Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

#JusJoJan and #1LinerWeds 2018. January 17th Passed — January 17, 2018

#JusJoJan and #1LinerWeds 2018. January 17th Passed

Today we have the combination of Linda’s Just Jot it January and One-Liner Wednesday. I am going to keep it pretty short and sweet.

I’ve passed!!!

Yes, the results were released today and I have passed the exam that I was dreading so much! I just have one more to go next week and that is it as far as exams and assignments go. In fact, after a few more weeks on this placement and a week at a placement doing voluntary work, at the beginning of March, and that is the end of my first year at Uni. I am absolutely bloody knackered!

Negative Feedback for Revision — November 14, 2017

Negative Feedback for Revision


I thought I would write this tongue-in-cheek poem about the revision I am doing for an exam I have coming up soon at Uni. As some of you may know, I am studying for my degree in Adult Nursing, you can read how I got on at the beginning here.  It is a bit manic at the moment with a long placement coming up and four assignments due in (I have already done those at least), an exam next week and this one in a month.


I am getting myself into a tizzy, revision is so hard for me

Trying to get my head around Human anatomy and physiology!

Every week learning a new system and sometimes there have been two

By the time we reached reproduction, I’ve forgotten just what to do!

Hormones, don’t get me started why, do you need such a long name?

My poor head is constantly aching with information overloading my brain

Oh yes, I can label a nephron, maybe draw a neuron too

I know how my lunch is digested, on its journey to becoming a poo!

Negative feedback is not just for Ebay, homeostasis started it  first

When the body becomes dehydrated, the hypothalamus triggers your thirst.

Cardiac output is stroke volume times heart rate. This we all have to know

I’m sure that my blood pressure is rising, and that pretty soon I will blow

I have used every resource I can think of, textbooks and YouTube to start

I even found some goodies on Pinterest, great diagrams of the lung and the heart

Four weeks before the exam now, I really hope that I’ll pass

I don’t want to have to re-sit it, as that will be a pain in the arse!

(Sorry to end on a bum note, but I am all out of fancy words).

Making Myself Known — November 22, 2015

Making Myself Known

As many of you know, I have recently started a new job and am still finding my way around, both figuratively and literally. Although I have lived in this town off and on since I was thirteen years old, there are so many new areas that have sprung up and many rural areas right out in the sticks that I had never heard of.

I am zooming about in my little gold car now (sadly my lovely yellow one is gone as I thought it might not be suitable for some of the areas due to it being lowered and other stuff that Boy Racers do to their cars to make them noisy and faster), getting myself lost in all sorts of beautiful places.

On a couple of occasions, I have been right out in the middle of nowhere and thought I might get a photo of the beautiful North Downs countryside, but Sod’s Law dictates that someone will pull up behind me the minute I am focusing on the shot, and I have to move out of the way!

With technology being at the forefront of providing a good and efficient service, I have a tablet which will make easier once I have been on the mandatory training course.Anyway, there was update training that everyone had to try and go to midway through the week, at a nearby venue. It has been a busy day and I wasn’t sure I was going to make it, especially as I still had one patient to see over the other side of town.

Now, being as I am I hate being late for anything as I find it is rude for those waiting on you, and it puts me out. However, patients do not fit into nice little time slots and the first few that I visited had extra problems or concerns that I had to deal with. Thre are a few patients that it makes sense to visit at specific times, and this last patient I had to see across town was normally seen at 12.30. It was now nearly 2.pm (which is when this training started as well)!

I turned up, tired, desperate for the loo and starving, having not eaten my lunch only to find y patient was sitting at the table tucking into his KFC! He did not want to be disturbed and was due to have another visit the next day so was happy to leave it.

The smell of the chicken made my stomach growl even louder, but I had no time to satisfy it, having to rush to get to the training which had now been going for about 15 minutes. Needless to say, when I arrived, everything was in full swing. The small room was packed, but I noticed a spare chair outside which I was going to plonk just inside the door. The senior management that were sat there  motioned for me to move the chair to the front of the room. I picked it up but being the klutz that I am tripped over it just as I was sidling up to the front, and the chair smacked to the wooden floor with a resounding bang, which of course woke everyone up and they turned to look at my glowing red face as I tried to sit there unobtrusively.

The room was stifling hot, I did not have much of a clue about what was going on, and the fact that I was desperate for the loo had me fidgeting constantly throughout the rest of the session, with my stomach rumbling in protest at being deprived of food. My face meanwhile, became redder and redder.

As soon as it was over, I rushed to the loo then as I returned to the foyer, was hugged by two nurses that had worked on the same ward as me at the hospital but had left to work in the community. Sadly, there are in a different team covering another area to me, but it was so nice to see them.

One of them told me she had seen  me make an entrance to the room, and knew it had to be me barging in making a such a racket. I laughed as she said it, then saw someone who I recognised walk past. I prodded him and said hello. He politely returned the greeting, but it was obvious he didn’t have a clue who I was. I told my friends he was my sister’s friend (she has known him for years, and I have met him several times) but they already knew him as he worked with them. Awkward!

Must be the glasses that confused him, as I hate wearing them out of work!



Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+) — September 1, 2015

Episode 479: Tuesday Tidbit. Seven Embarrassing Sexual Fails! (18+)

Sex is fraught with the potential for embarrassment, and a good sense of humour very often ‘comes in handy’  (if you’ll pardon the pun) to deal with some of the most common cringeworthy moments that most of us have encountered at some stage in our sexual shenanigans!

  1. Things are heating up, the pace is getting faster, and more passionate, then…. PARPPPPP. Oh No, someone has let one off! You both freeze as the horror of the moment sinks in; hopefully things will resume pretty quickly afterwards and the mood is not lost!
  2. Ready for a bit of bedroom action, everything is going well….kissing and touching,  breathing is getting heavier, your body is responding to the sensuous caresses but something is not quite right. You have noticed that your partner has backed off just  a little. You are getting to the point now where touching is not enough, and as you reach for him, you realise that he is not quite ‘ready’. This is a bit of a tricky situation. You could try other things to ‘perk things up’  but sometimes it is just ‘flogging a dead horse’, or you could sulk, turn your back and seethe! The other option of course, is to just snuggle up together and reassure that it doesn’t matter.
  3. If you have quite sensitive skin on your face, this one could be a problem. After a long, long night of hot and heavy action, and hours of passionate kissing, you might wake up in the morning with what looks like friction burns on your chin! I have actually had this happen to me and have had to think up some pretty (lame) excuse at work the next day as to how I got ‘that awful burn’ on my chin.
  4. Waking up the next morning only to find there is a patch of blood on the sheets! Mother Nature had paid you an unexpected visit during the night. Mortifying!
  5. Feeling sick just when things are getting going. This is really awkward as you cannot enjoy what is happening if there is a possibility of puking all over your partner! They won’t appreciate it either.
  6. You have got a bit of unexpected child-free time that you decide to take advantage of during the day. You have a bit of ‘afternoon delight’ with your partner, and as you are lying together in the afterglow, you can hear sounds of kids playing outside. You realise that all the bedroom windows are open and that half the street probably heard what you have been up to. Cringe!
  7. Whilst showing off your agility and flexibility getting into all sorts of interesting positions, you are attacked by CRAMP. It’s no good, you twist this way and that way trying to alleviate it, then end up leaping up and hopping about yowling in pain as it won’t go away! Passion is killed!
Episode 475: Kicking Back and Letting Go. — August 29, 2015

Episode 475: Kicking Back and Letting Go.

What a week this has been! My routine oriented, working patterns, all arse-about-face! Two night shifts in a row is pretty alien to me, and I had one hell of a job sleeping the next day (particularly when my neighbours had a row outside my bedroom window and she kicked him out, hurling insults after him as he roared off in the car).

Unfortunately, I notice that he has returned to the matrimonial home, but must be keeping a low profile as there is none of the usual shouting (or even singing) at the top of his voice for our ‘entertainment!’

The second half of the week saw me get the job that I had applied for. The preparation and research that I did through sleep-deprived, half-closed eyes paid off, and my confidence, and self-esteem got a much-needed boost. I did it!

Friday saw me back at work, and even the fact that there were only 6 of us looking after 26 patients did not dampen my spirits, as the team that were on shift are brilliant. It is going to be so difficult saying goodbye to them, but in the last year alone 16 staff have left with a few others are to follow soon. I know I am doing the right thing as conditions are not going to improve,

The other change that I made is that sadly, I no longer write my ‘Wacky News Stories’ for the magazine, as they were looking to change direction. I could have stayed and written more serious stuff, but as I was also doing some editing and uploading articles from three other writers,  I found it all too time-consuming and I do not like to do things half-cocked!

Today It was out to get Miss Hap some new school shoes and other bits that she needed as they go back on Wednesday; (I have got the week off so actually get the other two days to myself)! As both Miss Hap and Mr Grump are out, I put my feet up and had a much-needed nap!

Episode 443: Taking Advantage — August 3, 2015

Episode 443: Taking Advantage

I always try my hardest

When I am at work

I’ll do anything they ask me

And never skive or shirk

Yet everyday they ask for more

Way above my grade

At first I was so flattered

At the impression I had made

Little did I realise

They got so much more for less

All the responsibility

Not to mention extra stress

I cannot be promoted

Unless I start anew

But for now it’s ok

Till the newbies learn what to do

But God forbid I mention

That I still don’t feel that well

Always feeling tired

and generally like hell!

‘Perhaps we should get you checked out

To see if you are still fit’

Yet when there was no-one else

They didn’t mind a bit!

Episode 314: Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge #43: Source And Thought — May 4, 2015
Episode 131: Blowing Away The Cobwebs. — January 31, 2015

Episode 131: Blowing Away The Cobwebs.

Today my mind was too full of worries and niggles and I was feeling a bit het-up. The weather was dreary and grey, although dry, and I was moping about totally unmotivated…

As food is never far from my mind, I asked Mr Grump what we were going to have for dinner tonight. I was not impressed with his suggestions, and tried to persuade him to do our grocery shopping today instead of tomorrow whilst I stayed at home.

Well he wasn’t having that. He insisted that we all go shopping and that we walk the  3 mile round trip, as it would do us all good to get some exercise. Surprisingly Miss Hap was up for it, but I tried to get out of it, However, I realised that if I wanted something nice for dinner then I would have to go with them.

So off we trotted. Actually it was quite nice, as we kept off the main roads and used the little footpaths that cut through a large wooded area. We kept up a brisk pace and chatted throughout the journey, so it was rather pleasant.

In no time at all we were wondering around the supermarket. Miss Hap and I browsed through some craft magazines, and a knitting one caught her eye. Funnily enough, I was thinking today how I would like to take up knitting again, as I hadn’t done anything for ages. Also I can actually knit (unlike my dressmaking attempts, where I try  – but fail). I bought the magazine which included a pattern for some knitted monkeys plus the wool to make it with.

Once we had bought everything we needed, we headed back home. This time the walk was not quite as pleasant. For a start, the wind had kicked up, and about 10 minutes in, the rain started falling. This coupled with the heavy bags (stupidly, we hadn’t considered carrying the shopping all the way back) made the trip a little more challenging!

Everyone was pleased to get back home in the warm, and once we had dried off and sorted ourselves out, I started to knit one of the little monkeys…I could feel the stress melting away.

Episode 19: Patch me up and I’ll be ok!! — October 10, 2014

Episode 19: Patch me up and I’ll be ok!!

Today has been a bit of an odd day really. I’m on day 9 of not smoking, and I am so pleased that I have managed to make it this far without caving in to temptation….

Today I was working in a different bay to where I normally work, (but a change is a good as a rest), so after greeting everyone with a cheery ‘Good morning,’ it was time to make sure everyone had eaten their breakfast and see if they needed anything before I started on the drugs round. The care worker,  who was working with me , asked if I could help her to get one of the ladies onto a commode, as she was a little tricky to transfer with just one person.

Of course, I put on my pinny and gloves and we both helped to get the patient on the toilet…As I turned around, I noticed a few small, brown deposits on the floor, oh dear, my poor lady had a bit of an accident. I warned my co-worker to be careful, of the mess on the floor, but it was already too late; one of the deposits was a bit smudged and flattened, and as realisation dawned on my co-worker, she held up her foot for inspection, and sure enough she had trodden in it.. and due to having rather deep treads on the underside of her shoes, it had become ingrained deep in the crevices, as well as the couple of blobs that were on the side!

I stifled my laughter as I went to quickly retrieve some clinical wipes to clean up the mess. My co-worker’s face was so comical as she stood balanced on one leg as  I scrubbed at her shoe. Still if this was going to be how the day started, it did not bode well…

However we managed to get through the morning with no further  incidents, but I was feeling a bit twitchy. I had been out to break with the smokers earlier, and we went to the usual bench, which today, was unoccupied, due to it having rained earlier in the morning. However, we had come prepared, and laid out our incontinence pads over the wet seat to keep ourselves dry.I watched enviously today as they fitted in as many cigarettes as they could ,as well as their food, as I really wanted to join them in a cigarette. (I can’t get my head around the fact that I am a NON-SMOKER now).

I resisted the urge of course, and stomped back to work feeling a little disgruntled. After a while I was told that they were giving out flu jabs outside the ward, and as I have had 2 lots of lurgy recently I decided that it might be a good idea for me to get the jab, I joined the end of a massive queue, and whilst waiting I tried to remember which arm I had put my nicotine patch on so that I could get the jab in the other one.I couldn’t find it….I got the jab anyway and went back to the ward.

I saw our ward clerk and I asked her if she could see it on my arm. She couldn’t either so in the end I had the zip on my dress half undone, with her patting me down looking for this bloody patch…No, it was not there! That was why I was really craving a cigarette today, I wasn’t usually this bad. Once I had got over the initial panic of not having my patch on where I roared out to anyone who would listen “I have lost my patch, and I have not smoked for NINE days”. I couldn’t bear the fact that I still had a few hours left before I could get home to replace it, and I did not want to blow all my hard work,

I saw the boss out the corner of my eye and decided that perhaps I had better calm down and sort myself out. I slunk into one of the offices where we write out notes, and set about filling out a long and complicated  form that was needed for one of my patients. By the time I had finished that, the craving was gone and normality resumed for the rest of the shift. It’s a shame that being smoke-free is not stress-free!!

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