Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

When Things Go Wrong. — September 25, 2015

When Things Go Wrong.

You may remember that a couple of weeks ago I conducted a poll for Writing 101, which asked what type of blog posts you would prefer me to write. Here are the results:

  1. Posts about things going wrong  13 votes
  2. Posts about my family                 11 votes
  3. Something else of your choosing  3 votes
  4. Other                                             3 votes.

I am happy that you have chosen when things go wrong as your winner, as being clumsy, normally gives me a blog post or two to write about.  So, for Writing 101 ‘Take a cue from your readers’ post today, I thought I would share this story with you, that happened at work today.

The morning at work had been pretty busy as was normal, and of course, staff were thin on the ground as is also normal. I had decided to try to get some notes done after lunch, as I was due to go home in just over an hour, and I wanted to leave my colleague as little as possible to do. (Most of the staff on the ward prefer the 12 1/2 hour shifts, but I like the ‘short’ 7 1/2 hour ones).

I had even managed to make a coffee and was sitting at the table in the handover room, where there was a student and a Sister who was signing off some competencies for her.

Suddenly though, there was a commotion outside the room. A new patient that had arrived on the ward just previously was getting rather agitated and was threatening to whack a male nurse with his wooden walking stick! A female care assistant was trying to calm him down but he was swinging the stick around his head trying to lash out at whoever came near him.

The male nurse managed to get past him and into the room where I was writing the notes. Suddenly a stick came through the door and a loud THWACK sounded as he clouted the counter top just missing some of the cups that were there. Myself and the Sister jumped up and tied to get the stick off of him. We did manage to grab it but he was kicking at us and had more strength than we bargained for. We got the stick off of him and avoided the punches that he was dishing out (although the Sister got licked a couple of times) and I rushed to call security.

I went back into the room, as the patient was now sat down and chatting with the Care Assistant. Going to grab a much-needed swig of coffee, I hamfistedly ended up knocking the large mug of undrunk coffee all over the table. It went everywhere. The student’s notes were soaked through, as was everything else on the table, including the tortilla chips that a relative had brought in for us! Ooops, another day in paradise!

Episode 485: Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge 61 ‘Wine’ and ‘Tears’ — September 7, 2015

Episode 485: Ronovan’s Writes Weekly Haiku Poetry Prompt Challenge 61 ‘Wine’ and ‘Tears’

I love the prompt words this week for Ronovan’s Haiku Challenge of ‘tears’ and ‘wine’. Ronovan himself wrote a fantastic Haiku to go with it which you really should  check out. In fact it is such fun participating in this challenge with all of the others, it is really worth having a go at.

Here is my attempt this week (bearing in mind I am now teetotal)!!!

Episode 433: Tuesday Titbit. My Top Turn-Offs 18+ — July 28, 2015

Episode 433: Tuesday Titbit. My Top Turn-Offs 18+

I have written in the past  for my Tuesday Tidbit post, about getting  ‘in the mood for getting it on’. Well this week I am going to mention a couple of things (in my opinion). that are likely to kill the mood stone dead.

  • Toe sucking. Yuck, yuck and yuck again! Given my aversion to feet (even my own), this is never going to be top of my list of things to try out in the bedroom. I can think of nothing worse than putting a hairy, yellowing, thick-nailed toe anywhere near my mouth let alone sucking it! Dear God, that sounds more like some form of torture to me (especially if a fungal infection is involved)!
  • Skimpy briefs. These don’t really do it for me at all, and please no, don’t let it be a thong! They look good on absolutely no-one at all! I am not one to be impressed by the ‘posing pouch’ type of underwear, in fact I would probably burst out laughing!
  • Breaking wind. I know some men find it funny, but when in bed with a view to getting a little bit of action, I don’t want to hear anyone ‘parp’ and then get hit with the reek of rotten eggs that has been helpfully wafted in my direction.
  • Trying to skip the starter and head straight for the main course! Like most people, I want the full experience. The kissing, stroking, exploring… building up slowly, taking a bit of time, teasing, that kind of thing, not trying to get stuck in!
  • Rough handling. I do not enjoy clumsy tweaking, prodding and poking before I am  ready to get the party started!

What turns you off in the bedroom?

Episode 396: In The Doghouse! — June 28, 2015

Episode 396: In The Doghouse!

Well although I was working today and knew that I would be up very early, I did not intend on getting up quite as early as 4:30!

Roxy, like all of the females in this house is a bit of a klutz! This morning was no exception, as she fell off the bed landing with a thud, that jolted both me and Mr Grump awake. Not only that but she managed to get herself entangled in the power cord from my hair straighteners, that were hanging on the shelf of our 3ft high mirror on the wall by the side of the bed (yes, that was the wall NOT the ceiling, Cat)!

Anyway as she ran forward she tugged the cable which yanked the mirror off the wall completely, sending it crashing to the floor with a huge bang! Thank God Roxy had got out of the way and the mirror didn’t smash either.

Needless to say, I was wide awake by then and got up. Roxy got an extra hour sleep in before she got taken out for her walk! She was not my favourite doggy this morning!

Episode 357: Wacky Word Wednesday #5 — June 3, 2015

Episode 357: Wacky Word Wednesday #5

Hooray for Wednesday when I get to fool about with another word that has caught my fancy. This time it is a wonderful word, being French in origin and sounding far nicer than the meaning of it is! May I present to you…..

Maladroit. Oh this poor word blunders and bumbles through life, blissfully buggering up everything it touches! It is ham-fisted and heavy-handed, stumbling and lumbering, tripping over anything in its path.

Being ungainly and uncoordinated, it is graceless and gawky, with its butterfingers and two left feet; a piteous sight to behold. A clumsy klutz who is both inept and incompetent….sounds a lot like me on the dancefloor!!

Episode 298: Leading By Example! — April 21, 2015

Episode 298: Leading By Example!

A bit of good weather and the prospect of a day off tomorrow with a bit of peace and quiet us just what I need at the moment. The last couple of days have been pretty busy getting back into the swing of work and school etc.

As we have been pretty short-staffed for ages, we have finally got a couple of new staff that started this week. To ease them into the madness, they have been doing slightly different hours to the rest of us, but it is nice to see them when they turn up and of course it is wonderful to have their help.

As most of you know, I am not the most graceful of people, and one of the nurses I was working with today, calls me ‘Calamity Jane’ at times (very unkind of her, I know and not in the least justified)!  Anyway we had a lovely new lady start with us yesterday who I worked briefly with, and she was in again today.

I went into the Bay where she was working to do some observations, which she was going to watch, and record for me on the handheld system. As I went over to take the patient’s blood pressure, I tripped over the power cable of the big floor buffer thing one of the domestics was using. I saw my new colleague giggle. as the domestic tried to kind of flick it out of my way which only resulted in me tripping again, as I stepped the wrong way to avoid it.

A bit later, I needed a Bair Hugger (a kind of  electric heated blanket) for one of my patients who had a low temperature. There was one not needed in the bay next door where our new colleague was working. In her haste to help me, she hurried to unplug it, but caught her foot on the edge of the bed and went flying! She did a few kind of slow-motion leaps to keep her balance, which of course set me off laughing as well.

I think she and I are going to get along just fine,  although I don’t know if we will be safe to work together!

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘O’ — April 17, 2015

Blogging From A-Z Challenge: ‘O’

Today on the Blogging From A-Z Challenge we are looking at the beautifully formed, and wonderfully rounded letter ‘O,’ This is such an open, outgoing letter. that it was difficult to choose a word that does it justice.  I toyed with ‘onomatopoeia’ as I like the sound of it!  However, I have decided upon another ‘blast from the past’ word, that i also like the sound of….. so, without further ado, may I present…..

Oaf. Yep, it is short and not so sweet. It is the klutz that bangs into everything; the village idiot of words that everyone humours.  When an oaf is around, you don’t want to be offering them tea from your best china, unless you are prepared for it to be knocked all over your cream coloured carpet, and smashed to smithereens in the process.

This word conjures up in my mind, a lumbering, great man with hobnail boots, clomping about, treading all over your lawn and squashing your flowers! He had hands like shovels that he has no control over, so he often flails about, gesticulating wildly. God help you if you get in his way, as you are likely to get a whack on the head from his uncoordinated movements. He is well-meaning, but a liability to have around. A calamity waiting to happen; a  clumsy clot of the highest order!

Poor sod, I know how he feels!

Blogging From A-Z Challenge – ‘B’ — April 2, 2015

Blogging From A-Z Challenge – ‘B’

Day two of the Blogging from A-Z challenge and today we have the lovely letter ‘B.’

My word for today is blunder. Now this word is all about getting it wrong. (I manage to do this on a regular basis). It is a clumsy word, a gaffe, the art of ‘putting your foot in it.’ To me it also speaks of barging right in, unknowingly or not thinking; blurting something out, to the amazement of others present. It is also a word that makes me laugh, as it sounds old-fashioned, even a bit pompous.It is not often you hear somebody say it nowadays,

“Ooops, I am sorry, I just blundered.” No, they are more likely to say that they ‘cocked up’, ‘made a hash of it’ or maybe something a little stronger!

I think blunder is under-appreciated, and that is in itself a terrible blunder!

Episode 247: Feeling Fantastic at Fifty! — March 24, 2015

Episode 247: Feeling Fantastic at Fifty!

After reading a post today on Inventing Real Life about whether or not a woman is ‘invisible’ once they get to the age of fifty, it got me to thinking….

I am less than a year away from the big five-o myself (sob), and I am already having mixed feelings about it. Originally I thought how lovely it would be to have a big party to celebrate the occasion. It would be a great excuse for a get-together and some cheesy music to get everyone up and dancing,

Despite my two left feet, a bit of 80s music will have me heading for the dance floor and strutting my stuff, especially if there is mostly only family there to witness my humiliating ‘moves’! This is where it comes in handy having such a large clan, it is not that difficult to fill up a function room!

Another possibility is doing a one-off event, such as a skydive, or perhaps a bungee jump, or even a hot air balloon ride This is all well and good providing you are not the biggest coward around , who can barely stand on a chair without getting dizzy at the height off the floor! No, I am a huge fail in the thrill-seeker department (well at least this kind of thrill seeking)!

Once I have decided how to actually mark the occasion, I wonder what happens then? Will I fade into obscurity? Be too old and past it for anyone to bother with any more? Left on the scrap heap, destined to be humoured as that ‘mad old aunty’ that everyone gives a wide berth to at functions! The nutter with the whiskery chin (no point in bothering with keeping myself nice anymore) and the garish clothes?

Not bloody likely! I spent a lot of time in my youth where I was so quiet and shy that I faded into the background (mostly by my own choice I admit). I was the wilting wallflower at parties, head drooped trying not to draw attention to myself. The awkward, jerky, tongue-tied girl, then young woman, blushing if anyone talked to me, or looked my way. The constant loner standing out like a sore thumb at clubs, as everyone else had gone off to dance,and being self-conscious, I would hang around trying to look invisible as I didn’t want anyone to think I was waiting to be ‘picked up!’

Anyway, I have decided that I am going to try to turn over a new leaf once I get to my fifties. I am tired of being a non-entity, the forgotten face in the crowd, the recipient of the “oh, we’ve never met” comment, despite being introduced a few weeks previously. I am going to break out of that shell that has encased me for the last fifty years and Sod what anyone thinks!

Rather than disappear, I am going to stand out in my fifties. the new confident me. So what if I still trip over everything, put my foot in it, and show myself up! That is always going to be part of who I am, so rather than cringe and try hiding away, I will endeavour to shrug my shoulders, dust myself down and laugh it all off! I am going to be fabulous at fifty!

Episode 207: It’s All About Me!!! — March 9, 2015

Episode 207: It’s All About Me!!!

Well today is all about me! As if you haven’t had enough of me already, my task for Blogging 101 today is to have an ‘irresistible About Me page.’ Hmmm, i have already messed about with my ‘About Me’ page, having updated it several times. I think for now I might just leave it alone. However, if I get a load of feedback telling me that it is rubbish then I will try to tweak it a bit. I know it is all about selling ourselves but I am very aware that ‘you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear!’

I think my ‘About Me’ page pretty much sums me up. I am someone who feels that we all need a bi of laughter in our lives. It can get pretty tough sometimes, pressures put upon us, high expectations that might be difficult to live up to, plus the normal ups and downs of everyday life. We just need to take a step back, sometimes and try to see the funny side of things.

That doesn’t mean bursting out laughing at inopportune moments (not recommended, I have been on the end of may a dirty look for this crime), no, it just means reflecting back on a situation, and instead of cringing at some stupid thing you said or did, just laugh about it. After all, there is nothing you can do about it, so instead of stewing on it, make fun of it, or yourself!

I am not one to want to draw attention to myself, but being the way I am it happens. I have been at work walking back to my ward after coming out of the loos only to be told,

“You’ve got your dress tucked into your knickers!” Nice!  Cringe, red face, look around to see who saw, frantically try to remember what knickers I have on  and have been showing to all and sundry, are they decent ones? (chances are they will be ”work’ ones)! Why do people have to shout these kind of things out after you thereby alerting everyone to your plight? Honestly!

So, I have decided that laughing about things really is the best way to deal with it, None of us are perfect, some of us are less so,especially me, BUT I do have one saving grace. I love words and telling little anecdotes and stories. what a perfect combination. I can and do write about all my little ‘episodes’ in my blog. Sometimes I even drag my family into it. (Mostly with their permission)!

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