Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 373: It Runs In The Family! — June 13, 2015

Episode 373: It Runs In The Family!

One of the things I like about my family is that we all have the same warped sense of humour, even if others don’t quite see the joke!

I remember going to our local cinema (or the ‘fleapit’ as it was unaffectionately known) with my older sister to watch ‘Fright Night’ years ago. It was pretty busy and we settled ourselves in for a good scaring, the only problem was that it was not in the least bit frightening (that is saying something coming from me as I am a huge wimp)! In fact, it was funny. We kept giggling at first, then finding it more and more ridiculous ended up rocking in our seats roaring with laughter, especially as no-one else seemed to be laughing.

Often when we get together, we reminisce about the good old days. Unlike other families though, we like to rake up stories about each other’s misfortunes. Things like my mum falling up the stairs in a furniture store whilst carrying some shopping. The shop assistant was appalled that my sister was creased up laughing instead of helping my poor spread-eagled mum up!

My mum is just as bad though as she was helpless with laughter when my little sister ran straight into a glass door whilst chasing after my niece who had toddled off ahead. Mum took great delight in telling us that my sister’s eyes were rolling around in her head, and that her shoe had come off!

When we were young, my mum and step-dad owned a static caravan near Blackpool and we used to go there a lot for weekends and holidays, as we only lived about an hour away then. As was the design then, the living room area used to have a kind of bench style sofa arrangement which could be transformed into a bed if you inserted a large wooden board. Well one of my brothers went to sit down to eat his meal, but misjudged it as the cushion wasn’t put back properly so it was over-hanging the seat. This meant as soon as my brother lowered himself down there was nothing there to support him, and he did a lovely backwards roll out of the open door behind him landing with a nice thud on the grass. What fantastic entertainment for the family that was. Even more so because he got told off  for mucking about as if it were his fault!

Oh yes, you don’t get any sympathy in our family if you hurt yourself; in fact it’s laugh first then check for broken bones. As you can imagine, I have had more than my fair share of teasing from the family!

Episode 167: Fifty Shards of Glass! — February 17, 2015

Episode 167: Fifty Shards of Glass!

Picture the scene…it’s Valentine’s Day, you have gone (reluctantly) to the cinema with your wife to see ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and when you arrive, you see a woman in handcuffs. Kinky? No, she has just been arrested by the Police!

Only in Scotland could this bizarre event have occurred. Apparently, during an earlier showing of the film, a group of three women became rather rowdy. Alcohol was sold in this particular venue and they had slightly overindulged. This caused to them to not only vomit in the aisles but also to become a bit loud and unruly.

This annoyed one gentleman who went over to them and asked them to pipe down a bit, as presumably, it was spoiling his enjoyment of the film! Big mistake! These women were not going to be told what to do, and apparently there was a fracas where the man ended up getting ‘glassed’!

The stewards promptly called the Police who swiftly turned up to arrest the three disorderly women, leading one off to the Police van in handcuffs! (Not quite the idea she had in mind, I suspect)!

The man and his wife arriving for the next showing waited patiently for order to be restored; vomit to be cleaned up, and blood wiped off of the seats!

I bet E L James had not envisioned her novels to have inspired this kind of scenario! (Actually it was probably a damn sight more exciting than the movie anyway)!

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