities and disasters, and can make a fool of myself without any help, or encouragement whatsoever!

Often it is because I have misheard something, particularly on the phone. Once  I have asked them to repeat themselves a couple of times, to make sure I heard correctly, I then confidently pass on the message, only to be greeted with a baffled look or stunned silence. For example, I took a call for my boss (he could give Mr Grump a run for his money) when I had not long started at a travel brochure company, I put the call through and informed him it was Mr X from PMT. When he had reluctantly taken the call,he came out of his office and roared at me that the caller was from TNT (the courier service)! I had thought that PMT was a funny name for a company but being new, what was I to know)?!

In my younger days, I remember going out with my two sisters to a pub, I had dressed to impress, and we went to the bar to order our drinks. It was quite packed, but luckily there was an unoccupied bar stool next to me so I thought I would make use of it. Being a little short, I kind of had to hike myself up a bit to get on it. Once I had plonked myself down, I realised I was not on it properly as it tilted dangerously to one side. As I attempted to right myself, I just ended up twirling round and around on one stool  leg at  a time. My sisters and some random bloke put their arms out to try to steady me, which eventually they managed to do. However, my pulling power was greatly reduced (actually it was zero), and we got out of there pretty soon after!

Weddings are the place where people like me can really shine in the glow of embarrassment! My sister and brother in-law had a beautiful January wedding in a country house where we all stayed. As luck would have it, the weather was pretty clear on this day and we went outside to have some group photos taken.. I was really pleased with my outfit, but especially the expensive purple four-inch stiletto shoes which really set it off! As we were gathering for the family photo, my lovely shoes seemed to turn into ice skates on the decking where we were standing. I was slipping and sliding, falling madly with my arms windmilling, trying to keep my balance as I hurtled my way towards the rest of the group. The gasps and guffaws of the onlookers intensified my mortification, but I did mange to stay upright!

At my niece’s wedding breakfast after the speeches, I was to read out a poem that I had specially written for her and her husband.(It is something I have done for years for any special family occasion), Even though I am no public speaker and get really nervous, I got up to recite my poem.  Everyone was giving me encouraging looks as I started reading with my voice shaking. As I continued, I realised that my fancy headband was slipping a bit. I tried to surreptitiously push it back up and carry on, but I jerked a little bit and it fell off with an almighty clatter onto the table, thus drowning out my words! I waited for the laughter to die down and carried on..cringing!

These are just a few of the many little trials I face on an almost daily basis. Even at work, I am not immune. I have tripped over more Zimmer frames than I care to remember, cleaned up countless puddles, where I have knocked over washbowls or jugs of water, and gouged out tracks in the polished floor where I hadn’t  taken the brake off the weighing scales properly when wheeling them along the entire length of the corridor! Luckily my colleagues know what I am like after all this time, but I remember when I hadn’t been there that long. I was walking along the corridor back to the ward from the toilets when the ward sister behind me called me and informed me that I had got my dress tucked into my knickers thereby showing off my big bum to all and sundry…nice!!!

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