Rhyme and No Reason!

Blogger, author and rhymester who likes to find the humour in life.

Episode 276: Teamwork! — April 8, 2015

Episode 276: Teamwork!

Me and Mr Grump make a pretty good team. This morning when he went off to work, I mentioned what I fancied for dinner tonight, and as he is based smack bang between two mini supermarkets I thought he might like to pop in and get the ingredients. He told me he didn’t, and that I have got the car, and could go myself!

Now this is true, but there is no harm in trying my luck even if it didn’t work this time. Off me and Miss Hap trot to the local supermarket and, as was expected, she was ‘helping’ me choose what shopping we needed.

Now I didn’t think popcorn, Pepperami and feta cheese were what I had in mind for dinner (oh, what a stomach-churning mixture)!  She had talked me into a feta salad for her lunch which I agreed, and after picking my mum up a couple of things she needed (and a couple of things she didn’t, courtesy of Miss Hap) we went to visit mum.

It was when I got home and was unpacking the bags that I realised I was missing something. I had bought the aubergine and courgettes that we were going to have roasted but had forgotten the belly pork that we were going to have it with!

I thought I had better ring up Mr Grump so he could pick it up before he came home, but it went straight to voicemail. Bugger! Oh well, we will have to have something else instead I thought.

Not even five minutes later Mr Grump’s van pulls up right outside the kitchen window, he gets out with a few carrier bags which he dumps in the kitchen then shot off again! He had obviously thought I wasn’t go to get any shopping and had  done it himself!

He loves grocery shopping (God knows why) and had bought far more stuff than I did! Some of it we actually needed as well! Funnily enough though, although he bought the pork, he didn’t get the veg!

Between us we have got it sussed!

Episode 246: ‘You Dirty Rat!’ — March 24, 2015

Episode 246: ‘You Dirty Rat!’

One young man was feeling a bit fed-up on Valentine’s Day as he didn’t have a date. He decided to treat himself to dinner and headed for a local restaurant. However, this tightwad decided that he wasn’t going to pay for his meal, and tried out his master plan on the unsuspecting owner.

As he was nearing the end of his meal, the skinflint jumped up from his table shouting that he had seen a rat. This news pretty quickly cleared out the other diners as well (except for one cool dude who didn’t seem at all perturbed, either that or he was very hungry and was not leaving his food) and the owner went over to see what was going on.

The cheap skate explained what he had seen, and asked the owner for a full refund due to the rat-infested conditions, which the owner duly paid him. However, when pest control were called out to sort out the problem (pretty swiftly) they soon caught on to what had happened…

There was indeed a rat in the restaurant, but it was a domesticated one! The reason they could tell this apparently was that the rat had recently had a haircut! (Who gives rats a haircut, am I missing something here)?

Checking back over the CCTV footage seemed to confirm the moment when the pathetic penny-pincher reached into his pocket to release the rat. He has since got himself a criminal record for the sake of a £7.25 meal! He also had to pay £60 victim surcharge to the furious restaurant owner, who apparently though the sentence far too lenient and that the ‘death penalty’ was more in order!

Episode 140: Under My feet… — February 4, 2015

Episode 140: Under My feet…

Mr Grump has had a rare day off work today (he is trying to use up all of his leftover holiday before April)and it is driving me mad! I am enjoying my days off thank you very much and I don’t want them interfered with!

Firstly, he dared to have a lie-in until 8am! Oh yes, it’s alright for some. I was up at bloody dark o’clock as usual (5am) leaving him and the dog snoring happily. He only got up then because I couldn’t find Miss Hap’s phone, and had to wake him up to find out where it was (It turned out it was behind my laptop, oh dear)!

I had asked him yesterday to phone up about my car as it was taken away Monday to be fitted with a catalytic converter by one of his ‘mechanic friends’ (regular readers might remember he resembles ‘Einstein’ with  his wild grey hair and mad professor persona. He apparently couldn’t get through, so I asked him again to do it today.

He huffed and puffed about it, but he has to get up tomorrow to take me to work . so it is to his advantage that I get the car back. He did eventually phone whilst we were in town having a coffee, then had the audacity to show me up, by telling ‘Einstein’ that I was nagging about my car! He didn’t even ask him anything and was off the phone in  no time telling me it will be ready by the end of the week.

Oh that is very helpful! Still I know he will be phoning up every 5 minutes on Friday to see if its ready. Oh yes. I am working at 7.30am Saturday morning, and the Rugby 6 nations is on Friday night, which he wants to watch whilst having a few beers! It is a bit of a grudge match in that England are paying Wales (he is Welsh). No doubt he will be drowning his sorrows when Wales lose and will not be wanting to get up early on Saturday to take me to work).

He then puts his crappy TV on and settles himself down, but luckily my niece came over to visit, and we had a nice girly chat whilst he tried to listen to his programme. He had to go out and start dinner anyway as he had prepared his wonderful ‘cow pie’ and wanted to make sure it was cooked properly!

Once my niece had left  Mr Grump wanted me to finish off making my daughter’s tuna pasta salad (she won’t eat the pie).  Normally he doesn’t like help in the kitchen and I was cross because I had just got myself comfy in my pyjamas.

I reluctantly ventured into the kitchen. to see to the pasta salad. I couldn’t get the stupid mayonnaise out of the squeezy bottle, so I shook it viciously, clouted it a couple of times…..and ended up spraying it all over my hair, face and pyjamas as it spurted flatulently out of the bottle……I wish he would bugger off back to work!!!

Episode 83: Spare a Thought for Our Elderly….. — December 22, 2014

Episode 83: Spare a Thought for Our Elderly…..

As Christmas Day approaches, we are doing our best at work to try to get as many patients home as possible. After all, nobody want to send Christmas in hospital if they can help it…..

Sadly some of the elderly patients we have in our ward at the moment will probably have a better time in hospital than if they were at home. After all, in hospital they have got people around them that they can talk to any time of the day or night,  Even if they don’t feel like talking, there is the security of knowing that somebody is there, looking out for them.

Last year I worked on Christmas Day, and it was quite a moving experience. All of the patients were given a present of some toiletries which were all nicely wrapped. Unfortunately many of them come into hospital without  any at all, and have no visitors to bring them in either. Although we do have some basic bars of soap and toothpaste etc, the ones they get as presents are much nicer.

The ones that could eat it were given a full English breakfast, and once we had got them looking and smelling lovely with their new toiletries the Ward Sister gathered all of the staff together so that we could go around each Bay and side room to sing Christmas Carols for them all. To me, this was the most moving thing of all. Many of our patients knew the words and sang along with us, as did some of the relatives that were there.

Many of them were crying, probably remembering Christmases past when they were celebrating with their own families One of our young Spanish Nurses was crying as this was the first Christmas she had spent away from her family, and I think by the end of it nearly all of us were crying! It was a very humbling experience.

After this the hot drinks trolley came around with a mince pie for whoever wanted one, and of course they were given a traditional Christmas dinner with all the trimmings plus Christmas pud for afters. We also pulled Christmas crackers with them, read out the corny jokes and gave them their little paper hats to wear!  As the Ward is mainly for elderly patients, many of them didn’t eat much, or weren’t able to pull their own crackers, but just the fact that they did not miss out on a traditional Christmas  just because they were in hospital meant a lot to them. In fact  for some of them, had they been at home it would have been just another lonely day

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