Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 56: Domestic Goddess? No, But My Husband Is!!! — November 25, 2014

Episode 56: Domestic Goddess? No, But My Husband Is!!!

I’ve often wished that I was more of a practical person.  I am absolutely blown away by some of the talented bloggers around, and quite envious of their abilities. Take Heels and a Toolbox for example (http://www.heelsandatoolbox.com/). She takes on all sorts of DIY tasks, and gives others tips on how to save money by fixing things yourself! What a great idea and if I had a modicum of ability, I would definitely give it a go. My problem is not only being heavy-handed and a little accident prone,but also having a husband who is good at DIY,so I don’t HAVE to do it!

It was mentioned on the same website that some women never have to fill up their own cars with petrol, nor do they know how to! Well that got me thinking actually,as I AM one of those women! I do know how to fill up my car, but I don’t like doing it; the same as I don’t like putting the rubbish out, decorating, mowing the lawn, and other chores that long ago were associated more with the ‘man of the house’.I don’t like anything that is going to break my nails off (even though I must have them reasonably short for work), I don’t want to go grubbing about in the dirt (well not if it means digging the garden anyway, or weeding the flowers).I certainly don’t want to have to climb ladders to do ANY job (that is twofold; one I don’t like heights, two, it is safer for me, and everyone else) if I stay on the ground!

The thing with me is, I am also not that great at things normally associated with the ‘lady of the house’ either. My Mum, sisters and nieces are all really wonderful cooks, and not only can make something out of nothing, but most of them never measure out an ingredient or follow a recipe,unlike me.(I can cook a mean roast dinner though). I am lucky that Mr Grump does all the cooking at home unless I have some mad urge to do it!

I do get involved with housework though, I will clean, dust  plump cushions up, iron clothes, and do the washing. However I only vacuum if I have to, I hate it and it puts me in a bad mood, so good old Mr Grump gets that chore!

I do not get on very well with crafts either,but I am a glutton for punishment and I do constantly try to make things, sometimes I even make a reasonable job of it, (See Episode 21). I do attempt a bit of dressmaking (I use that term very  loosely in my case) but apart from one dress that I can actually wear, have been mostly unsuccessful. I will not give in with it though, just keep trying easier patterns. I can knit though, but all the best stuff I have ever made I have done for others so I actually don’t have anything good myself that I have made!

I am absolutely rubbish with hair, make-up and other things associated with ‘beauty’. I can put a bit of slap on when  the occasion merits it, but it is a tried and tested method I have used for years, and it serves me well .  My hair is long; that is it, pony tail, plait (not a French plait or a fishtail plait mind) or up in a clip..maybe bunches if I am feeling quirky, Oh and for going out, it gets straightened….job done!

I know that when I was on my own, I did have to mow the lawn (how I raged whilst doing it, getting all hot and bothered), I did put the stinky rubbish out, and I even put petrol in my car. Just as I also cooked every meal for me and Miss Hap (luckily she turned out all right), and pushed the vacuum around (bashing into everything as I went). So although I do envy other people’s creativity, talent and practicality, I am just going to have to accept that I missed out when they were handed out, and I must have other ‘hidden’ talents instead. Meanwhile, dear old Mr Grump cracks on with keeping the house in order!

Episode 10: Back in their day….. — September 30, 2014

Episode 10: Back in their day…..

As I sit here sneezing my head off, (the cold is in full swing now) trying to muster up a bit of energy to do  even the smallest of tasks, I wonder how my Grandmothers used to cope when they felt lousy, back in the days before we had all the mod cons which make our modern lives so much easier, and I feel pretty ashamed of myself for being such a wimp…..!

Both my Dad’s mum (Nanny R), and Mum’s mum (Nanny M) lived next door to each other, at the time when they were born, in huge  Victorian houses, situated on a very pleasant street, not far from the beautiful Jurassic coast in the South-West of England.

Nanny R had never been married (scandalous in 1929 when she gave birth to my dad), and lived with her spinster sister (Aunty May), whereas Nanny M was married with one daughter, and three sons, one of whom suffered with Muscular Dystrophy.Both nans were under five foot tall, but what they lacked in height they made up for, being extremely feisty!  Aunty May however, was tall and slim with a sour face, and personality to match! Mind you, I can understand why she was so bitter, as apparently she had a fiance who her father didn’t approve of, and forbade her to marry,so although engaged for years, she never did marry him – or anyone else!

Nanny M used to take in lodgers during the war whilst Grandad (an officer in the Navy) was away, and she certainly had her work cut out for her. Not only did she have her young children to look after, but she had to cook all of the meals for her visitors (no convenience foods for them), plus somehow manage to launder all of the linen etc without the aid of the trusty washing machine we rely upon so much today. I remember seeing these massive wooden tongs that she used to have, plus this washboard thing she had to scrub the laundry against.

This must have been so time-consuming and cumbersome for her, especially as she also had to iron everything with a flat-iron that was warmed up by the fire. This along with cleaning the entire four-storey house single-handedly must have been one hell of a mammoth task.

Nanny R and Aunty May did not have any lodgers, they were ‘above’ all of that, and accused Nanny M of running a ‘knocking shop’ (she found out about this and gave them a piece of her mind). They just lived there with their very strict father (a Peppery Old Sod is how my mum referred to him) and my dad. They too had a lot of work to do in the house. I remember walking into their house as a child;  it still had all the bells on the wall (very Upstairs, Downstairs), labelled with the names of various rooms, which I presumed my great-grandad would ring to summon them to do his bidding.

Aunty May went out with her father to work during the day which would leave Nanny R to run the house and prepare the meals for them when they got home. They had a huge garden where they would grow their own fruit and veg and Nan would conjure up delicious meals with all fresh produce.  My own experience eating at their house was a VERY formal affair. There was a huge table laden with all manner of vegetables, meats, and other dishes, but you got NOTHING unless you ate your bread and butter! My siblings and I were to sit in silence and only speak when spoken to. We were not allowed to leave the table until we excused ourselves and God help you if you didn’t behave with the correct table manners)!!

Still, it was a small price to pay,at least we didn’t have to wash up afterwards,  as my poor Nan was left with all the clearing up to do, along with everything else that needed doing! The mountain of crockery, cutlery, pots and pans to clean up must have been so disheartening for her, especially as she had cooked and prepared the meal to begin with!

Never once did I hear my Nans complain about their lot in life. Yes, they were both lucky in that they lived in these gorgeous properties, but they did all the work themselves. I don’t remember them moaning that they felt ill, and didn’t want to do anything except languish in bed, feeling sorry for themselves….they just got on with it; it was what was expected of them and they did it with good grace.

I am blessed that I have had such strong,hard-working women as my early role-models. I know that if they were here now, I would get a bloody good telling off,and told that I needed “a good kick up the arse” to shake me out of my inertia, and they would be right!!

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