2015-02-01T14:36:13+00:00

Episode 133: Yellow Peril….

February 1, 2015/Judy E Martin/13 Comments

I never thought I would say this but I can’t wait for my car to be back on the road! I might have mentioned before that I absolutely hate driving. If I can get out of it at any time then I will. However I have actually missed the fact that I can’t just nip off to my sister’s if i want to, or the shops, or anywhere for that matter!

I haven’t even had it that long, since September I think. I already had a perfectly good little car, but it wasn’t really me. it was red and…well,.. boring really. I like brightly coloured things. I like pretty things, and this car was neither, Humdrum and ordinary.

Mr Grump was browsing through some cars on one of those online Auto mag websites and he jokingly showed me a picture of this car, as he knew I would like the colour of it. Big mistake. I wanted that car. It was my favourite colour yellow; not only that, all the inside of it matched as well, yellow gear stick knob (very important), and pedals as well as the seat covers etc.

To cut a long story very short, I got it! I was thrilled with it. Forget the fact that Mr Grump said it was a ‘Boy Racer’s’ car, and that the exhaust had been ‘Bad Boyed’,so that it makes a really loud roaring sound (you can hear me coming for miles), It was yellow and it was pretty. Oh and it has a fancy stereo, that you can watch films on as well (not whilst driving of course), and that was I that I cared about!

I thought by having this car, it might even encourage me to drive a bit more, (it did a bit), but not for long because the MOT was due on it a couple of months after I had got it (roadworthiness test). It failed! Bloody thing!

Anyway, most of the work that has needed doing on it has been done, and tomorrow the new catalytic converter is going to be fitted, so fingers crossed It will be re-tested and back on the road soon.

So I will no longer be chauffeured to and from work by a disgruntled Mr Grump, which I have to say I have enjoyed immensely. I will however be roaring about in my pretty little car, getting strange looks off the young lads. (They admire my car and then look aghast as they see this old girl getting out of it, rather than some spotty, teenaged boy)!

Episode 132: Monkey Business!

February 1, 2015/Judy E Martin/16 Comments

As I mentioned yesterday, I bought a craft magazine with some wool and various patterns with suggestions on what to make it. Miss Hap decided that she liked the monkey pattern, and with the amount of wool we have, we can actually make three of them. Being the type of person that Ii am, I got stuck straight in to it.

Now I am left-handed and my daughter is right-handed and she can’t knit yet. I know in primary school they did have a brief lesson, but she hadn’t quite grasped it. My attempts to teach her have not been successful because I can’t knit the other way round either!

We settled on me doing the first monkey just to make sure that I was able to actually make it myself (I can knit but have only tried knitting a toy once which was a bit of a disaster),

I knitted up all the various parts of the monkey quite nicely, but as my sewing skills are pretty rubbish, the finished result (as you can see) is a poor little scruffy monkey that already looks like he has been kicked around the block a few times!

Miss Hap, however, loves it!

Episode 129: Moongazing……

January 30, 2015/Judy E Martin/12 Comments

Mr Grump came home carrying a huge bag a week or so ago. Being curious, I poked my nose into the bag to discover that he had bought a second-hand telescope. I was quite excited about this as I would love to get a closer look at the night sky, and see the moon and starts in more detail.I just had to wait for a clear night to be able to use it…..

My patience paid off, and tonight is a beautiful clear night, with a 3/4 moon and a generous sprinkling of starts for me to wonder at. Mr Grump dug about in the shed, came back with the bag and emptied the contents onto the front room floor so we could assemble it.

The body of the telescope was about 4ft long and 6 inches wide, plus there were all these little lenses and mini scope like bits, and finally the tripod with cogs and dials on it! Wow, this was going to be good, and Miss Hap will enjoy it too. The only thing that was missing though were the bloody instructions!

Mr Grump brushed off this little inconvenience and being pretty resourceful, got the tripod set up with no problem. He then attached the large body piece. and started screwing little bits and pieces on here and there.

I took this opportunity to get myself wrapped up against the freezing weather and put on a few more layers, encouraging Miss Hap to do the same. Meanwhile Mr Grump had carted the whole telescope ensemble out to the back garden and was twirling knobs, looking intensely at the moon trying to get it into focus.

Miss Hap and I waited….and waited for him to get a good view; I decided that we might as well wait for a bit until he called us, so as not to distract him, Sure enough after a few minutes he called us. Excitedly I craned my neck and stood on tiptoe (not being very tall) trying to look through the eyepiece. I ooohed and aahed but could only really see about 1cm of white light! I beckoned my daughter to have a look which she did. I held her hand to keep her balanced as she strained to see. Just as she saw it, she managed to kick the tripod, sending the telescope plummeting downwards.

Mr Grump grabbed it, glared at us two who were giggling, and set about re-focusing it, only this time, lowering the tripod a bit first so that we could actually see through it. I did finally get to see the moon this time, but although I could pick out a couple of craters, was not overly impressed, as I was expecting more!

Anyway, I asked him to train it on a star, this time. It took him ages to find one (I don’t know why. the sky was full of them), He then hogged the telescope for ages! I asked him to let me have a look as I was getting cold and had already been waiting ages (I am not known for my patience). He decided that he would change the lens so I could see it better. then promptly lost sight of it altogether!

I stomped back into the warmth of the front room, and left M Grump to disassemble the lot and pack it away back in the shed (Miss Hap had already scarpered off bored).

I need a bog standard telescope I think. These fancy ones with all the bells and whistles on, are all very nice and all that, but dunces like me can’t cope with complicated!

Episode 128: Love and Microwaves!

January 30, 2015/Judy E Martin/4 Comments

It’s just over a fortnight now until Valentine’s Day, The shops are all decked out with hearts and flowers, cute cuddly toys and balloons. This year I have even seen rose petals, and little heart-shaped cutters; presumably for giving that special someone their morning toast on a tray strewn with petals. Chance would be a fine thing!

When I was younger I used to get very excited about Valentine’s Day. I was always desperate for the post to arrive on that morning, bringing with it armfuls of cards from my many admirers. The problem was mine and my younger sister’s birthday is on the 16th, so any cards that were sent would be hidden by my Mum with the assumption that they were birthday cards (which they always were)! It didn’t stop me thinking on my birthday that there would be a few Valentines in amongst the other cards (There weren’t)!

When I was a teenager, things did improve a bit. I used to hang around with this boy who was a couple of years older than me. we went everywhere together, and were always around each other’s houses. We were just friends though. However, he always sent me a Valentine card, as well as a rose or a heart-shaped chocolate egg or something, and it was signed by ‘Mr X.’ It didn’t take me long to deduce who Mr X was, so from then on I sent him one signed by ‘Miss X!’ (I have never been graced with a wild sense of imagination!)

My family always teased me saying that he fancied me, but I took no notice, He had his girlfriends and I had boyfriends over the years, but we were still friends and the cards still came. I did get a shock one year though, when I had left home to join the Army. On Valentine’s morning I got the usual card sent to me by Mr X, which was sweet as we still kept in touch – but the day after I got another one. This was in the same handwriting but on the inside of the card this time he had just written ‘I love you’!

So he did fancy me! Problem was, I was just starting out on a new life, and I didn’t feel the same at that point so I never made any mention of it! Neither did he, but we kind of lost touch for a little while after that!

I did get other Valentine’s cards, and the odd bunch of flowers at later times in my life, but I soon realised that there is no set time or date to show someone you love how much you appreciate them and love them. Yes, it is nice to get chocolates or flowers, but when Mr Grump is in the right mood,(or in the doghouse) I will get those anyway!

In fact a couple of years ago we ended up buying a microwave for Valentine’s day! Ours had broken, and we saw this really nice one that we liked so we bought that as a mutual Valentines’s present to each other.

Who says that romance is dead?

Episode 125: Dear Hospital Visitor……..

January 27, 2015/Judy E Martin/9 Comments

Today I thought I would do a slightly different type of post. It is something that has been on my mind of a while. so here goes……It is of course, just a little tongue-in-cheek, and purely my opinion!

Dear Hospital Visitor

We really appreciate the fact that you want to spend time with your loved one, and that is why we have made visiting hours so accessible for you; being between the hours of 2pm-8pm. We have even stated that if you wish to, you may come a little earlier in order to help your loved one to eat their lunch. We understand that in many cases, particularly with the elderly and frail patients, they will eat more when encouraged by someone who is close to them.

What we do ask, however, is that you remember that although the portions are quite large, the meals are just for the patient! We would like to try to build up their strength in order that they recover sooner and return to their normal lives, Eating well can help substantially with the healing process! You are welcome to bring in your own food, or even food for the patient if they desire something that we do not offer. Please try not to eat the patients’ meals as tasty as they may look. There is usually a canteen or shop available if you become peckish.

We enjoy our jobs as nurses/carers, and we pride ourselves in giving your relatives/friends the best care that we possibly can; treating them as if they are our own. So when you complain that your Mum/Nan has not had her hair brushed properly, or you berate us for not answering the buzzer within a nanosecond, please remember this: We treat EVERYBODY as if they were our own as I said, so that means that we have at least another 5 patients that may need our attention as well. We may have just seen your relative two minutes ago , and although yes of course, we will plump her pillows for her again, there is someone else bursting for the loo.

By the way, it does help if you could bring a few essentials in with you, next time you visit. Soap, slippers, dressing gown and a brush or comb would be so handy. We do have hospital nighties and some slipper socks available, plus the volunteers occasionally give us soap, toothbrushes and combs, but they do not last long, and we prefer it if we can, to save those for the patients that have no-one that visits them (sadly there are a few of those).

Oh yes, when you enter the ward, we do have plenty of alcohol gel available for you to use, Every patient also has them at the end of their beds. As I am sure you are aware,one of the biggest transmitters of germs is our hands, It takes seconds to squirt a bit of gel into your hands; just by doing this small thing, you might save your loved one from catching a nasty bug and having to stay in hospital longer.

Last of all. please don’t turn up mob-handed! There is hardly any room as it is around a patient’s bedside, and if there are 8 relatives at a time surrounding the bed, it does make doing our job a little harder, especially for those patients that also have drips and other paraphernalia all over the place. It is an accident waiting to happen. To be on the safe side, keep the number to two visitors. That way nobody will trip over you, or trample you!

Thank you for your kind co-operation!

Episode 124: Mum’s The Word…..

January 26, 2015/Judy E Martin/7 Comments

I was going to write about motivation today, or rather the lack of! I am still trying to get back on my feet, so to speak, after this nasty bout of depression, Finding motivation to do anything is a little bit tricky. Anyway, I typed the word ‘motivation’ into google (probably trying to get a bit of inspiration as well), and one of the results that came back was the word ‘notivation’ which according to the Urban Dictionary means the opposite of motivation. This describes my feelings to a tee!

Now, I do love words, and their meanings; I love playing with them and rhyming them. I have the Oxford Dictionary, a few nursing dictionaries, also couple of foreign language ones, however I never stumbled across this urban dictionary before. This is probably because I am old and a bit naff and this urban stuff is for the cool kids.

Oh how I wish I had found this site before. It is soooo funny! I have learned new words that need no explanation, but say ‘exactly what is says on the tin’! (I nicked that expression from an advert). What do you think about ‘ambitchous’? I love that! I could find a few handy uses for that word. I love the examples used on the site of how the words are best used, but they are too naughty for here, but hilarious all the same!

Being as behind the times as I am, no doubt you have already found this site 10 years ago, and it is probably old hat. For me though, it is like a guilty pleasure! I am a woman who is easily pleased, and I have found no end of amusement and entertainment browsing through some of those words! I take my hat off to those that thought some of them up. Very clever.

I think it extremely important to have a wide and varied vocabulary, and I have just added a few more (albeit dodgy) words to mine! I might even try some of the cleaner ones out on my ‘street savvy’ 11 year old. That will make her cringe in embarrassment. She goes mad as it is when I try and sing along to some of the music she likes, but get the words wrong. Or, even worse, when there is a song out that has been rejigged and messed about with, from years ago,and I will sing the original version!

Ahhhh yes, things are a-changing around here. I am no longer fuddy-duddy Mum, I am ‘sick’ Mum! (In more ways than one I reckon)!

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Episode 123. Mind Your Manners….

January 25, 2015/Judy E Martin/12 Comments

I really hate seeing bad manners

People who are surly and rude

Who forget how to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’

Or whose language is vulgar and crude!

Drivers that cut people up are annoying

God knows how they got through their test

And the middle lane hoggers are awful

They should all be put under arrest!

What about bad table manners?

Those that are noisily chomping their food

Eating with mouths that are open

Can really put me in a mood!

Then there are those that ignore you

Walk away when you’re having a chat

Others that have no decorum

And will tell you, that you’re looking quite fat!

We all have to get on together

So it makes perfect sense to me

To treat everyone we encounter

With kindness and courtesy.

Episode 122: Fools Rush In….

January 25, 2015/Judy E Martin/14 Comments

It has been nearly 4 months now since I have managed to stop smoking, which is all well and good, but I am STILL waiting for some of the benefits to kick in!

I am not the most patient of people, I have to say, and I do not like having to wait long for things. If I am on a diet (which I am , constantly) then I expect to have lost a load of weight by the end of the first week! I will jump on the scales every morning and if I have not lost at least 2lb, then I am not happy! After all, if I am to be constantly hungry and as a consequence, grumpy, then I expect the scales to reflect the sacrifices I have made.

Last Christmas I treated myself to a very expensive mascara. Now, I don’t even wear makeup every day, but when I do, I like to look nice. This mascara was supposed to make me look like I was wearing false lashes. It didn’t. It just looked like I had got heavy handed with the wand and put too much on, giving that thick spider’s legs effect!

I have tried foundations that promise to knock years off your age and give you a smooth flawless skin or some such outlandish claim (to be fair though, they need a decent face to work with). I couldn’t wait to try it, but it just sank into the wrinkles and crevices in my skin, making me look ridiculous.

I am pretty rubbish at Christmas and birthdays as well. If I see a present wrapped up that is for me, I will poke it, prod it, and shake it, trying to guess what it is as I can’t wait to find out! I have actually improved over the years, as I now no longer undo a bit of the tape carefully, and look inside the package, and then have to feign surprise on the actual day!

That is the trouble with me. I go about things in a gung-ho fashion, and expect to see instant results! I had patches to help me with the nicotine withdrawal and I did manage to cut those out completely within three weeks. However because I was desperate to cut those patches out so quickly, and rid myself of the nicotine sooner. I nearly sabotaged my success by rushing things.

So although I am still waiting for my sense of smell and taste to return, I will try to be patient, or risk setting myself up for disappointment!

Episode 121: Reasons I Love The Seasons…..

January 24, 2015/Judy E Martin/4 Comments

Summer days spent swimming

And picnics on the sands

Strolls along the seafront

Lovers holding hands

Autumn leaves are falling

Golden leaves lay at our feet

Halloween and Bonfires

Kids going ‘Trick or Treat’

Winter and its freezing

Kids sledging down the hill

Holidays and presents

The season of goodwill

Spring brings new life with it

As nature’s cycle starts again

The leaves and flowers grow once more

Refreshed by winter’s rain

Episode 120: More To Me Than Meets The Eye

January 24, 2015/Judy E Martin/6 Comments

I have come to the conclusion that I am quite a contradictory person. My actions are quite often out of sync with my personality. I will think one thing and then do another….

For instance, for someone who is still quite shy, and awkward when meeting people, you would think that the last thing I would want to do is blogging! I mean, by its very nature, it is putting my thoughts and opinions out there for all and sundry to read, and comment on. By the same token, I also comment on other people’s blogs.

This means that I have to interact with people who I do not know, in fact have never even met! I could well be opening myself up to a great deal of criticism if someone objects to, or misunderstands one of my posts,

I have even put videos on my blog of myself reading my poems as I wanted to ensure they were conveyed in the way that I intended them to be. What kind of dunce does that when they are very conscious of how they look? Not only that, I haven’t even used my name but have plastered my image all over the place….

Another irony is that I suffer from depression, but like to try to write humorous posts! What is that all about?! I know that laughing is good for the soul, so I like to try to see the funny side of things. One of my great pleasures in life is to make others happy. If I can do that by making them laugh then so much the better, However, it can be one hell of a struggle coming up with funny posts when that is the last thing that I am feeling (especially recently)!

I am a huge fan of music, and yet I can neither sing nor dance! Many is the time that I have gone to my sister’s house for a [arty and they have ended up getting out the karaoke machine.Now her and her husband used to do this as a business, and they both can sing very well (my brother-in-law is also a musician).

It doesn’t stop me from snatching the mike and screeching my head off to one of my favourite numbers, and this is sober as I don’t drink! I can see my brother-in-law frantically twiddling knobs trying to drown me out or make me sound better, or something!

Dancing is a bit more of a problem! Despite my two left feet, I will strut around my front room when the mood takes me, but I still hate dancing if I am out anywhere. What I hate even more is if someone attempts to dance with me. A family friend once grabbed hold of me and started trying to twirl me around, but I immediately went stiff, and then trod all over him! He complained to my mum about my lack of rhythm!

My personal space is a standing joke with one of my good friends that I used to work with. I have about a 2 feet no go zone, I really am not keen on people getting too close at all. Anyway, we used to have this colleague that could not have a conversation unless she was almost on top of you. This really used to freak me out, and I would try to avoid talking to her if at all possible!

It didn’t stop her talking to me though and, as she kept closing in on me ,I would be backing away further and further until I was literally backed against the wall, and no option but to talk to the face that was about an inch from my own!

Why then choose a job now where I physically have to touch people?! It doesn’t make sense, but I love my job, and I will very often give my patients a hug, I am forever holding their hands when I talk to them, or stroking their faces when they are very poorly, but for some reason this does not bother me at all!

I suppose that I am someone who has ‘hidden depths’ and not just bloody odd!

Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Category: humour

Episode 133: Yellow Peril….

Episode 132: Monkey Business!

Episode 129: Moongazing……

Episode 128: Love and Microwaves!

Episode 125: Dear Hospital Visitor……..

Episode 124: Mum’s The Word…..

Episode 123. Mind Your Manners….

Episode 122: Fools Rush In….

Episode 121: Reasons I Love The Seasons…..

Episode 120: More To Me Than Meets The Eye

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Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

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