Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#JusJoJan 2018. January 11th Humiliate — January 11, 2018

#JusJoJan 2018. January 11th Humiliate

I hope that you are enjoying my posts from Linda’s Just Jot it January as much as I am enjoying writing them.

Here is today’s prompt word.

Your prompt for January 11th, 2018, brought to you by the very wordy Jim Adams, is “Humiliate.” Use it any way you’d like in your post. And make sure you visit Jim at his blog, “A Unique Title for Me” to read his post and say hi! Here’s his link:  https://jimadamsauthordotcom.wordpress.com/

I would never intentionally humiliate anyone, as there is nothing worse than feeling belittled, ashamed and/or worthless, especially if it is in front of other people.  I have been in several situations where I have been humiliated in front of others and it is horrible. These were mainly during my career, and in many cases, it was not personal, just part of the culture, it still made me feel terrible.

The kind of humiliation that a person deliberately inflicts on another to make an example of them, prove a point or demonstrate superiority is not acceptable. I don’t need any extra help showing myself up.

Being as clumsy as I am, can often lead to me feeling stupid and useless despite the fact that most of the time I try to laugh it off. If I break or damage something and I get yelled at, then it just makes me feel worse. Luckily, touch wood, I haven’t broken anything for a while. Oh, scratch that! I vacuumed up some of the lights we bought for this Christmas. They were the type that fell in a kind of curtain that we had put above the stairs and they looked lovely, well until I put one strand out of action, that is.

I was cross as I hate vacuuming at the best of times, but decided I wouldn’t wait for Mr Grump to do it and I would do it myself. Before I knew it the strand of lights wrapped around the vacuum very tightly before I switched it off and rescued them. It was too late though as they were broken!  Mr Grump saw the funny side and teased me about it; he is well used to my ways, and often jokingly calls me a vandal when I have broken, trashed or smashed something.

What Qualities Does a Real Man Have? — November 29, 2017

What Qualities Does a Real Man Have?

For those of us that have men in our lives, we accept that they may not be perfect but according to the Bookmakers William Hill there are fifty skills that your man should have in order to qualify as a ‘real man.’ Apparently, they questioned 2000 people in order to discover what qualities it takes to accomplish this,

The list includes things like being able to tie a tie, knowing how to wire a plug, being able to change a light bulb, as well as know when your anniversary is, and how to do the laundry.

I have decided to make my own little list of what qualities I think a ‘real man’ should have, which are in no particular order:

  • Not being ashamed to cry. I don’t mean just when their team loses an important match, I mean actually showing a bit of emotion when something has affected them deeply. Having said that, I don’t want him bawling his head off at the slightest thing!
  • Enjoy shopping. A real man will not be at all fazed whilst accompanying you on a shopping trip, and that includes browsing at lingerie! It is so annoying when you go to ask your partner’s opinion on a racy little number, only to find that he has legged it!
  • Be a good cook. Although I do like to cook at times, it is great that Mr Grump loves cooking and is so good at it too!
  • Have a decent sense of humour. Because I like to laugh at things and enjoy making fun of silly situations, it is important to me to have someone to laugh with. I don’t want to be with someone who is precious about me taking the mickey out of them!
  • Not having an aversion to housework. Being able to push a vacuum around is a huge plus in my book. It is one of those jobs that I hate doing! For some reason, I have never known a man who is good at dusting and polishing, but if he is handy with a vacuum then that’ll do!
  • Enjoy driving.  Although I drive myself, I am not that keen on it, so a man must be able to drive, and drive well! It is pretty off-putting if a man is crunching the gears or taking about 20 attempts to parallel park when he is behind the wheel.
  • Be well-groomed. Now a real man knows how to be well-presented. I like him to be smartly dressed in ironed clothes, smelling nice and have clean nails! I don’t however, want him to take longer getting ready than I do, hog the mirror, nick my beauty products, or borrow my straighteners (if he has hair of course).
  • Be good at DIY.  I like a man who is handy to have around. You never know when you need a shelf putting up, a room to be decorated or someone to fix something that I have broken.This is a very important quality in my book.
  • Know when to make himself scarce! This one is pretty important as well. I don’t just mean when you are having a ‘girly’ night in and don’t want the old man around. I mean that he knows to get out of your way when you are in a mood (especially if he is the one that has wound you up)!
  • Not being a selfish lover. I won’t go into too much detail here but a real man knows how to please his partner, not just himself!

Are there any that I have missed out, what qualities do you think a real man has?

#FundayMonday Sexting — November 6, 2017

#FundayMonday Sexting

Today’s video poem is all a craze that I have got absolutely no hope of mastering – sexting.  Perhaps it is just as well, really as god knows who might end up reading it, or what predictive text will make of it.

 

If you enjoyed those poems, and have time for a cuppa then you might like to check out my book Rhymes of the Times. It has many more poems like this and is perfect for dipping in and out of when you fancy a little pick-me-up.

 

 

Rhymes of the Times

 

Click here to be taken to my author page where you can purchase the book.

 

#FundayMonday Oh, How I Wish I Was Graceful — October 30, 2017

#FundayMonday Oh, How I Wish I Was Graceful

Today’s video poem is all about my clumsiness and ineptitude. I wish I were one of those women that always appears elegant and smart. No chance!

 

If you enjoyed those poems, and have time for a cuppa then you might like to check out my book Rhymes of the Times. It has many more poems like this and is perfect for dipping in and out of when you fancy a little pick-me-up.

 

 

Rhymes of the Times

 

Click here to be taken to my author page where you can purchase the book.

 

A bit of British Humour — October 18, 2017

A bit of British Humour

I read a post a short time ago by the wonderful Debby where she used a writing prompt from a journal she bought. This inspired me to buy my own but on a totally different subject (mine is all about cultivating joy and well-being).

The prompt for yesterday was to write a joke. Hmmm, I am not good at jokes, unless they are very rude or very silly. I love the ‘knock knock’ jokes, and the ‘what do you call?’ ones. As in:

‘What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?’ Answer: Doug!

‘What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?’ Answer: Douglas!! (it’s all in the pronunciation)!

I won’t bore you with any others as they are really old jokes and not that funny unless you are me, who finds them hilarious!

Anyway, I decided that as I couldn’t tell any jokes I would talk a little about British humour instead.

The first thing that springs to mind is the fact that we love innuendo, double entendre, and a good pun (or even a bad pun, anything goes)! The ‘Carry On Films’ are a veritable feast if you like that kind of thing, with their silly storylines, and crazy character names such as a surgeon named Dr Carver, and a young doctor called Dr Nookey ( a British euphemism for sex). I’m thinking this must have had an early subconscious influence on my choice of career! They always had such fun in the hospitals in these films.

The Sun Newspaper loves puns and innuendoes too, and they have had some famous (or infamous) headlines over the years. For example, when Elton John and David Furnish married, their headline was ‘Elton Takes David Up The Aisle’ and ‘How Do You Solve A Problem Like Korea’ which needs no explanation!

Sarcasm features pretty heavily in our humour armoury too and it is always appreciated whenever we hear it. Comments like’ I’m returning your nose, dear, I found it in my business’ and one (of many) from Winston Churchill ‘ I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly!’ Another favourite is when parents say things like, ‘I think you have forgotten to put a skirt on’ or ‘can you plaster on any more makeup?’ to their teenaged daughters when they are going out!

This can get a bit confusing though as sometimes we say something straight-faced but mean the exact opposite, such as ‘Oh, lovely’ it’s raining again, I can’t wait to go out in it!’ or even worse. ‘Yes, green is definitely your colour’ when it is obvious that it looks hideous!Mind you, it could be worse if they went the whole hog and said that ‘green is definitely your colour, it matches your complexion!’

One of my favourite types of humour is the observational kind. We have several comedians who are brilliant at this, Michael McIntyre and Peter Kaye are so good at turning the ordinary situations into massive belly laughs!

We have a fixation about class too, and that often comes out in our humour. There was a famous Monty Python Sketch that they showed us at Uni about the British Class system which you can see here.

I suppose our most common type of humour is the self-deprecating type, of the hapless idiot always messing things up. We do love to put ourselves down, then have a major complex if anyone agrees with us. What a mixed-up lot we are!

I hope I have managed to give you some laughs despite the rubbish jokes at the beginning!

#FundayMonday Tittle-Tattle — October 16, 2017

#FundayMonday Tittle-Tattle

Today’s video poem is all about a good old gossip, or tittle-tattle if you prefer.   Whether it be over the garden fence with a neighbour, or by the photocopier in the office, many of us have indulged in it at some time or another.

 

If you enjoyed those poems, and have time for a cuppa then you might like to check out my book  Rhymes of the Times. It has many more poems like this and is perfect for dipping in and out of when you fancy a little pick-me-up.

 

Rhymes of the Times

 

 

Click here to be taken to my author page where you can purchase the book.

 

Never ‘Just A Mum’ — March 6, 2016

Never ‘Just A Mum’

Mum 5
My Mum!

 

I wrote this poem last year, but thought it would be perfect for  Mother’s day and good to re-share it for those that haven’t seen it before.

Oh, and of course, you can also find this poem in my new book ‘Rhymes of the Times. which is now available on Amazon and Kindle!

Happy Mother’s Day for all those that are celebrating it today 🙂

 

You wake up constantly through the night

To each and every cry

You soothe, you feed, you  keep them clean

Then croon a lullaby

You take their hand as they take a step

Your face is filled with joy

You sing, you dance, you muck about

With your precious girls and boys

You nurse them when they are poorly

You kiss them when they weep

You fret, you stress, and you can’t relax

Until they are fast asleep

They sometimes drive you crazy

So you say you’ll smack their bum

You cook, you clean, you’re everything

But you’re never ‘Just a Mum’!

Think Before You Blog. — September 28, 2015

Think Before You Blog.

I am not one for analysing my stats (mainly because I don’t really know how to). However, I understand the basics like number of views and what my top posts are.

Today for Writing 101, we are to study our stats, and write a post based on a choice of expanding on a popular post, or trying to write specifically for people from the country that brings in the most views. We can, if we choose, write one about the search terms used that bring traffic to the blog, referrers or clicks. The latter sounds a bit too complicated for me, so I am going to keep it simple and write about my best viewed post instead.

I have noticed that one post in particular, that was my most popular, was also the one where I caused the most controversy. It was my own opinion based on the Christmas Concert that I attended at my daughter’s school which you can read here.

I have mentioned that I am prone to inappropriate laughter, and can be set off by the slightest thing. Well the drum did it during this concert, and despite trying to rein myself in, I just found it hilarious, as did my younger sister sat next to me.

I don’t know how many times I mentioned that I was actually impressed by all the work and effort that the staff and the pupils put into this concert, especially as some of the children had only just started in September and had never picked up a musical instrument. The problem was, that I had made a bit of fun on my blog, and my daughter decided to tell a few friends at school, who told other friends….who told parents…..who told teachers!

Oh dear! I had a couple of comments reminding me how difficult it was to put on this type of show. I was reminded that it was CHILDREN I was being mean to (despite me saying that I loved it at the end), and I took the post down.

I felt pretty low, even though I had intended it as a tongue-in-cheek post, it had been completely misunderstood and they had missed the point entirely. I have since put it back up as (hopefully) the dust has now settled.

I actually nearly gave up blogging after that, even though at that time I was completely anonymous, and nobody knew which school concert I had attended (until my daughter proudly informed all of her friends). It taught me a lesson though.

I shall keep my gob firmly shut after this year’s concert (assuming I am not banned)!

Episode 435: One-Liner Wednesday: Indulgence #1 Line Wed — July 29, 2015

Episode 435: One-Liner Wednesday: Indulgence #1 Line Wed

Linda has asked what one indulgence would we want to never give up for the One-Liner Wednesday post today, Hmm, this is tricky, as I have already given up smoking, rarely drink and have had to cut down on food, so that leaves me very little (vices) to indulge in!

I think it will have to be laughing at inappropriate times then, such as when someone trips up (as long as they haven’t hurt themselves)!

Episode 408: One-Liner Wednesday — July 8, 2015
My Window

Sharing my thoughts, poems, travel & art

WordPress.com Apps

Apps for any screen

Learning to write

Just your average PhD student using the internet to enhance their CV

The Annual Bloggers Bash

The Official Website for the Best Blogging Event of the Year!

Jemverse

Life in words

Stuff and what if...

Exploring writing and the creative randomness of life. Snapshots of moments.

TEL @ CCCU

The Learning Technology Team at Canterbury Christ Church University

Aakashsoyanthone

Aakashsoyanthone

Gin & Lemonade

...with a twist.

Peacock Poetry

by Sam Allen

Tallis Steelyard

The jumbled musings of Tallis Steelyard

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

YesterdayAfter

Art Inspiring Magic by Carolina Russo

Two on a Rant

Rants, humor, sarcasm, and a haiku-like substance? It's hard to know what's going to come out of our minds next.

We Are Holistic

Promoting a Healthy Mind, Body and Spirit

pensitivity101

An onion has many layers. So have I!

Fatty McCupcakes

Rants, Ramblings, and Regrets

From Michigan to Germany

A family from Michigan living abroad in Germany.

Libby Horbury

Wife Life, Home Life, Simple Life

%d bloggers like this: