Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 19: Patch me up and I’ll be ok!! — October 10, 2014

Episode 19: Patch me up and I’ll be ok!!

Today has been a bit of an odd day really. I’m on day 9 of not smoking, and I am so pleased that I have managed to make it this far without caving in to temptation….

Today I was working in a different bay to where I normally work, (but a change is a good as a rest), so after greeting everyone with a cheery ‘Good morning,’ it was time to make sure everyone had eaten their breakfast and see if they needed anything before I started on the drugs round. The care worker,  who was working with me , asked if I could help her to get one of the ladies onto a commode, as she was a little tricky to transfer with just one person.

Of course, I put on my pinny and gloves and we both helped to get the patient on the toilet…As I turned around, I noticed a few small, brown deposits on the floor, oh dear, my poor lady had a bit of an accident. I warned my co-worker to be careful, of the mess on the floor, but it was already too late; one of the deposits was a bit smudged and flattened, and as realisation dawned on my co-worker, she held up her foot for inspection, and sure enough she had trodden in it.. and due to having rather deep treads on the underside of her shoes, it had become ingrained deep in the crevices, as well as the couple of blobs that were on the side!

I stifled my laughter as I went to quickly retrieve some clinical wipes to clean up the mess. My co-worker’s face was so comical as she stood balanced on one leg as  I scrubbed at her shoe. Still if this was going to be how the day started, it did not bode well…

However we managed to get through the morning with no further  incidents, but I was feeling a bit twitchy. I had been out to break with the smokers earlier, and we went to the usual bench, which today, was unoccupied, due to it having rained earlier in the morning. However, we had come prepared, and laid out our incontinence pads over the wet seat to keep ourselves dry.I watched enviously today as they fitted in as many cigarettes as they could ,as well as their food, as I really wanted to join them in a cigarette. (I can’t get my head around the fact that I am a NON-SMOKER now).

I resisted the urge of course, and stomped back to work feeling a little disgruntled. After a while I was told that they were giving out flu jabs outside the ward, and as I have had 2 lots of lurgy recently I decided that it might be a good idea for me to get the jab, I joined the end of a massive queue, and whilst waiting I tried to remember which arm I had put my nicotine patch on so that I could get the jab in the other one.I couldn’t find it….I got the jab anyway and went back to the ward.

I saw our ward clerk and I asked her if she could see it on my arm. She couldn’t either so in the end I had the zip on my dress half undone, with her patting me down looking for this bloody patch…No, it was not there! That was why I was really craving a cigarette today, I wasn’t usually this bad. Once I had got over the initial panic of not having my patch on where I roared out to anyone who would listen “I have lost my patch, and I have not smoked for NINE days”. I couldn’t bear the fact that I still had a few hours left before I could get home to replace it, and I did not want to blow all my hard work,

I saw the boss out the corner of my eye and decided that perhaps I had better calm down and sort myself out. I slunk into one of the offices where we write out notes, and set about filling out a long and complicated  form that was needed for one of my patients. By the time I had finished that, the craving was gone and normality resumed for the rest of the shift. It’s a shame that being smoke-free is not stress-free!!

Episode 17: The Sweetest Taboo … — October 7, 2014

Episode 17: The Sweetest Taboo …

Today I’m feeling a little bit sorry for myself!! I have given up unhealthy foods and cigarettes for almost a week now, and it seems that temptation is lurking everywhere, just waiting for me to give in to it.

This morning I really fancied a cigarette,, even though I had my patch on, it did not seem to crush the craving.  I tried to put it out of my mind and set off for work. I noticed that there were two smokers in today, as a few people have recently given up, there are only a handful left. Normally the smokers go to first break together as they are usually desperate for a cigarette, and today was no different. Except for the fact that I had now given up,.. but I went with the smokers anyway.

As we have to hide away in wooded areas to smoke, or go to the bench under the trees, it can get a bit chilly at times. Normally this is water off a duck’s back to a hardened smoker (wind, hail, torrential rain, you name it I have been stood outside in it), but today the wind seemed particularly bitter so I suggested that we sit in my car…

What a dunce I am! I have spent a week trying to get rid of the smell of smoke from my car, clothes and everywhere else, and here I am actively encouraging them to pollute my lovely fresh smelling car..I had even removed the ashtrays that were in there. Still I resisted the urge to join them, and had just breathed in their smoke instead!!!

Feeling rather proud of myself that I had passed one of the challenges I knew I would be facing in quitting the cigarettes; next time I would join the non smokers in the canteen, where it is warm and dry! I went back to work after break, only to find that one of our patient’s relatives had bought some rather nice biscuits for the staff to share… Even though I don’t usually buy biscuits myself (Mr Grump has a stash, but he gets the boring ones anyway, so I am not usually bothered) these biscuits looked rather delicious however,,, crumbly, chocolatey, they would be lovely dunked in my coffee, but no, they are forbidden.

I ended up getting home from work late, absolutely starving , and was looking forward to dinner, which Mr Grump had made. I am not one for spicy food normally, and he had made something which was marinated in chilli and salt and it nearly took the roof of my mouth off, it was so HOT!! I gulped down some water, to try to quell the heat, and managed to finish off the meal.

Just after dinner, Miss Hap had gone upstairs to do her homework, when she was shouting down excitedly, “The Ice Cream Van is here, can I have one please?” I thought he had hibernated for the winter, but agreed that she could have one. Back she came with a double chocolate cornett, plus swirl of Mr Whippy ice cream on top, and a flake shoved in the side, all dripping with chocolate sauce. I WANTED THAT ICE CREAM! Not only would it taste delicious, but it would soothe the inferno that was still raging from the chilli. I have to admit that I  persuaded Miss Hap to let me have the very tip of the swirl on top, and it did taste good!

I know I am being really silly, in craving these things that are not good for me anyway, but forbidden fruit always tastes sweeter, so the saying goes, and I am not one who likes to miss out!

I’m consoling myself that in 6 months time I will hopefully be slimmer, fitter and healthier, but in the meantime, I will probably end up giving Mr Grump a run for his money, when it comes to moaning and complaining!!!

Episode 12: There’s No Smoke….. — October 2, 2014

Episode 12: There’s No Smoke…..

I have finally decided to quit smoking! In light of the fact that I have had two really nasty chesty colds in the last two weeks, plus having only this week been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, I decided that drastic action was called for and the fags would have to go!

I am ashamed to say that I started smoking at a very early age, and coming from a large family, nearly all of whom smoked, it has been part of my life for the last 30 odd years. It started with the odd cigarette, but over the years has turned into a full-blown 20 plus per day habit I knew it was not going to be easy, so had already made the appointment for the “Smoke Free” programme and am now ‘patched’ up and ready to go!

Mr Grump came with me and the two of us are going to try to give up together. He very helpfully got rid of the few cigarettes that were left,  so that I would not be tempted by them when I got up this morning. After the awful night I had coughing so hard my ribs hurt, plus the blocked up nose, still with me from this cold, I know that we are doing the right thing.

More importantly, i didn’t want my daughter to become a smoker as well, and as you should lead by example,I know that the best chance I would have of discouraging her from ever becoming a smoker,was to not be one myself!

As I have also been told to lose some weight by my GP, this is a bit of a double whammy for me, as I can’t just stuff myself stupid whenever a craving kicks in! This is going to call for a LOT of self-control (something that has been sadly lacking in me so far, otherwise I never would have put on weight, and would have given up smoking years ago)!!

Still better late than never (God, how many more clichés can I fit into this)?! and, as some other members of my family have also recently given up smoking, I know I can get a bit of support from them, when things get tough.

In order to help with my cravings, as well as the patches, I opted to get a mouth spray that would give an instant ‘hit’ of nicotine when really needed. I thought I would give this a go a couple of hours ago, and My God, did it control the craving! That stuff is bloody lethal! It could easily double as pepper spray should the need arise. One squirt of that in the eyes could incapacitate King Kong for a good few hours. I thought it was going to be a nice blast of peppermint which would calmly stop me from feeling the need for a cigarette! How wrong was that! As soon as it hit under my tongue (and around my mouth and chin as my aim was a bit off), the burning sensation started. Shit, is my throat closing up? have I gone into anaphylaxis? Everything in and around my mouth went numb, for a good few minutes (that was after the coughing and spluttering stopped), before normality set back in. I was so stunned by the sheer strength of this stuff, that ANY cravings I might have had for anything at all were savagely suppressed!

Mr Grump is doing really well so far as he had already been using one of those e-cigarettes for the past few weeks at work, and luckily for him he is nice and slim so he doesn’t have to lose any weight either. However, he loves puddings, and I know he has a stash in the freezer of banoffee pies,and chocolate sponge cakes etc , plus he has hidden a couple of egg custard tarts in the fridge as he is scared that I might persuade him to give those up, and there is only so much deprivation a man can take after all!

Anyway his sugar stash doesn’t bother me at all, I can easily give up puddings…what will be difficult to give up though is chocolate! Ooooh, the velvety texture, the creaminess of it…the pleasure it gives…..not that I am getting carried away or anything, but it is something I do enjoy.  Imagine my rage then when yesterday, Mr Grump casually opened one of the kitchen drawers to reveal nestled in the corner… a CHUNKY PEANUT BUTTER KIT KAT!! I wanted that so badly, and here he was tormenting me with it.. I could have whacked him over the bloody head with it!

Time to calm down and start my distraction techniques… all this talk about things I am not allowed is making me want them again, and I’m not brave enough to have another crack at that mouth spray just yet, so I’d best start on another frenzied bout of cleaning things to take my mind off them!

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