Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 468: An Apple A Day…… — August 22, 2015

Episode 468: An Apple A Day……

Last week saw me at an appointment with a ‘Health and Well-Being Advisor.’  I am having a bit of trouble managing my weight still  and am seriously lacking in motivation due to being in a bit of a low mood. Anyway, this, of course, is having a knock-on effect with my Diabetes and I am constantly getting other minor things wrong which are annoying.

Anyway, time to take things in hand and I trotted off, to be told what I already knew, that I was overweight and unhealthy. Unfortunately, things were worse than I had anticipated. I had reluctantly braved the scales that morning to see what the damaged was, and was not impressed with the figures, despite trying not to put all my weight on there and make it worse! The problem with having a big tummy us that you can’t see the display on the scales so my balancing act was not helping and I had to let loose the full load!

I was greeted by a very slim and smiley woman who assured me that we would be able to sort something out and get me into some kind of diet and exercise routine. My height and weight were measured (in metric, I had done it in feet and inches and stone as the figures were smaller), and then my BMI (body mass index), was worked out.

I had done enough of these myself on patients to know that the result was not going to be pretty and it wasn’t. Morbidly obese! Morbidly obese, Oh My God, how the hell did I let myself get into this state.

The next little treat was the hips to waist ratio. Christ, please let my hips be bigger than my waist….PLEASE!  I jokingly mentioned that there was not a lot in it, and sure enough it was only 3cms. Again I joked that I had not been blessed with an hourglass figure. At least my hips were bigger than my waist…JUST!

These numbers were crunched on the computer and it was gauged on a coloured thermometer type thing. Needless to say, it shot straight up to the top which was not only red but had a sad face emoticon to add insult to injury! Well, actually that was not the only insult as there was an explanation as to each category and mine was ‘over fat.’ Over fat,  How bloody rude! Kick a girl when she is down why don’t you.

She then wanted to see what my fitness levels were. What hideous torture have they got planned for me this time? I wondered. Luckily, it was just a sit to stand test to see how many I could do in 30 seconds. I actually passed this one with flying colours, having completed 15 when the average was 12. Mind you, thinking about it, who was it average for? Not some young athletic type I am sure of that!

The penultimate check was the good old body fat measure. I had to stand gripping what looked like a steering wheel device for the WiiFit, with my arms outstretched until it scanned me over and displayed my overall blubber content! Well, at least it was less than half!!!

Last but by no means least, was a questionnaire to assess mood. Well as you can imagine, it was right down there in the lowest quarter. It might have been a bit better if they had done that first, but I doubt it would have been by much.

I came home armed with charts and wheels and ‘My Fitness Pal’ app downloaded on my phone; my already low self-esteem in tatters!

Maybe this is just the kick up the arse I need to do something about it!

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