Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 129: Moongazing…… — January 30, 2015

Episode 129: Moongazing……

Mr Grump came home carrying a huge bag a week or so ago. Being curious, I poked my nose into the bag to discover that he had bought a second-hand telescope. I was quite excited about this as I would love to get a closer look at the night sky, and see the moon and starts in more detail.I just had to wait for a clear night to be able to use it…..

My patience paid off, and tonight is a beautiful clear night, with a 3/4 moon and a generous sprinkling of starts for me to wonder at. Mr Grump dug about in the shed, came back with the bag and emptied the contents onto the front room floor so we could assemble it.

The body of the telescope was about 4ft long and 6 inches wide, plus there were all these little lenses and mini scope like bits, and finally the tripod with cogs and dials on it!  Wow, this was going to be good, and Miss Hap will enjoy it too. The only thing that was missing though were the bloody instructions!

Mr Grump brushed off this little inconvenience and being pretty resourceful, got the tripod set up with no problem. He then attached the large  body piece. and started screwing little bits and pieces on here and there.

I took this opportunity to get myself wrapped up against the freezing weather and put on a few more layers, encouraging Miss Hap to do the same. Meanwhile Mr Grump had carted the whole telescope ensemble out to the back garden and was twirling knobs, looking intensely at the moon trying to get it into focus.

Miss Hap and I waited….and waited for him to get a good view; I decided that we might as well wait for a bit until he called us, so as not to distract him, Sure enough after a few minutes he called us. Excitedly I craned my neck and stood on tiptoe (not being very tall) trying to look through the eyepiece. I ooohed and aahed but could only really see about 1cm of white light! I beckoned my daughter to have a look which she did. I held her hand to keep her balanced as she strained to see. Just as she saw it, she managed to kick the tripod, sending the telescope plummeting downwards.

Mr Grump grabbed it, glared at us two who were giggling, and set about re-focusing it, only this time, lowering the tripod a bit first so that we could actually see through it. I did finally get to see the moon this time, but although I could pick out a couple of craters, was not overly impressed, as I was expecting more!

Anyway, I asked him to train it on a star, this time. It took him ages to find one (I don’t know why. the sky was full of them), He then hogged the telescope for ages! I asked him to let me have a look as I was getting cold and had already been waiting ages (I am not known for my patience). He decided that he would change the lens so I could see it better. then promptly lost sight of it altogether!

I stomped back into the warmth of the front room, and left M Grump to disassemble the lot and pack it away back in the shed (Miss Hap had already scarpered off bored).

I need a bog standard telescope I think. These fancy ones with all the bells and whistles on, are all very nice and all that, but dunces like me can’t cope with complicated!

Episode 84: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…My Version. — December 23, 2014

Episode 84: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…My Version.

Stephanie from ‘Once Upon your Prime ‘ did a fantastic spoof on ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas’ which you can read here. I was so impressed with her version, and I wanted to have a go at this myself. Every year I have to read it every night in December to my daughter. we take it in turns to read a verse out each, and we both love it. I have not gone with a theme as Stephanie has, just given it a bit of jiggery-pokery here and there to give my take on it!!   Hope you enjoy…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, with presents to wrap

The turkey still thawing, no time for a nap!

The stocking was dragged out from last year

We’re hoping and praying St Nick will appear!

Miss Hap was all nestled snugly in bed

With iPhones and Converses going around in her head

Mr Grump, me and Roxy at last went to bed

To get ourselves rested for the big day ahead!

When out on the square there arose such a row

I awoke to see what was happening now!

I looked out the window and saw a large crowd

“Bugger off home!”. I shouted out loud.

The moon was hidden by a cloudy grey sky

But I thought I saw something out the corner of me eye.

Eight lively reindeer so happy and bright

Were guiding a sleigh through the darkness of night.

With a little old driver so chubby and cute

Who appeared to be wearing a red and white suit!

His reindeer were racing enjoying the game

He wanted attention so called them by name.

Now Dasher, now Dancer now Prancer and Vixen

On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen

Head for the roof! Head for the trees!

Now hurry up, hurry up, hurry up please!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

Are swirling around in the wintery sky

This little old man with his sleigh full of toys

Was ready to reward the good girls and boys.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof

The clanking and banging of their bloody great hooves!

The next thing I knew, I heard a loud ‘BOOM’

And St Nicholas had landed in my front room!

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his toes

And I couldn’t help smiling at his odd-looking clothes

He had a large sack that was filled to the top

He looked like a man who had just robbed a shop!

His eyes how they twinkled in spite of his years

His nose was all rosy – and so were his ears!

His mouth was formed into a huge cheesy grin

He appeared as if he’d been hitting the gin!

The butt off a cig was clenched in his lips

And his belt was a little sung round his hips.

The size of his tummy was really quite shocking

And it swayed side to side as if it were rocking!

He was jolly and plump a right happy old thing

And I was excited to see what gift he would bring

He looked at his sack and gave me a smile

And added a parcel to Miss Hap’s huge pile!

He spoke not a word but kept filling her stocking

Then gave me a look that was kind of mocking

And then in an instant he was no longer there

He appeared to have vanished into the night air.

He sprang to his sleigh as night became dawn

And then he was off. It was now Christmas Morn

But I heard him call out as he opened a beer

“Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year!”

Episode 15: No rest for the wicked….. — October 5, 2014

Episode 15: No rest for the wicked…..

Yesterday I thought that, due to Mr Grump’s ‘Man Flu’ I would be better off accepting the night shift at work, I had been phoned about, due to staff shortages. (it turns out that the staff were falling like flies with the same lurgy that I had just had). I presented myself fresh-faced (well,I have still got a bit of a red nose, and I  think a cold sore is forming on my upper lip) and ready for duty half an hour early at 7pm (I am always ridiculously early for everything)!

The Ward Sister greeted me enthusiastically, but told me it had been ‘a bit of a busy day.’ Usually, this didn’t bode well for the night either, but ever-optimistic I thought that at least the shift would go quickly if we had plenty to do to keep us occupied! ….

Two of my colleagues arrived ready for the night ahead, and as we sat chatting for a while, realised that it was time for Handover, and no-one else was going to turn up for the shift, apart from us three! This was not good, we have 27 patients and are at least two staff down, not to mention that someone has to be in one particular Bay at all times, as at least four of the elderly men in there are very confused, have no concept of the time of day, and do not necessarily want to go to sleep.They are all also very unsteady on their feet, but that does not hamper them in their attempts to go for little walks, so they really need a little extra monitoring.

We decided between the three of us, who would do what; one would administer all of the drugs to all of the patients, one would sit in with the ‘boys’ to try to settle them and keep them safe,  and I would answer the buzzers in the other bays, then once the drugs were finished, two of us would work together in settling the rest of the patients….in theory, this seemed the best option, but actually we were dealing with people here, and of course, reality meant that in the end, we had to ‘borrow’ a member of staff from another ward for 20 minutes, in order to try to get all of our patients comfortable, dry and clean before they went off to sleep, (those that wanted to sleep of course).

Finally, around midnight, we managed to grab a quick drink (It was so hot on that ward that all 3 of us were dripping with sweat, and parched to go with it)! I of course was starving as well. This healthy eating I am trying to do is all very well but a small stir fry 6 hours earlier had not sustained me, and I frantically shovelled in forkfuls of my salad, whilst briefly sitting down to write some notes. The other two were also doing the same,

After that brief respite it was all systems go again; although some of the men had briefly slept, one of them, although exhausted (he was almost walking around with his eyes shut),  would not give in to sleep, and he started making a bit of noise, which in turn woke some of the others up, and they too wanted to get in on the act! This took us a while to calm down, and of course disturbed some of the other patients, who had now woken up and were buzzing for attention.

By 4am, we were all pretty frazzled ,but with still another 4 hours to go, we continued running around right up until it was time to leave at 8am. (None of us had been able to take the hour-long break we were entitled to).

I staggered out of work,and got home to find that Mr Grump was already up. His man flu had prevented him from getting a decent night sleep. I listened sympathetically this time, poor thing. He did look rather pasty, and his whole demeanor looked woebegone and dejected…perhaps I would have been better off staying home last night with him after all!!

As exhausted as I was, I found that I could only sleep for a couple of hours (my body clock was mixed up and it decided to protest at being forced to sleep in the daytime).  So it’s an early night for me tonight, as I am back in work first thing tomorrow morning!!

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