Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Man’s Best Friend, The Remote Control! — April 5, 2018

Man’s Best Friend, The Remote Control!

What is it with men and the TV remote control?  I am sure they think it is an extension of themselves, (another appendage or something) because trying to separate the two is nigh on bloody impossible!

When I was growing up, we only had four channels on the TV.  To turn it over, you had to get up off the settee, go over to the television and push the knob or button to turn it over.  Seeing as there was such little choice in TV programmes,  and no one could be bothered to keep getting up to turn over, it typically stayed mostly on one favourite channel.  My step-dad was the one who always chose that channel. As Mum was not that bothered. She liked to watch similar things to him, anyway.  We all watched what he wanted, and that was the end of it!

He couldn’t believe his luck as television became more sophisticated, and there was a remote control to play with (or ‘clicker’ as he liked to call it).  When cable TV came along, and there were extra channels to watch, it was a dream come true for a ‘Telly Addict’ like my step-dad.  He loved nearly all sports, had a fondness for a Spaghetti Western, became hooked on one or two soaps, and finally vociferously joined in with the quiz shows.  Oh God, he would berate the hapless contestants (Family Fortunes being his favourite) for their stupidity. He would SCREAM the answers out to the fools that couldn’t answer, repeating them louder and louder as if they could hear him, which used to drive me mad!  However, I always laughed when he said, “Goodnight” to the newscaster before he went to bed (my Nan used to do that as well)!!

The thing that was most annoying though was if, by chance one of us kids managed to get hold of the clicker and put Top Of The Pops or something on before he settled down for the evening.  We would be halfway through watching it,  only for him to come in, pick up the clicker and turn it over!  He did not care if we were in the middle of something, he would just flick it over.   We actually tried to hide the sodding clicker on occasion, but he would go ballistic turning everything upside down until someone found it.

I have discovered that my husband is also a remote control hogger!  (I think it has something to do with middle age, but I wouldn’t know, as I am not there yet).  I’ll be watching something, and when the adverts come on, he starts flicking about through the channels. I ask him to turn it back but by the time he does, my programme has already begun, and I have missed the first 2 minutes of it.  He also loves to mess about with the menus, so you end up watching a 2×2 inch square for 20 minutes or until he has figured out how to do whatever it is he wants to do!

I can see the similarities between my husband now, and how my step-dad was back then. The armchair (no one else is allowed to sit in it as it is in the best spot for seeing the TV), a handy table nearby on which to rest the obligatory cup of tea, and slippers waiting at the bottom of the chair.  The only difference is my stepdad’s ashtray on the table, and my husband ’s pouffe to put his feet up.  Other than that two peas in a pod, just 20 years apart!

Who has the remote in your house?

Goggle-Eyed Watching The Goggle Box! — November 2, 2017

Goggle-Eyed Watching The Goggle Box!

Isn’t it strange how much TV can influence our lives? It can educate, shock, entertain; bring us to tears even; and you could get all of that in just one episode of your favourite soap!

Who remembers, Anne Kirkbride or Deirdre Barlow as she was known to many? She burst onto our screens 46 years ago as a fresh-faced 17-year-old. She had the nation gripped with her numerous marriages, and relationships, before finally ending up with dear old Ken (again). Even our Prime Minister at the time, became involved when one storyline sent her off to the clink for a bit  by demanding that she be freed!

It was the same with Dallas. I can still remember the ‘who shot JR?’ saga. People even had t-shirts emblazoned with ‘I shot JR.’   Staying with Dallas, what about the uproar when Bobby died, and then came back a few years later, clean and sparkly from a nice shower.(He didn’t even have that wrinkled skin you get after a while, let alone a few years)

Many people have grown up with some of these characters, and they almost feel like they are part of the family.We laugh with them, cry with them, and can’t wait to tune in to the next episode to see what they will get up to. Some fans even find it difficult to separate fact from fiction and expect the actors to behave like their characters in real life!

It has long been a tradition in the UK for our soaps to have spectacular Christmas episodes, we can’t wait! You know there’s going to be a MEGA disaster of EPIC proportions! What will it be?? Will it be a tragic accident that wipes out half of the cast? Will it be a shocking revelation? Or will there be an almighty punch-up? Whatever it is , you can guarantee there will be legions of fans, glued to their TVs in order to find out!

How many of us have also been guilty of using TV to ‘babysit’ our kids? I have to own up to this one. When my daughter was very young, I have plonked her down in front of the TV, watching one of the kids’ channels, enthralled by Mr Tumble or Dora the Explorer, whilst I have got on with a bit of housework or something. She has never had a long attention span, so I used to make the most of however long I got.

Reality TV has really taken off now too. Oh how we love to see poor unfortunate people (mainly celebrities) making utter fools of themselves, either being locked up in a house with a load of other people who they have nothing in common with, for a few weeks, or being sent to a jungle , again with others who they don’t know and have very little in common with. Deprive them of a few home comforts, make them compete with each other for ‘treats’ , then sit back and watch it all kick off!

I am also rather partial to the crime channels. I don’t know why, but they fascinate me. It is amazing how they uncover the whole story from start to finish of a crime that has been committed, sometimes with just the smallest amount of evidence. I am surprised though at the amount of spouses that get ‘bumped off’ for the insurance money, and the sly and devious methods used to try to fool everyone that the death is genuine! Hmmmm, STILL haven’t got Mr Grump insured…..

Happy viewing, I’m off to sort out some paperwork!

TJ’s Weekly Household Haiku Challenge – House Number — February 13, 2016

TJ’s Weekly Household Haiku Challenge – House Number

 

Remote Controls (1)

I was wracking my brains for what to use for TJ’s household challenge this week as our prompt is ‘house number,’ Mine is not as fancy as TJ’s pretty enamel one so I thought of other numbers around the house instead, as he suggested.

I decided that the TV remote controls were a good choice. Plenty of numbers on there to be getting on with!  Wales are playing Scotland (who England beat) in the 6 Nations Rugby Cup today, and Mr Grump is glued despite his constant snuffles, snorts and sneezes spoiling his enjoyment! (Man flu has arrived and he is actually really poorly)!

Anyway, here is my haiku!

 

 

Hogging the controls

Channel surfing drives me mad

Is it a man thing???

 

 

 

Episode 353: The Power of Technology! — May 31, 2015

Episode 353: The Power of Technology!

Thus morning I actually had a lie-in and didn’t get up until 9am which is unheard of for me! Nobody else was awake as we had a bit of a late night and after the other morning I decided to just let everyone else sleep in, especially as it is Mr Grump’s birthday today (yes he is another year grumpier)!

Anyway, I went into the bathroom, and the light didn’t come on, so I thought the bulb had gone, However, on going downstairs, I realised that we had a power cut and nothing was working! Oh, this is novel, I remember as a little girl we used to have quite a few power cuts and Mum always had some candles and a torch handy so at least we could see!

Seeing as it was well into the morning I didn’t need any of those, but I did want a cup of tea. Luckily we have a gas cooker so I just boiled up some water, no problem. I usually go on my laptop early on but with no internet or electricity I had to give that a miss. Hmmmm, what to do?! How did we amuse ourselves before technology took over the world with its hypnotic powers, drawing us in and keeping us occupied?

I went on my mobile and looked at my notifications from Word Press. I had a few comments so decided to reply to them, only to realise that I can’t send it as I have no internet. Now what? I know, I’ll play Candy Crush on my tablet, I am doing quite well with that. I started playing but then realised I had to connect in order to progress, but I had no bloody internet, damn it!

I am not very used to silence either, I always put the TV on first thing to watch the news for a while whilst I catch with reading some blogs, but of course that was out, so I read for a while. I do read a lot but never in the daytime, preferring to relax just before I go to sleep by reading a good book. I did enjoy the 20 minutes or so before the power suddenly burst back into life, but felt really tired!

The others finally got up soon after and although Mr Grump does not like to make any fuss about his birthday, we gave him his presents and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to him which I think he enjoyed. Miss Hap is at a friend’s tonight for a sleepover so we are going to have a nice quiet night in together.

As it is his birthday I bought him the latest ‘Lord of the Rings’ DVD in 3D which he is watching now, and I haven’t even moaned about it once! I hate those bloody films and just cannot get into them at all. He is sitting there though, as happy as Larry, Roxy not far away from him as usual. What a shame it would be if there was a power cut now!

Episode 148: Family Night….. — February 6, 2015

Episode 148: Family Night…..

The weekend is upon us. The time for families to spend quality time together enjoying each other’s company….not in our house!

We all started off sitting together in the front room having dinner, then Miss Hap got a call afterwards from a school friend, She decided that they needed to ‘face time’ each other as talking is obviously not enough (neither is the fact that she was just with her at school a few hours previously) and she clomped off upstairs to get some privacy!

I remember those days when younger and my friends would phone on the weekend. My Mum and step-dad would moan loudly about ‘bloody kids’ phoning up when we only saw them 5 minutes ago. We didn’t have the luxury of a cordless phone and the cable wasn’t that long either. That normally meant sitting in the front room trying to talk to your friend whilst getting withering glances from the others as you were disturbing their TV viewing pleasure!

Privacy was not an option. If you were lucky, you might be able to yank the phone out to the hall and sit on the stairs for 5 minutes, before being yelled at to ‘get off the bloody phone’ – even if your friend called you! Those were the days!

Mt Grump has plonked himself in front of the (blaring) TV  with a few beers, to watch the Rugby. It is England V Wales, and is being played in his home town of Cardiff. The rest of the family are English, and he has been getting a few texts from them commiserating over Wales’ inevitable trouncing by England even though it hasn’t started yet! In fact we are being treated to a light show of dizzying brilliance.

I am sat at my laptop trying to block out the bloody racket coming from the TV. My headphones have blocked out about 50% of it, but no doubt I will still hear the shouts if Wales score, or the swearing if England do!

Good old technology. where would we be with out it?…..Probably all sitting around playing a board game and spending quality family time together no doubt!!!

Episode 137: Trial By Jeremy Vile: Helpful or Humiliating? — February 3, 2015

Episode 137: Trial By Jeremy Vile: Helpful or Humiliating?

Ah the good old chat show! Don’t you just love them? How things have changed from the good old days of ‘Ricki Lake’ and ‘Oprah’. Oh yes, they sometimes got heated but then ‘The Jerry Springer Show’ burst onto our screens complete with bizarre guests, and punch ups galore! Compulsive viewing, to start with as it was just so shocking.

Over here in the UK, we have got good old Jeremy Kyle, Some of you might have already heard of him. He just loves to get right in people’s faces, and wind them up, calling them stupid, or telling them to go and get a job etc. Then gets out of the way was they are about to lash out. He is very agile is Jezza!

God knows why anyone would want to go on TV and air their dirty laundry but there seems to be no shortage of guests ready and willing to put themselves up for humiliation, not just by him, but by the press who occasionally latch on to a story associated with the show.

I have to share with you, a couple of extracts from a conversation between Jeremy, a female guest and her ex-boyfriend. It went along the lines of:

Jeremy, “So you sent pictures of your private parts to another woman on your phone?”

Ex, “Well I had a bad day at work!”

Jeremy: Why did you get arrested for harassing her?”

Ex, “Because I harassed her!”

Now I get the fact that the show is trying to help people; It  offers after care services,  for all manner of problems, addiction, child contact centres, financial help and the like, but they really have to go through the ringer in order to get it!

Jeremy is very often condescending; takes the mickey out of the guests, and shouts in people’s faces. Not to mention his favourite expression is for men to ‘put something on the end of it’! Now that is a catchphrase to be proud of!

Do you think these shows are really helpful, or just titillation for the viewers?

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping! — January 28, 2015

Episode 126: Tired of Not Sleeping!

What do you do to entertain yourself at 3am in the morning when you can’t sleep? It is so annoying You turn over, and over trying to get comfortable…then you need the loo so you stumble out, eyes half closed, get back to bed and…ZING! You are wide awake. That’s the situation I found myself in this morning….

Apart from the fact that I was resentful that both Mr Grump and the dog were snoring contentedly, I was cross because I had a day off and could have had a lie-in (I never do anyway, but in theory I could)!

So it’s off downstairs as there is no point in trying to force something that is just not going to happen. It’s a little chilly downstairs, so I put the kettle on for a nice cup of tea. I don’t however, turn on the heating otherwise the clanking and banging noises it makes as it fires up will wake everyone else up. Anyway I’ve got one of those snuggle blankets with the arms in!

So now what can I do? Well I can catch up with a bit of TV that Mr Grump won’t entertain watching. I particularly enjoy a programme where this ex-hotelier (now bankrupt and unemployed), has been employed as ‘Entertainments Manager’ at another local hotel, as the owners saw his fly on the wall series a couple of years ago when he ran his own hotels (obviously before he lost the lot)!

Anyway, this guy is so funny, as he spectacularly buggers up everything he touches, even though he tries so hard. It makes me laugh, and if I can’t sleep, I might as well be sat there giggling. I flick on my laptop and have a couple of games of ‘Candy Crush’ whilst I am at it as well!

I know some people like to get on with a bit of housework if they can’t sleep but that would not be a great idea where I live. I am too noisy and clumsy to start dusting especially if not fully awake. Plus the walls are so thin in my house that I would have half the square knocking my door, not to mention Mr Grump and Miss Hap, baying for my blood if I dared to vacuum.

No, I didn’t fancy living dangerously,  so I opted for a couple of hours watching telly and playing on my laptop, I was then ready to go back to sleep, which I did… a really deep sleep, so deep that when Miss Hap came in to have a snuggle before school, I woke up with a splitting headache, feeling disoriented, and in a nice bad temper! Oh, and still tired despite eventually getting enough sleep!

What do you do when you just can’t sleep?

Episode 118: Goggle-Eyed Watching The Goggle Box! — January 22, 2015

Episode 118: Goggle-Eyed Watching The Goggle Box!

Isn’t it strange how much TV can influence our lives? It can educate, shock, entertain; bring us to tears even; and you could get all of that in just one episode of your favourite soap!

Now, I don’t actually watch any soaps anymore, but recently, an actress that had been on a very long-running British soap had died at the age of 60. Anne Kirkbride or Deirdre Barlow as she was known to many, burst onto our screens 44 years ago as a fresh-faced 17 year old. She had the nation gripped with her numerous marriages, and relationships, before finally ending up with dear old Ken (again). Even our Prime Minister became involved when one storyline sent her off to the clink for a bit! And he demanded that she be freed!

It was the same with Dallas. I can sill remember the ‘who shot JR?’ saga. People even had t-shirts emblazoned with ‘I shot JR.’   Staying with Dallas, what about the uproar when Bobby died, and then came back a few years later, clean and sparkly from a nice shower! (He didn’t even have that wrinkled skin you get after a while, let alone a few years)!

Many people have grown up with some of these characters, and they almost feel like they are part of the family.We laugh with them, cry with them, and can’t wait to tune in to the next episode to see what they will get up to.

As for the Christmas episodes, well, you can’t wait! You know there’s going to be a MEGA disaster of EPIC proportions! What will it be?? Will it be a tragic accident that wipes out half of the cast? Will it be a shocking revelation? Or will there be an almighty punch-up? Whatever it is , you can guarantee there will be legions of fans, glued to their TVs in order to find out!

How many of us have also been guilty of using TV to ‘babysit’ our kids? I have to own up to this one. When my daughter was very young, I have plonked her down in front of the TV, watching one of the kids’ channels whilst I have got on with a bit of housework or something! She has never had a long attention span, so I used to make the most of however long I got!

Reality TV has really taken off now too. Oh how we love to see poor unfortunate people (mainly celebrities) making utter fools of themselves, either being locked up in a house with a load of other people who they have nothing in common with, for a few weeks, or being sent to a jungle , again with others who they don’t know and have very little in common with! Deprive them of a few home comforts, make them compete with each other for ‘treats’ , then sit back and watch it all kick off!

I am rather partial to the crime channels. I don’t know why, but they fascinate me. It is amazing how they uncover the whole story from start to finish of a crime that has been committed, sometimes with just the smallest amount of evidence. I am surprised though at the amount of spouses that get ‘bumped off’ for the insurance money, and the sly and devious methods used to try to fool everyone that the death is genuine! Hmmmm, STILL haven’t got Mr Grump insured…..

Happy viewing, I’m off to sort out some paperwork!

Episode 91: Red Alert! — January 7, 2015

Episode 91: Red Alert!

I’ve got a guilty pleasure……sometimes,very early in the morning, when there is nobody else up, I can indulge in it. Occasionally if Miss Hap gets up early enough, she joins me, and we both get wrapped up in it for a while, enjoying ourselves immensely. Yes… I love watching the Teleshopping channels!

The jewellery channels are ones that we both particularly enjoy. We marvel at some of the ‘pieces’  (see, I even know the jargon) and are amazed at how much there is for the presenters to say about them. They waffle on and on for ages, and then get out their little rulers to give measurements and dimensions. Finally comes the climax, where the price dramatically drops, and the phone lines go mad!  I just find them very entertaining.

I occasionally watch the channels where they are advertising some intense workout. I become mesmerised as all these fit young people push themselves into ‘Oblivion’ or whatever it is called. I envy their bodies but know that after 10 mins of such gruelling exercise. I would end up at the local A & E with either a heart attack or serious injury.

Oh no, those channels are not for me. However,  if any of them have gadgets on them, then I am all ears (and eyes too for that matter). I simply MUST have that X5 mop I have seen advertised. I am not that keen on housework and I am sure that this brilliant invention is the answer to all my chores!  The problem is, Mr Grump won’t let me have one!  How can he not be impressed by all the different functions that it has? Why is he not amazed that it uses no chemicals, only steam ?(Yes, I know, STEAM, and it even cleans grease up)! Doesn’t he realise that it comes in different colours? Even red (which matches all our kitchen utensils; a factor which is of course of vital importance when choosing a product)! I am bitterly disappointed that he won’t let me have one but I will eventually wear him down I am sure.

I think the reason might have something to do with the fact that he is still smarting over a set of frying pans I was seduced into buying that cost a bloody fortune! I had seen them advertised on the same channel as the mop. They looked wonderful, non stick, easy to clean and guess what? Yes, they came in red!

Red pans

I had taken my Mum out shopping and we happened to go to a large new homeware store that had recently opened.As we were walking around I caught sight of a TV advertising said pans and I sauntered over to have a closer look. As they were on special offer I just HAD to get one – of each size, plus the special lid! Mum bought the small one as well, and we were pleased with our bargains!

Later on when Mr Grump got home from work, and I showed him my new pans, he was not at all happy, especially as he spotted the receipt in the bag. His face went as red as those pans and I probably could have saved myself some money and fried an egg on him, boiling as he was!  Anyway,our old pans (in my opinion) were well past their prime; they were old and ugly.

To make a point, sulky Mr Grump has steadfastly refused to use my lovely new pans and I have even resorted to doing a bit of cooking myself just so they are not neglected, and they are wonderful!

Am I the only one that is a sucker for a gadget?

Episode 63: Man’s Best Friend — December 2, 2014

Episode 63: Man’s Best Friend

What is it with men and the TV remote control? I am sure they think it is an extension of themselves, another appendage or something, because trying to separate the two is nigh on bloody impossible!….

When I was growing up, we only had 4 channels on the TV. In order to turn it over, you had to actually get up off the settee, go over to the TV and push in the knob or button to turn it over. Seeing as there was such little choice in TV and no-one could be bothered to keep getting up, it normally stayed mostly on one favourite channel. My step-dad was the one who always chose that channel as well, my mum was not really that bothered as she liked similar things anyway.We watched what he wanted and that was the end of it!

He couldn’t believe his luck as TVs became more sophisticated, and there was a remote control to play with (or ‘clicker’ as he liked to call it). When cable TV was introduced and there were extra channels to watch, it was dream come true for a ‘Telly Addict’ like my step-dad. He LOVED nearly all sports, had a fondness for a Spaghetti Western, became hooked on one or two soaps, and finally vociferously joined in with the quiz shows. Oh god, he would berate the hapless contestants (Family Fortunes being his favourite) for their stupidity; he would SCREAM the answers out to the dunces that couldn’t answer, repeating them louder and louder as if they could hear him, it used to drive me mad! However, I always laughed when he said “goodnight” to the newscaster before he went to bed.

The thing that was most annoying though is if, by chance one of us kids managed to actually get hold of the clicker and put Top Of The Pops or something on before he settled down for the evening, we would be halfway through only for him to come in, pick up the clicker and turn it over! He did not care if we were in the middle of something, he would just flick it over. I know we tried to hide the sodding clicker on occasion, but he would go ballistic turfing everything out until it was found!

I have found that Mr Grump is also a remote control hogger! (I think it has something to do with middle age, but I wouldn’t know as I am not there yet)! I’ll be watching something and when the adverts come on he starts flicking about through the channels; I ask him to turn it back but by the time he does it has already started and I have missed the first 2 minutes! He also loves to mess about with the menus, so you end up watching a 2×2 inch square for 20 minutes or until he has figured out how to do whatever it is he wants to do!

I can actually see the similarities in Mr Grump and how my step-dad was; armchair (no-one else is allowed to sit in it as it is in the best spot for seeing the TV): handy table nearby on which to rest obligatory cup of tea; slippers. The only difference is my step-dad had an astray on the table, and Mr Grump has a pouffe for his legs. Other than that two peas in a pod, just 20 years apart!

Some things will never change I guess!

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