I do love a limerick and thought that after the success of some of my Halloween limericks, I would share some Christmas ones that I wrote, over the next few days. I hope that you enjoy them. This particular one I wrote for Angela from Hot Mess Memoir blog as she asked me to write something about an elf.
There once was a naughty young elf Who always thought of himself When he should have been working He was having fun shirking Until he cracked his head on a shelf!
Welcome to Wednesday where I choose a wacky, weird or wonderful word that deserves to have its time in the spotlight. The one I have chosen for today is still used quite widely, but it is one that makes me laugh. We all know people like this, and I bet some of us are even guilty of it at times as well…
Skive. Ah yes, this is the shirker, sloping off work early, or nipping out every five minutes for a cig break or a loo stop. It is the workshy waster wandering off when there is work to be done. It is also the truant, bunking off school, or dodging disliked lessons, preferring to spend the day somewhere more exciting, yet not risk getting caught.
It is also the malingerer, feigning fake illnesses that stop them from working/going to school.They loaf around lethargically until the miraculous recovery kicks when they have got their way!
Needless to say, I was rubbish at it at school, and the one afternoon I did skive off, I got caught and found myself in the headmistresses office, being told I would NEVER amount to anything! (They were pretty strict in those days).
Have you ever had skiver itis?
Image courtesy of David Costillo Dominici @ Freedigitalphots.net
Now I am quite an early bird, and get up at 05:15 when I am working, so it is almost inevitable that my body clock wakes me up early even on a day off. I am at my best in the morning anyway, and can quite happily get on and do things until everyone else gets up and our day begins.
Mr Grump usually gets up earlyish as well, but he had been out last night and had a few beers with some of my family, so was a little ‘tired’ this morning! Miss Hap, being on school holidays is also loathe to get up too early as well at the moment.
My sister had phoned at 8am so I had a nice chat with her for a while, but by the time it got to 9am I decided it was about time Mr Grump got up as I had chores for him to do! Anyway I went in the bedroom and he was sound asleep with Roxy snoring at the bottom of the bed (not even she had bothered to get up)!
I got in bed, he didn’t move. I pinched his arm, he muttered and turned over. Roxy had seen him moving and decided that she was well overdue for her walk. She went to the top of the bed and licked Mr Grump’s bald head! Her tail was swishing against the wooden headboard and making a bit of a clonking noise which was obviously irritating Mr Grump as he told her to get down, which she did!
I was annoyed that he didn’t get up, so I went in to see Miss Hap who was half awake. I had a little cuddle with her but she was tired and heavy-eyed so I went off downstairs to make a cup of tea (noisily)!
About 10 o’clock Mr Grump finally clomped downstairs and got himself ready to take Roxy out for her walk. I was cooking myself a boiled egg for breakfast but decided that Mr Grump would probably have breakfast when he came back, and I told him I would wait and have breakfast together.
I didn’t! I had been up for ages and my egg and pitta bread were ready so, in the end, I decided to cook a bit of bacon to put in with it. I was just finishing it off when Mr Grump and Roxy came back from their walk. I picked the last slice of bacon up with the tongs and I don’t know what happened but it ended up straight on the floor to Roxy’s delight!
I was fuming and stomped off to eat what I had left! Of course, it was all Mr Grump’s fault for getting up late, and me having to cook my own breakfast!! It put me out for the rest of the day!
What is it about PE at school that kids hate it so much? I was not very sporty at school, and hated hockey, but I did like tennis and athletics in the summer months as well as swimming, which I loved. I suppose it has a lot to do with the cold and rainy winters we get here.
I know the weather made no difference to PE lessons whatsoever, We would still go off for a cross-country run (I hated it), slipping about on the muddy paths, or squelching through rain-soaked fields, often losing a shoe in the process. Oh yes, I remember those days well.
It seems that they haven’t changed that much as Miss Hap is always moaning about having to do PE, but she has to get on with it as I did. I know some parents will write their children a note to try to get them excused by the teachers, but in my day it would have to be a bloody good one as a ‘tummy ache’ didn’t cut it!
Anyway, one young lady decided that she would persuade her mum to write her a sick note for PE as it was ‘too cold’ to participate. Her mum did as she was asked and sent her smug daughter off with the note sealed to be given in to the head. However, the contents of the note was totally opposite from what this young shirker wanted….
Her Mum had posted a copy of the note she actually sent on Facebook. She accused her daughter of being lazy and told encouraged the teacher to give her a couple of extra laps to ‘warm her up!’ I thought this was really funny. I don’t know whether or not the girl saw the Facebook letter or not but I bed that was a nasty surprise!
Mr Grump has had a rare day off work today (he is trying to use up all of his leftover holiday before April)and it is driving me mad! I am enjoying my days off thank you very much and I don’t want them interfered with!
Firstly, he dared to have a lie-in until 8am! Oh yes, it’s alright for some. I was up at bloody dark o’clock as usual (5am) leaving him and the dog snoring happily. He only got up then because I couldn’t find Miss Hap’s phone, and had to wake him up to find out where it was (It turned out it was behind my laptop, oh dear)!
I had asked him yesterday to phone up about my car as it was taken away Monday to be fitted with a catalytic converter by one of his ‘mechanic friends’ (regular readers might remember he resembles ‘Einstein’ with his wild grey hair and mad professor persona. He apparently couldn’t get through, so I asked him again to do it today.
He huffed and puffed about it, but he has to get up tomorrow to take me to work . so it is to his advantage that I get the car back. He did eventually phone whilst we were in town having a coffee, then had the audacity to show me up, by telling ‘Einstein’ that I was nagging about my car! He didn’t even ask him anything and was off the phone in no time telling me it will be ready by the end of the week.
Oh that is very helpful! Still I know he will be phoning up every 5 minutes on Friday to see if its ready. Oh yes. I am working at 7.30am Saturday morning, and the Rugby 6 nations is on Friday night, which he wants to watch whilst having a few beers! It is a bit of a grudge match in that England are paying Wales (he is Welsh). No doubt he will be drowning his sorrows when Wales lose and will not be wanting to get up early on Saturday to take me to work).
He then puts his crappy TV on and settles himself down, but luckily my niece came over to visit, and we had a nice girly chat whilst he tried to listen to his programme. He had to go out and start dinner anyway as he had prepared his wonderful ‘cow pie’ and wanted to make sure it was cooked properly!
Once my niece had left Mr Grump wanted me to finish off making my daughter’s tuna pasta salad (she won’t eat the pie). Normally he doesn’t like help in the kitchen and I was cross because I had just got myself comfy in my pyjamas.
I reluctantly ventured into the kitchen. to see to the pasta salad. I couldn’t get the stupid mayonnaise out of the squeezy bottle, so I shook it viciously, clouted it a couple of times…..and ended up spraying it all over my hair, face and pyjamas as it spurted flatulently out of the bottle……I wish he would bugger off back to work!!!
Oh, How I hate doing housework
There a huge pile of ironing to do
The carpets all need to be vacuumed
And I still haven’t tackled the loo!
There’s dust all over the TV
The bath is covered in grime
I haven’t started preparing the dinner
What HAVE I done with my time?
The sheets on the beds will need changing
The washing bin is filled to the brim
The floor in the kitchen needs scrubbing
The state of the bathroom is grim
I’m fed-up with all of this housework
It really gives me the hump
I think I’ll do some more blogging
And leave the chores to poor old Mr Grump!
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