I’ve got a little secret
That I need to share with you
I’ve decided to quit blogging
As I have too much to do
My work is getting busy
And I have no time to post
My friendly ‘blogging buddies’
Are what I’ll miss the most
I love the whole community
And the blogosphere is so cool
I wasn’t really serious
It was just an April Fool!
Don’t you just love workmen? Usually if anything needs to be repaired or work needs to be done, then I prefer it if Mr Grump is here, and can deal with the workmen. I never have a clue what they are on about, and I am bad enough at ‘small talk’ as it is. I was out of luck today though.
Enjoying my day off, and after getting some of my chores done, I thought I would watch a bit of the Crime and Investigation channel (I love a good murder story). I heard rather loud knocking on the front door and thought it might be the postman with a parcel. It wasn’t.
Two workmen informed me that they had come to look at the lock on my door. Ages ago the back door completely refused to lock and we had to get someone to look at it. After a couple of trips out to the house (the first time he didn’t have the right replacement lock) he fixed the door. Well, kind of. It did lock, but he told me it was a little ‘stiff’ and that he would get someone else to come out with an extra part or something. He then handed me these two plates or something that he said they might also need which he had taken off the door!
Well, I had forgotten all about that until ‘Bodge-It and Scarper’ turned up today. After establishing that the ‘broken’ lock was in fact the back door, they stomped through into my front room, getting licked to death by the dog in the process!
After the huge intake of breath and the obligatory remark about who had done the previous work, plus a discussion about what he had done wrong, I decided to sit on the sofa with my tablet, in order not to have to engage with them.
After a bit of drilling and banter with each other, it all suddenly went a bit quiet. Then a conversation ensued that went something like this. (Bodge-it was inside the house, Scarper outside in the garden).
Bodge-It to Scarper: ” No, don’t force it”
Scarper: “It’s not locking!”
B: “Oh, it’s jammed! Hand me that crow bar”
At this point I looked up from my Candy Crush game. Crow bar? What the bloody hell is going on here with these two idiots? They have jammed the bloody door and are now going to prise it open again?
Bodge-It (to me) “Have you got a window here?”
Me (incredulously, as I am sitting on the sofa underneath the bloody great window) “yes.”
B: (to Scarper) ” Can you pass that (insert hooky tool thing name) through the window”
I take the tool through the window and settle myself back into my game.
B: ” Can you hand me the mallet through the window now?”
Christ, now what is going on?! Presumably they are going to knock hell out of the door and beat it into submission….After a few very loud bangs and whacks,
Scarper: “Shit, we are going to be here all day!”
Not bloody likely, I thought. I already didn’t offer them a cup of tea as I usually would, as I did not want to encourage a lengthy visit. Bodge-It must have done something right because the door suddenly opened.
After a bit more messing about, they decided that the lock was now fixed. The two plates were back in place and all was well. They encourage me to come over and lock the door as it was a bit stiff, and I might have to be firm with it for a while until it ‘settled down’. I assured them that it wasn’t a problem as I am renown for being heavy-handed, but they wanted to see me lock the door so I obliged. (Anything to get rid of them).
Mt Grump will be sorry he missed out today!
I recently received the following invitation from Author SB Mazing
I’m about to invite you to join in a challenge I recently accepted. Five Photos, Five Stories. I thought this challenge could present you with the opportunity of viewing blogging from a different angle, to do something different, anything that suits you for that matter. It’s entirely up to you. …
The Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge rules require you to post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or simply a short paragraph – it’s entirely up to you.
The photo I have chosen today is one taken last summer. It was a beautiful, hot day, so Mr Grump decided we would do a BBQ and invite some of the family and a couple of friends over.
It was a great evening, excellent food (Mr Grump is the best), lovely company and some decent music (in my opinion, but everyone seemed to enjoy it). Miss Hap had joined the loom band craze and had decided to make one for everyone, She was churning them out at an amazing speed, and the photo is some of us showing off her creations.
Just after we finished eating, the wind kicked up, and before we knew it the sky went black and the heavens opened, along with a spectacular thunder storm. Being the stalwart Brits we are, and used to such summer weather, getting everything taken indoors was a smooth operation, and the evening continued long into the early hours.
I would like to invite Ritu to join in.
Then each day, nominate another blogger to carry on this challenge.
Accepting the challenge is entirely up to the person nominated, it is not a command. And actually everyone can join in. So feel free to if you like the idea.
After reading a post today on Inventing Real Life about whether or not a woman is ‘invisible’ once they get to the age of fifty, it got me to thinking….
I am less than a year away from the big five-o myself (sob), and I am already having mixed feelings about it. Originally I thought how lovely it would be to have a big party to celebrate the occasion. It would be a great excuse for a get-together and some cheesy music to get everyone up and dancing,
Despite my two left feet, a bit of 80s music will have me heading for the dance floor and strutting my stuff, especially if there is mostly only family there to witness my humiliating ‘moves’! This is where it comes in handy having such a large clan, it is not that difficult to fill up a function room!
Another possibility is doing a one-off event, such as a skydive, or perhaps a bungee jump, or even a hot air balloon ride This is all well and good providing you are not the biggest coward around , who can barely stand on a chair without getting dizzy at the height off the floor! No, I am a huge fail in the thrill-seeker department (well at least this kind of thrill seeking)!
Once I have decided how to actually mark the occasion, I wonder what happens then? Will I fade into obscurity? Be too old and past it for anyone to bother with any more? Left on the scrap heap, destined to be humoured as that ‘mad old aunty’ that everyone gives a wide berth to at functions! The nutter with the whiskery chin (no point in bothering with keeping myself nice anymore) and the garish clothes?
Not bloody likely! I spent a lot of time in my youth where I was so quiet and shy that I faded into the background (mostly by my own choice I admit). I was the wilting wallflower at parties, head drooped trying not to draw attention to myself. The awkward, jerky, tongue-tied girl, then young woman, blushing if anyone talked to me, or looked my way. The constant loner standing out like a sore thumb at clubs, as everyone else had gone off to dance,and being self-conscious, I would hang around trying to look invisible as I didn’t want anyone to think I was waiting to be ‘picked up!’
Anyway, I have decided that I am going to try to turn over a new leaf once I get to my fifties. I am tired of being a non-entity, the forgotten face in the crowd, the recipient of the “oh, we’ve never met” comment, despite being introduced a few weeks previously. I am going to break out of that shell that has encased me for the last fifty years and Sod what anyone thinks!
Rather than disappear, I am going to stand out in my fifties. the new confident me. So what if I still trip over everything, put my foot in it, and show myself up! That is always going to be part of who I am, so rather than cringe and try hiding away, I will endeavour to shrug my shoulders, dust myself down and laugh it all off! I am going to be fabulous at fifty!
Further to my earlier post ‘Word for Wednesday’, I have now got a few more words rattling around in my brain, begging for release into the mighty blogosphere to be enjoyed. So here they are in all their glory!
Hobbledehoy. What a great word this is. My mum used to favour this word when warning us not to hang around with undesirables! Actually it means ‘clumsy or awkward youth’ (that part summed me up pretty well actually) usually a boy. (You can’t win them all)!
Flighty. This word always makes me laugh. My two grandmothers had quite a bit of rivalry going on and my mum’s mum used to refer to my dad’s mum as being ‘flighty’. The reason for this was that my nan never married and nobody knew who my dad’s father was. This was rather shocking in 1929 and it was rumoured that she rather favoured the odd dalliance with a soldier! Flighty has a few definitions amongst which are: ‘irresponsible or silly behaviour, easily excited, skittish and flirtatious!
Cripes! This sounds very Enid Blyton to me! It is a kind of exclamation. As in. “Oh Cripes I forgot to bring along the ginger beer!” Or perhaps ” Cripes, I’ve just stubbed my toe, and I have an ingrown toenail)! A little on the namby-pamby (we’ll do that one next) side to me. Not much venom attached to it for my liking. It doesn’t quite cut it when you are hopping around in agony with a throbbing toe! That is where your good old ‘f’ word comes in handy!
Namby-Pamby. This is a lovely word. I like it even better because it rhymes (I am easily pleased). It can be used to describe a person as well, for example. “Oooh, look at him writing all that flowery poetry, he’s a bit of a namby-pamby.” The meaning for this wonderful word is ‘weak, spineless, or sentimental.
Spiffing. This is a word that was used a lot by posh people in the past. Something like, “Oh Penelope, it would be simply spiffing if you could come to the Masquerade Ball” It just means ‘excellent’ or ‘splendid’ – but spiffing sounds so much better to me!
Rambunctious. Fabulous word, this one. It would probably have been used for something like this. ” Look at those rambunctious louts over there, causing a disturbance. Somebody had better call the Police!” The general meaning is ‘turbulent, difficult to control. noisy and out of hand.’
Well I hope you enjoyed this little trip down memory lane of seldom used words as much as I did writing it!
Today is Mother’s Day here in the UK. My 11-year-old daughter has very kindly offered to do my hair and make-up for me today, as a pampering treat. Later on I will be going to visit my own mother to spend a bit of time with her.
Being a mother is pretty tough at times and we all take a different approach to it. I thought I would take a light-hearted look at some of the different types of mothers I have encountered.
The Good All Rounder Mum
Oh how I envy this type of Mum. She is the one whose kids always look immaculate.(Poor little Miss Hap, after 10 minutes she manages to manages to look as if I have sent her out with clothes that have never seen an iron, and are not on great terms with the washing machine either)!
These Mums always bake wonderful cakes whenever they have a school fete, or special fund-raising day or something. I however have sent in shop bought cakes when I have had the customary five minutes notice from my daughter panicking when she realises she forgot to tell me to make something. In my defence I have (when I have the right ingredients) sent in some of my home-made delights!
My biggest envy of these mums though is on occasions when ‘fancy dress’ is called for, You know the nativity play, World Book Day, and other occasions. One of my neighbours is a good all round mum, and I remember when our kids were at primary school when they had to dress up. She sent her son and daughter as the Queen and Knave of hearts. They had wonderful home-made outfits and she had even made a tray with jam tarts on it, such was her attention to detail. My daughter went as Tutankhamun with a cheap outfit from eBay and some wonky eye make-up applied by her cack-handed mother!
The Cliquey Mum
Oh we all know this type of mum. She is the one waiting at the school gates, chatting away to a few of the other cliquey mums. They are always involved in some way with the school, usually as a governor, and they always help out at the fund-raising occasions as well.
I always keep out of their way whenever possible. Miss Hap made quite a name for herself at primary school what with her tendency to want to escape, plus her curiosity in finding out what happens when you flood the toilets! They know everything about every child it seems and I have been on the end of their disapproving glances many a time.
The Over-Protective Mum
This is the Mum who kisses their kids goodbye at the secondary school gates (much to their disgust) having driven them to school when all the other kids have caught the bus. This mum has packed a lovely healthy and nutritious lunch for their child (who tries to swap it with anyone that has something that is not allowed)!
This child has got on sensible shoes and a spare set of underwear (just in case). The school has about 10 contact numbers for mum for every eventuality. When the child has a cold they are kept off from school for a week to recover and be looked after by their doting mummy.
The Cool Mum
She is the one that rolls up to school just as the bell is going. She wears the latest trendy clothes and always looks great. Her kids also trendy hairstyles which are just on the cusp of being acceptable for school. They are all good-looking, have the best sleepovers, and have loads of friends.
We none of us mums are perfect, and all try our best to bring up decent, kind and respectful children, whatever our style. I would just like to pay tribute to all mums, be they biological, foster, adoptive or step. You are doing a bloody good job!
It’s funny how we incorporate these little sayings into our lives (many that our own parents have said to us in the past) that don’t make any sense! Here are a few of my favourites……
“If you don’t eat your dinner, you won’t get any pudding!” This was said to us as kids if we had left our meal in order to get to the rather nicer looking dessert. This is a bit silly really as, if we ate all our dinner we might not be able to eat our pudding, let alone enjoy it!
“If the wind changes you will stay like that”! We have all poked our tongue out at someone or made a face behind their back. This threat was supposed to deter us doing this, but I really don’t think anyone ever believes it!
“Do you want a smack?” This really makes me laugh. As if anyone is going to say “Oh yes please, the harder the better” (On second thoughts with all this 50 Shades stuff being popular at the moment…)Anyway, as kids when you are being naughty and your mum threatens you with this, you do tend to behave yourself pretty quick!
In the same vein what about, ” Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” For a start if you are in a state about something, it is not always easy (as a child) to just instantly stop crying, but if you don’t you are in for a clout. A bit of a no-win one this is!
” Go and wash behind your ears, you could grow spuds there” Even if it were possible, why would anyone want to grow potatoes on their head!
Those are some of my favourites. Do you have any?
On Sunday, here in the UK it is Mother’ s Day. My Mum is quite a character and I have written about her a few times over the last six months, which is no surprise of course, seeing as she is one of the biggest influences in my life! I thought I would share a few more snippets of her wise and wonderful ways!
She is 82 years old, yet refers to both of her neighbours and others younger than her as ‘old ladies’! That always makes me laugh. How old do you have to be before you consider yourself old?
She is the worst ‘re-gifter’ in the world! I think most of the girls in my family have been on the receiving end of something we recognised giving her for a previous birthday or Christmas present!
On a similar theme. She leaves the prices on all the presents and also forgets to label them, so sometimes you open a present which you really like only to have it snatched out of your hand and told it isn’t meant for you! Or worse still, you might get a rather snazzy pair of boxer shorts, which despite most things being unisex these days, some women are not so keen on the front opening!
When you phone her up if she does actually hear it and pick it up, you can barely hear her voice over the racket of the TV. It is positively BLARING! When you go round there, you are almost sent reeling with the assault on your eardrums!
She is one of the best cooks I know! Although my Mum does not do as much baking as she used to, she still makes a damn good roast dinner. As long as you can overlook the fact that the meat might have been cooked the day before and left in the microwave overnight as she put it there to cool down as it ‘is covered’ and then forgot about it!
She has a tissue permanently up her sleeve! What is it with old ladies and their tissues? I thought it was only little kids that had permanently snotty noses, (and they never have a tissue handy preferring to wipe it on whatever is to hand). Every room you go in there will be a crumpled up tissue!
Starts a sentence with, “I don’t want to be a pain but…” and you know you are not going to like what you hear next! She has just done all of her shopping and when you go to put it away she realises that she forgot to get milk or some other necessity that you had reminded her about constantly whilst in the supermarket! Or Another one…. you are all going out somewhere, a few miles away, you are nearly there when she tells you she has ‘forgotten her purse’. You tell her it doesn’t matter but no, you have to go all the way back to get it!
Those are just a few of the little ways my mum has that drive us all mad! However, she has been there for us all at some time or another over the years, and having six children could not have been easy for her, I hope she realises that she is appreciated!
You may remember that I wrote about that poor woman who had the eyebrow tattoos which were absolutely awful here well I have recently heard about someone else who has just had a tattoo he rather regrets!
Now most of us love a good song! Yes music can really define us, it can be the soundtrack to our lives; there is that one song that just says it all for us. When I find a song like that I will play it to death until I get sick of it and ,move on to something else.
That is not enough for some people though. Oh no! They need to go and get the name of the song, or the line or perhaps a verse tattooed permanently on their body (so they don’t forget the words when they are old perhaps). They might even go the whole hog and get the artist/band/group name etched into their skin as well, for good measure.
I have nothing at all against tattoos, I even have one (not too big, as it is too bloody painful) myself. Plus Mr Grump has quite a few, one of them, with my name on, so I do rather like them.
However, if you are going to get something as a permanent tribute to your favourite song by your favourite band then for Christ’s sake, get it right! Check that the tattooist has understood exactly what you want otherwise you could end up with one like the poor guy on my picture!
I prefer Slack Babbath myself!
Having fun blogging with friends
Lifestyle blog featuring the fabulous North East and beyond
Sharing my thoughts, poems, travel & art
Apps for any screen
Just your average PhD student using the internet to enhance their CV
Life in words
Exploring writing and the creative randomness of life. Snapshots of moments.
Aakashsoyanthone
...with a twist.
by Sam Allen
The jumbled musings of Tallis Steelyard
Diary of a Dublin Housewife
Capturing Essence: Intuitive Watercolors, Fine Art, Illustrations, and Reiki-Infused Creations
Rants, humor, sarcasm, and a haiku-like substance? It's hard to know what's going to come out of our minds next.
Promoting a Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit
Photography, Birds and Travel
An onion has many layers. So have I!
Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets
A family from Michigan living abroad in Germany.
Rhyme and No Reason! 
Free-For-All Friday!! #1
Welcome to my first Free-for-all Friday. Today is all about sharing each other’s work. I was partly inspired by Josh over at My Friday Blog who decided that he would rather not accept any more awards due to all the work involved. However, on the last award he did accept, he did a little added extra which is what I would like to incorporate into my free-for-all.
I will be sharing links of posts that I have enjoyed throughout the week, and would encourage you all to go and have a look yourselves. It may not be the type of blog that you would normally read, but it is so enriching to broaden the horizons, learn something new, or see something from a different perspective.
Below are some of the brilliant posts I have enjoyed this week, and I would love it if you could post a link in the comments to a post that has touched you in some way, be it funny, sad, enlightening, whatever, it doesn’t matter (this is where I nicked Josh’s idea). It’s just lovely to be able to share with each other something we enjoy.
Wendy Of The Rock. Now this post really made me laugh. It is something that most of us can identify with, Having kids that think we are a ‘fail’ when it comes to being a cool Mum! There is a bit of swearing in this, but it is well worth a read.
Fill Your Own Glass. This is a great post for looking on the positive side of life. You know how some of us tend to get bogged down with always being negative, well Karen has given us a great tip on how to start the day on a cheery note.
Emmanuel Muema. This post is a very erotic poem and Emmanuel is a very talented young man; I have read several of his poems, and enjoyed them all. However they are a bit ‘racy’ !
Inventing Real Life This post was Marti’s account of a terrible road accident that she had been involved in, which she recounts on the anniversary of the event. This really touched me in many ways.
My Friday Blog. This post by Josh is a post cancer bucket list. I have only recently started following Josh’s blog, but I love it. He is very direct and speaks his mind, He is also very funny (sometimes I don’t even think he realises it)!
My Spanglish Familia This post really made me roar my head off! I love La Sabrosona’s mad sense of humour! She is definitely a woman after my own heart. She likes a double entendre as much as I do, and a bit of smutty humour. This is great!
Beyond The Picket Fence This post was another inspirational one. It is about finally succeeding even though nobody thought that you would be able to do it. It just goes to show what self-belief and a positive attitude can achieve.
But I Smile Anyway… Ritu is a prolific blogger and is absolutely brilliant! She writes poems, anecdotes and everything else in between! This post is part of a ‘Flash Fiction Foray’ I thought it was a really great story and a very clever ending!
My OBT Donna always has such wonderful and different posts. I have not only screamed with laughter at some of the stuff she has on here, but have been educated as well. This particular post is so funny, it amazes me the things people will buy. Check this stuff out!
Joeyfully Stated. This post is really sweet, about the interaction of a dog and cat! Joey has a great blog. She says what she thinks, and I love her style of writing. She makes me laugh a lot too! Oh, she does use a bit of swearing at times as well, but do check her blog out!
So there you have some of my favourite posts this week. I know you are going to enjoy them, and please don’t forget to leave links in the comments to your own favourite post this week.
Please share if you enjoyed this post :-)