Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Wacky Word Wednesday — February 24, 2016

Wacky Word Wednesday

Kevin-the-tennager
Image courtesy of Wikia.com

Wow,  it is Wednesday already! This must mean that it is time for me to dig out a wonderful, weird or just plain wacky word to have some fun with. This week’s word is actually a regular part of my vocabulary. Although it has quite a humorous sound to it, this word pretty much describes teenagers, or tweens, or kids, or husbands…pretty much everybody at times!

Stroppy. Oh, this is an obstinate and obstreperous word; moaning and moody, as well as cantankerous and crabby. The bad-tempered and sheer bloody-minded nature of this word can result in tears and tantrums, or possibly even fights and fisticuffs!

It is the sulky and sullen expression of the troubled teenager, the grumpy and grouchy face of the harassed husband, and the annoyed and angry face of the wife. Wait a minute, that sounds like a typical Martin family outing!!!

 

Episode 446. One-Liner Wednesday. If The Cap Fits….. — August 5, 2015
Episode 353: The Power of Technology! — May 31, 2015

Episode 353: The Power of Technology!

Thus morning I actually had a lie-in and didn’t get up until 9am which is unheard of for me! Nobody else was awake as we had a bit of a late night and after the other morning I decided to just let everyone else sleep in, especially as it is Mr Grump’s birthday today (yes he is another year grumpier)!

Anyway, I went into the bathroom, and the light didn’t come on, so I thought the bulb had gone, However, on going downstairs, I realised that we had a power cut and nothing was working! Oh, this is novel, I remember as a little girl we used to have quite a few power cuts and Mum always had some candles and a torch handy so at least we could see!

Seeing as it was well into the morning I didn’t need any of those, but I did want a cup of tea. Luckily we have a gas cooker so I just boiled up some water, no problem. I usually go on my laptop early on but with no internet or electricity I had to give that a miss. Hmmmm, what to do?! How did we amuse ourselves before technology took over the world with its hypnotic powers, drawing us in and keeping us occupied?

I went on my mobile and looked at my notifications from Word Press. I had a few comments so decided to reply to them, only to realise that I can’t send it as I have no internet. Now what? I know, I’ll play Candy Crush on my tablet, I am doing quite well with that. I started playing but then realised I had to connect in order to progress, but I had no bloody internet, damn it!

I am not very used to silence either, I always put the TV on first thing to watch the news for a while whilst I catch with reading some blogs, but of course that was out, so I read for a while. I do read a lot but never in the daytime, preferring to relax just before I go to sleep by reading a good book. I did enjoy the 20 minutes or so before the power suddenly burst back into life, but felt really tired!

The others finally got up soon after and although Mr Grump does not like to make any fuss about his birthday, we gave him his presents and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to him which I think he enjoyed. Miss Hap is at a friend’s tonight for a sleepover so we are going to have a nice quiet night in together.

As it is his birthday I bought him the latest ‘Lord of the Rings’ DVD in 3D which he is watching now, and I haven’t even moaned about it once! I hate those bloody films and just cannot get into them at all. He is sitting there though, as happy as Larry, Roxy not far away from him as usual. What a shame it would be if there was a power cut now!

Episode 325: Ice, Ice Baby! — May 12, 2015

Episode 325: Ice, Ice Baby!

Now I am pretty lucky that Mr Grump is rather handy in the DIY department, and will tackle most jobs.However, I am the worst person in the world to have around when things like that have to be done, as I get really stressed out about the mess and the hassle! Added to that the fact that I am not feeling so good at the moment, means that tempers might be a bit fraught if there are any jobs that Mr Grump wants to get done.

My niece has recently moved and we have bought her lovely huge fridge freezer as it is unfortunately too big. It is not quite a year old and has a water and ice facility that has so far never been used as it was never plumbed in. Mr Grump decided straight away that he would be able to do that, and ordered metres of thin pipe needed for the connection as well as some other bits.

After a lot of maneuvering of stuff that was in the way in our kitchen, the new fridge freezer was in place and work was due to commence on Saturday morning which I was dreading! In order to connect it to the nearest water pipe he was going to drill a hole through the kitchen into the downstairs loo, cut the pipe near the sink and fit a new connection.

I got out of the way! After the most horrendous loud drilling that went right through me, and shattered my already frayed nerves, there was a load of banging about, a bit of cursing and then he said he had done it.

Wow, that was quicker than I had expected. He said he was going to turn the water supply back on and that was it. Great. I waited in anticipation. Psssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that was a funny noise, but I didn’t move off of the sofa. Mr Grump went to investigate in the kitchen, and yes the water was connected to the pipe but was pouring all over the floor. I think he had missed the bit about connecting that bit of pipe to the bloody thing itself!

I left him to clean up the mess (with my nice tea cloths and kitchen towels Grrrrr), and went online to find the online manual that shows how to connect up the other bit. Anyway, he did manage to sort it out, and I was called out into the kitchen for a ceremonial glass of water from the tap on the new fridge.

It took him quite a bit longer to suss out how to make the ice, but he did it and was feeling pretty pleased with himself. Miss Hap decided she needed to try it for herself and I could hear the humming noise it made but no ice came out. Mr Grump went back to fiddle with it, and made some more.

Later that night just before bed Mr Grump got me a glass of water from the fridge this time to take up with me as I usually do. He asked me if I wanted ice (I didn’t), I thought I would humour him and let him show off so I said yes.

Humming noise, no ice; humming noise, no ice! He opened the door, and I pointed out to him that he should not have put the over on the ice making bit, it was to be stored separately if ice was being used. He crossly told me that he hadn’t put it there (he had)!

Anyway, he put the glass of water under the ice tap and a whole load of ice cubes came flying out of the compartment and all over the floor. That didn’t please him at all. He picked all the ice up, raging and moaning whilst I stood there, shoulders shaking trying not to laugh. He then stomped off to bed leaving me to get my own ice. Really!

Episode 318: Wacky Word Wednesday! — May 6, 2015

Episode 318: Wacky Word Wednesday!

As I am now lamenting the end of the Blogging From A-Z Challenge and the fun I had finding words that appealed to me, I have decided that I will do a post on a Wednesday highlighting a weird, wacky or wonderful word. I am kicking off with a great-sounding word today……..

Cantankerous. This word is the crabby and crotchety, crusty and cross old codger that likes to moan and whinge about everything. He is grumpy and grouchy, miserable and morose. His ill-tempered and irritable demeanour makes him snappy and sour.

Or what about the sullen and short-tempered child, cranky and quarrelsome, who will not be pacified?  They are prickly and petulant, obstinate and onery, not to mention fractious and  downright foul!

A bit like me when I get hungry really!

Episode 303: You Know You Are An Old Codger When……. — April 24, 2015

Episode 303: You Know You Are An Old Codger When…….

  • You bend down to pick something up, and not only do your knees creak more than a door that needs oiling, but you find it really difficult to get back up again!
  • You are too vain to wear your glasses outside of work, but can’t read something unless you hold it up, do the sliding back and forth manoeuvre in front of your face and add in a squint for good measure.
  • You still spend a lot of time in the bathroom, but it is normally because you have to get out so many times a night to go to the loo!
  • High heels are no more than an inch and a half; shoes are for comfort not style!
  • You snore louder than the dog, and have even woken yourself up!
  • You can no longer tolerate much alcohol. The three-day hangover you now get after a couple of glasses of wine is never worth it!
  • Whenever you go anywhere, you have to remember to take your medications with you!
  • Forget the sexy lingerie, it is practical garments that cover the essentials properly!
  • You become rather ‘set in your ways’ and get mad if someone buggers up your routine.
  • If someone rings after 9pm, you are outraged that they would be calling ‘at this time of night’!
  • You try to sing along to your favourite song, and realise (a) it has been remixed, mucked about with and re-released or (b) you have forgotten the words!
  • You are married to a Grumpy Old Git!
Episode 109: Growing Old Disgracefully…… — January 17, 2015

Episode 109: Growing Old Disgracefully……

I have been pretty negative about the process of aging recently and how I am starting to feel (not to mention look) old. I have decided that there must be some positives to being older, and here are a few things that I have noticed….

You can say what you ‘bloody well like’, in the words of my 82-year-old mother! Yes, once you reach a ripe old age you have earned the right to say what you like about anything; regardless of whether or not it causes offence or hurts anyone’s feelings. I have been in the supermarket with Mum when she has told the assistant on the deli counter that she ‘doesn’t want that plastic ham’ or she’s ‘not paying that much for a bit of cheese’ etc. They can’t decide whether or not she is joking but soon get the message when she turns on her heel and just stomps (well hobbles nowadays unfortunately) off! I. or my sisters (whoever has the pleasure of being with her)  are left cringing in her wake, rolling our eyes at the bewildered assistant.

She likes to say what she thinks about members of the family too. Either directly, once she told me that a trouser suit I had bought would look better on my sister as ‘she has got the figure for it’. Very true, but I was gutted, and never wore it again! Or indirectly, as in when someone has left the room and before they are even out of earshot she will remark about how much weight they have ‘piled on’ or how awful their outfit is!

Another advantage is selective hearing. This can come in very handy when you don’t want to do something. For example, my Mum hates putting her heating on, and would rather sit there shivering under a blanket than be nice and cosy in a warm room. So when any of us walk in to her little icebox, the conversation goes something like this.

“Why haven’t you got your heating on?”

“What?”

” I SAID, WHY HAVEN’T YOU GOT YOUR HEATING ON?”

“I cant’ hear a bloody word you are saying!”

Leaning over and bellowing in her ear,

“WHY IS THE HEATING NOT ON?!”

” Can you put my hearing aid in, it’s over there?”

By now, I have lost the will to go on, but will dutifully get the hearing aid which is whistling and shrieking, and put it in for her, and then just go and turn the heating on myself. It’s easier.

However, if I had whispered to my sister a bit of gossip about someone, she would have heard that and put her two penneth in!

When you are older, and supposedly wiser, you are an asset to any quiz team! There are always questions about the old days. Games like Trivial Pursuit and other question based games normally require a good range of general knowledge, and of historical events.It stands to reason that n older person on the team is a bonus (providing they have their hearing aids in, of course)!

You can dress with abandon, wearing whatever you like in whatever colour combinations you choose when you are older. Who cares about being colour-co-ordinated any more. Many elderly people I have encountered (which amounts to quite a few), are very  uninhibited in their dress sense. Why shouldn’t you wear reds, green and blues ALL at the same time! Who gives a toss about what others think?!!

You can nod off at the drop of a hat. Think Grandpa Simpson here, and his amazing ability to fall asleep, even mid-sentence! Yes, when you are older,nobody thinks it odd if you fall asleep at inappropriate times. How great is that? If you have a social function that you are obligated to go to but are not keen, it doesn’t matter! You can just have a snooze whenever you want and no-one will think you are rude. Far from it, they will probably think you are very sweet and endearing!

Those are just a few of the benefits I have come up with to being older…. are there any I have missed?

Episode 99: Grumpy Old Git!!! — January 12, 2015

Episode 99: Grumpy Old Git!!!

Today has been a bit hectic

My emotions all over the show

One minute I’m laughing and joking

The next I am feeling so low

But there is one thing that is constant

My husband, good old Mr Grump

No mood swings, forever changing

Just ALWAYS down in the dumps!

He likes a bit of complaining

He mutters and curses away

This bitterness started appearing

Just after his 50th Birthday!

He starts off every morning

Getting out of the wrong side of bed

That sets him off in a bad mood

For the rest of the day ahead!

But deep down he is a big softy

And his bark is worse than his bite

He has his wonderful moments

Which often do come to light

He gets teased by me every second

I laughed when he cut his bald head

As he shaved it to make it look smoother

Then put tissue on when it bled!

So together we make a good couple

And with Miss Hap, that makes us a three

We bumble along in our own way

– Dysfunctional harmony!

Cut Head

Episode 32: Middle-Aged Madness — November 2, 2014

Episode 32: Middle-Aged Madness

Grumpy
Image Courtesy of Pixabay

Today I am feeling decidedly middle-aged! It is not something that I really want to admit (especially to myself), but I am a whisker away from the half-century milestone. I can feel it’s malevolence reaching out to me, trying to drag me over to the ‘other side’ where youth is  a forgotten memory, and old age starts to creep into every pore, ready to assert its authority over my still-protesting mind and body…..

My husband, Mr Grump, has already metamorphosed into the moany, moody old git that comes with age (if you let it, and Mr Grump embraced it wholeheartedly). Oh, how he loves to complain! Mind you,  there is something to be said for it at times,(see, I knew I was getting old)!   We once had vouchers for a free meal as he had complained bitterly about the appalling service we had received, which was matched by the atrocious food, at a local restaurant chain. Having said that, we were  a little hesitant to use them in case there was a repeat performance!

Apart from the obvious wrinkles and middle-aged spread,(fair enough not everyone has middle-aged spread, but it has decided it wants to attach itself to me, and it’s a bugger to get rid of), I find that I am (God forbid), also  starting to get a bit crabby. Where has the laid back, easy-going person that I once was gone? Why has this moody, snappy, person invaded my body and  started influencing my mind? I know I am not the best of drivers, but why does everyone else on the road have to be such an idiot? People cutting you up or driving like maniacs, I have even been known to mutter the odd ” Dick head” or worse under my breath (I’m too much of a wimp to yell it directly at someone).

I was always so quiet and shy, and although I still don’t like to draw attention to myself much, I have marched over to a neighbour’s house complaining about some misdemeanour their offspring have done to my daughter (Miss Hap), only to be utterly shown up when it transpired that she had started it!

You would have thought that having an 11-year-old daughter would keep me young, but  no! I hate it when she plays her music too loud, (now I am even turning into my mother), I also don’t understand half of what she is saying with all the ‘street talk’ or slang. or whatever it is they speak!

I find myself reminiscing about ‘when I was young’ (that’s it, I am beyond hope now) and how much better everything was back then. It’s funny how memories become distorted over the years, I’m sure I wasn’t this perfect, well-behaved little angel that my memory portrays me as being!

I am going to try to fight this middle-aged monster that wants to consume me. I’m sure I could still do a cart-wheel (if there is a large enough space and an ambulance on standby)… I still scrub up reasonably well (if I have a good few hours free and a ton of Polyfilla handy), and as for being grumpy, (well Mr Grump has got the monopoly on that, and there is no way I could compete with him), it is only because other people don’t know how to drive/behave/etc.. nothing to do with me!

Episode 27: Smokefree but not stress free!! — October 28, 2014

Episode 27: Smokefree but not stress free!!

Things are a bit fraught in our house at the moment!…. Myself and Mr Grump have managed to give up smoking, and today we have completed the ‘Stoptober Challenge’. Twenty-eight days without a cigarette.  That probably doesn’t seem like much to most people, but I know for me, I have struggled through each minute of every day, especially the past week as I decided to get rid of the patches early so I  could be nicotine free sooner.

The fact that I am pretty clumsy at the best of times and Mr Grump is pretty… well, grumpy at the best of times does not make for a harmonious atmosphere when nerves are stretched already. . Take yesterday for example.. I went to draw the curtains in the evening, and not knowing my own strength pulled the whole bloody curtain track down! That put not only me in a temper but also Mr Grump because I asked him to fix it! He huffed and puffed but got up to do it, asking me to hold one end of the track whilst he put the other end back up. Problem was, I am pretty short, and even standing on the settee, I couldn’t hold it high enough for him. Annoyed but undaunted he started to put his end back up, but got a bit heavy-handed and snapped off one of the clips that he needed to attach the track to.

That did it! He was swearing and muttering as I stood behind him, shoulders shaking, desperately trying to hold in my laughter as I knew it would make him worse. Unfortunately I did a bit of a snort, and was busted! “Oh it’s alright for you standing there chuckling, go on, get it out of your system”, he scowled. So I did; he meanwhile continued putting the curtain track back up stony faced – in silence, There was a little bit sticking out in the middle where the broken clip was, but I said nothing… deciding to save that little repair job for another time.

I know that giving up smoking is better for us all in the long run, in so many ways. Myself and Mr Grump have struggled through a nicotine free month still in one piece, Miss Hap, Bless her is really proud of us both for sticking to it, and that in itself makes it all worthwhile….Having said that, sitting here drinking my tea I still feel there is something missing, and there is still a part of me that is saying, “right I have done the challenge now, Sod it, give me a fag!!”

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