Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 330: Freestyle Writing Challenge. — May 14, 2015

Episode 330: Freestyle Writing Challenge.

I was nominated by Hugh from Hugh’s Views and News to take part in a freestyle writing challenge. Now this certainly was a huge challenge for me, as I am not a writer! Still I do like to try and push myself to at least have a go at new things so I accepted.It was a damn sight harder than I had anticipated as well!

First I would like to outline the rules before I get to my attempt:

1. Open a blank Document

2. Set a stop watch or your mobile phone timer to 5 or 10 minutes, whichever challenge you prefer.
3. Your topic is at the foot of this post BUT DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE IT UNTIL YOU ARE READY WITH YOUR TIMER!!!
4. Once you start writing do not stop until the alarm sounds!
5. Do not cheat by going back and correcting spelling and grammar using spell check (it is only meant for you to reflect on your own control of sensible thought flow and for you to reflect on your ability to write with correct spelling and grammar.)
6. You may or may not pay attention to punctuation or capitals.
7. At the end of your post write down ‘No. of words = ____” to give an idea of how much you can write within the time frame.
8. Do not forget to copy paste the entire passage on your blog post with a new topic for your nominees and copy paste these rules with your nomination (at least five (5) bloggers)

I chose the 10 minute challenge as I needed all the time I could get, not being that into science fiction, or for that matter, using my imagination!

If I had to write a script for Dr Who or a Science fction film and had to introduce a monster, I think it would have to be something that incorporated a few of the things that turn my stomach. It would wcertainly slither along the ground leaving a trail of green mucous behind it. The creature would be around waist height. Purple in colour with yellow  and red boils over its entire surface.

Some of the boils would have burst leaving trails of pus and a gaping, raw crater. The sulphurous stench of the ‘Snotbot’ would announce its arrive long before it slimed into view. This would help in stunning the victim, rendering them disoriented. The Snotbot would then slide up shooting pus and snot out of every boil at the unsuspecting victim before finally smothering them to death with their jelly-like bodies.

 

Their prey would be mainly the unwashed! Anyone whose personal hygiene was questionalble would be a target for the Snotbot. Kids that forgot to wash behind their ears, men that scratch their arses and then sniff their fingers would also be fair game!

187 words.

Well there you have it typos and all!

I would like to nominate the following 5 blogs to participate, should they feel like it (you are under no obligation):

But I Smile Anyway.

Fourth Generation Farm Girl

Nutsrock

A Prompt Reply

My Spanglish Familia

When you have the document and the timer ready to go, scroll down to see your subject…

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You are meeting up with a fellow blogger who wants you to show them around your home town. Where do you take them and what do you do?

Episode 329: You Know You Are Addicted to Blogging When…… —

Episode 329: You Know You Are Addicted to Blogging When……

  • One of the first things you do in the morning is to log on to see whether you have any comments or not.
  • You have the ‘WordPress’ App on every device you own and are not afraid to use it!
  • Even when at work, as soon as you have a break, you check your mobile phone for notifications.
  • Whenever something happens, especially if it is funny, you have to blog about it.
  • You have to put your mobile on ‘silent’ at night, because if you hear it vibrate you cannot rest until you have looked at it to see if it is a notification from WordPress.
  • Your family knows exactly where to find you…at your laptop blogging.
  • In conversation, you find yourself saying…”Oh yes, I read/heard about that on (insert blog name).”
  • You find yourself becoming interested in statistics for once in your life, just so you can figure out how many ‘hits’ you have had!
  • You lap up any information you can that gives hints and tips on becoming a better blogger!
Episode 328: One-Liner Wednesday. — May 13, 2015

Episode 328: One-Liner Wednesday.

‘I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a sexy imagination!

This post was inspired by LindaGHill

Episode 327: #BeWoW Day: Ordinary or Extraordinary? —

Episode 327: #BeWoW Day: Ordinary or Extraordinary?

This is my take on what ‘ordinary’ and ‘extraordinary’ means to me in response to Ronovan Writes BeWow post.

I would describe myself as just an ordinary, everyday type of woman. There is nothing remarkable about me; I am average looking, a little on the plump side (ok, a lot), have now reached the point of being ‘middle-aged,’ and have a husband and daughter. I am a quiet unassuming type of person, very introverted at times. Very ordinary!

Wait a minute though…didn’t I join the army as soon as I was able, therefore leaving home and standing on my own two feet as soon as I was 18? What about the fact that I went off to Turkey to marry my first husband, against everyone’s wishes, and had to rope a bemused passer-by in to be one of my witnesses?(I did have a friend that came with me to be the other witness)!

What about the fact that I am now on husband number three? It took me a while to get things right). Lastly, how many other people take 6 attempts before they pass their driving test? (Yes 6)!

In answer to all of those questions, I think that I might actually just qualify as being a little extraordinary! I suppose it just depends on what your definition is. Despite my quietness, I am a pretty determined type of person, and once I get my heart set on something, then I will do my utmost to try to accomplish it. That makes me just an ordinary person with extraordinary tendencies!

Episode 326: Wacky Word Wednesday #2 —

Episode 326: Wacky Word Wednesday #2

It’s my favourite day of the week as it means that I get to choose another weird, wacky or wonderful word. Today’s word is normally used in two ways, needless to say, my favourite one is the naughtiest of the two! So without further ado let’s look at……..

Wanton.  Ooooh this is a salacious and shameless word. It it licentious, not to mention loose, immodest and immoral. This is a lustful and lecherous libertine, playing fast and free with her virtue (or lack of)!

On the other hand it can mean, malicious and malevolent, wilful and wicked. It is the violent and vicious person trashing everything in sight without a care. It is gratuitous but groundless destruction, which is both purposeless and pointless.

I certainly know which of the two would describe me! 🙂

Episode 325: Ice, Ice Baby! — May 12, 2015

Episode 325: Ice, Ice Baby!

Now I am pretty lucky that Mr Grump is rather handy in the DIY department, and will tackle most jobs.However, I am the worst person in the world to have around when things like that have to be done, as I get really stressed out about the mess and the hassle! Added to that the fact that I am not feeling so good at the moment, means that tempers might be a bit fraught if there are any jobs that Mr Grump wants to get done.

My niece has recently moved and we have bought her lovely huge fridge freezer as it is unfortunately too big. It is not quite a year old and has a water and ice facility that has so far never been used as it was never plumbed in. Mr Grump decided straight away that he would be able to do that, and ordered metres of thin pipe needed for the connection as well as some other bits.

After a lot of maneuvering of stuff that was in the way in our kitchen, the new fridge freezer was in place and work was due to commence on Saturday morning which I was dreading! In order to connect it to the nearest water pipe he was going to drill a hole through the kitchen into the downstairs loo, cut the pipe near the sink and fit a new connection.

I got out of the way! After the most horrendous loud drilling that went right through me, and shattered my already frayed nerves, there was a load of banging about, a bit of cursing and then he said he had done it.

Wow, that was quicker than I had expected. He said he was going to turn the water supply back on and that was it. Great. I waited in anticipation. Psssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that was a funny noise, but I didn’t move off of the sofa. Mr Grump went to investigate in the kitchen, and yes the water was connected to the pipe but was pouring all over the floor. I think he had missed the bit about connecting that bit of pipe to the bloody thing itself!

I left him to clean up the mess (with my nice tea cloths and kitchen towels Grrrrr), and went online to find the online manual that shows how to connect up the other bit. Anyway, he did manage to sort it out, and I was called out into the kitchen for a ceremonial glass of water from the tap on the new fridge.

It took him quite a bit longer to suss out how to make the ice, but he did it and was feeling pretty pleased with himself. Miss Hap decided she needed to try it for herself and I could hear the humming noise it made but no ice came out. Mr Grump went back to fiddle with it, and made some more.

Later that night just before bed Mr Grump got me a glass of water from the fridge this time to take up with me as I usually do. He asked me if I wanted ice (I didn’t), I thought I would humour him and let him show off so I said yes.

Humming noise, no ice; humming noise, no ice! He opened the door, and I pointed out to him that he should not have put the over on the ice making bit, it was to be stored separately if ice was being used. He crossly told me that he hadn’t put it there (he had)!

Anyway, he put the glass of water under the ice tap and a whole load of ice cubes came flying out of the compartment and all over the floor. That didn’t please him at all. He picked all the ice up, raging and moaning whilst I stood there, shoulders shaking trying not to laugh. He then stomped off to bed leaving me to get my own ice. Really!

Episode 324: Taking Advantage. —

Episode 324: Taking Advantage.

On one of the last visits to my dad, he was enjoying watching the birds that were feeding off the seeds that he and my step-mother had laid out for them in the bird feeder.

Miss Hap seemed quite enchanted by it as well so we decided to buy one when we got back. We hung it on a special pole with a water bath and little table type thing on it, and waited for the birds to come.

Over the last couple of years we have some regular visitors of starlings, a little robin and our favourite, Mr Tubbs, who occasionally brings his wife with him for dinner (I am not quite sure what he is, but he is quite chunky).

Our little dog Roxy, used to like to go out and bark at them to scare them off but has since given up on that, as she knows she has no hope of catching them. What she does instead is to wait for them to drop bits on the ground (Mr Grump quite often puts out large chunks of bread that has gone stale) and gobble them up.

We have a few trees to the back and side of us, and when we looked out one day, we found that we had an unexpected visitor. He fancied a bit of lunch and liked what we had on offer, so he settled himself down at the table to tuck in!

Episode 323: Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge #44: Charge & Lovers — May 11, 2015

Episode 323: Ronovan Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge #44: Charge & Lovers

Its time for Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge again and the words to incorporate this time are ‘charge’ and ‘lovers’. I like the sound of these!

Here is my attempt.

Love For Hire

“How much do you charge,

I’m in need of a lover?

Please say you are cheap! ”

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRUYsKfXa8mwsCyyG1pAV_6tCqptiAnO-Q-Qay91fhryIoAVwxAdCJmaQQ Picmonkey
Image by Shutterstock. 
Episode 322: A Tough Old Bird! — May 10, 2015

Episode 322: A Tough Old Bird!

As it is International Mother’s day today, I thought that I would share a story about my mum despite the fact that we celebrated our Mother’s Day in March.

About 12 years ago, just before my own daughter was born,(I was about 6 months pregnant), I had moved back in with my mum and step-dad. They were both about 70 years old at the time. Anyway I had gone off to work as usual (I worked in an office then) and about halfway through the day I had a call at work telling me that mum had a bad fall and was in hospital.

Luckily the hospital was only a five-minute drive away so I went straight to see her as soon as I could. She looked dreadful, and was obviously in quite a bit of pain. It had turned out that mum was pottering about in the kitchen that morning, and my step-dad had some jobs he had to do, so he went out.

Apparently there was a bit of water on the kitchen floor which mum didn’t see. She skidded in it and went down with a bang on the floor. Unusually, my step-dad was out for longer than normal as he had also called in to see one of my sisters. When he came back Mum was on her hands and knees in the kitchen where she had been for 3 hours.

She is rather well-covered is my mum and my step-dad couldn’t get her up, coupled with that she was in a tremendous amount of pain. An ambulance was called, mum and Len (my step-dad) went to the hospital where it transpired Mum had broken her hip and would require surgery.

She didn’t actually get operated on until the evening after she was admitted for one reason or another, but she never complained at all. When she came home, initially she would use a wheelchair which either Len or I would bump about, carting her around until she could walk, which actually was not that long afterward.

Three months later I gave birth to my daughter and when I came home the next day with precious little bundle, mum was there helping me to bathe her and give me bits of advice.

Unfortunately. I was taken ill myself when my daughter was 2 days old, and I went back into hospital with my daughter, and was there for a week. During this time poor and mum and Len came up every day, wheeling me out for a cigarette and bringing me in home-cooked food (I have always been greedy)!

Despite Mum still waddling unevenly, with her healing hip, she still managed to make the effort to come and see me and make sure me and my daughter were ok.

She is nearly 83 and still hobbling about looking after herself. She is one tough old bird!

I

Episode 181: Never ‘Just A Mum’ —

Episode 181: Never ‘Just A Mum’

Just wanted to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are celebrating today.

Judy E Martin's avatarEdwina's Episodes

 

I wrote this poem last year, but thought it would be perfect for  Mother’s day and good to re-share it for those that haven’t seen it before.

Oh, and of course, you can also find this poem in my new book ‘Rhymes of the Times. which is now available on Amazon and Kindle!

Happy Mother’s Day for all those that are celebrating it today 🙂

 

You wake up constantly through the night

To each and every cry

You soothe, you feed, you  keep them clean

Then croon a lullaby

You take their hand as they take a step

Your face is filled with joy

You sing, you dance, you muck about

With your precious girls and boys

You nurse them when they are poorly

You kiss them when they weep

You fret, you stress, and you can’t relax

Until they are fast asleep

They sometimes drive you crazy

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