Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 360: If You Can’t Stand The Heat…. — June 5, 2015

Episode 360: If You Can’t Stand The Heat….

I mentioned before that us Brits like to moan about the weather and are never satisfied! Summer started off as a bit of a damp squib, but today was a balmy 25 degrees Celsius, (around 77 Fahrenheit) and we had a couple of thunderstorms chucked in to mix it up a bit. so it all amounted to a very humid and muggy day with bursts of beautiful hot sunshine

A couple of weeks ago my boss sent my to the laundry as one of the pens had leaked in my dress pocket leaving an unsightly small black blob over my left boob, and she wanted me to go and get it changed. I didn’t dare tell her that the stain on that dress was pretty old and the mess I had made on my dress the day before was much worse. Instead of leaving the ink stain alone (it was one of the gel pens) I decided to rub at it with an antibacterial wipe, thereby spreading this huge black mass over my entire boob!

I went to the laundry and sweet-talked the assistant into letting me have the one dress that was there (not many people wear the same uniform as me) and she put in an order for 3 more which would take a few days to arrive.

That was fine. I dropped off the other dresses the next day and was off last week anyway. I went back to collect my new dresses on Tuesday but was met by a very sour assistant who was not happy that I had managed to swap all my dresses, and moaned that her colleague ‘had only been there 5 mins and didn’t know what she was doing!’ Anyway, she gleefully told me that mine hadn’t arrived and they didn’t have any in my size (which she decided to say out loud).

Great, that left me with one dress. I went back again after a while. still not in. I wore the dress in yesterday and although I did manage to get it washed, was too lazy to iron it this morning so wore my tunic and trousers. It was unbearably hot up on that ward today. Most of us had sweat literally dropping off us (what a shame that fat doesn’t melt off in the heat). I wished I had ironed that dress!

The nice assistant from the laundry phoned me up to let me know that my dresses will not be ready until 17th JULY, for Christ’s sake! When I got home I had a lovely heat rash around my ankle just above my socks. Nice! Looks like that one dress is going to get a lot of wear over the next month and I am going to have to stop being too lazy to iron it I might even have to hope that the weather is grotty again!

Episode 256. Bursting Out All Over! — March 27, 2015

Episode 256. Bursting Out All Over!

Although I absolutely hate the colour of my work uniform, (it is the same grotty grey that you get when you put black and white items  together on a hot wash) I am at least grateful that I don’t have to worry what I have to wear each day.

I have worked in offices in the past and it was always a challenge to come up with a different outfit every day, that was suitable for the office, and for the weather. I always like to try to look smart even if I never manage classy or elegant that I wish I was!

Anyway, myself and Mr Grump decided to nip into town today to have a mooch about, plus there were a couple of things we wanted to get. I told him that I was ‘just going to look in the window’ of the hairdressers I usually frequent to see if they were busy.

As luck would have it they weren’t. That is pretty rare so I asked the if they could fit me in for a quick trim as my fringe had grown right out and my hair was looking a bit tatty! There were two stylists working, one young dark-haired woman and an older woman with blonde hair, she was the one that ushered me off to do my hair.

As she was snipping away and chatting, I kind of turned to the side to reply, and almost got a faceful of boob! She was not a small woman, but I think the top she was wearing might have shrunk or something, as I was confronted by what looked like two shelled hard-boiled eggs (only about 5 times the size) spilling out of two giant egg-cups, thinly covered by a scrap of black lycra masquerading as a t-shirt!

Mr Grump then bowled in and started moaning because I was mid haircut and he thought I would be ages. The shop phone went off and another girl appeared from upstairs, also in a low-cut number, boobs jiggling about as she descended each stair. Mr Grump’s eyes were popping out of his head! He had already clocked the woman doing my hair, and now he was treated to this other spectacle as well.

He decided to hang around for a bit longer, but i was almost done anyway. As we came out of the shop, he said with what he hoped conveyed disapproval,

“Every time you go in there those girls have got their t**s out!”  So that’s why he always comes in looking for me when he knows exactly where I have gone!

Hmmmm, isn’t it about time that hairdressers wore a uniform?!

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