Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 135: Sorrowful Sharks at the Superbowl — February 2, 2015

Episode 135: Sorrowful Sharks at the Superbowl

Now I don’t know anything about NFL Superbowl, other than it is a HUGE sporting event. This years league championship game was between the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks, and the patriots won.

The reason it has come to my attention is because there was an article about it in one of our tabloid newspapers. Now you might be mistaken for thinking that it focused on the game; all the drama, and excitement, plus the tension, the crowd etc. It didn’t!

Oh no, this article was all about Katy Perry and her dancing sharks! Well, as soon as I saw the headline, I decided that it needed further investigation, and I was not disappointed! There was even a video clip for my delight and entertainment!

And was I entertained! Katy Perry herself, looked as stunning as always, but whose idea was it to have dancing sharks? I mean for God’s sake, look at the outfits they had to wear for a start! How can anyone be  expected to dance in that? They look like something that they used to make contestants wear in ‘It’s a Knockout’ in order to hamper their movements.

It seems like it had the same effect here. The poor old shark in the left got a little confused as to what they were doing, and must have thought that if he(or she) kept moving no-one would notice. After all, there is no way the dance routine is going to be that elaborate with a limited range of movement, (Those outfits might as well be straightjackets)! Ok if you want to do that Irish dancing where you don’t move your arms I suppose!

One other thing I would like to mention about the poor sharks is their sad expressions! Now I am not surprised given that they could hardly move, and one of them has messed up the routine, but honestly, their morose expressions said it all! Poor buggers!

It made me laugh though!

Photo credits. Reuters
Episode 120: More To Me Than Meets The Eye — January 24, 2015

Episode 120: More To Me Than Meets The Eye

I have come to the conclusion that I am quite a contradictory person. My actions are quite often out of sync with my personality. I will think one thing and then do another….

For instance, for someone who is still quite shy, and awkward when meeting people, you would think that the last thing I would want to do is blogging! I mean, by its very nature, it is putting my thoughts and opinions out there for all and sundry to read, and comment on. By the same token, I also comment on other people’s blogs.

This means that I have to interact with people who I do not know, in fact have never even met! I could well be opening myself up to a great deal of criticism if someone objects to, or misunderstands one of my posts,

I have even put videos on my blog of myself reading my poems as I wanted to ensure they were conveyed in the way that I intended them to be. What kind of dunce does that when they are very conscious of how they look? Not only that, I haven’t even used my name but have plastered my image all over the place….

Another irony is that I suffer from depression, but like to try to write humorous posts! What is that all about?! I know that laughing is good for the soul, so I like to try to see the funny side of things. One of my great pleasures in life is to make others happy. If I can do that by making them laugh then so much the better, However, it can be one hell of a struggle coming up with funny posts when that is the last thing that I am feeling (especially recently)!

I am a huge fan of music, and yet I can neither sing nor dance! Many is the time that I have gone to my sister’s house for a [arty and they have ended up getting out the karaoke machine.Now her and her husband used to do this as a business, and they both can sing very well (my brother-in-law is also a musician).

It doesn’t stop me from snatching the mike and screeching my head off to one of my favourite numbers, and this is sober as I don’t drink!  I can see my brother-in-law frantically twiddling knobs trying to drown me out or make me sound better, or something!

Dancing is a bit more of a problem! Despite my two left feet, I will strut around my front room when the mood takes me, but I still hate dancing if I am out anywhere. What I hate even more is if someone attempts to dance with me. A family friend once grabbed hold of me and started trying to twirl me around, but I immediately went stiff, and then trod all over him! He complained to my mum about my lack of rhythm!

My personal space is a standing joke with one of my good friends that I used to work with. I have about a 2 feet no go zone, I really am not keen on people getting too close at all. Anyway, we used to have this colleague that could not have a conversation unless she was almost on top of you. This really used to freak me out, and I would try to avoid talking to her if at all possible!

It didn’t stop her talking to me though and, as she kept closing in on me ,I would be backing away further and further until I was literally backed against the wall, and no option but to talk to the face that was about an inch from my own!

Why then choose a job now where I physically have to touch people?! It doesn’t make sense, but I love my job, and I will very often give my patients a hug, I am forever holding their hands when I talk to them, or stroking their faces when they are very poorly, but for some reason this does not bother me at all!

I suppose that I am someone who has ‘hidden depths’ and not just bloody odd!

Episode 75: Hitting A Bum Note! — December 14, 2014

Episode 75: Hitting A Bum Note!

What was  it about your partner that attracted you to them in the first place?….I have known Mr Grump for 30 years now in total, but we have only been together this time for about 6 years. The story of how we met is here.  Anyway, back in the 80’s, I was attracted to his spiky hair (now he has none), his flirtatious manner (that ended up splitting us up), his dress sense (he used to resemble Midge Ure), and lastly his sexy bum! Now of course, I am not as shallow as to go by looks alone;  he has a great sense of humour (that is vital for me), and a very thoughtful nature.

Last night Mr Grump had a couple of drinks, and as is normally the case on these occasions, he put some music on. Another thing that we both have in common is our fondness for 80’s music (much to Miss Hap’s disgust)!  As we were on our own last night, Mr Grump decided to do some  dancing for me which included a bit of ‘twerking’! I don’t know if it was supposed to be sexy or something, but it had the opposite effect and I roared my head off, it was so funny.For a start he hasn’t quite grasped what ‘twerking’ is. As old and unfashionable as I am, I have Miss Hap to keep me up to speed on the latest dance moves of which she excels, (thank God she doesn’t have my two left feet) Mr Grump thought that wagging his bottom about in front of me, is what it’s all about. Such a shame, bless him. The once sexy bum that he had in his youth has kind of disappeared and is now completely flat!

I did tell him this last night, and he reminded me of a time when he and myself , sister and brother-in-law, and niece and her fiance were out for an evening together. For some reason the men went on ahead and the three of us were chatting as we walked behind them. I don’t know where it came from but a remark was made along the lines of,

“Look at that, three men and not an arse between them”! I think our penchant for a nice peachy rump must run in the family, but all we have got between us is one,as flat as a pancake. one whose trousers are halfway down a non-existent arse,as there is nothing there to hold them up, and one who is  very tall and skinny  with legs up to his armpits and no bum in the middle! (Luckily they do all have other qualities that outweigh their lack of pert derrieres).

Mr Grump treated me to a bit of ‘Dad dancing’ instead seeing as his ‘twerking’ wasn’t cutting it with me. Realising  I was still unimpressed, he gave up totally, got the ironing board out and started cracking on with a weeks worth of ironing, whilst listening to the music!  Now THAT is an attractive quality in a partner!

Episode 48: Dad Dancing…. — November 17, 2014

Episode 48: Dad Dancing….

I was thinking about my dad this morning, and what a character he was. Born and bred by the sea, he thought nothing of going swimming in all  weathers. Rain never hampered him, in fact, he used to tell us kids that it was warmer in the water when it rained! That was certainly true in his case as he always wore the same pair of skimpy Speedo trunks (no daughter, or son for that matter,should have to see their dad in Speedos, but he would not be told)!

His idea of sun tan lotion was olive oil! Turning frequently in the sun, and slathered all over in grease, he roasted up a treat and was always a golden brown colour in the summer! As well as the dreaded Speedos, he also had a penchant  for VERY short shorts, which he teemed with the obligatory ‘mandals’ (as I like to call them, you know, the strappy man sandals that look good on no-one)! This attire he would wear even into his early 80’s.

Aside from his love of swimming Dad loved to try and get the most out of life He and my step-mum would travel extensively all over the place and I have a lovely collection of postcards I received, with his indecipherable scrawl (it would normally take a couple of attempts at reading it before it sank in what he had written), detailing all the things they had been getting up to.

They also had a property in Spain where they lived for six months of the year to avoid the harsh  English winters (who can blame them)! When they came back home though they had all these clubs that they went to, one of which was the ‘Recycled Teenagers Club.’ This was my dad to a tee.. He was always up for a challenge, and I remember him and my step-mum at one of my niece’s 18th birthday party. Someone (probably Dad) had asked the DJ to play the ‘Macarena’. As soon as it started him and my step-mum were straight out of their chairs with a speed that belied their aging years, and onto the dance  floor, trying to drag some of us up on the way. (I have got 2 left feet and decided to sit that one out).

Anyway, off they went onto the floor with all the ‘youngsters’ . I can still picture to this day my dad’s face, eyes closed, totally oblivious to everyone around him, concentrating on the music and the steps he had to do. I roared my head off when it came to the hip thrust bit, although a bit alarmed that with the effort he was putting into it, his back might give out! He was having a whale of a time, and stayed on the dance floor for quite a while!

Not only did he like to dance, but he also loved music. Although he couldn’t read a note, he could somehow manage to play anything by ear, and he would sometimes sing along in his rich melodious voice, whilst the rest of us would bang on a tambourine, or plink on the electric keyboard to accompany him! So much better than sitting in front of the tv!

Needless to say, Dad reached out and grabbed life with both hands, he wanted to experience lots of different things. He loved food, and had a very hearty appetite (he was never overweight though). I don’t think there was anything he wouldn’t eat; even though the rest of us wimped out at the hottest curry, dad would relish it. if we were too fussy to eat out food, dad would polish it off, as he hated waste.

He was also very articulate and knowledgeable. It seemed to me that he knew something about everything! Education was extremely  important to him, and he always tried to encourage us to do well at school (whether we wanted to or not)! He was the type of man who mixed easily with anyone from any background. He always found something interesting to  say, and had a wicked sense of humour (I hope that some of this has rubbed off on me)!

My dad sadly passed away a couple of years ago now. He still did as much as he could right up until he was no longer physically able, and still kept his positive attitude throughout…I was feeling a bit down today, but thinking about my dad, has put a smile on my face, as he was always such fun to be around despite his dodgy taste in swimwear!

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