2014-12-23T21:56:06+00:00

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Episode 84: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…My Version.

December 23, 2014/Judy E Martin/42 Comments

Stephanie from ‘Once Upon your Prime ‘ did a fantastic spoof on ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas’ which you can read here. I was so impressed with her version, and I wanted to have a go at this myself. Every year I have to read it every night in December to my daughter. we take it in turns to read a verse out each, and we both love it. I have not gone with a theme as Stephanie has, just given it a bit of jiggery-pokery here and there to give my take on it!! Hope you enjoy…

‘Twas the night before Christmas, with presents to wrap

The turkey still thawing, no time for a nap!

The stocking was dragged out from last year

We’re hoping and praying St Nick will appear!

Miss Hap was all nestled snugly in bed

With iPhones and Converses going around in her head

Mr Grump, me and Roxy at last went to bed

To get ourselves rested for the big day ahead!

When out on the square there arose such a row

I awoke to see what was happening now!

I looked out the window and saw a large crowd

“Bugger off home!”. I shouted out loud.

The moon was hidden by a cloudy grey sky

But I thought I saw something out the corner of me eye.

Eight lively reindeer so happy and bright

Were guiding a sleigh through the darkness of night.

With a little old driver so chubby and cute

Who appeared to be wearing a red and white suit!

His reindeer were racing enjoying the game

He wanted attention so called them by name.

Now Dasher, now Dancer now Prancer and Vixen

On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen

Head for the roof! Head for the trees!

Now hurry up, hurry up, hurry up please!

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly

Are swirling around in the wintery sky

This little old man with his sleigh full of toys

Was ready to reward the good girls and boys.

And then in a twinkling I heard on the roof

The clanking and banging of their bloody great hooves!

The next thing I knew, I heard a loud ‘BOOM’

And St Nicholas had landed in my front room!

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his toes

And I couldn’t help smiling at his odd-looking clothes

He had a large sack that was filled to the top

He looked like a man who had just robbed a shop!

His eyes how they twinkled in spite of his years

His nose was all rosy – and so were his ears!

His mouth was formed into a huge cheesy grin

He appeared as if he’d been hitting the gin!

The butt off a cig was clenched in his lips

And his belt was a little sung round his hips.

The size of his tummy was really quite shocking

And it swayed side to side as if it were rocking!

He was jolly and plump a right happy old thing

And I was excited to see what gift he would bring

He looked at his sack and gave me a smile

And added a parcel to Miss Hap’s huge pile!

He spoke not a word but kept filling her stocking

Then gave me a look that was kind of mocking

And then in an instant he was no longer there

He appeared to have vanished into the night air.

He sprang to his sleigh as night became dawn

And then he was off. It was now Christmas Morn

But I heard him call out as he opened a beer

“Merry Christmas to all, and a Happy New Year!”

Episode 83: Spare a Thought for Our Elderly…..

December 22, 2014/Judy E Martin/12 Comments

As Christmas Day approaches, we are doing our best at work to try to get as many patients home as possible. After all, nobody want to send Christmas in hospital if they can help it…..

Sadly some of the elderly patients we have in our ward at the moment will probably have a better time in hospital than if they were at home. After all, in hospital they have got people around them that they can talk to any time of the day or night, Even if they don’t feel like talking, there is the security of knowing that somebody is there, looking out for them.

Last year I worked on Christmas Day, and it was quite a moving experience. All of the patients were given a present of some toiletries which were all nicely wrapped. Unfortunately many of them come into hospital without any at all, and have no visitors to bring them in either. Although we do have some basic bars of soap and toothpaste etc, the ones they get as presents are much nicer.

The ones that could eat it were given a full English breakfast, and once we had got them looking and smelling lovely with their new toiletries the Ward Sister gathered all of the staff together so that we could go around each Bay and side room to sing Christmas Carols for them all. To me, this was the most moving thing of all. Many of our patients knew the words and sang along with us, as did some of the relatives that were there.

Many of them were crying, probably remembering Christmases past when they were celebrating with their own families One of our young Spanish Nurses was crying as this was the first Christmas she had spent away from her family, and I think by the end of it nearly all of us were crying! It was a very humbling experience.

After this the hot drinks trolley came around with a mince pie for whoever wanted one, and of course they were given a traditional Christmas dinner with all the trimmings plus Christmas pud for afters. We also pulled Christmas crackers with them, read out the corny jokes and gave them their little paper hats to wear! As the Ward is mainly for elderly patients, many of them didn’t eat much, or weren’t able to pull their own crackers, but just the fact that they did not miss out on a traditional Christmas just because they were in hospital meant a lot to them. In fact for some of them, had they been at home it would have been just another lonely day

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout!

December 20, 2014/Judy E Martin/9 Comments

Today I wanted to give the house a thorough tidying up in order to make way for more stuff that comes with Christmas! We managed to get a head start last night by doing the mountain of ironing that had accumulated during the week so that was one less chore for this morning!

I decided that Mr Grump could do downstairs and I would tackle the upstairs. On opening the door to Miss Hap’s room, I recoiled at the sight that greeted me. School uniform draped over her chair, as it’s obviously too far to walk to the washing bin in the bathroom! Pillows flung around the bed (she is one restless sleeper), duvet on the floor! There were a couple of reading books in the bed along with four annuals (that child does love an annual, anything from ‘The Beano’ to ‘Top Gear’). Along with the books were an assortment of sequins and pins from the latest ‘Sequin Art’ she is creating.

Miss Hap uses her double bed as a kind of den, where she does her homework, (the laptop was also on the bed), projects, drawing and reading, so it holds a cornucopia of crap that gets left there until the next time she uses it. The sequins and pins have also found their way onto the floor along with bits of scrap paper, a few items of clothing, and the odd hair bobble! Her drawers were half open with stuff poking out of the top, and there was stuff sticking out from under the bed, where it had been shoved out of sight!

I was going to leave it for her to do, as she is now old enough to be keeping her room tidy at least. For some reason, she does not see why a room should be tidied when it will only get messed up again, and she cannot see the logic in keeping it tidy in the first place so it doesn’t get messy. Against my better judgement I decided to clean it up and I gingerly entered the fray armed with my weapons of giant rubbish bag, and duster, Luckily as I had just finished tidying Mr Grump offered to vacuum as that is my least favourite task, and I was already starting to get in a mood due to the fact it took me ages to put everything away and get the room looking nice.

I went off to tackle the rest of my jobs upstairs, and was just scrubbing out the sink in the bathroom when Mr Grump blundered in with the vacuum cleaner, stubbing my toe with the attachment as he barged about haphazardly. As I have a very painful ingrown toenail I let loose a couple of choice expletives at him. As Miss Hap was not there to hear them and repeat them at inappropriate times (like in front of my Mum, or out in the middle of town) I had an extensive range to choose from, and I decided that I would run the gamut and use the lot before stomping off downstairs (well, hobbling actually)!

After a (cold) half cup of tea, and a bit of a sit-down, my toe stopped throbbing and we both finished off the chores we wanted to do so that the house was spick and span. I even got out my fancy Christmas plates and dishes (which caused more work as they were a bit grimy from having been put away for a year, and had to have a good wash) and nibbles have been set out early.(I don’t want to be left with loads of food knocking about, so don’t see the point in waiting until Christmas Day before anyone is allowed to touch anything)! Shame those dry roasted peanuts are so tempting that I can’t resist tucking in every time I go near the table!

Anyway, for now, the work is done…. Miss Hap’s room has everything packed away nicely which is just as well, really as come Christmas Day, there will no doubt be lots of lovely new things that we need to find a home for!!

Episode 80: Christmas Stuffing!

December 19, 2014/Judy E Martin/5 Comments

Ahhh, work has finished for a couple of days, and it’s time to relax before the madness and mayhem of Christmas sets in. Miss Hap is off spending the weekend with my older sister so me and Mr Grump can potter about, doing the last-minute jobs; buying and wrapping the last of the presents, and generally getting things done – without a little someone prodding the presents that are under the tree so far, or nosing about trying to find where we have stashed the rest of the goodies!

It always amazes me how much preparation and planning goes into getting everything ‘right’ for the big day! As Christmas draws closer so the supermarkets are heaving with people buying everything in sight! I get it that there are certain things (like the turkey for instance) that people want to make sure they get, just in case they run out, but why on earth do they need to buy triple the amount of groceries. Unless there is a special offer on, I see no reason to buy 50 toilet rolls unless you are either expecting a very upset tummy or the Waltons to come round with the ‘squits’!

I come from a large family myself, and have been guilty in the past of going mental on the biscuits for cheese! Who the hell needs two family sized boxes?! I love cheese to go with them as well of course, so will buy a nice selection, plus I have always got one or two varieties in the fridge anyway. Come New Year I am left with stale biscuits and odds and ends of cheese that no-one wants (I always give the Stilton away anyway).

The freezers are stacked full of bread, milk and other essentials for the holiday period, not to mention bits and pieces to use for a buffet. The fridge is always jammed with cream, brandy butter, an assortment of cooked meats, plus God knows how many pickles and condiments, (Oh and not forgetting the cheese of course) There is also the trifle that will be made in time for Christmas day which no-one can manage as they are stuffed full to overflowing already!

Add to all this the chocolates, biscuits, sweets, nuts and fruit that are set out on fancy festive dishes to tempt any guests you might have popping in, with bottles pop or wine, crates of beer, and whatever other booze takes your fancy to accompany it, there is little chance of anyone starving, but every chance of being sick of the sight of food.

You will be left with the hard toffees in the bottom of the tin kicking around for weeks until they get chucked, flat cherryade, that has dribbled out of the bottle and left a fluorescent stain in its wake, and a few elderly walnuts that have been rejected as being too hard to crack! The pickles and condiments that have hardly been used will get shifted around the fridge until they go out of date in June or something!

Yes we all go a bit mad at Christmas as everyone wants to make sure their family has plenty to eat and drink, but we seem to forget one thing, there is only so much a human can actually physically consume in a few days!

Episode 74: It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas…….

December 13, 2014/Judy E Martin/9 Comments

Today I could no longer put off the inevitable and it was time to put up the Christmas decorations! Miss Hap was getting excited and, given her way, they would have been put up a couple of weeks ago! I had asked Mr Grump to get the decorations out of the loft last night as that is somewhere where I NEVER venture. It is far too dangerous for someone as clumsy as me. For,if I don’t break my neck getting up there, one wrong move could send me plummeting headfirst over the bannister and down the stairs. I spend enough time at the hospital as it is, and did not want to experience it ‘from the other side’!

My morning didn’t exactly start very well. I have been bone tired this week for some reason. Mr Grump was on an early start for work this morning and had sneaked out about 5am. Unfortunately for me, Miss Hap heard him leave and the next thing I knew she had got into my bed and decided it was high time I got up. I did so very reluctantly as I still felt shattered.

Anyway, once I had finally come to, after several cups of tea, we decided that we would take the dog out for her walk before we did anything else. Now Roxy gets really excited like most dogs when she sees her lead, and it took me a while to clip it on her collar as she was dancing about wildly.Once fastened, we headed for the front door. Oh, its locked, and Mr Grump has the key. We can’t get out! As he left so early, he locked us in. I looked around for my keys but didn’t have them as they were on the key ring with my car keys, and my car had gone to be fixed! Great! Roxy is going berserk, frustrated at us not going anywhere!

I decided to phone Mr Grump as he was due home soon, and I wanted to know how long he would be. He answered but was nowhere near home,and the job was talking a lot longer than expected! He told me that I did have a front door key at home in my bag. I turned out my handbag, work bag and coat pockets, no key! I knew there was no bloody key anyway,, it was with the car! I phoned Mr Grump back to rage at him for a bit as I was mad; the dog was going crazy, Miss Hap was moaning loudly as we couldn’t get out of the back gate either due to something that was Mr Grump’s fault! The poor dog had to settle with being ran around the back garden on her lead by Miss Hap, so at least it appeared she was being taken for a walk!

I was not feeling that festive by now, but we put on one of the music channels for a bit of Christmas music, and Boney M’s Mary’s Boy Child had me singing along loudly and tunelessly. lifting my mood completely. Myself and Miss Hap even managed to lift up the heavy box with the Christmas tree in,and transport it downstairs without injury or harm to either of us or the tree! Plus it only took two attempts to correctly assemble it! The end result was lovely though, and we enjoyed ourselves singing and dancing along with the music as we decorated the tree.

Mr Grump came home soon after we finished, and took poor Roxy for her walk. When he came back he dangled my front door key in front of my face, which he HAD thoughtfully separated from the car keys. It had been hanging up in the kitchen the whole time on my Betty Boop key ring, but he didn’t think to tell me it was there!

He wasn’t off the hook though as the rest of the decorations still needed to be put up around the room, plus the lights outside! That wiped the smugness off his face! Miss Hap decided to bugger off to Nanny’s as her job here was done. I however, was designated drawing pin holder…..’It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas’!

Episode 65: Drumming up a Tempest!

December 4, 2014/Judy E Martin/9 Comments

Well it is THAT time again…yes the school Christmas Concert! After years of primary school nativity plays, Christmas plays and Christmas carols, where Miss Hap has been cast in the role of everything from a Cowboy (Christmas from around the World), to a sheep in the traditional nativity (what a nightmare getting that costume, but good old Ebay saved the day) we have progressed to the more sophisticated Secondary school concert.

This was to encompass dance, drama, orchestra and singing (my daughter chose the choir). All of the year 7s were participating and it promised to be a wonderful evening. Now I am a sucker for a kids’ choir singing Christmas carols, and have sobbed, spluttered and snotted through many a moving performance, but I was NOT going to show Miss Hap up by bawling now she was at ‘big school’.

Myself and Mr Grump were to get her at the school in good time to prepare, and my sister and brother-in-law were going to meet us there just before it began.As we walked into the large hall, we noticed a huge number of seats as they were expecting a large turnout; plus cameras quite near the back manned by students ready to film the proceedings. The seats being largely unoccupied,we were going to sit near the front, but as we wanted to sit with the other two, we were advised to sit at the back of the first section of seats far away in the distance!

We took our places and put programmes on another two chairs to reserve them, then settled in to wait. After only 5 minutes the chairs were rapidly filling up and I quickly called my sister and told them to hurry up.Another 10 mins later and people reluctant to sit even further back than we were, asked if the seats were free, then glared at us when told they were not. Eventually they turned up, breezed in and took their seats with about a minute to spare. We sat in anticipation as the concert began…..

The orchestra took their places at the side of the hall, and the choir walked through and arranged themselves just in front of the stage (but not ON it, so I could see my daughter’s head, but that was it). Anyway, they launched the show…sorry concert with a traditional Bulgarian song. It was quite catchy, and they all seemed to enjoy singing it, but I was unsure if it was a Christmas song or not. The narrators helpfully told us that it was a story about a little boy who was knitting some socks for his future wife, so I was none the wiser, but it was sweet.

Next the dancers came on and did some elaborate movements, which was something to do with Demons (or so it said in the programme), Now, I’m not trying to be a killjoy here but demons don’t seem to be the embodiment of Christmas spirit, but hey ho, whatever floats your boat!

I won’t go through the whole lot, but were had saxophone, flute and clarinet solos which were excellent; the drama group gave a bite sized performance of ‘The Tempest’ which involved a lot of shouting and the banging of a staff on the stage which made everyone jump! We were also treated to more songs by the choir, but the main event (for all the wrong reasons) for me and my sister was the orchestra….

The first number they had a go at was ‘Let it Go’ from ‘Frozen’ which is so popular at the moment. It took a while to recognise what it was,as the timing was a bit out on some of the instruments, some of the flutes squealed at the wrong times, but everything was saved when the drum beat kicked in. It was almost like a metronome, bump-bump. bump-bump, keeping up a very slow and constant rhythm, drowning out everything else. Being stupid and childish it struck me as funny, so my chair was rocking as I tried to stifle my laughter (I didn’t want to get lynched by the parents whose girls were playing). My sister kicked my ankle which made me worse, and set her off.

Anyway, they next attempted ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’. It was a very slow version which put rather an unusual slant on it, the violins had a job with this one, and there were a few random scrapings which set me teeth on edge, but suddenly after a while ‘bump-bump, bump-bump’, the good old drum beat again, same tone, same speed. My sister muttered to me

“This has got to be the dreariest version I have ever heard”. Of course I tried not to laugh, but a few snorts escaped and Mr Grump caught my eye. I could see he was suffering, School events were not his thing and he had been fidgeting about in his seat throughout the performance, and grimacing at every screech and scrape.

The grand finale was everyone singing/dancing/playing ‘All I Want For Christmas is You’ We knew this one was going to be a massive challenge for all concerned. The dancers got up on the stage behind the choir, and everyone was ready to go. There was a bit of a shaky start, a few missed notes, but then guess what? Yep…bump-bump, bump-bump. The drum beat set the (slow) pace, the orchestra limped through to the very end, the choir sang their best, and the dancers went for it!

To me, this is what it is all about. the fact that those kids who only had a total of 9 hours practice, put so much effort into this concert. They sang/danced/played and acted their little hearts out, and they looked like they really enjoyed themselves as well. The staff also worked hard to produce this event having only known these kids since September. Who cares if it was a little rough around the edges? That wasn’t what mattered. The point was, nearly all of the year group, some two hundred girls had participated,working together, and that’s why I loved it!

It has come to my attention that some of the pupils involved in this concert have thought that I was being unfairly mean about it.That was NEVER my intention. This blog is MY take on events that happen in MY life. I have not named the school, my daughter or even the town where we live, and I apologise unreservedly if this post has offended anyone. I have re-iterated that I appreciate all of the hard work put into this concert by everybody involved.

Episode 57: Oh No, Christmas Is Coming!

November 26, 2014/Judy E Martin/6 Comments

There’s only 4 weeks until Christmas

And I’ve not even started my shop

No presents, no food, and no booze yet

I don’t even have any pop!

The town is all lit up and sparkling

Santa’s grotto has also arrived

The shops are blaring out music

The old Christmas favourites revived!

All the heart-warming adverts on TV

They are sure to bring a tear to the eye

But my festive spirit is lacking

And I’ve not even made a mince pie!

I really need to get started

There are so many things still to get

I will make more of an effort

But it’s still not December yet!

Episode 55: Raining on My Parade….

November 24, 2014/Judy E Martin/2 Comments

I was feeling a little heavy-headed when I got up yesterday; not really ‘with-it’, and lacking in energy and enthusiasm. Looking outside didn’t help matters either; grey, damp. miserable, just like my mood actually!…

I had wanted to try to do a bit of Christmas shopping, you know, be organised for once. Usually it is a maniacal, crazed dash around, last-minute panic buying , competing with the rest of the no-hopers who have disorganised lives. Not this year…I’m going to be one of those annoying people who have wrapped everything up (both figuratively and literally) by December 1st!! Shame, I just wasn’t in the mood for it though…..

Miss Hap had been staying over at Nanny’s, and when asked if she wanted to come with us, sensibly declined our offer. So Mr Grump and I put on our new matching ‘His n Hers’ waterproof jackets that he got us(actually they are more like ‘His n His’ jackets as mine is rather large as well as masculine looking, but it keeps the rain out) and ventured out into the lashing rain!

We got to the town centre and it was quite deserted which was nice (not everyone was as keen to get soaked as we were). The Christmas lights had been turned on Saturday, and it was looking very festive through the rain (It was a big disappointment as most towns get a ‘celebrity’ turning on their lights, we got Postman Pat! I know he is a celebrity in his own right to the under 5’s, but for the rest of us,a bit of a let-down)! I tried putting my hood up as the rain was getting heavier, but it totally blocked out my vision,(seeing as it was a bit on the massive side). Mr Grump fussed about with it, and sight restored, we headed to some shops further in the town.

After a while I decided I needed a coffee, and as Mr Grump is back smoking again (busted)! we went to a cafe with tables and chairs outside. I went in to get the drinks and when I came out Mr Grump had bagged a table that had a parasol, so we enjoyed our coffee outside; only getting half soaked, as opposed to completely drenched if there had been no shelter. Suitably refreshed we traipsed off again. Suffice to say, we didn’t end up getting ANY Christmas shopping, I just couldn’t summon up enough motivation, plus I didn’t fancy getting bogged down with loads of bags, which would get soggy with the rain. We did however, get an extension lead, so we have enough space to plug in all the Christmas lights (when we can be bothered to put them up)! See, I AM getting organised.

Mr Grump then wanted to drag me to the Supermarket as of course we needed groceries. He didn’t think it fair for some reason, to drive all the way home, drop me off, then go out again on his own, so I huffily went with him. It was packed in there; obviously it is THE place to be on filthy Sunday morning.It took ages getting what we needed, but finally we went back to the car, and, as is the norm, I got in whilst Mr Grump opened the boot, ready to unpack the shopping from the trolley…I was cold and crabby, and huddled down in my seat. I happened to glance up, out of the window, and saw Mr Grump haring off! Our trolley nowhere in sight. It must have rolled off whilst he was round the back of the car.

Sure enough, he came back pushing the errant trolley. It was still bucketing down with rain, and poor old Mr Grump was looking a little bedraggled. Well, if anything was going to put a smile on my face, then this was it. My shoulders were shaking as I watched him viciously manhandle the trolley to the back of the car, and start shoving everything in. I cackled as he muttered under his breath, and guffawed as he got in next to me and ranted! That cheered me up!

Episode 40: Christmas Crackers!!!

November 10, 2014/Judy E Martin/4 Comments

As we are well into November, everything is getting geared up for Christmas. The shops are starting to get decked out, and the festive goodies are already on display in some Supermarkets (even though most of the Christmas food will be out of date way before then)!!

As I may have said before, I come from rather a large family, most of whom have had the same upbringing, but it is funny how we all have our own ideas and traditions at Christmas time…..

My Mum, up until fairly recently lived in quite a large house which had separate dining room, living room and kitchen. The cupboard under the stairs in the dining room was chock-a-block with Christmas decorations. There were those huge plastic placards with snowmen or a Father Christmas on it; she had a box with her nativity scene, baubles, tinsel, strings of coloured lights (every year we sat there going through bulb by bloody bulb trying to work out which one had gone so the lights would work); she had church candles, christmas candles, a hanging santa which said ‘Ho Ho Ho!’ when you smacked it’s arse; another hanging Santa that everyone smacked their head on as they went upstairs; plus all of the dangly garlands and hanging sparkly bits…oh yes Mum loves a bit of sparkle at Christmas.

The only problem with that is, once my step-dad had sadly died and Mum got older, one of us had to put the damn things up. Now this was a mammoth task..and more often than not involved a few of us, which was not always easy to co-ordinate! The end result was to look like a fairyland Grotto. My younger sister always got the job of taping up the front-room windows and stencilled little snow shapes onto them, which always looked nice but was a pain to do. I usually tackled the lights which never worked, and then our husbands would set about putting up all the other hanging bits and pieces under Mum’s fierce direction

Instead of leaving us all to crack on with it, she would tell whilst balancing precariously on whatever furniture was handy, “could you just lean over a bit more to the left as it’s not straight” . You try to oblige and are struggling to keep your balance, but just manage to reach the desired spot when the drawing pin bends and breaks, so you have to start again!

All of this is usually carried out to the sounds of Westminster Cathedral Choir (one of Mum’s favourites) belting out Christmas carols in their high-pitched voices, (which actually feel like a drill through your head after a while) or if we are lucky, the usual Christmas album that nearly everyone has which my sister or one of the kids has brought over!

Anyway, once the job is done, and we have stood outside on the street to admire the decorations, lights and windows, Mum is left to fill up her shelves with ornaments, candles and other nick knacks. This is not the end though because of course, the tree has to be put up as well. She used to have a real tree but bought an artificial one some years ago which needs to be assembled!

I have done this job on many an occasion and it is not pleasant!! Firstly, the tree has to be retrieved from the garden shed, where it has become buried under all the summer stuff, chairs,, loungers etc. The garden shed has MICE which means I will scream my head off at any movement, and run out of the shed, This of course means that it takes ages to find the tree..

Once I have got it assembled a while later, it is another fight with the lights that have to go on it, not to mention all the baubles, bells, bows,robins and God knows what else, (not forgetting the obligatory fairy at on the top) before Mum would be satisfied with it. It was usually, by the way, only about the first of December at this point!

I just have to mention the one and only Christmas i spent with my Dad and step-mum. Myself and younger sister were about 11 and 13 at the time, We had traveled down to see him by coach and were excited to see what kind of Christmas we would have…..

My step-mum was a bit fussy about the decorations… she did not want any drawing pins in her walls or ceilings so poor Dad, with our help, put up everything we could with Sellotape! She was also not a very good cook either and as Dad wanted some home-made mince pies, and hers had turned out so hard they could be used as breeze blocks, me and my sister made them.

On Christmas day my brother and his wife (who lived in the same town) were invited over for lunch with us. He was in his early twenties, and at the time belonged to a motorbike group. He could appear a bit intimidating with all of his tattoos, earrings and leathers, and I know my step-mum was a bit wary of him….anyway we waited AGES for lunch. All of us in my family take after my Dad as far as large appetites go (step-mum eats like a bird) We offered to help but it was refused, and finally we were asked to sit around the table. At last!!! We sat there for a good 20 more minutes, until finally the sliding door to the kitchen opened (which was in the same room) and out she came with the turkey. We all clapped and cheered which nearly made her drop it, such was her rage!

As we sat around enjoying the meal, something strange happened….the decorations we had put up started falling down around us, one by one! On this occasion she had shut the kitchen door, so the steam and heat from the kitchen had built up and rendered the Sellotape useless thereby everything around us literally came unstuck! Me and my sister were trying not to giggle as yet another decoration landed around us! Dad caught step-mum’s eye, and carried on tucking into his turkey blissfully!!

Episode 21: All Sewn Up!!

October 19, 2014/Judy E Martin/Leave a comment

As Christmas will soon be upon us, I decided that I would get out my sewing machine and try to make something festive….

My younger sister is pretty creative; Every Christmas her house is festooned with stockings that she has made for various people, all named,and with other little personal touches to make them extra special. She has festive bunting, also home-made, plus loads of other little Christmas bits and pieces that she has created over the years, .This along with the various tasteful lights she has, always makes her house seem magical .

Christmas dinner around her house is not only a gargantuan feast (she is a fantastic chef), but everyone has a little personalised place-name, and the table is dressed to perfection, everything matching, and it is obvious that a lot of thought and effort has gone into it.

I am rather envious of how homely and welcoming her house is, and thought that I would have a go at making something Christmassy for my daughter that she can use each year, and maybe even for her own future children; after all Christmas is all about family and tradition….

I had already seen some thing that I wanted to make, It was an Advent bag! My sister had handmade a beautiful Advent Calendar herself with lots of different materials and little pockets for gifts each day, but I thought that might be a little ambitious for me and the Advent Bag it was going to be.

I had actually bought the materials I needed over the last week, as I had seen this pattern some time ago. Mr Grump had resigned himself to the fact that I was determined to make this bag, and he reluctantly accompanied me into the fabric shop. I got out my little list of things I needed, but I hadn’t really been very specific so I ended up buying far too much stuff! A metre of velcro sounds about right. Oh and I need some fabric glue etc, until I came out of there as light in the purse as Mr Grump was purple in the face!!

I searched the town for other bits I needed, and ended up buying some velcro dots as well (they seemed easier to use), E Bay took care of the other small pieces I needed, and today as I had got all of my equipment together and had a bit of time on my hands (This giving up smoking lark has given me a bit of extra time plus I needed to do something with my hands) I was ready to begin.

Looking at the Tutorial (I had to make sure it was a step-by step one with photos) I reckoned it would only take me about an hour and I was looking forward to seeing the end result,..By the time I had got out my sewing machine, ironing board and other paraphernalia, I had lost a bit of enthusiasm, but as Miss Hap was out playing, and Mr Grump had fallen asleep in his chair, I decided I would get on as I had a bit of peace, with no interference.

I cut out all the bits I needed according to the pattern, and now came the exciting part of putting everything together…

Step 1, prepare pocket….I hadn’t cut out a bit for a pocket, there was nothing on the pattern for a bloody pocket!! Oh, well. I’ll have to wing it, and cut a bit of fabric that looks about the right size. That done I started on the outside…of the bag..After 3 attempts of sewing and unpicking, then re-sewing, that looked ok, so now the inside…great I have to attach the sodding pocket but it doesn’t say how..I did what I thought looked right and carried on…

The velcro dots I bought were way too big for what I wanted, as were the lovely bright number stickers, but undaunted I made do with what I had, and wrote the numbers on by hand, plus cut strips of velcro from the metre I had bought (I used in total about 20cm)! Great now all I had to do were the finishing touches…

As I turned the bag the right way round I realised that I had put the bottom on the bag the wrong way around! Never mind, I managed to unpick that and put it right, Also the stupid pocket was sewn in down the side instead of across the back! Bugger! Oh well I took the scissors to the bag and cut the offending pocket straight out, no-one would even know that it was supposed to be there anyway!!

At last the finished result!! Mr Grump had somehow managed to sleep throughout most of my swearing, cursing and slamming around, but he wisely said I had done a good job. Miss Hap, however, had just come in from playing, and I said to her to stay out of the front room for a minute as I was making something for her, and I didn’t want her to see it! “Oh no, you’re not making me a Halloween costume are you?” Great! I had spent ages making this damn thing that I hoped she would enjoy come December, but unfortunately Miss Hap has had previous experience of my sewing frenzies in the past (She still has the summer dress I made her out of ‘liquorice all sorts’ material unworn in her wardrobe)!!

Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Tag: #Christmas

Episode 84: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas…My Version.

Episode 83: Spare a Thought for Our Elderly…..

Episode 81: Christmas Clearout!

Episode 80: Christmas Stuffing!

Episode 74: It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas…….

Episode 65: Drumming up a Tempest!

Episode 57: Oh No, Christmas Is Coming!

Episode 55: Raining on My Parade….

Episode 40: Christmas Crackers!!!

Episode 21: All Sewn Up!!

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Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

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