Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 16: Let’s Hear It For The Boys! — October 6, 2014

Episode 16: Let’s Hear It For The Boys!

Usually I like to get up early, but this morning when my phone alarm went off at 5.15am I wanted to pulverize it into little pieces, and sink back into a deep sleep. As I had very little sleep over the weekend, my head felt heavy, as I dragged myself out of bed to begin the day.

Unfortunately, I had to wake Mr Grump up as he was taking me to work today as Einstein was going to be fixing my car. His bulging eyes in a blanched, pale face told me that he still had his man flu, and just to confirm this, he let out one of his enormous sneezes. This is going to be a good day, I can tell……

As I entered the ward I realised I had forgotten to put on my belt with my uniform (Great, now I am going to be in the shit with the boss)! I might have mentioned before that I have no waist, so this bloody belt does nothing for me anyway, and I spend all day trying to re-arrange it so that it is somewhere around my middle. I could of course, wear the  tunic and trousers but for some obscure reason, I always get an ugly-looking rash on my lower leg that itches like hell, besides the fact that I look even worse in trousers than I do in the dress! Anyway…it was no good fretting over the belt, I was not brave enough to ask Mr Grump to come all the way back with it, so I would just have to hope that it went unnoticed.

Handover arrives, and out of the six of us that have turned up (Still short-staffed as usual), four of us have had this awful lurgy, and as the night staff tried to hand over, they were drowned out by various, snorts, sniffs, coughs and splutters, that had still remained with us. The other two poor unaffected staff are subtly moving their chairs out a bit from the table we are all sat around, trying fruitlessly to avoid the germs that are no doubt whizzing around in the air, looking for someone new to latch onto.

I was allocated to my usual Bay with six ladies, but the difference was this time, I was on my own! Usually there are at least two of us to a Bay, but as there weren’t enough of us to go around, and my bay was relatively easy, as I had 2 patients that could get about to the toilet, and could wash themselves with only a little help, it was decided that I could manage by myself, and if necessary ask the nurse-in-charge to help out.

It started off ok, breakfasts eaten, drugs administered, washing equipment given to those that needed it etc, and I was just going to give some help to someone else that needed it, when I was distracted by a patient from another Bay who was desperately trying to escape from the ward by the exit, which is right next to my bay. The nurse looking after her was trying to coax her back away from the door, but she was not having it, and lashed out at the nurse with the small teddy that she constantly carries around with her.

I tried to help, but to no avail, she was pulling at the doors, and banging on the glass trying to get out (we have a code to get into our ward as the doors have to be locked to stop absconders, and to get out you have to press a button on the wall some way from the door). Meanwhile, people were trying to get through the doors so there was a lot of dancing around trying to stop her getting out, whilst letting people in, trying to avoid getting whacked by the teddy at the same time!

After a while the patient got annoyed with the doctor who was innocently  reading some notes near to where she was standing, and once she had vented her spleen at him, she seemed to temporarily calm down and headed off back down the ward away from the door, swiftly followed by the harassed nurse, looking rather bedraggled as a few well-aimed blows had managed to dislodge some of her hair that was carefully tied back.

Normality resumed for a while and I got on with getting everyone washed,dressed, beds made, and helped them to sit out on their chairs, as it was by now nearly lunchtime  I could hear some shouting coming towards me , and I knew that it was the same patient coming back to have another go at getting away, this time even more angry and determined than before, and she was sparing no-one that tried to stand in her way…

It was at this moment,, that a senior matron came onto the ward, with about 10 eager Italian nurses in tow, who had just been employed by out hospital, and were visiting various wards to get a feel for what work here is like…luckily, the patient’s husband (who had been called to try to calm her down),had turned up, and had whisked her off into an office, uttering soothing words, as he went. It didn’t last that long before she started shouting at him though, before she wore herself out, and went to her bed to sleep for a while.

I managed to get through the rest of my shift (I usually only work ‘short days’) uneventfully, and just as I was writing up the last of my notes, the ward phone rang and it was for me. Mr Grump had come to pick me up and was waiting outside ( I know he is ill but it was bang on finishing time, and there was no need to ring me on the ward phone, for goodness sake) Impatient to get going and get home where he could suffer in peace,  I informed him that I had offered for him to give the ward clerk a lift home as we had an unexpected downpour; as she had a 30 minute walk, and would get soaked, I knew he wouldn’t mind dropping her off in the opposite direction to where we live, on a very busy road, with a huge school that had just finished for the day, culminating in a massive traffic jam!

Credit where it’s due, he put a smile on his face and even chatted a bit on the journey, and didn’t  swear when a van pulled out of a side street and he had to jam on the brakes to avoid it!

It’s quite sweet really, that although we might take our partners for granted a bit, they do put up with a lot. That poor patient’s husband bore the brunt of her tongue lashing as well as a good few clouts from teddy, with patience and understanding, even though it really hurt him to see her like that… and although Mr Grump does love to have a moan about everything, he was good enough to take me to and from work although he didn’t feel like it at all.

Episode 10: Back in their day….. — September 30, 2014

Episode 10: Back in their day…..

As I sit here sneezing my head off, (the cold is in full swing now) trying to muster up a bit of energy to do  even the smallest of tasks, I wonder how my Grandmothers used to cope when they felt lousy, back in the days before we had all the mod cons which make our modern lives so much easier, and I feel pretty ashamed of myself for being such a wimp…..!

Both my Dad’s mum (Nanny R), and Mum’s mum (Nanny M) lived next door to each other, at the time when they were born, in huge  Victorian houses, situated on a very pleasant street, not far from the beautiful Jurassic coast in the South-West of England.

Nanny R had never been married (scandalous in 1929 when she gave birth to my dad), and lived with her spinster sister (Aunty May), whereas Nanny M was married with one daughter, and three sons, one of whom suffered with Muscular Dystrophy.Both nans were under five foot tall, but what they lacked in height they made up for, being extremely feisty!  Aunty May however, was tall and slim with a sour face, and personality to match! Mind you, I can understand why she was so bitter, as apparently she had a fiance who her father didn’t approve of, and forbade her to marry,so although engaged for years, she never did marry him – or anyone else!

Nanny M used to take in lodgers during the war whilst Grandad (an officer in the Navy) was away, and she certainly had her work cut out for her. Not only did she have her young children to look after, but she had to cook all of the meals for her visitors (no convenience foods for them), plus somehow manage to launder all of the linen etc without the aid of the trusty washing machine we rely upon so much today. I remember seeing these massive wooden tongs that she used to have, plus this washboard thing she had to scrub the laundry against.

This must have been so time-consuming and cumbersome for her, especially as she also had to iron everything with a flat-iron that was warmed up by the fire. This along with cleaning the entire four-storey house single-handedly must have been one hell of a mammoth task.

Nanny R and Aunty May did not have any lodgers, they were ‘above’ all of that, and accused Nanny M of running a ‘knocking shop’ (she found out about this and gave them a piece of her mind). They just lived there with their very strict father (a Peppery Old Sod is how my mum referred to him) and my dad. They too had a lot of work to do in the house. I remember walking into their house as a child;  it still had all the bells on the wall (very Upstairs, Downstairs), labelled with the names of various rooms, which I presumed my great-grandad would ring to summon them to do his bidding.

Aunty May went out with her father to work during the day which would leave Nanny R to run the house and prepare the meals for them when they got home. They had a huge garden where they would grow their own fruit and veg and Nan would conjure up delicious meals with all fresh produce.  My own experience eating at their house was a VERY formal affair. There was a huge table laden with all manner of vegetables, meats, and other dishes, but you got NOTHING unless you ate your bread and butter! My siblings and I were to sit in silence and only speak when spoken to. We were not allowed to leave the table until we excused ourselves and God help you if you didn’t behave with the correct table manners)!!

Still, it was a small price to pay,at least we didn’t have to wash up afterwards,  as my poor Nan was left with all the clearing up to do, along with everything else that needed doing! The mountain of crockery, cutlery, pots and pans to clean up must have been so disheartening for her, especially as she had cooked and prepared the meal to begin with!

Never once did I hear my Nans complain about their lot in life. Yes, they were both lucky in that they lived in these gorgeous properties, but they did all the work themselves. I don’t remember them moaning that they felt ill, and didn’t want to do anything except languish in bed, feeling sorry for themselves….they just got on with it; it was what was expected of them and they did it with good grace.

I am blessed that I have had such strong,hard-working women as my early role-models. I know that if they were here now, I would get a bloody good telling off,and told that I needed “a good kick up the arse” to shake me out of my inertia, and they would be right!!

Episode 7: You can choose your friends…… — September 27, 2014

Episode 7: You can choose your friends……

Today is a very special day for one of my family..it is her wedding day.It is going to be a ‘celebration of joy’ which will be shared with 100 people who bring her the most joy. How exciting it will be…only I won’t be there to enjoy it..in fact none of the rest of my family will be there…we weren’t invited!!

The bride-to be is my niece(brother’s daughter) who announced on Facebook some time ago that she had become engaged. Now my family love a good wedding and we were all looking forward to getting new outfits for the occasion, plus keen to meet the prospective new groom who had captured her heart. As she is in her 30’s, my niece had taken her time and chosen carefully the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, so he must be pretty special….

My brother and his wife had themselves been married for twenty-odd years, which is a record in my family! Mum and Dad divorced when I was very young (both re-married), and out of the rest of us, one has never been married but has two children by two different fathers,one has been married twice, two married three times, and one separated from his wife and in a long-term relationship with his current girlfriend; (as you may have gathered, there are a lot of us).

Added to her long list of aunties and uncles on both sides (her mother’s family is also large, but they have only had the one spouse each),there are a huge number of cousins as well, so I can imagine that it would have been difficult for her sorting out the numbers for the wedding. However, the rest of us have managed to plan our numerous weddings without too much trouble, incorporating all of the family and friends.

Anyway… after the engagement, things went quiet for quite a while, until good old Facebook told us that a riotous Hen Weekend had taken place during the summer… All of the ‘Northern’ lot were there (Bride’s mum’s family), and there were some lovely pictures of them having a wonderful time, plus lots of comments from the bride, enthusing about how fantastic her family were, and lots of little inside jokes about the weekend….

Needless to say the ‘Southern’ lot (my family), we a little upset that we hadn’t been included in this weekend. However it did look pretty expensive and perhaps the bride thought we wouldn’t have been able to afford it. After all, most of us have ‘menial’ jobs including cleaners, drivers, health care workers, teaching assistants etc, whereas the bride is a buyer for a top fashion chain, her other relatives are high-flying sales people,owners of exclusive boutiques, and other glamourous well-paid jobs.

Never mind, there was still the wedding itself to look forward to…however the invitations never came… So today, as my bother is giving the beautiful Bride away, in her wedding gown made by her mother, plus six bridesmaids..I wonder what he is thinking as he makes his speech.. Is he glad that our 82-year-old mother is not there voicing her opinions? (she has reached the age now where she feels she can say what she bloody well likes, regardless of whether or not it might offend someone); Will he miss the sight of his 3 sisters dancing around their handbags? cackling like witches as one of them(usually me) trips over something and lands in an undignified heap on the floor), would my eldest brother show him up with his many tattoos and his unique idea of what outfit is suitable for a wedding? would he not like to jostle with my other brother, about who is the more successful out of the two of them? what about his nieces and nephews, would he not love to see  them enjoying themselves, all catching up with each other’s news?

No doubt I will see the stunning wedding pics today on Facebook as they slowly emerge, and I will be happy for the bride and groom,…however, although I will never really know why us Southerners got excluded from the wedding ,(the above perhaps is a bit of a clue), however dysfunctional we all are, we are still decent people!

Episode 4: Octogenarian Love Triangle — September 23, 2014

Episode 4: Octogenarian Love Triangle

There is nothing as sweet as seeing two elderly people who are still in love with each other…But a love triangle between octogenarians will only end in tears…

I work in a hospital nursing elderly patients,and I love my job. I have met some pretty interesting people who have lead colourful lives; However, when presented with a frail old lady, or man, who are reliant on you and other members of staff to look after them, it can be easy to forget that they can become quite feisty at times!

The man in question is a six foot, ex boxer who has been an inpatient for quite some time. All of the staff are fond of this gent, and he loves to get involved in life on the ward. He enjoys walking up and down the corridor, checking on what we are doing, coming, into our staff office, where he likes to sit with us whilst we are writing notes, and generally looking out for patients and staff alike (he once was a hospital porter, and old habits die hard)

On one of his travels along the corridor, he encountered a new female arrival. She is around 5ft tall, with longish grey hair, and for him it was love at first sight.

She also liked to walk up and down the corridor, but she used a zimmer frame to help her get about. He decided to introduce himself and from then on they became inseparable. The two of them decided that they would share the frame between them,as they hobbled unevenly along, and given the height difference, their unsteadiness, and narrow corridor, they were gently discouraged from continuing this practice, by a member of staff, which they took with good grace.

This didn’t deter their new found attraction for each other though, and they sat in the corridor together chatting whenever they could.He was very solicitous of her and tried to haul her up out of the chair whenever she wanted to go for another little walk, and she in turn, would gaze adoringly at him. However, things were becoming a little difficult, as being a mixed ward, the males and females were in separate bays, and these two wanted to visit each other whenever they wanted.

Added to that, there was a little complication of the man’s wife! She would come to visit him every day, and he was always pleased to see her. That was until he had met his new lady friend. At first the wife thought it was sweet that he wanted to talk to this other patient, but after a while, she was distraught at his new indifference to her, and ended up in tears.

I wanted to share this story with you, as elderly people’s emotions are so often overlooked. It was so touching to see that this man’s wife still loved him so much after all their years together, and she cared enough about him to feel a stab of jealousy when he showed too much attention to the other lady.

It was enchanting at first to see these patients developing a friendship; both of them finding something in each other that formed an instant bond between them, but I did feel sorry for the poor, neglected wife!

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