Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Seven Senseless Silly Sayings — December 8, 2017

Seven Senseless Silly Sayings

It’s funny how we incorporate these little sayings into our lives (many that our own parents have said to us in the past) that don’t seem to make any sense. Here are a few of my favourites…

  1. “If you don’t eat your dinner, you won’t get any pudding.” This was said to us as kids if we had left our meal in order to get to the rather nicer looking dessert. This is a bit silly really as, if we ate all our dinner we might not have room for any pudding, let alone enjoy it!
  2. “If the wind changes you will stay like that.” We have all poked our tongue out at someone or made a face behind their back. This threat was supposed to deter us from doing this, but I really don’t think anyone ever believed it.
  3. “Do you want a smack?” This really makes me laugh. As if anyone is going to say, “Oh yes please, the harder the better” (On second thoughts with all this 50 Shades stuff being popular at the moment…)Anyway, as kids when you are being naughty and your mum threatens you with this, you do tend to behave yourself pretty quick! In the same vein what about,
  4.  ” Stop crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about!” For a start, if you are in a state about something, it is not always easy ( especially as a child) to just instantly stop crying, but if you don’t you are in for a clout. A bit of a no-win one this is!
  5. ” Go and wash behind your ears, you could grow spuds there” Even if it were possible, why would anyone want to grow potatoes on their head! Well, perhaps if they came out as crisps or chips it might be appealing.
  6. “Who’s she, the cat’s mother? I can’t even begin to think where this originated from, but it was one of my mum’s favourites when I was young.
  7. “Shut the bloody door, were you born in a barn?” This was another saying that was well-used in our house when I was growing up.

Those are some of my favourite sayings. Do you have any?

#FundayMonday The Best Things In Life Are Free — November 20, 2017

#FundayMonday The Best Things In Life Are Free

Today’s video poem is about appreciating the things that mean the most in life.

If you enjoyed those poems, and have time for a cuppa then you might like to check out my book Rhymes of the Times. It has many more poems like this and is perfect for dipping in and out of when you fancy a little pick-me-up.

 

 

Rhymes of the Times

 

Click here to be taken to my author page where you can purchase the book.

 

Never ‘Just A Mum’ — March 6, 2016

Never ‘Just A Mum’

Mum 5
My Mum!

 

I wrote this poem last year, but thought it would be perfect for  Mother’s day and good to re-share it for those that haven’t seen it before.

Oh, and of course, you can also find this poem in my new book ‘Rhymes of the Times. which is now available on Amazon and Kindle!

Happy Mother’s Day for all those that are celebrating it today 🙂

 

You wake up constantly through the night

To each and every cry

You soothe, you feed, you  keep them clean

Then croon a lullaby

You take their hand as they take a step

Your face is filled with joy

You sing, you dance, you muck about

With your precious girls and boys

You nurse them when they are poorly

You kiss them when they weep

You fret, you stress, and you can’t relax

Until they are fast asleep

They sometimes drive you crazy

So you say you’ll smack their bum

You cook, you clean, you’re everything

But you’re never ‘Just a Mum’!

All Hallow’s Eve Poem — October 31, 2015

All Hallow’s Eve Poem

As darkness descends upon us

And the moon casts an eerie glow

On the last day of October

It is All Hallows Eve, you know

🎃🎃🎃🎃

Where souls of those once departed

Come back once more to roam

Visiting their old haunts

Finding their way back home

🎃🎃🎃🎃

Some of them are banshees

Screaming in the night

Or ugly, warty witches

That look an awful fright

🎃🎃🎃🎃

Vampires who are looking

For someone’s blood to suck

Zombies from the graveyard

Decayed, and covered in muck.

🎃🎃🎃🎃

There are ghosts and there are werewolves

All of which you’ll meet

When you answer your front door bell

And the kids yell ‘Trick or Treat!’

I Am What I Am….No Really, I Am! — October 3, 2015

I Am What I Am….No Really, I Am!

It is ironic that in this day and age, it is easier for someone to steal my identity than it is for me to prove who I am! Granted, I have had a few marriages in the past, (and of course, a few different surnames that went with them). but the DBS certificate (Disclosure and Barring Check) came back the next day and I had to declare all of my names on that (nothing screams master criminal than a load of different names, but I sailed through the checks)!

Nowadays, when applying for a job, it is not enough to pass the interview and prove your qualifications, you also have to prove who you are. (I pity the poor sod that would want my identity). I had gone prepared to the interview with originals and photocopies (all neatly compiled in a folder for the interviewer to keep) of birth certificate, driving licence and proof of my Royal College of Nursing membership as proof.

All well and good, Later on that evening  I had to scan and fax a utility bill for more proof of address; did that, e-mailed over Council Tax bill. Nope, still not good enough.They needed a bank  statement which was tricky as mine are online and they did not want one downloaded from the internet! I managed to obtain one and thought that was it.

Heard nothing for a while. In fact waited 2 weeks. I phoned to see what the hold up was as the 2nd referee had sent hers in and that was the last thing they were waiting for. They neglected to tell me that I could not get my start date until I proved my ID! I thought I had.

No, they wanted a marriage certificate of my current surname. Fine, I sent it over. Nothing for another few days. I phoned again. “Why was it not your maiden name on the marriage certificate? ”  Grrr, that might be because I was married to Miss Hap’s dad at that time and had his surname. I told them I would send over copy divorce papers, which I did.

They phoned me yesterday. Now they need a marriage certificate from 14 years ago to Miss Hap’s dad to prove the change of name from maiden to his (Thank Christ I reverted back to maiden name after 1st divorce!

Now I felt pretty grotty yesterday, my head was banging and I was boiling hot and sweating (still from this bloody virus). I searched high and low, all through the files I kept paperwork, nothing! I was sure I had a copy but could not think where it was. I phoned Mr Grump who was at Mum’s having a few drinks with my sisters and brother-in-law who said to ring up and get a copy.

I phoned up, and to cut a long story short, can’t get one till Tuesday night. Great, a bloody fraudster would have had one emailed to the new job in less than an hour! That is not the end of the story, though.

Mr Grump came back later on in the evening a little worse for wear, and wobbly on his feet. I decided that then was a good time to vent my anger and frustration that I couldn’t find the copy of the certificate, and felt sorry for myself because I felt ill.

That was it. He charged up the stairs, grabbed the stepladder and was set on going into the loft where I had mentioned it could be. By this time he had got changed in was only wearing boxers and a tie-belt dressing gown, not the best attire for clambering about in the loft. I told him not to go up there, but he was determined (probably to shut me up)!

I looked through the fingers of my hand across my eyes as he stomped up the ladder, rocking it as he went. I grabbed hold of it as he got to the top, and held my breath as he heaved himself up through the opening. I felt dizzy as he was wavering for a bit, and I envisioned him plummeting down, over the bannister and down the stairs. Not a scene I wanted on a Friday night. I had already clouted my little toe on the wardrobe earlier and was hobbling, so did not fancy the delights of A&E.

After squashing my Christmas tree in its box by the opening, he finally made it into the loft, and some banging and crashing ensued. He asked me about five times what he was looking for and I told him with increasing rage. He  then mentioned that he found a bag of paperwork, so I asked him to hand it down. He did not hear me properly and a loud BANG signalled the bag dropping like a stone, scattering its contents willy nilly on the landing and stairs.It wasn’t paperwork. It was a bag of crafts, all little bits and pieces. Quite a lot of bits and pieces actually.

That made me mad so I had another fit of yelling, which annoyed him so he muttered to himself about how ungrateful I was, whilst deciding that actually sleeping in the loft would be preferable to me moaning at him all night! He had forgotten what he was looking for again, and I managed to coax him down empty-handed.

Does anyone know a good counterfeiter?!!!!!!

I

Episode 381: Freestyle Writing Challenge #2 — June 19, 2015

Episode 381: Freestyle Writing Challenge #2

I have been challenged to take part in the Freestyle Writing Challenge by two lovely ladies, one being Ritu and the other Erika.

Here are the rules:

1. Open a blank document.
2. Set a stop watch timer to 5 or 10 minutes, whichever length you prefer.
3. Your topic is at the foot of this post BUT DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH YOUR TIMER!!!
4. Once you start writing do not stop until the alarm sounds!  Do not cheat by going back and correcting spelling and grammar using spell check (it is only meant for you to reflect on your own control of sensible thought flow and for you to reflect on your ability to write with correct spelling and grammar.)
5. You may or may not pay attention to punctuation or capitals
6. At the end of your post write down the number of words to give an idea of how much you can write within the time Frame.
7. Put the whole document onto your post and nominate 5 others and give them a new topic. Remember to copy paste the rules in!

I have gone with the topic that Ritu chose, as I saw her nomination first, however Erika also had a great topic.

What I thought life would be like as an adult when I was a kid.

When I was a kid I thought that life was going to be so much better as an adult. After all, there would not be a load of brothers and sisters around to have to share everything with! I also used to hat eth fact that myself and younger sister had to go to bed at the same time even though I was two years older than her! I thought that it would be great being an adult as I would be able to go to bed at whatever time I wanted!

I envisioned myself with a husband and a few kids loving in my own large house probably somewhere by the sea. I didn’t consider how I would get to wherewithal to pay for all the wonderful things I would have. I knew that I would probably work, but I thought It would be with children as a nanny or something like that.

One thing I did know though was that I did not want to live on my own, ever! Although I am quite happy in my own company, and in fact like being on my own quite a lot, I also like to know that there is someone else in the house so that I am not completely alone.

I thought life as an adult would be doing what I wanted all of the time, without having to consider anyone else’s feelings. I could eat when and what I wanted; watch anything I liked on TV, go anywhere  I liked;  and that life would be filled with fun with no responsibilities!

264 Words, 10 Mins.

Here are my nominees as I would love to see their responses to this challenge.

weebluebirdie

Hummingbird Redemption

The Offkey of Life

AimerBoyz

Nutsrok

Your topic is

*

*

*

What music gets you up on the dancefloor?

Episode 250: ‘Mum, You Are SO Embarrassing!’ — March 25, 2015

Episode 250: ‘Mum, You Are SO Embarrassing!’

Miss Hap is off on her school trip to France today which she is very excited about. We were informed about the trip almost as soon as she started at the school in September as no doubt, it takes a fair bit of planning sorting out the logistics of it all.

Well the day has arrived, and 76 excited 11-year-old girls are currently haring around Boulogne, practicing their French-speaking and no doubt driving their teachers mad!

I had my orders as to what sort of packed lunch she wanted to take, and I felt it only fair in return to give Miss Hap my order for some brie, for when she visits a supermarket this afternoon! Now in order to facilitate this, she had to be slipped a couple of illicit euros on top of the 20 maximum that they were allowed to take!

Hopefully, I have not got her into trouble for the sake of buying me some cheese that I am only allowed a slither of per day. Well technically it’s my mum’s fault  anyway for giving her the extra money and asking her to bring home some croissants (poor girl, there’s nothing like exploiting an opportunity).

Seeing as we had to be at the school so early this morning, we all got up at 5.15 to give us plenty of time. My daughter as expected, took ages deciding which outfit would be suitable for impressing the French folk, not to mention be ‘cool’ enough for her friends’ approval. That sorted, she emptied the backpack she takes for school, save for the French book, and filled it up with ‘lunch!’ (Well it is going to be a long day for them)!

Just as we were pulling into the school car park, she told me to turn the radio down as someone might hear it (as far as I am concerned, there is nothing wrong with a bit of Erasure, and she was brought up on it)! I obliged not wanted to show her up, and we swung into the school in my lovely bright car, which was rather out-of-place with the Jeeps, 4x4s and other cars in muted colours.

I got out of the car to let Miss Hap out gave her a kiss and hug then went to sign her in with her teacher. I could see a few girls there already, but my daughter told me to go and strutted off to join her friends before they noticed her embarrassing mum and step-dad, in their embarrassing car, with the embarrassing music.

As we left, she didn’t turn and wave, as they were all engrossed in deep and excited conversation. Fair enough, but I really wished I had one of those really loud air horns that make that DA NA NA NA NA NANA NA NA NA NA NA noise!

Episode 224: Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside! — March 16, 2015

Episode 224: Oh I Do Like To Be Beside The Seaside!

For today’s Blogging 101 task, I have to publish a post on my own, personalized take on a prompt. The prompt of the day was places. We can interpret this prompt however we like to make it fit in with our blogs, so this is my take on places…..

My favourite place is Weymouth in Dorset which is depicted in my picture. I have many reasons to love this place. My Mum and Dad were both born here for a start. In fact they lived next door to each other right up until when they married in 1954. A few of my siblings were also born here, and my eldest brother still lives in the area.

I have very fond memories of this lovely little town, mostly made when I was a child. We always spent a lot of time at the beach as children, and I remember the fun we used to have building sand castles, collecting shells and catching crab. There was always something to do.

On the beach itself there was  (and still is) a Punch and Judy show that  all the kids used to watch huddled in a semi-circle and interacting with the puppets! There are lots of pretty, brightly coloured beach huts there too. At one end of the sands there are permanent trampolines there as well as some swing boats and a couple of small rides. This used to keep us amused when we had a bit of extra cash.

Another feature was the ‘Sandman’. He (and now his sons) have a little area cordoned off where he would cleverly sculpt all sorts of scenes out of just sand and water. It was amazing to see them develop and try to guess what they would become. In the middle he had a large container where you could throw coins and if it went in, then  a bell would ring.

sand-sculpture

One feature I always spent a lot of time at was the ‘lost children’s hut.’ I don’t know how I did it, but I always got separated from my siblings and spent half an hour playing with the toys there until someone realised I was missing and came to claim me!

Unfortunately Mum and Dad divorced when I was 6 years old, but Dad stayed in Weymouth and it was still a large part of my life. My younger sister and I would very often get the coach down and spend a week with Dad and, in time, my step-mum. The beach was still a main feature as my dad swam everyday in the sea whatever the weather!

Years later when we all have our own families, and still we went to stay in Weymouth. Sometimes Mum came and we all stayed in a caravan park just outside of the town. When my eldest brother married in the church there we all came down to stay for a while and had a great time.

Myself and my two sisters and niece went off for a holiday before my daughter was born, and had a wonderful time. The weather was vile but of course, but we were not deterred and swam anyway. Us Brits are pretty hardy you know!

Sadly, the last time I went to Weymouth was for my beloved Dad’s funeral. He was very religious man and the church was packed. After living 82 years there, he was quite well-known. I always wanted to move to Weymouth myself, but that day after we drove past the harbour where my dad used to take us on Sunday mornings for a very early walk, I decided that it would never be the same.

Maybe one day I will be able to go back…..

Episode 164: Hearts and Flowers, Tissues and Snot! — February 15, 2015

Episode 164: Hearts and Flowers, Tissues and Snot!

Well what a wonderful day Valentine’s Day turned out to be! Miss Hap started the day off on the right note by waking Mr Grump up at 6.30 (I was already up an hour before). For some reason, she had decided that it was the perfect time to have a very loud telephone conversation with her friend that she was meeting up with a little later.

I meanwhile, was up sneezing my head off! From out of nowhere a  nasty cold had appeared the night before, decided it liked the look of me, and would hang around for a while, settling in and making itself comfy. This left me with half-open watery eyes and a lively red nose, I decided that I might as well stay in my pyjamas to complete the look.

Miss Hap eventually met her friend (after taking ages choosing the right outfit, and making a racket about it) so Me and Mr Grump had some time to ourselves. He had chores to do though, and I was flat-out on the sofa for most of the morning,We did however exchange cards and he bought me my favourite yellow roses which was lovely.

Miss Hap was originally going to stay with her Nan for the night, but plans were changed so she was joining us for our ‘romantic steak dinner’. I decided to ‘slip into something more comfortable’ for the meal, so had a bath and put on fresh pyjamas! Well I thought that it was more in keeping with the Vaseline around my nose. I didn’t have any wine due to dosing myself up with painkillers.

There was a little streak left over so Mr Grump insisted we give it to Roxy the dog as she is a girl and needed to be treated on Valentine’s Day as well! Anyway, dinner over and Miss Hap heads off upstairs out of germ’s way. I conk out on the sofa at 7pm for a couple of hours wake up for half an hour and then go to bed! Mr Grump, defeated, had started on the beer!

This is what real love is like! It’s not always hearts and flowers, it’s just being together, and making the most of it!

Episode 143: Tantrums and Tears…Parents Behaving Badly! — February 5, 2015

Episode 143: Tantrums and Tears…Parents Behaving Badly!

I wrote a little while back about children’s birthday parties and how I yearn to go back to the good old days of traditional birthday parties which you can read here.

Having heard about the latest ‘fad’ for children’s birthdays,I am even more convinced, that we should go back to the plain and simple days. What was wrong with a few sandwiches, a bit of cake, a few fun games. a nice present and of course the cheese and pineapple hedgehog?

Well, quite a lot actually judging by today’s standards. Two stories have caught my eye, on this very subject.The first one regarding a female singer/musician, who had originally made it big by winning ‘Pop Idol’ or something similar when it first started. and who is now a household name.

Anyway, her young daughter attends a private school, and has been invited to a couple of her classmates’ upcoming birthday parties. The problem was, one other mum in the class decided to send out a group e-mail on behalf of these two children’s mothers. Apparently the mums asked that cash donations be made in order that one parent could buy a Kindle for their child and the other a desk.Money should be put in an envelope and deposited in their children’s school bag, Oh and the ‘suggested amount’ is £10.00.

This celebrity was enraged. especially as they received another e-mail soon after reminding her about it, although of course she was under ‘no pressure’ to participate. She e-mailed back a scathing reply, basically setting out that she would like. and made it clear that the kids will ‘get what they are given.’

My God, it does take the fun out of it for the kids if the ‘present police’ are making sure that the right gifts or donations are made. I thought us parents were deemed responsible enough to be let loose in the shops to buy a child a birthday present, Especially as we normally have one of our own a similar age, and therefore have some idea of what to get. How bloody ridiculous!

The second story was even worse. This occurred around Christmas time. A 5-year-old boy returned home from school with an envelope for his parents. When they opened it up, they were speechless to find an invoice for £15.95 for a ski centre trip their son had missed. This was a fellow classmate’s birthday treat to which their son had been invited to but could not attend,

The parents of the absent child had tried to contact the birthday boy’s parents to inform them that their son could not attend, but could not reach them. They were told if they did not pay the invoice then they could be taken to court. This just defies belief in my opinion!  These sorts of things happen, and cannot be helped. How sad that some parents have taken it so personally.

I thought parties and birthdays were supposed to be fun!

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