Rhyme and No Reason!

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#JusJoJan 2018. January 8th Pants — January 8, 2018

#JusJoJan 2018. January 8th Pants

I hope that you are enjoying  Linda’s Just Jot it January posts.  We are starting week two now, but it is not too late for you to join in the fun if you feel like it.

Here is today’s prompt word.

Your prompt for January 8th, 2018, brought to you by the many layered pensitivity, is “Pants.” Use it any way you’d like in your post. And make sure you visit pensitivity at her blog, “pensitivity101” to read her post and say hi! Here’s her link:  https://pensitivity101.wordpress.com/

Pants. Just the sound of that word brings a childish giggle. Silly really as we all wear them, (well, most of us do that don’t go ‘Commando’)! Of course, being British, the type of pants that I am referring to are underwear, panties, knickers, underpants, or whatever else you want to call these undergarments, not trousers!

There seem to be as many different types of pants as there are names for them and, I think many of us women have certain types of pants that we use for different occasions.

  • The thong (with their cheese slicer type string, which cuts in all the wrong places), on the one end of the extreme.
  • The ‘pulling pants,’ you know the lacy scratchy ones that you wear on a night out if you are feeling lucky, they look nice but are as uncomfortable as hell.
  • The ‘time of the month pants.’ The grotty ones that have gone grey in the wash and have loose bits of elastic hanging off, that nobody is going to see.
  • The ‘shapewear pants’. The pull ’em up and tuck everything in kind of knickers that come up to just below your boobs, and sometimes just to the tops of your thigh, the idea is to give a smooth and slim silhouette. Not bloody likely! With my stomach, the fat has to go somewhere and if it is squeezed into a slinky vice-gripped tube, will likely spill out over the top, making it appear as if I have two sets of boobs! Also, the minute you sit down the damn things will slowly start to roll up and gain momentum as the fat flops out. This leads to numerous trips to the loo to sort them out and a great deal of muttering and cursing at the annoyance of them.
  • The ‘Bridget Jones’ or ‘Mummy’ pants. These are a close relation to shapewear above but not as tight usually and only waist-high as opposed to chest high. They are ideal for when a big meal is imminent, and you want a bit of room to fit all of the courses in. It is a good idea to wear these with the elasticated waist trouser or a loose-fitting dress. Might be a bit of a passion killer though if you are out on the pull!
  • The bloomers.  I know nobody wears these anymore but I couldn’t resist including them. My Nan used to wear these and they came right down to her knees where they were elasticated. There was plenty of room for manoeuvre, and with a pair of ‘stays’ on top, not only would they keep you warm, but also keep young ladies chaste as it would take ages to get that lot off!
  • The ‘work pants.’ These do not need much explanation; they are the comfy, colourful knickers that are normally (in my case) part of a pack of five or even seven that will do for everyday wear. They will not show you up if you get run over by a bus (does anyone else’s Mum ever say that you need to be wearing clean knickers in case you get run over by a bus)?

Now, I wasn’t going to write about men’s undercrackers but I felt it would be mean to leave them out, so although I have no personal experience of wearing them, it won’t stop me from commenting on what I think of them!

  • The thong or if you prefer the ‘posing pouch’. YUCK! I am sorry, but not many people look good in a thong and certainly not men! I am sure they are just as uncomfy for men as they are for women too!
  • The briefs or ‘budgie smugglers.’ Again, in my opinion, they are not that flattering either. They conjure up images in my mind of the type of thing an oiled up bodybuilder wears with massive shoulders and legs, but not much in the trouser department if you know what I mean! ‘Budgie smugglers is overly generous.
  • The ‘Y fronts.’ Have you ever seen such ugly undies?! They seem to come in a high-waisted plain white colour that your grandad wouldn’t be seen dead in, or a really lairy paisley or garish pattern in vomit-inducing lurid colours. Definitely a passion killer!
  • The boxer shorts. These are in my opinion, the best of the lot. There are the loose, hang free type, or the rather snugger, show off the lunchbox, type of affair. You can probably guess which ones I prefer!

Sorry if this post hits a bum note with anyone!

Episode 380: Heading South — June 18, 2015

Episode 380: Heading South

I just had to share this little story with you. At work this morning I was introduced to another new patient that had come to the ward yesterday whilst I was on a day off. She is a lovely, smiley lady but is in quite a bit of pain, not only from a painful hip but also a chronic itchy skin condition that covered her whole body.

Anyway, once I had washed her and slathered her in cream, it was time to get her up to sit out on her chair for a while. I had got her nightie on no problem whilst she was in bed and her knickers half on. I decided I would pull them up when she stood up as it was easier.

She eventually managed to stand up and I fussed around her, straightening her nightie and pulling up her pants. I asked her if she was ready to walk to the chair now with her frame; she looked up at me, smiled and said,

“You have tucked my tits in my knickers, love, they droop a bit as you get older! “

Episode 273: As Clear As Mud! — April 6, 2015

Episode 273: As Clear As Mud!

Everybody loves a cliché. There seems to be one for every occasion; some words of wisdom that convey a message or moral. Given my love for words, as well as for the  silly and unusual, I thought I would have a look at a few of my favourites.

  • All that glitters is not gold. Now I love a bit of sparkle, and like to wear a bit of bling when I am not at work, and yes it is real gold (I prefer the white variety though). However I also like sparkly nail varnishes and eye shadow as well. Glittery hair clips and sequined tops are very pretty also. I don’t think they would have quite the appeal if they were made of real gold though, Not only would I be scared to go out of the door wearing a fortune, but it would be bloody heavy to carry it around!
  • Don’t get your knickers in a twist. This one is quite amusing, I do get myself agitated at times but it is not because my knickers are all twisted up. Having said that, I remember once putting them on side-ways on! I don’t quite know how I managed that, but I was not very comfy.
  • They must have hit every branch falling out of the ugly tree. This is pretty cruel as people can’t help the way they look. Just recently Mr Grump was told by a colleague that his new boss was not blessed in the looks department, and this cliché was used. He did confirm it to be true when he actually met her, but he doesn’t care about that. The fact that she is doing a great job and is a lovely person is what matters to him.
  • Tickled pink. This expression conveys delight and happiness however not for me it doesn’t. Well not in the literal sense anyway. I HATE being tickled. It just makes me squirm and cringe as I find it extremely unpleasant. I might have mentioned before that I hate feet as well. If my feet are tickled I will kick out! So this expression of being ‘tickled pink’ for me would have to be changed to ‘tickled purple’ and it would be used to convey rage not happiness!
  • The cat’s whiskers or my personal favourite, the dog’s bollocks. These mean the same thing which is to be envied or admired. You know when you have a snazzy new outfit and you think you are ‘the cat’s whiskers.’ Or perhaps a bloke has got some new Playstation game of something, which his mates think is the ‘dog’s bollocks.’ God knows where these expressions come from but I do not see what is so wonderful about some facial hair or testicles for that matter, maybe we should combine the two to get ‘hairy bollocks’ or something? Nope! That doesn’t cut it either!

I think clichés are under-appreciated really. We are all told to be original and not to use them, but perhaps if we dig out some of the lesser-used ones and give the, an airing once more, it will brighten things up a bit!

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