Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#FundayMonday Oh How I Hate Doing Housework — December 11, 2017

#FundayMonday Oh How I Hate Doing Housework

I wrote this poem thinking about the never-ending cycle that is housework! Like most people, I love to have a clean and tidy house, but am not keen on doing the chores to get it that way!

If you enjoyed those poems, and have time for a cuppa then you might like to check out my book Rhymes of the Times. It has many more poems like this and is perfect for dipping in and out of when you fancy a little pick-me-up.

Click here to be taken to my author page where you can purchase the book.

How I Hate Doing Housework! — February 25, 2016
Episode 279: Spring Into Action! — April 9, 2015

Episode 279: Spring Into Action!

Yesterday, we had a man come round to carry out the annual boiler inspection. He was originally booked for next week but due to a cancellation he came yesterday instead.

Now, I am not keen on workmen or servicemen coming around when Mr Grump is not here as I have mentioned before, but he was in the area and it would have been churlish to have insisted he stick to the scheduled appointment.

Anyway, he turned up and bounced into the kitchen after stepping on the dog! He did make a fuss of her though and all was forgiven, I left him to get on with it as he knew what he was doing. I had forgotten to move some of the crap stuff that was by the boiler and also the oil lamp sitting on top of it (Mr Grump thought it was as good a place as any to store it)!

The chap was unconcerned and said it was no problem for him to do it, as I cringed at my forgetfulness. After a while he poked his head into the front room and asked if he could go upstairs and look in the airing cupboard. Shit! I had to tell him to be careful not to get attacked by the step-ladder we have got stored in there.

After he had done all the checks and left, I had to go upstairs to get something. As I walked to my bedroom I noticed Miss Hap’s bedroom door was open, and although not as bad as usual, was a bloody mess! The landing also needed a vacuum……

This morning, Mr Grump went off to work. Myself and Miss Hap decided that we would have a cleaning frenzy. I had decided that I would have a spring clean anyway during the holiday and after reading a post by The Armchair Perfectionist, was even feeling quite inspired to get on with it. However, there is nothing like being shamed into doing it a bit earlier than planned!

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry! — February 13, 2015

Episode 160: Real Men Do Cry!

For those of us that have men in our lives, we accept that they may not be perfect but according to the Bookmakers William Hill there are fifty skills that your man should have in order to qualify as a ‘real man.’ Apparently they questioned 2000 people in order to discover what qualities it takes to accomplish this,

The list includes things like being able to tie a tie, knowing how to wire a plug, being able to change a light bulb, as well as know when your anniversary is, and how to do the laundry.

I have decided to make my own little list of what qualities I think ‘real men’ should have, which are in no particular order:

Not being ashamed to cry. I don’t mean just when their team loses an important match, I mean actually showing a bit of emotion when something has affected them deeply. Having said that,I don’t want him bawling his head off at the slightest thing!

  • Enjoy shopping. A real man will not be at all fazed whilst accompanying you on a shopping trip, and that includes browsing at lingerie! It is so annoying when you go to ask your parter’s opinion on a racy little number, only to find that he has legged it!
  • Be a good cook. Although I do like to cook at times, it is great that Mr Grump loves cooking and is so good at it too!
  • Have a decent sense of humour. Because I like to laugh at things, and enjoy making fun of silly situations, it is important to me to have someone to laugh with. I don’t want to be with someone who is precious about me taking the mickey out of them!
  • Not having an aversion to housework. Being able to push a vacuum around is a huge plus in my book. It is one of those jobs that I hate doing! For some reason, I have never known a man who is good at dusting and polishing, but if he is handy with a vacuum then that’ll do!
  • Enjoy driving.  Although I drive myself, I am not that keen on it, so a man must be able to drive, and drive well! It is pretty off-putting if a man is crunching the gears or taking about 20 attempts to parallel park, when he is behind the wheel.
  • Be well-groomed. Now a real man knows how to be well-presented. I like him to be smartly dressed in ironed clothes,smelling nice and have clean nails! I don’t however, want him to take longer getting ready than I do, hog the mirror, nick my beauty products, or borrow my straighteners (if he has hair of course).
  • Be good at DIY.  I like a man who is handy to have around. You never know when you need a shelf putting up,a room to be decorated or someone to fix something that I have broken.This is a very important quality in my book.
  • Know when to make himself scarce! This one is pretty important as well. I don’t just mean when you are having a ‘girly’ night in and don’t want the old man around. I mean that he knows to get out of your way when you are in a mood (especially if he is the one that has wound you up)!

Are there any that I have missed out, what qualities do you think a real man has?

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping! — January 28, 2015

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping!

What do you do to entertain yourself at 3am in the morning when you can’t sleep? It is so annoying You turn over, and over trying to get comfortable…then you need the loo so you stumble out, eyes half closed, get back to bed and…ZING! You are wide awake. That’s the situation I found myself in this morning….

Apart from the fact that I was resentful that both Mr Grump and the dog were snoring contentedly, I was cross because I had a day off and could have had a lie-in (I never do anyway, but in theory I could)!

So it’s off downstairs as there is no point in trying to force something that is just not going to happen. It’s a little chilly downstairs, so I put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea. I don’t however, turn on the heating otherwise the clanking and banging noises it makes as it fires up will wake everyone else up. Anyway I’ve got one of those snuggle blankets with the arms in!

So now what can I do? Well I can catch up with a bit of TV that Mr Grump won’t entertain watching. I particularly enjoy a programme where this ex-hotelier (now bankrupt and unemployed), has been employed as ‘Entertainments Manager’ at another local hotel, as the owners saw his fly on the wall series a couple of years ago when he ran his own hotels (obviously before he lost the lot)!

Anyway, this guy is so funny, as he spectacularly buggers up everything he touches, even though he tries so hard. It makes me laugh, and if I can’t sleep, I might as well be sat there giggling. I flick on my laptop and have a couple of games of ‘Candy Crush’ whilst I am at it as well!

I know some people like to get on with a bit of housework if they can’t sleep but that would not be a great idea where I live. I am too noisy and clumsy to start dusting especially if not fully awake. Plus the walls are so thin in my house that I would have half the square knocking my door, not to mention Mr Grump and Miss Hap, baying for my blood if I dared to vacuum.

No, I didn’t fancy living dangerously,  so I opted for a couple of hours watching telly and playing on my laptop, I was then ready to go back to sleep, which I did… a really deep sleep, so deep that when Miss Hap came in to have a snuggle before school, I woke up with a splitting headache, feeling disoriented, and in a nice bad temper! Oh, and still tired despite eventually getting enough sleep!

What do you do when you just can’t sleep?

Episode 104: Oh, How I Hate Doing Housework! — January 15, 2015

Episode 104: Oh, How I Hate Doing Housework!

Oh, How I hate doing housework

There a huge pile of ironing to do

The carpets all need to be vacuumed

And I still haven’t tackled the loo!

There’s dust all over the TV

The bath is covered in grime

I haven’t started preparing the dinner

What HAVE I done with my time?

The sheets on the beds will need changing

The washing bin is filled to the brim

The floor in the kitchen needs scrubbing

The state of the bathroom is grim

I’m fed-up with all of this housework

It really gives me the hump

I think I’ll do some more blogging

And leave the chores to poor old Mr Grump!

Episode 90: Banishing The Blues….. — January 6, 2015

Episode 90: Banishing The Blues…..

Today is one of those days….I am not feeling so great, as I have been fighting with anxiety for a while now, and it has temporarily won. However, I will take stock, re-arm and continue to fight  until it surrenders…

In the meantime, I thought I would drag myself out of the inertia (I haven’t slept so much for ages) and try to make myself feel and look better by painting my toenails(the logical choice for someone who is severely lacking in motivation to do anything). I have recently bought some lovely polish and set about the job. Well I needn’t have bothered! The end result looks  like it has been applied by a two-year old wearing boxing gloves! What a bloody mess, my toes have nice dark green blobs all over them. Some of which are actually on the nails as intended, but most are liberally dotted everywhere else!

I am however, going to try to do a bit of housework. God knows I am hard-pressed to want to do that at any time, let alone when I am feeling like this, but a fellow anxiety sufferer whose blog I follow, finds that she enjoys it, and it helps her,(as you can read here). So I will try and take a leaf out of Mary-Anne’s book and give it a go.

Mind you, I cannot get as excited about putting the rubbish out as she does. If there is one thing that annoys me, it is a full-up rubbish bin, and I usually nag ask Mr Grump to take it out. He will no doubt be pleased to be relieved of this duty for a while whilst I try out my cleaning rampage to see if that helps me fight the enemy!

I think having a positive attitude helps, and perhaps that is where I am always going wrong. It seems to be a bit of a trait in my family. I know both of my sisters have mentioned that they too seem to look on the negative side of things. It is funny, but it seems to be quite a difficult habit to get out of! That is something else I need to take in hand and gain control of.

Yep, I need to get myself up off of the settee.  I have become far too attached to it today. I nodded off on it earlier, and woke up feeling cold and groggy, then lazed about watching TV which was pretty depressing. I notice that naughty Roxy (our dog) dived straight into the comfy corner spot as soon as I  got up to use my laptop! She certainly doesn’t care if she sleeps all day.

I think I might dig out one of my favourite 80s CDs to blast out whilst I am cleaning up. I fancy a bit of Human League or Depeche Mode might lighten the mood… Well it’s time to stop procrastinating…off I go into the fray!

Episode 56: Domestic Goddess? No, But My Husband Is!!! — November 25, 2014

Episode 56: Domestic Goddess? No, But My Husband Is!!!

I’ve often wished that I was more of a practical person.  I am absolutely blown away by some of the talented bloggers around, and quite envious of their abilities. Take Heels and a Toolbox for example (http://www.heelsandatoolbox.com/). She takes on all sorts of DIY tasks, and gives others tips on how to save money by fixing things yourself! What a great idea and if I had a modicum of ability, I would definitely give it a go. My problem is not only being heavy-handed and a little accident prone,but also having a husband who is good at DIY,so I don’t HAVE to do it!

It was mentioned on the same website that some women never have to fill up their own cars with petrol, nor do they know how to! Well that got me thinking actually,as I AM one of those women! I do know how to fill up my car, but I don’t like doing it; the same as I don’t like putting the rubbish out, decorating, mowing the lawn, and other chores that long ago were associated more with the ‘man of the house’.I don’t like anything that is going to break my nails off (even though I must have them reasonably short for work), I don’t want to go grubbing about in the dirt (well not if it means digging the garden anyway, or weeding the flowers).I certainly don’t want to have to climb ladders to do ANY job (that is twofold; one I don’t like heights, two, it is safer for me, and everyone else) if I stay on the ground!

The thing with me is, I am also not that great at things normally associated with the ‘lady of the house’ either. My Mum, sisters and nieces are all really wonderful cooks, and not only can make something out of nothing, but most of them never measure out an ingredient or follow a recipe,unlike me.(I can cook a mean roast dinner though). I am lucky that Mr Grump does all the cooking at home unless I have some mad urge to do it!

I do get involved with housework though, I will clean, dust  plump cushions up, iron clothes, and do the washing. However I only vacuum if I have to, I hate it and it puts me in a bad mood, so good old Mr Grump gets that chore!

I do not get on very well with crafts either,but I am a glutton for punishment and I do constantly try to make things, sometimes I even make a reasonable job of it, (See Episode 21). I do attempt a bit of dressmaking (I use that term very  loosely in my case) but apart from one dress that I can actually wear, have been mostly unsuccessful. I will not give in with it though, just keep trying easier patterns. I can knit though, but all the best stuff I have ever made I have done for others so I actually don’t have anything good myself that I have made!

I am absolutely rubbish with hair, make-up and other things associated with ‘beauty’. I can put a bit of slap on when  the occasion merits it, but it is a tried and tested method I have used for years, and it serves me well .  My hair is long; that is it, pony tail, plait (not a French plait or a fishtail plait mind) or up in a clip..maybe bunches if I am feeling quirky, Oh and for going out, it gets straightened….job done!

I know that when I was on my own, I did have to mow the lawn (how I raged whilst doing it, getting all hot and bothered), I did put the stinky rubbish out, and I even put petrol in my car. Just as I also cooked every meal for me and Miss Hap (luckily she turned out all right), and pushed the vacuum around (bashing into everything as I went). So although I do envy other people’s creativity, talent and practicality, I am just going to have to accept that I missed out when they were handed out, and I must have other ‘hidden’ talents instead. Meanwhile, dear old Mr Grump cracks on with keeping the house in order!

Episode 10: Back in their day….. — September 30, 2014

Episode 10: Back in their day…..

As I sit here sneezing my head off, (the cold is in full swing now) trying to muster up a bit of energy to do  even the smallest of tasks, I wonder how my Grandmothers used to cope when they felt lousy, back in the days before we had all the mod cons which make our modern lives so much easier, and I feel pretty ashamed of myself for being such a wimp…..!

Both my Dad’s mum (Nanny R), and Mum’s mum (Nanny M) lived next door to each other, at the time when they were born, in huge  Victorian houses, situated on a very pleasant street, not far from the beautiful Jurassic coast in the South-West of England.

Nanny R had never been married (scandalous in 1929 when she gave birth to my dad), and lived with her spinster sister (Aunty May), whereas Nanny M was married with one daughter, and three sons, one of whom suffered with Muscular Dystrophy.Both nans were under five foot tall, but what they lacked in height they made up for, being extremely feisty!  Aunty May however, was tall and slim with a sour face, and personality to match! Mind you, I can understand why she was so bitter, as apparently she had a fiance who her father didn’t approve of, and forbade her to marry,so although engaged for years, she never did marry him – or anyone else!

Nanny M used to take in lodgers during the war whilst Grandad (an officer in the Navy) was away, and she certainly had her work cut out for her. Not only did she have her young children to look after, but she had to cook all of the meals for her visitors (no convenience foods for them), plus somehow manage to launder all of the linen etc without the aid of the trusty washing machine we rely upon so much today. I remember seeing these massive wooden tongs that she used to have, plus this washboard thing she had to scrub the laundry against.

This must have been so time-consuming and cumbersome for her, especially as she also had to iron everything with a flat-iron that was warmed up by the fire. This along with cleaning the entire four-storey house single-handedly must have been one hell of a mammoth task.

Nanny R and Aunty May did not have any lodgers, they were ‘above’ all of that, and accused Nanny M of running a ‘knocking shop’ (she found out about this and gave them a piece of her mind). They just lived there with their very strict father (a Peppery Old Sod is how my mum referred to him) and my dad. They too had a lot of work to do in the house. I remember walking into their house as a child;  it still had all the bells on the wall (very Upstairs, Downstairs), labelled with the names of various rooms, which I presumed my great-grandad would ring to summon them to do his bidding.

Aunty May went out with her father to work during the day which would leave Nanny R to run the house and prepare the meals for them when they got home. They had a huge garden where they would grow their own fruit and veg and Nan would conjure up delicious meals with all fresh produce.  My own experience eating at their house was a VERY formal affair. There was a huge table laden with all manner of vegetables, meats, and other dishes, but you got NOTHING unless you ate your bread and butter! My siblings and I were to sit in silence and only speak when spoken to. We were not allowed to leave the table until we excused ourselves and God help you if you didn’t behave with the correct table manners)!!

Still, it was a small price to pay,at least we didn’t have to wash up afterwards,  as my poor Nan was left with all the clearing up to do, along with everything else that needed doing! The mountain of crockery, cutlery, pots and pans to clean up must have been so disheartening for her, especially as she had cooked and prepared the meal to begin with!

Never once did I hear my Nans complain about their lot in life. Yes, they were both lucky in that they lived in these gorgeous properties, but they did all the work themselves. I don’t remember them moaning that they felt ill, and didn’t want to do anything except languish in bed, feeling sorry for themselves….they just got on with it; it was what was expected of them and they did it with good grace.

I am blessed that I have had such strong,hard-working women as my early role-models. I know that if they were here now, I would get a bloody good telling off,and told that I needed “a good kick up the arse” to shake me out of my inertia, and they would be right!!

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