2015-04-05T19:51:07+01:00

Episode 272: What A Carry On!

April 5, 2015/Judy E Martin/11 Comments

I had really been looking forward to going to my sister’s today. I had a little nap before we went, as I slept very badly last night due feeling really rough with this bloody cold.

We picked my mum up on the way and everyone else was already there when we arrived. Lunch was a beautiful roast beef and yorkshire pudding. We had a cake that my sister had made for pudding which looked so good I took a photo of it! Not only did it have mini eggs and chocolate orange segments, it also had Nutella in it! I just had to have a little bit of it to try and it was even better than it looked (if that us possible).

Anyway, the fever kicked in again after lunch, and as Mum felt tired, I ended up coming home early. Miss Hap, bless her, wanted to come with me as well to look after me (plus she didn’t want to walk home later as I had the car)!

We are now enjoying a ‘Carry On’ film fest in our pyjamas. Every Bank Holiday they seem to put them on back to back. I grew up with these films, but never get tired of watching them. The silliness of them as well as the innuendo and double-entendres still make me laugh my head off! Good job I am easily pleased!

Episode 234: The Secret of The Shy Sun!

March 20, 2015/Judy E Martin/16 Comments

Well just as I thought! I didn’t get to see the solar eclipse! After the excitement of getting a day off work and the prospect of being able to experience an extremely rare event, nothing went to plan….

Mr Grump was taking my Mum to do her weekly shopping this morning (we take it in turns with my 2 sisters), and being as he is, wanted to get started early so arranged to pick her up at 8.30 this morning. I was originally working so wasn’t factored into the arrangement and I contemplated taking my time this morning, chilling out for a bit, then going outside to check out this amazing partial eclipsed we have been promised!

The news was full of it this morning, their cameras, all ready, and down in the south-west, the sun was shining over the sea, creating a beautiful image, and promising a clear view of the eclipse. Likewise even in Scotland (who always get the grottiest weather), there was a bit of blue sky, and a good view of the sun (they were going to get 98% coverage of the sun up there). I was getting hyped up myself, even though there were no film crews or cameras in this neck of the woods that they had mentioned.

Anyway, Mr Grump wanted me to go shopping with him and Mum. I said no, as he was going as the eclipse was due to start. It was supposed to be at its peak at 9.30 and knowing Mum, we would still be inside the supermarket at that time and miss the lot!

I needn’t have worried. The weather forecast for here was damp, damp and more bloody damp! I went shopping. It was freezing out, grey and damp. I looked out of the windows many times whilst in the supermarket to see if it was getting dark or anything. It wasn’t. It stayed exactly the same.In fact, there was no indication at all that anything unusual had happened, Sod the bloody weather!

I’m glad we didn’t get those stupid eclipse suitable glasses in the end as well. I might as well make use of my day off and go and do some housework! A damn sight more exciting than a secret eclipse!

Episode 233: Cold Comfort!

March 19, 2015/Judy E Martin/26 Comments

What is it about PE at school that kids hate it so much? I was not very sporty at school, and hated hockey, but I did like tennis and athletics in the summer months as well as swimming, which I loved. I suppose it has a lot to do with the cold and rainy winters we get here.

I know the weather made no difference to PE lessons whatsoever, We would still go off for a cross-country run (I hated it), slipping about on the muddy paths, or squelching through rain-soaked fields, often losing a shoe in the process. Oh yes, I remember those days well.

It seems that they haven’t changed that much as Miss Hap is always moaning about having to do PE, but she has to get on with it as I did. I know some parents will write their children a note to try to get them excused by the teachers, but in my day it would have to be a bloody good one as a ‘tummy ache’ didn’t cut it!

Anyway, one young lady decided that she would persuade her mum to write her a sick note for PE as it was ‘too cold’ to participate. Her mum did as she was asked and sent her smug daughter off with the note sealed to be given in to the head. However, the contents of the note was totally opposite from what this young shirker wanted….

Her Mum had posted a copy of the note she actually sent on Facebook. She accused her daughter of being lazy and told encouraged the teacher to give her a couple of extra laps to ‘warm her up!’ I thought this was really funny. I don’t know whether or not the girl saw the Facebook letter or not but I bed that was a nasty surprise!

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

March 14, 2015/Judy E Martin/19 Comments

Spring is definitely on the way here in the UK at the moment, We have even had a couple of consecutive pleasant days which is a sure sign that some of the following are going to happen…..

The good old barbecue will be dusted off and dragged into service due to the face that the sun shone for over an hour. (Yes, guess what we are having for dinner tonight?) It was lovely whilst I was at work, but of course now the sun has gone in and it has clouded over. By the time we get to cook all the goodies Mr Grump has bought the rain will probably be bucketing down! No matter.
The more macho of the men would have also dug their shorts out for the occasion too.Forget the fact that the temperatures are still pretty chilly, and we have had a bit of frost. That won’t bother them. They are determined to expose their pasty legs for all to admire (usually with a great big pair of boots on their feet, it’s not summer yet you know)!
Everywhere you look there are adverts for some miracle diet or another that will have you ‘bikini ready’ by the summer if you start now! That’s all well and good, and I have already started my diet, but that is one hell of a tall order! Mind you I might be baggy t-shirt and long shorts ready by the summer if I work really hard at it!
People have started to hang their washing on the line, so that it has that lovely ‘outdoor freshness’ appeal. Mine doesn’t. My garden gets the shade most of the day, and if I were to hang my washing out now it would be just as limp and damp when I brought it in as it was when I hung it out 8 hours earlier!
The local garden centres are starting to get busy now, People have decided that it is time to start planting things or doing a spot of DIY, This means that the frost will kill off many of the seedlings that have sprouted when that kicks in; also the A&E departments in the hospitals will be extra busy with the results of the DIY disasters!

Ahh yes, spring is such a wonderful time of year!

Episode 198: You Know You Are Past It When……

March 5, 2015/Judy E Martin/18 Comments

You forgot what you did yesterday and it wasn’t due to an over-indulgence of alcohol! I like to keep a diary which I have done for years. The problem is when I go to write it up, sometimes I forget what I have done and have to try to work my way backwards to jog my memory!
Instead of having a bit of ‘afternoon delight’ you end up nodding off! You know the scene, you have got the house to yourselves, a good couple of hours of undisturbed time alone to do whatever you want…..so you fall asleep on the settee!
The only time you wear something ‘trendy’ it is accidental. You are at that stage now where comfort is a must; forget fashion, you want practical! So when you do put on something that is trendy, it is more likely that after 20 years it is finally back in fashion!
You still talk about ‘records’,’discos’ and ‘going to the pictures’. Most of the youth of today do not know what a record is, and have never had the pleasure of listening to their favourite song jumping about all over the place where the record had become scratched or warped! Kids don’t go to discos (unless it is the school disco for some reason), they go to clubs (well at least I think so as I am way old to frequent such places)! I still talk about ‘going to the pictures to see a film.’ No, that is old hat. It is called a MOVIE. Pah!
You type out a text message in full. Now I am pretty ‘with it’ I know an emoticon when I see one, and I can even do a smiley face. However, I do not understand all this shorthand typing the young favour when sending a text. Even worse is the lack of punctuation! Really!
You are getting ready to go to bed when the young are just getting ready to go out for the night! You know what it’s like….you got up early….work was busy…you are shattered, and end up in bed no later than 10pm! Now for young people the night is just getting started at 10pm. They have had a few drinks,and in ready to have a good time. When you are getting up early the next morning (another sign of being past-it), they are just falling into their beds!
You are always reminiscing about the ‘old days’! Yes things were so much better back then of course. Life was rosy and we never got bored! However, when you constantly harp on about the glory days to your kids, their glazed eyes soon tell you that they are bored, and you are past it!

British Summertime!

Episode 193: The Best Of British!

March 3, 2015/Judy E Martin/26 Comments

Us Brits are a breed apart you know. We have our own little ways that make us stand out from the crowd. We may be a small little island, but we know how to make our make on the world! This is the kind of thing that puts the’ Great’ into Great Britain.

You can tell a Brit on holiday a mile off. We are the ones that are burned to a deep shade of lobster red, on the vast expanse of exposed skin we have on display. Why bother with suncream? We are determined to get a tan and we don’t go in for sunblock,Oh no, that is for sissies!
Similarly the Brit abroad is going to seek out the only English cafe/pub around so that they can continue to eat the kind of food that they are used to, Why would they want to try the local cuisine and experience something new when they can get fish and chips and a pint of lager at Joe’s Cafe!
Over in our own country, in the summer, whatever the weather, you will often find the hardy Brit swimming in the sea when it is pouring with rain, and ‘sunbathing’ on the beach in a swimming costume when there is no sun to be seen! (seriously, I am guilty of both of these). It is summertime, You are at the beach. You will bloody well enjoy yourself. This was how I was brought up!
We apologise for everything! If someone barges into us, we say sorry.Even if we bump into a lamp-post we apologise!
We queue for everything! Yes us Brits do love a queue; everywhere from supermarkets to the loos! Woe betide anyone that tries to jump the queue though! You will get some serious dirty looks, and someone might even be brave enough to tell you off!
Tea is the curer of all ills. If you have had a shock, a cup of tea will calm you down. Feeling peaky? Have a nice cup of tea. Also if you want any work doing by anyone, you need to have a tea on tap! It’s the workmen’s fuel (together with a bacon butty)!
We are very modest, It is very bad form to ‘blow your own trumpet’ so if someone gives us a compliment they will wish they hadn’t! We will turn it around, and put ourselves down, and make you feel dreadful for daring to mention how wonderful we are!

So there you have it, the best of British in a nutshell!!

Episode 175: Smoking To Scoffing!

February 22, 2015/Judy E Martin/11 Comments

Now that I’ve given up smoking

There’s no more standing outside

Freezing to death in all weathers

As well as trying to hide

My clothes all smell so much sweeter

I’ve lost that strange tinge to my skin

I’m no longer puffing and panting

And I’m determined not to give in

The cough that used to be constant

Has decided to go on its way

I am now considered a non-smoker

After years of smoking 20 a day!

There is one fly in the ointment

That really isn’t so good

Instead of smoking my head off

I’m stuffing my face full of food!

Episode 169: Spring is On The Way…..

February 18, 2015/Judy E Martin/15 Comments

Now I don’t like to boast, but poor Donna from MyOBT was just complaining how cold it was over in New York, and I just had to mention what a beautiful, sunny day it is here in the good old UK. Knowing how obsessed us Brits are with the weather, it makes a very pleasant change to have something positive to say about it for once!

Last night I had to work a rare night shift; It was really busy, and as usual was stuffy and hot up on the ward despite the freezing temperatures outside. I was heartened however, to notice that the dawn was breaking early, and as it approached 8am when it was time to go home, the sun was shining.

I did not however, bargain on having to scrape ice off the windscreen and spend 20 minutes defrosting the car, before I could get home to my bed. Not being used to nights my poor, shattered eyes were squinting against the dazzling sun driving home.

When I finally dropped into bed, I was awakened about less than three hours later by kids playing outside, (it’s half-term week), enjoying the unexpectedly lovely day. I dragged myself downstairs to see Mr Grump manically cleaning out the fish tank. Something has put him in a good mood then, must be the sunshine!

I decided to leave him to it and flopped out on the sofa for an hour, trying to get a bit more shut-eye. When I woke back up we decided to go out and get a couple more fish as the tank was looking a bit sparse. a bit of new life is what we needed. As we walked into the Garden Centre Mr Grump suddenly piped up with,

“Oooh it’s a little colder than I thought”. I told him that I was ok, in fact, I was quite warm. The difference between us was, that I hadn’t gone Commando!

Don’t you just love the spring?

Episode 165: Forty-Nine and In My Prime!

February 15, 2015/Judy E Martin/22 Comments

Tomorrow is going to be my 49th Birthday. Now instead of getting all maudlin about the passing of my youth and being well and truly middle-aged now (I still hate to admit that), I am going to try to fill this post with positive thoughts, and advantages of being ‘in the prime of life’ (sounds a lot better than bloody ancient)!

I am an asset for a pop quiz team. I love the old 70s and 80s music (plus I did a short stint working behind the Record Counter at Woolworths in the late 80s) so I know my stuff quite well.
I can finally put my big tummy down to ‘middle-aged spread’, and not sheer greed and love of food!
I have lots of ‘life experience’. I can give (unwanted) advice on relationships, as I have had a few! At least I know what not to do now.
It doesn’t matter now that I am a bit ‘scatterbrained’ at times, as I am old enough to put it down to being eccentric!
I’m still just about ‘in my forties’ (I don’t have to stipulate which end of 40 that is)!
People associate being mature in years with being wise and learned. Who am I are to put them right!?
I no longer blush when talking to a good-looking young man; I am old enough to be their mother now!
I’m still young enough to like listening to Eminem, but now old enough to complain about his incessant swearing!
I don’t really have to worry anymore about having 2 left feet. If I go somewhere which involves dancing, no-one is going to mock my dreadful moves. Everyone expects ‘older ladies’ to be rubbish dancers!
And finally, I still have a year to go before I am 50!

Episode 164: Hearts and Flowers, Tissues and Snot!

February 15, 2015/Judy E Martin/6 Comments

Well what a wonderful day Valentine’s Day turned out to be! Miss Hap started the day off on the right note by waking Mr Grump up at 6.30 (I was already up an hour before). For some reason, she had decided that it was the perfect time to have a very loud telephone conversation with her friend that she was meeting up with a little later.

I meanwhile, was up sneezing my head off! From out of nowhere a nasty cold had appeared the night before, decided it liked the look of me, and would hang around for a while, settling in and making itself comfy. This left me with half-open watery eyes and a lively red nose, I decided that I might as well stay in my pyjamas to complete the look.

Miss Hap eventually met her friend (after taking ages choosing the right outfit, and making a racket about it) so Me and Mr Grump had some time to ourselves. He had chores to do though, and I was flat-out on the sofa for most of the morning,We did however exchange cards and he bought me my favourite yellow roses which was lovely.

Miss Hap was originally going to stay with her Nan for the night, but plans were changed so she was joining us for our ‘romantic steak dinner’. I decided to ‘slip into something more comfortable’ for the meal, so had a bath and put on fresh pyjamas! Well I thought that it was more in keeping with the Vaseline around my nose. I didn’t have any wine due to dosing myself up with painkillers.

There was a little streak left over so Mr Grump insisted we give it to Roxy the dog as she is a girl and needed to be treated on Valentine’s Day as well! Anyway, dinner over and Miss Hap heads off upstairs out of germ’s way. I conk out on the sofa at 7pm for a couple of hours wake up for half an hour and then go to bed! Mr Grump, defeated, had started on the beer!

This is what real love is like! It’s not always hearts and flowers, it’s just being together, and making the most of it!

Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Tag: cold

Episode 272: What A Carry On!

Episode 234: The Secret of The Shy Sun!

Episode 233: Cold Comfort!

Episode 220: You Know Spring Is Sprung (In the UK) When…..

Episode 198: You Know You Are Past It When……

Episode 193: The Best Of British!

Episode 175: Smoking To Scoffing!

Episode 169: Spring is On The Way…..

Episode 165: Forty-Nine and In My Prime!

Episode 164: Hearts and Flowers, Tissues and Snot!

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Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

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